同主题作文issue30，我的第一篇，请指点！

lawrence1984UID: 178326

Issue30  
Outline:1. 我承认技术进步的确提高了人们的生活效率，但是不是所有的技术进步都以提高效率为主要目标；
2．我不同题目观点的另一部分是因为技术的进步也并没有必然的导致每个人的休闲时间的增加。
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
The speaker asserts that technological advancement should hold increasing people's efficiency for the purpose of providing everyone with more leisure time as its primary goal. I concede that technological advancement has actually contributed to the increase of people's efficiency in a large variety of respects. The progress in information technology facilitates us to communicate more conveniently while the advancement in automation and transportation helps to saves us time .However, beyond this concession, I find the speaker's assertion indefensible from the primary goal of technological advancement and diminishing people's leisure time.

Admittedly, during the past times, technological advancement in various aspects has facilitated our life more efficiently .We can find a lot of archetypes from the convenience brought about by the progress made in communication, transportation and automation. Take a look at the past, our predecessors use the beacon, oral message even wove smoke to transmitted the signals and communicated people far away .It often took a long time and even sometimes the signals could not been accurately transmitted. But nowadays with the advancement of the information technology and satellite, we can communicate accurately and immediately.Meanwhile,as the development of Internet, we can glean information and discriminate them comes from the mass media and researches. Another apt illustration involves the progress in the transportation system. As we know, Marc Polo came to China in the 13th century took him nearly 17 years ,but today we can even travel around by the airplane in one day ,and also we can explore the outerspace.Obviously ,advancement in transportation has increase the efficiency of our life. A third example lies in the progress in the automation ,people in the past do nearly all the work by hand, but at present with the help of automation, we can make food using the machine and also we can cultivate the land ,and even ,we can only order the robots to do everything for us.All these listed examples above demonstrate that the technological advancement had actually increased people's efficiency.

However, not all progress made in the technology realm are aiming at increasing the efficiency of people. Take the genetic engineering as an apt example, it helps us prevent gene defects and cure some kind of gene diseases, even it can benefit to the increase of food production. Advancement in astrophysics help us to observe and explore the outer-space while progress in the medical aims at saving people's lives and thus have a longer life span. The digital camera replacing the optic camera has give us more entertainment and meanwhile the progress in car design and speed has equipped people's life more comfortably.Futhermore,the development of computer has enable us to process a large amount of information at one time. All of these technological advancement do not aim at improve people's efficiency ,even though some of them involve increasing the efficiency ,they are the means serve to attain the primary goal of technological advancement -------to better facilitate  people's health, safety and comfortability.

I disagree with the speaker's contention because technological advancement dose not necessarily provide everyone more leisure time.Actually,as the progress in technology, some people become busier than before and thus have fewer leisure time and do not have enough to accompany family members and even care the children.Undoubtedly,the technology in the Silicon has improved greatly, but can we say that executives in that area actually has more leisure time than before? We can conclude that certainly not. On the other hand, for the general population, most of us work longer a day and more days a week than ever before. these facts tells us that the advancement made in the technological realm do not lead to more leisure time.

In sum, I find the speaker's assertion defensible as technological advancement has increased people's efficiency.Nevertheless,I disagree with the assertion because technological advancement diminishes leisure time of people and it wrongly perceives  leisure superiority of goals such as health ,safety and comfortability as technology’s  primary goal.

imjasonUID: 176604

共用时间：38分12秒
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
The speaker asserts that technological advancement should hold increasing people's efficiency for the purpose of providing everyone with more leisure time as its primary goal. I concede that technological advancement has actually contributed to the increase of people's efficiency in a large variety of respects. The progress in information technology facilitates us to communicate more conveniently while the advancement in automation and transportation helps to saves us time .However, beyond this concession, I find the speaker's assertion indefensible from the primary goal of technological advancement and diminishing people's leisure time.这最后一句话像是败笔了，让整个开头类似ARGU的开头了。最好能把开头换成你的观点。

Admittedly, during the past times, technological advancement in various aspects has facilitated our life more efficiently .We can find a lot of archetypes from the convenience brought about by the progress made in communication, transportation and automation. Take a look at the past, our predecessors use the beacon, oral message even wove smoke to transmitted the signals and communicated people far away .It often took a long time and even sometimes the signals could not been accurately transmitted. But nowadays with the advancement of the information technology and satellite, we can communicate accurately and immediately.Meanwhile,as the development of Internet, we can glean information and discriminate them这个them指谁啊？后面的comes不合语法哦 comes from the mass media and researches. Another apt illustration involves the progress in the transportation system. As we know, 呵呵，这个例子不错哈Marc Polo came to China in the 13th century took him nearly 17 years ,but today we can even travel around by the airplane in one day ,and also we can explore the outerspace这个就一下扯得远了.Obviously ,advancement in transportation has increases the efficiency of our life. A third example lies in the progress in the automation ,people in the past do nearly all the work by hand, but at present with the help of automation, we can make food using the machine and also we can cultivate the land ,and even ,we can only这个在这里表达什么意思呢 order the robots to do everything for us.All these listed examples above demonstrate that the technological advancement had actually increased people's efficiency.这段不错哈，举了3个方面来论述

However, not all progress made in the technology realm are aiming at increasing the efficiency of people. Take the genetic engineering as an apt example, it helps us prevent gene defects and cure some kind of gene diseases, even it can benefit to the increase of food production.这个怎么体现了呢？你没有说啊 Advancement in astrophysics help us to observe and explore the outer-space while progress in the medical aims at saving people's lives and thus have a longer life span.这里也没有体现出来哈 The digital camera replacing the optic camera has give us more entertainment and meanwhile the progress in car design and speed has equipped people's life more comfortably. Futhermore,the development of computer has enable us to process a large amount of information at one time. All of these technological advancement do not aim at improve people's efficiency ,even though some of them involve increasing the efficiency ,they are the means serve to attain the primary goal of technological advancement -------to better facilitate people's health, safety and comfortability.感觉这段没有说清楚，那些例子并没有体现出来increase efficiency了

I disagree with the speaker's contention because technological advancement dose not necessarily provide everyone more leisure time.Actually,as the progress in technology, some people become busier than before and thus have fewer leisure time and do not have enough这里我觉得都可以不要了 to accompany family members and even care the children.Undoubtedly这个词用在这里显得突兀了，无庸质疑的关系并没看出来啊,the technology in the Silicon has improved greatly, but can we say that executives in that area actually has more leisure time than before? We can conclude that certainly not. On the other hand, for the general population, most of us work longer a day and more days a week than ever before这个好象没有那么普遍吧. these facts tells us that the advancement made in the technological realm do not lead to more leisure time.感觉这后两段没有第一段好，一直优点牵强的味道

In sum, I find the speaker's assertion defensible as technological advancement has increased people's efficiency.Nevertheless,I disagree with the assertion because technological advancement diminishes leisure time of people and it wrongly perceives leisure superiority of goals such as health ,safety and comfortability as technology’s primary goal.
你一直不同意，那么你的观点是什么呢？这个是ISSUE一大忌啊

lawrence1984UID: 178326

谢谢你!一定好好改！