Issue7终于写完完整的第一篇文章了

tianna1121UID: 172413

终于写完完整的第一篇文章,太痛苦了...以前都是零零碎碎地写,现在知道苦头了,希望大家帮我看看,主要是用词和句子不地道....痛并快乐着!!!
Issue7"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

Some arguer asserts that the video camera, nowadays, resting on its accuracy and conviction, gradually takes the place of written records. I fundamentally agree and appreciate this boldness but reasonable judgment; however, considering the diversity and complexity of contemporary life, the assertion seems somehow overstated.

Throughout most of human history, the evolvement of instruments, especially the tools for recording history, enlightens the development of human society. Civilization, sometimes interpreted as the advanced state of intellectual, illuminate the extensive use of writing which not simply brings us billions of issues and books but creates the things of inestimable value, that, always be called tradition and culture. In my point of view, the tendency of using writing as the rudimentary method for reserving the documentations would never be washed out.

On the one hand, writing is the one of the most important interfaces that directly connecting to our heart and soul. Take the Hamlet , the tragedy of revenge by English playwright William Shakespeare, for example, from Renaissance till present, millions of people meditated Hamlet's impetuosity and emotionalism; thousands of them wildered in the constantly impatience and even the complex personality; hundreds of the audience may have shuffled off this mortal coil; but many more are still scrabbling in the eternal darkness of perplexity. This is the true value of the immortal masterpieces, and can only be portrayed by the quill-pen which dominated by the insightful perspectives and the fantastic imaginations.

On the other hand, documentations recorded by written provide multidimensional perspectives. Digital Video, DV for short, one of the most advanced types of common video cameras, can only communicate one dimension of the real life which is despotically suppressed by the linear and unilinear times. Without the interpretation of the dream, the fantasy, and even the lust, consciousness seems no longer as a stream that sliding, jumping, rotating instantaneously, but a stubborn, tedious, and stiffness thing just as some of the monks believe. How could we survive in a world that preserving no imaginations, no desirations, no personalities but pieces of images or sounds?

However, overemphasize on the inherence of the real life may threaten to some other characters which always provide us several channels to the exterior of the human society. Journalists use the camera lens to pursue any details to the Watergate; anthropologist use the camera lens to record the cultural inheritance such as Hutong in Beijing, China; movie directors use camera lens to make the romantic atmosphere to purchase the audience's money and tears. It seems that any thing in this hasty, chaotic and complex epoch motivated by some special aspects of sensations which sometimes be recognized as the id, the reservoir of the instinctual drives of the individual.

In conclusion, either video camera or written records should be considered as the basic elements in recording our contemporary life. Without written records, none of us could enjoy the satisfaction of sinking into deep thought or exploring the humanity. And blinking at the development of technology may be somehow counterproductive that our common lives would be surging over the valley of the books and our vivid life would be predominated by the endless reading and meaningless imagination.

tianna1121UID: 172413

请大虾们看看阿,真的快绝望了

anthraxUID: 176473

嗯呐，先占个座，回头帮忙看

tianna1121UID: 172413

谢谢,一直上来都没有动静...hehe

anthraxUID: 176473

Some arguer asserts that the video camera, nowadays, resting on its accuracy and conviction, gradually takes the place of written records. I fundamentally agree and appreciate this boldness(这个是名词阿，应该用形容词吧？) but reasonable judgment; however, considering the diversity and complexity of contemporary life, the assertion seems somehow overstated.（开头很中规中矩，你可能要考虑以下怎么样写一个惊艳的开头）

Throughout most of human history, the evolvement of instruments, especially the tools for recording history, enlightens the development of human society. Civilization, sometimes interpreted as the advanced state of intellectual, illuminate the extensive use of writing which not simply brings us billions of issues and books but creates the things of inestimable value, that, always be called tradition and culture. In my point of view, the tendency of using writing as the rudimentary（词用得不错） method for reserving the documentations would never be washed out.（句型可以，但是一开始是不是应该点题？这一句放到最前面反而会亮眼一点）

On the one hand, writing is the one of the most important interfaces that directly connecting to our heart and soul. Take the Hamlet , the tragedy of revenge by English playwright William Shakespeare, for example, from Renaissance till present, millions of people meditated Hamlet's impetuosity and emotionalism; thousands of them wildered in the constantly impatience and even the complex personality; hundreds of the audience may have shuffled off this mortal coil; but many more are still scrabbling in the eternal darkness of perplexity.（感觉是词汇用得不错，但是句型就没什么惊喜，这样的排比太简单了） This is the true value of the immortal masterpieces, and can only be portrayed by the quill-pen which dominated by the insightful perspectives and the fantastic imaginations. （扣题阿，comtemporary life,哈姆雷特例子不错，可是就是没扣题）

On the other hand, documentations recorded by written provide multidimensional perspectives. Digital Video, DV for short, one of the most advanced types of common video cameras, can only communicate one dimension of the real life which is despotically suppressed by the linear and unilinear times. Without the interpretation of the dream, the fantasy, and even the lust, consciousness seems no longer as a stream that sliding, jumping, rotating instantaneously, but a stubborn, tedious, and stiffness（又犯错啦·形容词？名词？） thing just as some of the monks believe. How could we survive in a world that preserving no imaginations, no desirations, no personalities but pieces of images or sounds?（思想深刻如我们破题的时候你的论点，坏处就是，没有由浅入深，让人摸不着头脑）

However, overemphasize on the inherence of the real life may threaten to some other characters which always provide us several channels to the exterior of the human society. Journalists use the camera lens to pursue any details to the Watergate; anthropologist use the camera lens to record the cultural inheritance such as Hutong in Beijing, China; movie directors use camera lens to make the romantic atmosphere to purchase the audience's money and tears. （反讽的口气哦。这个排比死板在那个lens上面，要多多作同义变化啊）It seems that any thing in this hasty, chaotic and complex epoch motivated by some special aspects of sensations which sometimes be recognized as the id, the reservoir of the instinctual drives of the individual.

In conclusion, either video camera or written records should be considered as the basic elements in recording our contemporary life. Without written records, none of us could enjoy the satisfaction of sinking into deep thought or exploring the humanity. And blinking at the development of technology may be somehow counterproductive that our common lives would be surging over the valley of the books and our vivid life would be predominated by the endless reading and meaningless imagination.（有气势！问题就是上面说了，没有由浅入深，没有点题，变成了激情的演讲而缺乏一点逻辑的严密性，但是词汇句型都不错，排比要在生动一点就好了，有前途阿）

tianna1121UID: 172413

谢谢砖头,这是第一篇文章,自然也是第一次被拍了,,,感激不尽

首先,我也觉得我的开头呆板,和后面的行文风格迥异,但是时间很紧了,我需要一个比较有普遍性的模版化的开头,所以就很郁闷的选择了这个我自己读来也兴致索然的.这是一个不小的问题,我会立刻改正.

其次是论证的逻辑性的问题,在分析了您的批评后,我觉得这应该是我最大的硬伤.事实上昨天在写作185的时候就卡了壳,原因也正是如此.自己总是想写出自己与众不同的思想,但是往往很难做到与论题逻辑上的一致性.现在我觉得与其标新立异,倒不如老老实实的写点常规的分论点,这样比较容易论证.

最后是句型的问题.我的句型比起词汇来说更显得死板.词汇上我喜欢搜集一些比较鲜活,比较闪人的,但是句型上,尤其是在诸如排比上,我的手段就显得很幼稚了.这方面不知道有没有速成的良方呢?