ISSUE7 又改了一篇自己的文章，大家看看吧

sblbaslerUID: 175229

Widespread of electrics which has been one of the most significant mark of today's society,  influenced the course of industrialization, helped us release from the drudgery of manual chores and labor, even changed the way we observe and record our life. Thus there exists a popular belief that the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that the written records have decayed its significance and use. Just logical this argument may be, however, I advocate that no matter how persuasive the records of video camera are demonstrated to be, one cannot discard the written records.

First, the last two decades witnessed a trend that records of video camera play an increasingly essential role in every corner of the society. Indeed it has its merit. By utilizing video camera, we can tell our sons and daughters a more vivid story about Iraq War than any written records ever could; In terms of video camera, we can track the pace of travelers from our living room to peaceful Europe, to the modern North America, to the primitive Africa, to any place our forebears dreamed and we have realized. However, video camera has its vital heel----- easy to be used for cheating. We have seen its vulnerability, and we have seen its deepest source as well. One consensus bearing in our mind that our eyes are more believable and what we have seen is a universal truth originated from our forefathers who lived in a simple world. Things altered as time pass by and what has ever been believed----our eyes turn to be our lethal point. Video camera has great power to cheat us in a convincing way in that it replace what seems impossible into possible---- we have to accept the tragedy that one more American’s head was cut down by the terrorist, though it is illusion, provided TV has showed it to us. This is not all its power. What affects us most is the consensus----- we always have reasons to suspect the written records but never to think out the records of video camera. Therefore, by video camera, we lit a fire in the life of men. It warms those who feel its power. It burns those who abuse its function, or they burn themselves.

Second, in the roaring 20th century that faced with the various creations of objects, we seem to forget one of our old friends------ written records that accompanied us since prehistoric time. Before the recent decades, because of its almost unfailing consistency as an embellishment in many societies, it may respond to our psychological needs in the society, such as appeasing our fear, enlightening our desire and the like. Today this fact seems to face great challenge with the new creations, the most competitive of which is video camera. However, written records have not lost their vigorous. We admire Hollywood’s majestic work----Trojan War but forget the greater poem Homer, who to some extent recorded the value, behavior, identities that the ancient Greek people possessed. In Homer Epic, we could boast our own Achilles whether brave or vain, whether handsome or ugly, however, in this alleged great film, we are accorded a Brad Pitt –Achilles but lose thousands of our own Achilles. Ironically in this sense, records of video camera are demonstrated too accurate to lose its accuracy. Imagination deserves exactly what human should do with his or her mind and heart. This is the very core of value the written records boast and the very restriction the video camera deserves. Therefore no matter how alleged civilization a society develops, without written records of a society is similar in that without wings of an eagle. The only identical result lies between them is nothing but failure to fly.

To sum up, video camera boasts its own merit, though, suffers its vital points as well-------- lack of reliability, easy to be changed. Written records will still swim in the river of history as a fish which can benefit us as well, will still stand in edge of earth for supporting our world as a Titan, and will still run in the body of human as impetus for generating the progress in the future.

以前写的的确惨不忍睹，改完以后，可能好一些？？看看吧

sblbaslerUID: 175229

这是以前写的文章
有颜色的地方是我改了的。

Widespread of electrics has been one of the most significant mark of today's society, it influenced the course of industrialization, helped us release from the drudgery of manual chores and labor, even changed the way we observe and record our life. Thus there exists a popular belief that the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that the written records have decayed its significance and use. Just logical this argument may be, however, I advocate that no matter how powerful the video camera demonstrates to be, one cannot discard the written records.

First, the last two decades witnessed a trend that video camera plays an increasingly essential role in every corner of the society. Indeed it has its merit. By utilizing video camera, we can tell our sons and daughters a more vivid story about Iraq War than any storyteller; In terms of video camera, we can show our sons and daughters around the world with a least inexpensive way, but avoid to lose its beauty; Through the video camera, we can lose the kind of fear that we would be cheated by our ears and increase the courage that the fact would be demonstrated by the eyes. Video camera teaches us to depict the world and life in an accurate way, to check the world and life in a convincing way, to act in the society in a decent way and more. Therefore, by video camera, we lit a fire in the life of men. It warms those who feel its power. It burns those who abuse its function, or they burn themselves.

Second, in the roaring 20th century that faced with the various creations of objects, we seem to forget one of our old friends------ written records that accompanied us since prehistoric time. Before the recent decades, because of its almost unfailing consistency as an embellishment in many societies, it may respond to our biological and psychological needs in the society. Today this fact seems to face great challenge with the new creations, the most competitive of which is video camera. However, written records have not loosened their vigorous. Although we can access a more accurate description of Iraq War, without written records our heart cannot connect with our eyes------- we are not inspired; although we can show around the world to our sons and daughters before the computer, without written records we cannot understand the depth of the beauty. Also the written records encourage our imagination rather than confine us with the conformed picture in our minds: by reading ancient Greek mythology everyone could have his Aphrodite or her Apollo; everyone could own his brave Hedes or her frightened Zeus; everyone could possess his great mother Hera or her kind aunty Demeter. This is exact what human should do with his or her mind and heart. This is the very core of value the written records boast and the very restriction the video camera deserves. Therefore no matter how alleged civilization a society develops, without written records of a society is similar in that without wings of an eagle. The only identical result lies between them is nothing but failure.

To sum up, video camera boasts its own merit, though, suffers its vital points as well-------- lack of reliability, easy to be changed. Written records will still swim in the river of history as a fish which can benefit us as well, will still stand in edge of earth for supporting our world as a Titan, will still run in the body of human as impetus for generating the progress in the future.

天晴了UID: 201592

zhan  现在还有点困 等清醒了拍  
我的改完了 在签名当里

天晴了UID: 201592

Widespread of electrics has been one of the most significant mark of today's society, it influenced the course of industrialization, helped us release from the drudgery of manual chores and labor, even changed the way we observe and record our life. Thus there exists a popular belief that the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that the written records have decayed its significance and use. Just logical this argument may be, however, I advocate that no matter how powerful the video camera demonstrates to be, one cannot discard the written records.

First, the last two decades witnessed a trend that video camera plays an increasingly essential role in every corner of the society. Indeed it has its merit. By utilizing video camera, we can tell our sons and daughters a more vivid story about Iraq War than any storyteller; In terms of video camera, we can show our sons and daughters around the world with a least inexpensive way, 【a least inexpensive way诡异的表达】 but avoid to lose its beauty; Through the video camera, we can lose the kind of fear that we would be cheated by our ears【想法太跳跃了 和我的问题有一拼！！！】 and increase the courage that the fact would be demonstrated by the eyes. Video camera teaches us to depict the world and life in an accurate【 例子哪里说了accurate了啊？】 way, to check the world and life in a convincing way, to act in the society in a decent way and more. 【主要是你的富有文才的反复重复和论证这种convincing way， 而例子是空的，范文中 哪个例子不是占了大篇幅 而论证只占小份量 包括PP2里面的 有的很夸张到一句TS  剩下连着两段都大说特说例子 例子说的很像出现在眼前了一样 然后收一句 做为论证 】     Therefore, by video camera, we lit a fire in the life of men. It warms those who feel its power. It burns those who abuse its function, or they burn themselves.

Second, in the roaring 20th century that faced with the various creations of objects, we seem to forget one of our old friends------ written records that accompanied us 【这个和我错误一样  看来楼主中文的文章应该不错 我只是想说  我们似乎忘记了wriiten record  这句话是不是过分夸张 过分没有根据了啊？  你这样写 和我又是有一拼 就是喜欢玩这样的语气加重的文字游戏  其实在范文中 我看了 很朴实的语句 反而华丽了就会出现不确切的表达 】since prehistoric time. Before the recent decades, because of its almost unfailing consistency as an embellishment in many societies, it may respond to our biological and psychological needs in the society.【 这个毛病和我又一拼  叫别人彻底confused的深奥理论 我需要把这篇提炼出的问题记下来  一会仔重新看ETS范文和PP2.3的文章  你也看看 再看看 带着这些问题看！！！】 Today this fact seems to face great challenge with the new creations, the most competitive of which is video camera. However, written records have not loosened their vigorous.【loosened their vigorous？？？】 Although we can access a more accurate description of Iraq War, without written records our heart cannot connect with our eyes------- we are not inspired; although we can show around the world to our sons and daughters before the computer, without written records we cannot understand the depth of the beauty. 【太虚了的例子 范文没有这样笼统的例子 要么不说 一说就很详细！】Also the written records encourage our imagination rather than confine us with the conformed picture in our minds: by reading ancient Greek mythology everyone could have his Aphrodite or her Apollo; everyone could own his brave Hedes or her frightened Zeus; 【嗯！！  很棒！！　可以让无知的老美崇拜一下！！　】everyone could possess his great mother Hera or her kind aunty Demeter. This is exact what human should do with his or her mind and heart. This is the very core of value the written records boast and the very restriction the video camera deserves. Therefore no matter how alleged civilization a society develops, without written records of a society is similar in that without wings of an eagle. The only identical result lies between them is nothing but failure. 【 没论证深入 流于华丽词句和空泛例子  sorry我这个评价也和你的那句TS一样 绝对了 唉～～就是想拍很点 别介意～～～范文啊～带着问题再看看   】

To sum up, video camera boasts its own merit, though, suffers its vital points as well-------- lack of reliability, easy to be changed. Written records will still swim in the river of history as a fish which can benefit us as well, will still stand in edge of earth for supporting our world as a Titan, will still run in the body of human as impetus for generating the progress in the future.

天晴了UID: 201592

个人意见 讨论！！  

1   论调的客观性

另外又重新看了范文   觉得你的文笔很好了  我也是在追求这样的文笔  但是ETS的6-4分范文 很少有这样气宇轩昂的大排笔  那么夸张或者饱含个人感情色彩  以至于失去准确性的话～
Second, in the roaring 20th century that faced with the various creations of objects, we seem to forget one of our old friends------ written records that accompanied us 【这个和我错误一样 看来楼主中文的文章应该不错 我只是想说 我们似乎忘记了wriiten record 这句话是不是过分夸张 过分没有根据了啊？ 你这样写 和我又是有一拼 就是喜欢玩这样的语气加重的文字游戏 其实在范文中 我看了 很朴实的语句 反而华丽了就会出现不确切的表达 】

2    关于体现critical thinking 的perspective  

Before the recent decades, because of its almost unfailing consistency as an embellishment in many societies, it may respond to our biological and psychological needs in the society.【 这个毛病和我又一拼 叫别人彻底confused的深奥理论 我需要把这篇提炼出的问题记下来 一会仔重新看ETS范文和PP2.3的文章 你也看看 再看看 带着这些问题看！！！】

范文  best idea arise from commonplace 那篇的4分文章
paragraph 3  也是一个比较creative 的想法 但是ETS评语是说  这个想法很好 缺少support     我觉得你也是很有创作欲望的那种人 想把观点写的独创  但是任何好的想法没有例子就会打折扣 更何况想法本身也描述的很vague   我以前的毛病就是喜欢写什么精神 意识 物质。。。  太哲学了！ 最好再具体一点的观点～


还是要继续讨论～～～  每个人的写作习惯不同 但是我们还是尽量去应试吧  比较现实的想法 我也是被鬼鬼点拨了一下  觉得还是脚踏实地的写吧～～～～