Argument10 第一篇Argument请继续指教:)

SmiletoG&TUID: 205318

Argument10  第1篇 请大家指教
------摘要------
作者：SmiletoG&T     共用时间：30分11秒     458 words
从2005年3月11日21时23分到2005年3月11日21时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.
'The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers.'
------正文------
From this piece of paper, a regulation aim at avoiding farmers from receiving excessive profits by setting price limits should be carried on, based on the analysis of the increases of the amount of dairy farms and milk prices in Excello Food Market during the past 10 years. Such an analysis seems reasonable and may be efficient at the first glance. However, in my opinion, there are several reasoning errors appeared both in the supporting evidence and the reasoning.

Take the supporting evidence for instance, that is the increase of the amount of dairy farms and the prices of milk at the local Excello Food Market. Could these evidence directly lead to the conclusion that farms in Batavia are receiving excessive profits? Are there any other situations of the agriculture and farms in Batavia. The answers are surely positive. In the past 10 years, with the improvement of the life quality in Batavia, the demand of milk would probably be much bigger then before. Consequently, the farmers would be inspired to set up more farms. Also, the shortage between the demand and supply of milk may result with higher milk price. In such circumstance, the development of dairy farms should be encouraged rather than being restricted, in order to satisfied the requirement of people's life.

Moreover, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market is not a sufficient evidence as well, because the average price of milk in this area should be investigated and analyzed to get a general idea. Otherwise, there may be other alternatives contributing to the higher price in this market, say, the marketing strategy of this market, or the high quality of the product in this markets and so on.

Even all the supporting evidences are justified, the regulation itself is still on debate. As we all know, the prices in a competitive market are set by the market itself, which means it is the supplier and the consumer who decide the price. If the price is truely higher than its value, people may turn to the alternate products. If the government subjectively impose the price limits, the emotion of farmers will certainly be depressed so that some dairy farms may be closed which in turn decreases the supply of the milk in the market. The fewer the supply is, the higher the existing product may become, which goes just in the opposite direction . Furthermore, if too many farmers give up the production of milk, the objective of an adequate supply of milk for consumers will not realize as well.

From the analysis above, there exists some problems relating to the supporting evidence and conclusions in this article, and even if the regulation is applied, the objectives may not be achieved.

lawrence1984UID: 178326

Argument10 第1篇 请大家指教
------摘要------
作者：SmiletoG&T 共用时间：30分11秒 458 words
从2005年3月11日21时23分到2005年3月11日21时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.
'The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers.'
------正文------
From this piece of paper, a regulation aim at avoiding farmers from receiving excessive profits by setting price limits should be carried on, based on the analysis of the increases of the amount of dairy farms and milk prices in Excello Food Market during the past 10 years. Such an analysis seems reasonable and may be efficient at the first glance. However, in my opinion, there are several reasoning errors appeared both in the supporting evidence and the reasoning.（开头不错，但是还可以简洁一些）

Take the supporting evidence for instance,（这句话画蛇添足） that is the increase of the amount of dairy farms and the prices of milk at the local Excello Food Market. （这句话没讲完吧！）Could these evidence directly lead to the conclusion that farms in Batavia are receiving excessive profits? Are there any other situations of the agriculture and farms in Batavia.（应该具体给与论述攻击） The answers are surely positive. In the past 10 years, with the improvement of the life quality in Batavia, the demand of milk would probably be much bigger then before. Consequently, the farmers would be inspired to set up more farms. Also, the shortage between the demand and supply of milk may result with higher milk price. In such circumstance, the development of dairy farms should be encouraged rather than being restricted, in order to satisfied the requirement of people's life.（后面的一部分写得还不错！）

Moreover, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market is not a sufficient evidence（是支持什么的证据不足应该说明，光这样写有点突兀的感觉，你觉得呢？） as well, because the average price of milk in this area should be investigated and analyzed to get a general idea. Otherwise, there may be other alternatives contributing to the higher price in this market, say, the marketing strategy of this market, or the high quality of the product in this markets and so on.（这段写得好。但是要注意细节！）

Even all the supporting evidences are justified, the regulation itself is still on debate. As we all know, the prices in a competitive market are set by the market itself, which means it is the supplier and the consumer who decide the price. If the price is truely higher than its value, people may turn to the alternate products. If the government subjectively imposes the price limits, the emotion of farmers will certainly be depressed so that some dairy farms may be closed which in turn decreases the supply of the milk in the market. The fewer the supply is, the higher the existing product may become, which goes just in the opposite direction . Furthermore, if too many farmers give up the production of milk, the objective of an adequate supply of milk for consumers will not realize as well.

From the analysis above, there exists some problems relating to the supporting evidence and conclusions in this article, and even if the regulation is applied, the objectives may not be achieved.（结尾写得不是很满意。第一篇写成这样很不错了，加油哦！个人意见，仅供参考。欢迎交流！）

lawrence1984UID: 178326

麻烦帮忙看看我的Argument,l链接是 https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... id=264469，谢谢了！

SmiletoG&TUID: 205318

谢谢，结尾写得确实很不爽，感觉就是重复了前面说过的话。
看来还得看几篇范文学学！！

多谢指点！

点点滴滴走过UID: 195083

2楼修改用颜色，方便大家看呀