issue7 我的第一篇，很烂，硬挤出来的，请大家使劲拍

weijun_tsUID: 161033

I fundamently agree with the above statement. While, as a form of contemporary life documentation,written records may have some advantages, the video camera has more advantages.
On the one hand, the video camera can provide a vivid and directed picture so that viewers can easily acknowledge what has happened in a short time. A good case in point is television news, through which we can easily know what is happening all over the world. One can imagine that had we used written records to convey news, what would happen on us. But one thing which is certain is that people in a great number can not quickly acknowledge what the written records have told. Without a vivid and directed picture, the majority of people can not know about what news telling in a short time. So the video camera is a more important form of documentation from the above opinion.
On the other hand, the video camera can also provide an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life. Everyone knows that what the video camera recorded is an authentic copy of the real scene. These records is accurate and definitely convincing. Whereas written records may be influenced by the recorder. Individual subjectivity plays an important role in written records. It is this individual objectivity that makes written records play a less important role than the video camera.
Admittedly, the video camera has some disadvantages as follows, Firstly, the video camera conveys information in a superficial way, it can not explain these information. Secondly, its cost is high. However,these faults can not impede the video camera becoming a more important form of documentation than written records.
In sum, the video camera, in spite of some defaults of it, is a more important form of documentation than written records. And its accurate and convincing record of contemporary life will leave a wonderful memory.

sophywUID: 203712

我觉得论点挺清楚地，而且文章的结构感觉不错，可以维护自己的观点。
但是觉得开头不是很好，总觉得很别扭，我觉得加一些表示转折的联结词可能会好一点
One can imagine that had we used written records to convey news, what would happen on us.
不知道什么结构，虚拟语气，倒装显得不太好，有点请求结构的感觉
另外还有很多打印错误哦：）

weijun_tsUID: 161033

谢谢sophyw兄帮忙拍砖，第1次写完就象解脱是的，所以没有复查，下次一定纠正，请问您什么时候考，如果不嫌我水平哇我们可以一起组成小组吗？我的QQ94742521

weijun_tsUID: 161033

已经修改好打错的字，请大家继续拍砖哦

sophywUID: 203712

我也是考10g.不如咱们多拉些人，结队批作文吧？我去发一个帖子！你要报名支持哦！：）

weijun_tsUID: 161033

好的：）

鬼谷子UID: 159645

【首先要说的就是发贴的格式不对，要贴出题目，而且，段间要空行】


I fundamently agree with the above statement. While, as a form of contemporary life documentation,written records may have some advantages, the video camera has more advantages.【开头没有restate，算是好现象，不过观点不够清楚】


On the one hand, the video camera can provide a vivid and directed 【？】picture so that viewers can easily acknowledge 【？】what has happened in a short time. A good case in point is television news, through which we can easily know what is happening all over the world. One can imagine that had we used written records to convey news, what would happen on us.【这样就不够清楚了，不能让读者去猜，要证明出来给读者看】 But one thing which is certain is that people in a great number can not quickly acknowledge what the written records have told. 【why?】Without a vivid and directed picture, the majority of people can not know about what news telling in a short time. So the video camera is a more important form of documentation from the above opinion.【对于问题的分析还不够，只是提出了现象，为什么会有现象的出现，为什么video camera好于written，做出比较，给出理由证据】


On the other hand, the video camera can also provide an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life. 【上段也应该强调contemporary life，这个是题目讨论的关键，论证展开的范围】Everyone knows that what the video camera recorded is an authentic copy of the real scene. 【这个是你论点的关键的问题，需要论证的】These records is accurate and definitely convincing【这个论断又是说出来而不是证出来的】.Whereas written records may be influenced by the recorder. Individual subjectivity plays an important role in written records. It is this individual objectivity that makes written records play a less important role than the video camera.【video camera也同样会有受到主观的影响】


Admittedly, the video camera has some disadvantages as follows, Firstly, the video camera conveys information in a superficial way, it can not explain these information. Secondly, its cost is high. However,these faults can not impede the video camera becoming a more important form of documentation than written records.

In sum, the video camera, in spite of some defaults of it, is a more important form of documentation than written records. And its accurate and convincing record of contemporary life will leave a wonderful memory.


   【语言运用上面还比较简单，论证上面不够深入清楚。加油！】