iisue128 现在还有人帮别人改文章吗?

sophywUID: 203712

Issue 128
Topic:
It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Body:
The speaker asserts dual claims: (1).There is a common sense that education’s purpose is to free the mind and the spirit. (2). But in reality, formal education seek to restrain our minds and spirits over set free. For this assertion, as far as I concerned, I support that formal education indeed restrain our own thoughts and narrow our spirits, on the other hand, I argue that the purpose of the education is different to different persons who have the vary background and life experience.

The reason why my disagreement of the purpose of the education is to free our thoughts is that there will be a lot of variety of attitudes toward the purpose of the education, different person will hold different point of view of it. For example, the politician want education to play a role to impart all the persons the belief that the government is a good government and all the government decisions are on the stand of the persons and benefit for them. Free thoughts and spirits are not permitted in political area. On contrary, artist holds the absolutely opposite viewpoint. In art domain, free spirit and thought are seemed to be an indispensable basic qualification. Without it, the artist could not carve or paint an unfading sculpture or painters. Therefore, it could not precisely to define what is purpose of education, for the persons standing on different points, such as politician and artist, will hold the different attitude, sometimes even opposite ones.

Education consists of two aspects, formal and informal. These two aspects of education, however neither better nor worse than each other, are different. Formal education means the school education and the informal one means family and society education.

There are several reasons why formal education always cultivate us as a disciplined one and restrain our thoughts and spirits. The first reason is that formal education--that is, school education—often tells us what we should do and what should not. For example, in kindergarten, the nurses always tell us it is the time to rest, and do not permit us to stay awake although at that time we will not feel sleepy at all. Not only the living habits are restrained in formal education, but also the study habits. When we go to the elementary schools, the teachers is still putting influence on our study and living wont. Take a social activity as an example, when we want to have a picnic with our friends on holiday, the teachers will restrict us by talking with us that the exams is coming and staying at home to study is a better choice. Infusing this attitude regularly, students will get the habits that not to have a picnic and always stay at home to study. All in all, in formal education, the teachers qualify almost every aspects of our daily life, not only our study habits, also our daily life habits.

Another reason is that the format of formal education already determines that it could not free our thoughts and spirits. In schools, thirty or forty students are together in class and face the same teachers every day. They do not have the opportunity to go to the society and absorb different ideas outside school. Their thoughts are limited to the scope of the persons who they interact daily. Only by stepping over to the society and reforming the format of formal education, the minds and the spirits of students could be freed.

The most important reason is that the manner of the education provided by the formal education is a limited one itself. For instance, when we are in university, we are could consider affairs using our thoughts, but the professors impart us the theories in academic field just by telling us this one is an axiom and always be true and that theory is a heterodox.. Different attitude to the theory is not permitted because if we have the opposite attitude, we will lose in the test and even could not graduate from university. Although maybe once the heterodox theory will be a truth one day, the students could not put in that he support the heterodox which is treated nowadays.

In sum, although different persons holding different standpoints have the vary attitude to the purpose of the education, in reality, formal education indeed restrain our thoughts and spirits. Reforms should be taken in effect to resolve this problem if we hold that the purpose of the education is to free our thoughts and spirits.

davidjackyUID: 135962

https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... post1394208互改一下

smilehahaUID: 160198

我还没看你的文章，不过看到你的字数就吓了一跳。45分钟连想带写能写这么多肯定是大牛。。。

smilehahaUID: 160198

The speaker asserts dual claims: (1).There is a common sense that education’s purpose is to free the mind and the spirit. (2). But in reality, formal education seek to restrain our minds and spirits over set free. （通过改写重述题目，记得是雅思考试的常用思路） For this assertion, （as far as I concerned废话需要去掉）, I support that formal education indeed restrain our own thoughts and narrow（这个动词用得不妥吧） our spirits, on the other hand, I argue that the purpose of the education is different to（介词错了for） different（最好不要勇同一个词，换一个）persons who have the vary （错了吧，varied）background and life experience.（开头是为了凑字数，不过这种方式可以让考试时减少紧张感。）

注意，GRE和托福不一样，减少主观词I think I support ^ …这些词都会减少你立论的力度。要学会用客观描述，肯定的描述。就像你写中文议论文的时候，你会老说我认为吗？语文老师不把你给砍死。。。哈哈
be different from
与...不同
be different to
与...不同

sophywUID: 203712

谢谢楼上的,好人啊,现在才看到.

我现在才开始准备GRE写作,我想先从论证深度入手,然后在考虑句式语法上的问题,不知道楼上的可否帮我看看论证深度的问题,还有文章的结构套路问题, 先拜谢了,呵呵

还有,从第一段来讲,个人感觉如果不用I think等这样的词,那岂不是没有主观意见了?这样对作文有利吗??开头不提出个人观点??

我真的在写作的时候对一些词想了半天也想不出来该用什么比较好,可能功力还不够啊, 楼上是否可以就以上问题指点一二,并且如果提高这种用词准确度问题呢??

再次感谢啦,真实好人拉!

smilehahaUID: 160198

as far as I concerned,  I support, I argue. 即使想以这种方式开头也不要太多啊。。这是四六级作文模版的后遗症。其实若要说也只需要一个。简洁是你以后的追求目标之一。

此外GRE的确最重要的是思想，而思想的产生是积累出来的，短时间是很难提高深度的。那么多看看别人的思路应付一下考试还是很简单的。

这是我考试完后写的一个贴，翻出来了，每想到被置顶了，受宠若惊。。。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

半夜我再帮你看一下吧，一年前考的作文，我的水平其实下降了不少，如果你觉得自己是对的，可以忽略我说的话。。。仅供参考。。。

smilehahaUID: 160198

The reason why（ my disagreement of the purpose of the education is to free our thoughts 头重脚轻，这种句子不是好句子，句子的布局要讲究美感，可以省去这些废话，直奔观点句）is that there will（？？怎么是将来时） be （a lot of variety of 许多种类不是这样写）attitudes toward the purpose of the education, different person will hold different point of view of it（这句话怎么没有连词阿）. 下面我不给你逐句的改用词了，行文格式和思想是我看的重点For example, the politician want education to play a role to impart all the persons the belief that the government is a good government and all the government decisions are on the stand of the persons and benefit for them. Free thoughts and spirits are not permitted in political area. On contrary, artist holds the absolutely opposite viewpoint. In art domain, free spirit and thought are seemed to be an indispensable basic qualification. Without it, the artist could not carve or paint an unfading sculpture or painters. Therefore, it could not precisely to define what is purpose of education, for the persons standing on different points, such as politician and artist, will hold the different attitude, sometimes even opposite ones. 教育的目的是什么？对于政客来说，他们想利用教育去作为他们统治社会的工具，想禁锢人们的思想，限制人们闹事，刚刚的东欧的颜色革命就是例子啊，西方社会的先进思想使东欧人民从新认识到自由民主的重要性，因此起来推翻残暴的政府（这些都是改卷老师的价值观，投其所好）。为什么呢？你再往下想，教育对人们的思想和意识产生了很大的作用，人们从小就开始接受“正统”思想的灌输，而这种从小养成的价值观世界观人生观将使人民会按照统治阶级所希望的方向去做去想，举个例子展开一下，老子的思想就是为政客们服务的，我们从小受到无为的思想，儒家也有一些，你随便编一个故事吧，或者像真的一样的Chinese 古代史。这个是重点，你要展开来说一段，

第二段，你又可以说艺术家来说，教育是什么？
我评价你的这段写的太泛，没有任何力度，缺少实质的立论。

Education consists of two aspects, formal and informal. These two aspects of education, however neither better nor worse than each other, are different. Formal education means the school education and the informal one means family and society education. （你是看孙远的书吧）

下面的几个原因和前面的原因脱节了
There are several reasons why formal education always cultivate us as a disciplined one and restrain our thoughts and spirits. The first reason is that formal education--that is, school education—often tells us what we should do and what should not. For example, in kindergarten, the nurses always tell us it is the time to rest, and do not permit us to stay awake although at that time we will not feel sleepy at all. Not only the living habits are restrained in formal education, but also the study habits. When we go to the elementary schools, the teachers is still putting influence on our study and living wont. （这个例子不行，它说明了什么呢？限制你的思想了吗？还是解放你的思想？都没有。。只不过是限制了你的行动而已） Take a social activity as an example, when we want to have a picnic with our friends on holiday, the teachers will restrict us by talking with us that the exams is coming and staying （at，去掉） home to study is a better choice. Infusing this attitude regularly, students will get the habits that not to have a picnic and always stay（at，去掉）home to study. All in all, in formal education, the teachers qualify almost every aspects of our daily life, not only our study habits, also our daily life habits.

Another reason is that the format（应该是system吧）of formal education already determines that it could not free our thoughts and spirits. In schools, thirty or forty students are together in class and face the same teachers every day. They do not have the opportunity to go to the society and absorb different ideas outside school. Their thoughts are limited to the scope of the persons who they interact daily. Only by stepping over to the society and reforming the format of formal education, the minds and the spirits of students could be freed.

（最重要的原因应该放在最前面，这就是中国人和西方人的习惯差异）The most important reason is that the manner of the education provided by the formal education is a limited one itself（语病，is limited by itself）. For instance, when we are in university, we are could (怎么有两个动词阿) consider affairs using our thoughts, but the professors impart us the theories in academic field just by telling us this one is an axiom and always be true and that theory is a heterodox.. Different attitude to the theory is not permitted because if we have the opposite attitude, we will lose in the test and even could not graduate from university. Although maybe once the heterodox theory will be a truth one day, the students could not put in that he support the heterodox which is treated nowadays. （实际上你这个原因和前面那个没有本质差别，只不过是一个原因的两个实例而已，你要有抽象的思维罗辑，其实，正规教育的局限性在于传教者的能力和水平。有时候，我们的思想不能超越施教者本人，那么我们就会被局限在他的思维水平上，二如果我们超越了他的思维局限时，我们有时候不得不假装继续迎合和赞同。）

In sum, although different persons holding different standpoints have the vary attitude to the purpose of the education, in reality, formal education indeed restrain our thoughts and spirits. Reforms should be taken in effect to resolve this problem if we hold that the purpose of the education is to free our thoughts and spirits.

行文前先要写提纲，这样思路会清楚很多，我感到你是在边写边想，就导致后面与前面的内容衔接不合。建议你看一下范文的行文方式。
记住你首先要自己改一遍，细细的改一遍语法和用词错误，查金山或大部头，不要省时间，否则改的人会累死的，而且记住在查字典的过程才能有所提高。。。写两小时，自己改就要四小时，这样才有收获。。。

sophywUID: 203712

谢谢smilehaha JJ, 看来我还有很长的一段路要走啊, 看了你的回帖，感觉真是受益匪浅啊，呵呵！ 下次贴贴得时候一定注意，先自己改一遍错误，：）

smilehahaUID: 160198

I am gg rather than jj. Almost everybody always commence writing GRE AW as an awful writer. I was no better than you in the beginning.

sophywUID: 203712

啊,是gg,我上次我把苏明明也当做成jj,汗!

看来这儿男生比女生多亚 :)

那是不是应该多看别人的文章,积累提高啊?

fhxyweiUID: 157384

我觉得初学者没有必要写的这么长，实际上考场中也不可能写这么长，争取清清楚楚，明明白白的写几个句子，把意思说明白就行。刚开始大家写gre作文都是想尽可能写长一些，句子也弄得好复杂，搞若干难词，其实好多都是自己没有把握的，写一些没把握我的句子往往弄巧成拙。

建议把文章精简一下，而且要别人改时，最好把提纲同时也列出来，让我们先清楚你的思路。

sophywUID: 203712

好的,楼上的,下次我会这么做的 :)

fhxyweiUID: 157384

你什么时候考？我7。28号

sophywUID: 203712

我7.7,紧张呀,没有jj

smilehahaUID: 160198

为何没有机井？？
我在帮我mm做作文复习计划，她也准备7月中旬考作文。