烤鸭作文点评0430

bqianaUID：193168

topic: Some people think the university education is prepare sutdents for employment, other think it has other function. Discuss and say what other funtion do you think.


When I first glanced at the topic, it reminds me on of my classmates who failed in an interview of a company. He was beated by a graduate with a certificate of a professional training school, which in Chinese mind, is much lower than a university qualification. The manager a t last told him:" we need a person who has the practical experiences. Though you two both are graduates, after serious consideration, we think he is much better than you to this point." I believe this example can best support my view of the function a university performs: It's not to prepare students for employment.

According to the current situation, the majority of graduates from university are not competent of requirement of the employer. Most of the time, they have to study from the beginning. What they've learned in school is theory knowledge from books, rather than practical skills. If one wants to find a job quickly, to attend a professional training class may be more helpful, while niversity's aim is not for this.

Now that the university's role is not the preparation for empolyment, what on earth is if for? Among all its aspects of function, I would like to single out two points: first, it teaches the studnets the research achievement of the preceding scientists in order to motivate the students' interest on the subject. This is likely to influence their drection of future career. Second, the university is a platform for students to increase their social ability. Like a small society, university has many associations organized by studnets themselves, it provides a lot of part-time jobs to help poor students. Through those access, students can make friends easily, learn how to communicate with other people, earn their own money to save daily budget.

Above all, we can draw conclusion that university's function is to prepare students with comprehensive abilities, not only for employment.

不知道这样的开头好不好，您给点建议，谢谢了

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lucyzq2002答复：

楼主的开头很新鲜,不过我不知道这个是否对了考官的胃口,似乎不太象是我们想要的学术类作文,应该学术和正式一些,我建议这段作为论据可以放到正文.不过楼主也可在考试时候一试,如果你自信的话.

我相信你是认真思考过这个题目的,所以说得还好.有些论点论据是有见地的.但是仔细看,你的文章一直在说学校教育是和就业关系不大的,它自有自己的教育目标和功能.但是我想提醒楼主,学校教育虽然和就业关系不是那么直接紧密,但他们是有关连的.这点建议楼主放在倒数第二段写一下.学校教给我们基础知识,provide a solid basis for improving comprehension abilities,它锻炼的是我们的思维方式,和解决问题的能力,还有附加功能-和人交往的能力等等,这些对我们将来就业都将收益.两者之间是不可分割的.这里我们写作只是强调学校教育的基础作用.(sign,为什么雅思作文都是让我这么思考,这么接近生活?)

总体不错!我只是一学生,还是不给你打分了,谦虚点好:)

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bqiana答复：

可惜，没有很客观的分析，其实大学毕业生找到好工作的不胜枚举

语言过于口语化，频繁使用人称代词和口语问句
5分没有问题

很有语感潜力，努力学习规范的学术类句型
可轻易突破6

[ Last edited by bqiana on 2005-5-2 at 11:07 ]

amorzUID：1

一早起来就看见这么个好东东，谢谢bqiana，继续继续！