issue154 大家帮我拍拍，看我有没进步啊

crazyfox3UID: 171430

154 Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
完全同意
提纲：
1专业教育家是教育的主题
2 家长是校外的老师，尤其在品德方面
3．社团社区，是一个帮助我们实践学校知识的地方
With the importance of education advanced in modern society, I tend to agree with the speaker that education should not be only left solely to a group of people-- even though they are the most professional educators, and both parents and communities should take part into the educational activities, either.

In the first place, professional educators play an important role in the education for students. By the effective and professional systemic method of education and a long-term experience, every student can be ensured to learn the necessary and basic knowledge and skills. For instance, Teaching in the class is the first step, which help students have an elementary view about them should learn. After that teacher will leave some homework to students and they could have a chance to review the knowledge, and the things they learned will be more clearly and will not be forget easily. With the final exam in the end of the semester, it will test if the students gain what teachers told, and the exam is also a compelling way to force students who do not want to study to remember some basic knowledge. By these series of methods, students can get some useful stuff whether they have interesting to it. Furthermore, Teaching is a job for those professional educators that they earn the money from the government. Cultivating and teaching is their responsibilities.  

In the second place, parents can help children to know how to be a good person. Besides in school, students use their most time in their family. Living with parents, students always learn or simulate some of the personality and character form their parents more or less. In other words, a student's parents are the teacher of him/her outside the school. And they should participate in the education of one student. However, unlike the professional educator, parents teach their children not by the teaching method, but by the behavior of themselves in usual life. For instance, if one's parents like helping other people who is in trouble, the students would this what the parents do is correct and would be eager to help others; similarly, if one's parents are always self-serving, their children would do not like helping other guys and always think about themselves. So, in the moral aspect, the parents play the most important role in the education.

Moreover, communities help students to solidify their knowledge from school and understand some academic knowledge easily .Every field of knowledge will be used in our live, a real world. Students learn a lot of knowledge from school, however ,school do not have many opportunity for them to practice what they have learned Sometimes, they do not know how to use the skills or some practical knowledge. So, the communities give them the chance to understand and be familiar with those stuff from school. For instance, in my high school, teacher has taught me how to repair the broken chair, but it is only a theoretical course, and I just remembered the steps of repairing, and have no idea about how to realize in the practice. However, by the helping--communities in my town, I got a chance to realize the repairing. In the process of repairing, I remembered the theoretical knowledge learned from school, I totally understand the skill of repairing. To some extent, we should admit that by the activity of communities is also a member in the education for students.

In sum, it is true that professional educators are the main power for the education, but we should not ignore the importance of the parents and communities.  And education will more effective if the society balances those three factors rationally well.

由于最近挺忙的，没能主动地给大家拍作文，抱歉，如果需要回拍，请留链接，我会尽力回拍的。。。。。。还等什么阿，拍吧！！

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-10-5 01:50 编辑 ]

tlzln_0812UID: 197186

154 Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
完全同意
提纲：
1专业教育家是教育的主题
2 家长是校外的老师，尤其在品德方面
3．社团社区，是一个帮助我们实践学校知识的地方
With the importance of education advanced in modern society, I tend to agree with the speaker that education should not be only left solely to a group of people-- even though they are the most professional educators, and both parents and communities should take part into the educational activities, either.（）

In the first place, professional educators play an important role in the education for students. By the effective and professional systemic method of education and a long-term experience, every student can be ensured to learn the necessary and basic knowledge and skills. For instance, Teaching in the class is the first step, which help students have an elementary view about them should learn. After that teacher will leave some homework to students and they could have a chance to review the knowledge, and the things they learned will be more clearly and will not be forget easily. With the final exam in the end of the semester, it will test if the students gain what teachers told, and the exam is also a compelling way to force students who do not want to study to remember some basic knowledge. By these series of methods, students can get some useful stuff whether they have interesting to it. Furthermore, Teaching is a job for those professional educators that they earn the money from the government. Cultivating and teaching is their responsibilities.(感觉这句对说明该段的主题没有多大的帮助，师者传道授业解惑，我觉得还可以再解惑方面进行论证，)  
In the second place, parents can help children to know how to be a good person. Besides in school, students use their most time in（with是不是更好一些） their family. Living with parents, students always learn or simulate some of the personality and character form their parents more or less. In other words, a student's parents are the teacher of him/her outside the school. And they should participate in the education of one student. However, unlike the professional educator, parents teach their children not by the teaching method, but by the behavior of themselves in usual life. For instance, if one's parents like helping other people who is in trouble, the students would this what the parents do is correct and would be eager to help others; similarly, if one's parents are always self-serving, their children would do not like helping other guys and always think（thinking） about themselves. So(thus ), in the moral aspect, the parents play the most important role in the education.

Moreover, communities help students to solidify their knowledge from school and understand some academic knowledge easily .Every field of knowledge will be used in our live, a real world. Students learn a lot of knowledge from school, however ,school do not have many opportunity for them to practice what they have learned Sometimes, they do not know how to use the skills or some practical knowledge. So(刚听完新东方的网络课堂，孙远说最好不用so ,太普通了，一点建议), the communities give them the chance to understand and be familiar with those stuff from school. For instance, in my high school, teacher has taught me how to repair the broken chair, but it is only a theoretical course, and I just remembered the steps of repairing, and have no idea about how to realize in the practice. However, by the helping--communities in my town, I got a chance to realize the repairing. In the process of repairing, I remembered the theoretical knowledge learned from school, I totally understand the skill of repairing. To some extent, we should admit that by the activity of communities is also a member in the education for students.

In sum, it is true that professional educators are the main power for the education, but we should not ignore the importance of the parents and communities.  And education will （be） more effective if the society balances those three factors rationally well.

总体感觉写得比偶强多了，结构完整，逻辑清晰，但感觉有些句子好像读起来不是很很舒服，其实这也是我的毛病，有空帮我看看。

sophywUID: 203712

154 Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
完全同意
提纲：
1专业教育家是教育的主题
2 家长是校外的老师，尤其在品德方面
3．社团社区，是一个帮助我们实践学校知识的地方
With the importance of education advanced in modern society(就感觉不同似的，不知道是不是感觉问题）, I tend to agree with the speaker that education should not be only left solely to a group of people-- even though they are the most professional educators, and both parents and communities should take part into the educational activities, either.（肯定句用too吧）（这是一个平衡观点）

In the first place, professional educators play an important role in the education for students. By the effective and professional systemic method of education and a long-term experience, every student can be ensured to learn the necessary and basic knowledge and skills. For instance, Teaching in the class is the first step, which help students have an elementary view about them should learn. After that teacher will leave some homework to students and they could have a chance to review the knowledge, and the things they learned will be more clearly and will not be forget easily. With the final exam in the end of the semester, it will test if the students gain what teachers told, and the exam is also a compelling way to force students who do not want to study to remember some basic knowledge. By these series of methods, students can get some useful stuff whether they have interesting to it. Furthermore, Teaching is a job for those professional educators that they earn the money from the government. Cultivating and teaching is their responsibilities.  （这句话好像有点多余，和主题不太搭边，个人感觉可以去掉）
In the second place,（这应该是一个对比关系，不是上面论证的延续，上面讲教育者如何如何，而这里讲父母的作用，显然应该用转折连词） parents can help children to know how to be a good person. Besides in school, students use their most time in their family. Living with parents, students always learn or simulate some of the personality and character form their parents more or less. In other words, a student's parents are the teacher of him/her outside the school. And they should participate in the education of one student. However, unlike the professional educator, parents teach their children not by the teaching method, but by the behavior of themselves in usual life. For instance, if one's parents like helping other people who is in trouble, the students would this （没有动词）what the parents do is correct and would be eager to help others; similarly, if one's parents are always self-serving, their children would do not like helping other guys and always think about themselves. So, in the moral aspect, the parents play the most important role in the education.（既然想从moral上的学习上写父母，我觉得就可以突出这一点，从知识的教学讲教育者，这样对比起来力度会更大，而且举例子也可以根据这一点展开了）

Moreover, communities help students to solidify their knowledge from school and understand some academic knowledge easily .Every field of knowledge will be used in our live, a real world. Students learn a lot of knowledge from school, however ,school do not have many opportunity for them to practice what they have learned Sometimes, they do not know how to use the skills or some practical knowledge. So, the communities give them the chance to understand and be familiar with those stuff from school. For instance, in my high school, teacher has taught me how to repair the broken chair, but it is only a theoretical course, and I just remembered the steps of repairing, and have no idea about how to realize in the practice. However, by the helping--communities in my town, I got a chance to realize the repairing. In the process of repairing, I remembered the theoretical knowledge learned from school, I totally understand the skill of repairing. To some extent, we should admit that by the activity of communities is also a member in the education for students.（这段论述的好，精彩，我没有想到社区的这点作用，真的，呵呵）

In sum, it is true that professional educators are the main power for the education, but we should not ignore the importance of the parents and communities. （这里的main好像有一个比较，但是作者的倾向是都需要阿，所以千万不要有什么倾向，会误导人的，呵呵） And education will more effective if the society balances those three factors rationally well.

写的不错啊，从三个方面论述，只是在一些细节上可以继续完善，我还要好好的向你学习啊，觉得搂住的文章还是不错的 :D

crazyfox3UID: 171430

感谢二位了，我会尽量给你们回拍的

crazyfox3UID: 171430

to sophyw
你说的“既然想从moral上的学习上写父母，我觉得就可以突出这一点，从知识的教学讲教育者，这样对比起来力度会更大，而且举例子也可以根据这一点展开了“

没太明白，想不通怎么对比，能给再说说么

smilehahaUID: 160198

In the first place, professional educators play an important role in the education for students. By the effective and professional systemic method of education and a long-term experience, every student can be ensured to learn the necessary and basic knowledge and skills. For instance, Teaching in the class is the first step, which helps students have an elementary view about them should learn what they should learn. 这句话的句子结构不好，并且是病句, 建议改为 Teaching in the class, as the first step, helps students have an elementary view about what they should learn. After that teacher will leave assign some homework to students and so that they could have a chance to review the knowledge, 把后面两个变成并列是不是更好呢？review what they learned, fix the knowledge into their memory and then do some intensive and extensive reading and the things they learned will be more clearly and will not be forget forgot easily. With By means of the final exam in the end of the semester, 后面这句实际是个病句，it指代什么？如果it指代的是考试，那么你前面就不能用with结构，建议改成 it will be tested whether the students…, 这个时候它就是形式主语 it will test if the students gain master what teachers told, . 另起一句，句子不是多用逗号加长的。Andand the exam is also a compelling way to force students, who do not want to study , to remember some basic knowledge. By these series of methods, students can get some useful stuff whether错了，应该用no matter what they are interested in they have interesting to it. Furthermore, teaching Teaching is a job for those professional educators that they earn the money from the government病句，that指代什么，如果是job，那么应该需要介词，否则你后面的从句替换了什么. Cultivating and teaching is their responsibilities.

smilehahaUID: 160198

可能说的一些东西不太准确。不过写完之后，真的要注意语法阿。
此外从内容来看这段话没写好，你在写的主题是教育家，职业教育工作者在教育上面发挥的作用。你看看段子中间写了多少相关内容。Teaching in the class， examination and their effects都没有跟educator结合。你应该时不时的写上educator.
是educator 通过teaching in class 给同学们给出了an elementary view
是educaotr 通过tests 来检测学生的学习情况，然后还要通过这种检测督促学生学习，并且也要动态地改变自己的教学进度，让教学更好地适合大部分学生的学习能力。

后面的我不看了，你自己要多思考，把握细节。这就是说明你的微操不好，玩过星际吧，人家一队狗就能砍掉你一队龙旗。什么原因，不是你的英语水平不高，是因为你细节不注意。

sophywUID: 203712

smilehaha，玩过星际吧，人家一队狗就能砍掉你一队龙旗？？这和微超有什么关系，俺喜欢玩人族，对这两族不太了解呢

sophywUID: 203712

既然想从moral上的学习上写父母，我觉得就可以突出这一点，从知识的教学讲教育者，这样对比起来力度会更大，而且举例子也可以根据这一点展开了

就是突出重点亚，举例子尽量往这两当面靠，论述尽量往这两面写，这样就抓住重点了

sophywUID: 203712

smilehaha，你申请的结果不错呀，都是TOP10？？还是TOP50?

smilehahaUID: 160198

我申请的情况很多遗憾，所以最后能拿到这么多，是因为当时的定位不好，排名集中在50-80，如果你们不是牛人想自费那么可以申30-60，如果你们想出去读ms，还可以在往前申。最好的结果是拿到两三所，说明你的选校是适合的。多了没用。

哈哈，至于星际，我们不讨论了。。

如果你们见到我发作文，那是我mm的作文，大家踊跃排砖啊。她总不愿意写。逼了也没用。

sophywUID: 203712

你想自费出国？好强啊，你觉得钱花的值得吗？反正要是让我花钱出去，除非是一流学校，否则不去，哪有那么多钱？？咱们赚的也不容易呀

smilehahaUID: 160198

哈哈，我的学校也有奖学金，我去的学校的工学院是top25 其实对于phd第二年肯定拿到钱的，幸运的话，可以在第二学期就能拿到了。

sophywUID: 203712

那也要30，40万吧，你觉得这样值得吗？

crazyfox3UID: 171430

你怎么知道第二年肯定能拿到钱呢？？