写作点评 - 女性参军?

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

来源:3g  原作者:hitmix2000

Army,this word as a specific meanning of man's place is no longer exist.Some countries recruit woman to serve to their nation as a soldier and even can see the famale fighting in battlefield,but it also encounters strong question by some protests who think that it is better to keep woman outside of the barback.Clearly it is fully reasonable and understandable to remain the girls away if we consider more elements.

Explicitly,woman have natural weakness both in physical and psychological sides which differ with man.Woman beavior is more depending on their emotion than  logic.This nature will be a fatal lackness when they are facing some uncivilized cases.For instance,In Rwanda 1994 some of  U.N female soldiers were killed without any resistance because they were not "strong" enough to make a clear judgement  when they were surround by a group of rebels whose average age under 14 years old.This unaccpetable history evidence that woman is not able to fight.

Moreover,allowing female soldier to join the army will stock the current military as a whole which only design for man.To make this regulation suitable for woman,therefore a completely reformation will needed and this will cause a huge amount of money to spend.Take a example.The government will spend double deficit in producing uniform;building woman-only residences;even redesigning the weapons because they are too heavy or not suitable for the female soldiers.It is a heavy financial burden and will not only hard to achieve,but aslo causes the sexual discrimination and sexual abuse among the army.

From what I have mentioned before.It is doubtless that government should not let woman to join the army in anytime

~___~bb



老师点评:

你的文章都是一边倒好像，加上语法问题，比如这篇，能有6.5就不错了，说明考官不是很严格，继续努力吧！

语法方面，你对动词的使用不清楚

比如 is no longer exist，请问哪个是谓语动词？

凡是用到动词，都要小心

估计你备了不少范文，但是一知半解的情况时有发生，不知道对否？

[ Last edited by lucy_zq2002 on 2005-6-30 at 19:40 ]