argument37 同主题写作,第一篇argument,谢谢大家拍

11yvetteUID: 2102418

----题目----
37Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river—the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.

----正文----
The author doubted the origin of the woven baskets by a series of evidence and so-called reasoning. However, after some deliberated consideration the conclusion seems unsound at all.

Firstly, the author can not establish the relationship between the deepness of the river and the only approach of crossing the river. Though the Brim River is broad and deep, for the old Paleans, it is highly possible that they can cross it by constructing the bridge instead of rowing a boat, even by swimming. There is no evidence showed that ancient Paleans were lack of high-skilled-swimmer to cross the Brim River. The failure of the author to consider and eliminate these other factors to cross the Brim River makes it suspect. Moreover, no evidence for the Paleans had boats can not strongly indicate that there is no boat for the Paleans. The Paleans might have the technology to build a boat and they really did have some but the evidence of which is faded away by some natural or man-made factors, or the archeologists have not found yet by lacking some ideas, some vital tools or some knowledge. These are all the possibilities for no evidence appearing. In this case, the conclusion what the author gave is ridiculous in some extent.

Secondly, the author assumes that the abundance of the woods around Palea caused the Paleans had had no need to cross the river. However, he or she ignores some other necessity of crossing the river, such as the Paleans needed to exchange their productive material with other regions, the Palean realized that the exogamy are good for their offsprings and some other reasons to cross the Brim River so that they may bring their baskets out of Palea. The argument is unconvincing because the author can not rule out the interpretations.

Last but not least, the author concludes that the Palean baskets were not unique to Palea through all the evidences mentioned on the argument. We may concede that the Palean had no ability to cross the river which leads to the baskets would not appear in any other areas, but how can we neglect other possibilities to bring the Palean basket out of the original area ---- Palea. This may have been a time, when the Brim River flooded, and the Palea baskets are rushed to some different places which caused the archaeologists discovered the baskets in Lithos. Also, with the Lithosans' or other races' invasion, the baskets might be throbbed by them for the delicate craftwork which was appreciated by the invaders. These are all the other factors made the basket not only stayed in its origin but also showed up in other areas which makes the argument highly ungrounded.

Overall, the doubt of the origin of the Palean baskets demonstrated by the author is unacceptable. In order to strengthen the argument, the author would have to prove that the Paleans had no any idea of crossing the Brim River, and there was no any possibility for the baskets to rush automatically or artificially.

这是第一次练习argument,没有限时,用了1小时10分钟,有些沮丧的说,还望大家拍,给找找茬,必回拍,只为同进步!

[ Last edited by 11yvette on 2005-7-10 at 23:40 ]

lignumvitaeUID: 207532

第三段的ＴＳ似乎不够明确，把＂我们不能忽视篮子离开发源地其他方式＂直接放在第一句比较清楚吧
观点方面，还有一点可批：the river might not be deep and broad at that time

tangentUID: 209829

argument37 同主题写作,第一篇argument,谢谢大家拍

----题目----
37Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river—the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.

----正文----
The author doubted the origin of the woven baskets by a series of evidence and so-called reasoning. However, after some deliberated consideration the conclusion seems unsound at all.

Firstly, the author can not establish the relationship between the deepness of the river and the only approach of crossing the river. Though the Brim River is broad and deep, for the old Paleans, it is highly possible that they can cross it by constructing the bridge instead of rowing a boat, even by swimming. There is no evidence showed that ancient Paleans were lack of high-skilled-swimmer to cross the Brim River. The failure of the author to consider and eliminate these other factors to cross the Brim River makes it suspect. Moreover, no evidence for the Paleans had boats for后面不能接句子can not strongly indicate that there is no boat for the Paleans. The Paleans Theymight have the technology to build a boat and they really did have some but the evidence of which is faded away by some natural or man-made factors, or the archeologists have not found yet by lacking some ideas, some vital tools or some knowledge. These are all the possibilities for no evidence appearing. In this case, the conclusion what the author gave is ridiculous in some extent.

Secondly, the author assumes that the abundance of the woods around Palea caused the Paleans had had no need to cross the river.是wood上的水果而不是wood本身 However, he or she ignores some other necessity of crossing the river, such as the Paleans needed to exchange their productive material with other regions, the Palean realized that the exogamy are good for their offsprings and some other reasons to cross the Brim River so that they may bring their baskets out of Palea. The argument is unconvincing because the author can not rule out the interpretations.

Last but not least, the author concludes that the Palean baskets were not unique to Palea through all the evidences mentioned on the argument. We may concede that the Palean had no ability to cross the river which leads to the baskets would not appear in any other areas, but how can we neglect other possibilities to bring the Palean basket out of the original area ---- Palea. This may have been a time, when the Brim River flooded, and the Palea baskets are rushed to some different places which caused the archaeologists discovered the baskets in Lithos. Also, with the Lithosans' or other races' invasion, the baskets might be throbbed by them for the delicate craftwork which was appreciated by the invaders. These are all the other factors made the basket not only stayed in its origin but also showed up in other areas which makes the argument highly ungrounded.

Overall, the doubt of the origin of the Palean baskets demonstrated by the author is unacceptable. In order to strengthen the argument, the author would have to prove that the Paleans had no any idea of crossing the Brim River, and there was no any possibility for the baskets to rush automatically or artificially.
第一次就写的这么好，前途无量啊。关于开题是否要阐述arguer的观点和论据，大纲应该也没有要求，虽然孙远说是有比较好，但也不用千篇一律。篇幅其实不一定要这么长，毕竟只有30分钟

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

写得很不错,是我看过的目前为止让我改作文中最好的,在事实和细节上比较好,而且也没有看到很多没有意义的模板.
现在只要加快速度和熟悉题库就可以了.
前面两个人都说得很好.我也没有什么太大的建议.加油.

阿择菜UID: 2110339

第三段逻辑TS再明确一下,基本的逻辑错误已经叙述出来