argument22 谢谢支持：）

abigredUID: 154473

Argument22  ------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：29分53秒     479 words
从2005年6月19日17时42分到2005年6月19日18时29分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that builds and sells new homes in Steel City.
'Over the past five years, the population of Steel City has increased by more than 20 percent, and family incomes in Steel City have risen much faster than the national average. Nationwide, sales of houses priced above $150,000 have increased more than have sales of lower-priced houses. Such data indicate that we should make changes in our business to increase company profits. First, we should build fewer low-priced houses than we did last year and focus instead on building houses designed to sell at above $150,000. Second, we should hire additional workers so that we can build a larger total number of houses than we did last year.'
------正文------
In this memo, the arguer recommends that the company should build more houses that designed to sell above 150,000, instead of the lower price houses. Moreover, the arguer also recommends that more workers should be employed to build more houses. To support the conclusion, the arguer cites the statitics that population and family incomes in Steel City(SC) have increased at a rate faster than the national average. And nationwide,  house of price above 15,000 are growing more popular. After careful scrutiny of the evidences, we can find the arguer's recommendation is of ill-merit.

The threshold problem with the recommendation is that the statistics cited by the arguer is not valid enough to reach the conclusion. The arguer unfairly equate the base number of the family incomes with the increasing rate, which is unconvincing at all. It is quite possible that family incomes in SC are equal to or even much lower than the national average, although they are increasing at a high speed. If this scenario is true, it might reach to the reverse conclusion---people are not willing to buy the higher price houses, which might undermine the recommendation of the arguer.

Secondly,  even if I concede that the family incomes in SC are higher than the national average, the argruer is too hasty to get the conclusion. Perhaps people in SC are not too much concerned of the house conditions,  and will spend the increased income on other things, like buying cars, saving money, travelling and so on, which has nothing to do with the need of price150,000 houses. For the arguer does not take those relevant factors into account, he can not convince us that the expense on houses will increase, which will render the recommendation untenalbe.

Last but not least,  based on the evidence that the population in SC is increased, the arguer concludes that the company should built more houses to meet the needs. However,  the arguer fails to establish the casual relation with growing population and building more houses. The population increase is not necessarily linked to buying potential of houses. People might choose to share the existing houses with more people. Even if they want to buy new houses,  the arguer also does not provide any information about the house market and their competitors. Perhaps there are already enough houses for the increasing needs, which means the new-built would not be necessary, let alone the profits.

To sum up, the arguer's recommendation is too premature to be convincing, or even cause loss to the company. To better evaluated the conclusion, the arguer has to convince us that people in SC have the buying ability and willingness to  buy the houses that are designed to sell above 150,000. And he might also have to convince us that the growing population will stimulate the needs for house and the necessarity to built new ones.

tubageUID: 149249

1，首段有点罗嗦
2，尽量避免用“I concede" "I think" 之类的第一人称

aaronblackUID: 2115069

In this memo, the arguer recommends that the company should build more houses that designed to sell above 150,000, instead of the lower price houses. Moreover, the arguer also recommends that more workers should be employed to build more houses. To support the conclusion, the arguer cites the stabetweenbetweentitics that population and family incomes in Steel City(SC) have increased at a rate faster than the national average. And nationwide,  house of price above 15,000 are growing more popular. After careful scrutiny of the evidences, we can find the arguer's recommendation is of ill-merit.

The threshold problem with the recommendation is that the statistics cited by the arguer is not valid enough to reach the conclusion.有点繁，可改成 A threshold problem of the recommendation involves the statistics. The arguer unfairly equates,也可用confuse ... with ... 的句式 the base number of the family incomes with the increasing rate, which is unconvincing 大概这里不是要表示没有说服力的意思吧，不如用irreleventat all. It is quite possible that family incomes in SC are equal to or even much lower than the national average, although they are increasing at a high speed. If this scenario is true, it might reach to the reverse conclusion---people are not willing to buy the higher price houses, which might undermine the recommendation of the arguer.

Secondly,  even if I提个建议，用虚拟语气 even I were to concede ... concede that the family incomes in SC are higher than the national average, the argruer is too hasty to get the conclusion.如果是我，我会用It is too hasty for the arguer to get the conclusion,把hasty放在醒目的地方 Perhaps people in SC are not too much concerned of the house conditions,  and will spend the increased income on other things, like buying cars, saving money, travelling and so on,下面这半句话好像不能说明什么... which has nothing to do with the need of price150,000 houses. For the arguer does not take those relevant factors into account, he can not convince us that the expense on houses will increase, which will render the recommendation untenalbeuntenable.

Last but not least,  based on the evidence that the population in SC is increased, the arguer concludes that the company should built more houses to meet the needs. However,  the arguer fails to establish the casual relationrelationship with betweengrowing population and building more houses. The population increase is not necessarily linked to buying potential of houses. People might choose to share the existing houses with more people. Even if they want to buy new houses,  the arguer also does not provide any information about the house market and their competitors. Perhaps there are already enough houses for the increasing needs, which means the new-built would not be necessary, let alone the profits.PS:可以从建房投资的角度来论述利润的问题：）比如说：雇佣更多的工人……

To sum up, the arguer's recommendation is too premature to be convincing, or even cause loss to the company. To better evaluated the conclusion, the arguer has to convince us that people in SC have the buying 这个buying和后面的buy重复了，可以这样写 the people are both willing and able to buy ...ability and willingness to  buy the houses that are designed to sell above 150,000. And he might also have to convince us that the growing population will stimulate the needs for house and the necessarity to built new ones.

个人意见仅供参考：）

abigredUID: 154473

嗯，谢谢两位，受教了！：）

留下链接吧，找天一定回拍

[ Last edited by abigred on 2005-7-19 at 23:53 ]

czzbUID: 208982

楼主statistic一段写的真好 佩服

这道题关于雇佣更多工人这一点不提不太好 似乎应该是重要的批驳点

JianchuanUID: 2121431

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... light=argument%2B22
很少人写22的样子... 大家相互参考一下, 就不打扰了..