ISSUE185 <Scandals>新鲜出炉了~~请品尝~~<这篇不好写呢~~>

硬柿子UID: 204138

Issue185  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分44秒     595 words
从2005年6月21日18时17分到2005年6月21日19时43分
------题目------
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
------正文------
Scandals, as the coins that have pros and cons, can be useful if used in the suitable way. But used improperly, they will cause tumult and do harm to our society.

Firstly, scandals can act as a supervised machinism to confine waht the people should not do. Our society is managed by two sets of machinisms, of which one is legislation while the other is morality. Although the morality is informal comparing to the formal legislation, it plays an important role in our daily life. How do these two machinisms run? One of the channels is through scandals. The scandal that reveals the athlete who has taken in excitant before the compition will help us to build up a fair competition enviroment.The stock price of the company often fluctuates at the news of the scandals. Thus the scandal will force the company leader to pay more attention to his public image, avoiding some law suits concening the enviroment pollution, employee maltreatment etc. Fears of the scandal would help prompt the democracy leveral. They prevent such misdeeds as corruption, to some extent. Being afraid of the exposure to the public, some of the leaders dare not appropriate the money that does not belong to him. So some deeds that making use of the public resource to serve for one own interest may decrease. The scandal of Yuanhua Group in Xiamen, China reveled a big case concerning company that escapes tax and leaders who corrupts. Scandal of Sudan-Red of KFC  told us some of the food in KFC are unhealthy, thus repeals KFC to improve. Recently, there are numerous of news covering the unquarified producing enviroment of Nestle and Haagen-Dazs. In my opinion, such scandals are bebeficial to our society, because they make our supervision more perfect and can restrict the potential risk. In the realm of media, scandals are used to improve the stars's popularity. Thre are hundreds of thousands of scandals of scandals about singers and movie stars who get divorce and who acts as the third party to ruin a family. Some of which are even untrue. At the mention of the usage of scandals in media, I want to talk something about the cons of scandals.

Curiosity is the nature of human beings. People are inclined to pry at the other people's privacy especially of the cereberities. This topic remind me one tragedy that happened in 1997, when HongKong came back to China.Mrs. Bai Bingbing is one of the famous singers and actresses in Taiwan. In the summer of 1997, unfortunatly her single daughter Bai Xiaoyan was kidnapped by gangsters. Because of the over-exposure to the public about this issue, the gangster control the action that the police have taken. Bai Xiaoyan was murdered by the gangsters at last .being sympathetic of the death of Bai Xiaoyan, I think the media should take responsible for the tragedy in some sense. Sometimes, some publisher fabricate some scandals in order to improve their sales. The popular stars are usually reported in the magazines about their privacy, pay for their popularity. The scandals will influence their daily lives.

Therefore, the scandals are a good policeman and a bad friend.The improvement of democracy requires the more frequency of the exposure of the social and politic scandals due to that the scandals attract people's attention to focus on some hidden problems and then the problem are possible to be solved. But scandals, serving as a public tool, would influence the people involved.They may annoysome sometimes. Coins have two sides, so does the scandals.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-22 at 14:33 ]

seraph_hydeUID: 184809

Scandals, as the coins that have pros and cons, can be useful if used in the suitable way. But used improperly, they will cause tumult and do harm to our society.

Firstly, scandals can act as a supervised machinism to confine waht the people should not do. Our society is managed by two sets of machinisms, of which one is legislation while the other is morality. Although the morality is informal comparing to the formal legislation, it plays an important role in our daily life. How do these two machinisms run? One of the channels is through scandals. The scandal that reveals the athlete who has taken in excitant before the compition will help us to build up a fair competition enviroment.The stock price of the company often fluctuates at the news of the scandals. Thus the scandal will force the company leader to pay more attention to his public image, avoiding some law suits concening the enviroment pollution, employee maltreatment etc. （举了两个例子，但都没说清丑闻是如何帮人们建立起公平机制得，又是如何让公司注意形象避免官司得）
（这里是不是可以再起一段）Fears of the scandal would help prompt the democracy leveral. They prevent such misdeeds as corruption, to some extent. Being afraid of the exposure to the public, some of the leaders dare not appropriate the money that does not belong to him. So some deeds that making use of the public resource to serve for one own interest may decrease. The scandal of Yuanhua Group in Xiamen, China reveled a big case concerning company that escapes tax and leaders who corrupts. Scandal of Sudan-Red of KFC  told us some of the food in KFC are unhealthy, thus repeals KFC to improve. Recently, there are numerous of news covering the unquarified producing enviroment of Nestle and Haagen-Dazs.（又是3个例子都没说清！这么好得例子没展开...看着都可惜啊...） In my opinion, such scandals are bebeficial to our society, because they make our supervision more perfect and can restrict the potential risk. In the realm of media, scandals are used to improve the stars's popularity. Thre are hundreds of thousands of scandals of scandals about singers and movie stars who get divorce and who acts as the third party to ruin a family. Some of which are even untrue. At the mention of the usage of scandals in media, I want to talk something about the cons of scandals.（我想你再这里说媒体可能是想引入下一段，但是说这么多还举例子可能会让人怀疑你偏离主题，所以建议只题一句，剩下得都放到下一段）
Curiosity is the nature of human beings. People are inclined to pry at the other people's privacy especially of the cereberities（celebrity好像可以做集合名词，记不清了）. This topic remind me one tragedy that happened in 1997, when HongKong came back to China.Mrs. Bai Bingbing is one of the famous singers and actresses in Taiwan. In the summer of 1997, unfortunatly her single daughter Bai Xiaoyan was kidnapped by gangsters. Because of the over-exposure to the public about this issue, the gangster control the action that the police have taken. Bai Xiaoyan was murdered by the gangsters at last .being sympathetic of the death of Bai Xiaoyan, I think the media should take responsible for the tragedy in some sense. Sometimes, some publisher fabricate some scandals in order to improve their sales. The popular stars are usually reported in the magazines about their privacy, pay for their popularity. The scandals will influence their daily lives.（我觉得这段最开始还是要题一下论点）
Therefore, the scandals are a good policeman and a bad friend.The improvement of democracy requires the more frequency of the exposure of the social and politic scandals due to that the scandals attract people's attention to focus on some hidden problems and then the problem are possible to be solved. But scandals, serving as a public tool, would influence the people involved.They may annoysome sometimes. Coins have two sides, so does the scandals.

第一段太长了，我觉得阅卷人看到可能会觉得郁闷......虽然讲的都是正面得东西，但是也可以分成两段写啊。语言句式我觉得挺复杂得，所以我也就没资格评价好不好了。你得作文写得不错，加油！

硬柿子UID: 204138

就你提到的例子没有展开的毛病，我也很着急，想展开吧，时间来不及了；不展开吧，例子放在那里我觉得好生硬哦~~~还是时间~~时间~~时间~~~

fengboallanUID: 157405

字数已经不少了，没有展开的原因是你写作喜欢用例子的堆砌。
而ETS reader doesn't focus much attention on the exmple itself, but your analysis of this example


说完例子了一定要分析，然后论证一下

小小意见
哈哈

硬柿子UID: 204138

我好象 有喜欢举很多例子的习惯哦~~~总之，谢谢你的意见!

seraph_hydeUID: 184809

你现在离考试还早啊～～慢慢练嘛，我觉得你8月以后再限时就可以了，现在主要练展开例子，每个分论点可以只写1个例子，然后展开啊

sharon84UID: 2110816

Scandals, as the coins that have pros and cons, can be useful if used in the suitable way. But used improperly, they will cause tumult and do harm to our society.

Firstly, scandals can act as a supervised machinism [mechanism] to confine waht [what] the people should not do. Our society is managed by two sets of machinisms, of which one is legislation [legislation立法？我觉得改为law system更好些吧，人们的行为主要受法律和道德的约束] while the other is morality. Although the morality is informal comparing to [compared with] the formal legislation, it plays an important role in our daily life. How do these two machinisms run? One of the channels is through [去掉channel] scandals. The scandal that reveals the athlete who has taken in excitant before the compition will help us to build up a fair competition enviroment.The stock price of the company often fluctuates at the news of the scandals. Thus the scandal will force the company leader to pay more attention to his public image, avoiding some law suits concening the enviroment pollution, employee maltreatment etc. Fears of the scandal would help prompt the democracy leveral. They prevent such misdeeds as corruption, to some extent. Being afraid of the exposure to the public, some of the leaders dare not appropriate the money that does not belong to him. So some deeds that making use of the public resource to serve for one own interest may decrease. The scandal of Yuanhua Group in Xiamen, China reveled a big case concerning company that escapes tax and leaders who corrupts. Scandal of Sudan-Red [确定苏丹红是这么翻译的么？呵呵] of KFC  told us some of the food in KFC are unhealthy, thus repeals [forces，repeal是否定、废除的意思] KFC to improve. Recently, there are numerous of news covering the unquarified producing enviroment of Nestle and Haagen-Dazs. In my opinion, such scandals are bebeficial to our society, because they make our supervision more perfect and can restrict the potential risk. In the realm of media, scandals are used to improve the stars's popularity. Thre are hundreds of thousands of scandals of scandals about singers and movie stars who get divorce and who acts as the third party to ruin a family. Some of which are even untrue. At the mention of the usage of scandals in media, I want to talk something about the cons of scandals.
[这段用了好多例子，而且涉及到各个领域，读下来感觉条理不是很清晰，是否可以考虑按领域来论处scandal的作用呢？例子性质差不多的不用都举吧，列些典型的就行：）]

Curiosity is the nature of human beings. People are inclined to pry at the other people's privacy especially of the cereberities. This topic remind [reminds] me [of， remind sb. of sth. 固定搭配哦:p] one tragedy that happened in 1997, when HongKong came back to China.Mrs. Bai Bingbing is one of the famous singers and actresses in Taiwan. In the summer of 1997, unfortunatly her single daughter Bai Xiaoyan was kidnapped by gangsters. Because of the over-exposure to the public about this issue, the gangster control the action that the police have taken. Bai Xiaoyan was murdered by the gangsters at last .being sympathetic of the death of Bai Xiaoyan, I think the media should take responsible for the tragedy in some sense. Sometimes, some publisher fabricate some scandals in order to improve their sales. The popular stars are usually reported in the magazines about their privacy, pay for their popularity. The scandals will influence their daily lives.
[我觉得这段的例子不太合适，绑架案是因为媒体频频对这个话题曝光而起的么？再说媒体对这个ISSUE的曝光也不能算是scandal吧。btw.这段最好再加个TS^^]

Therefore, the scandals are a good policeman and a bad friend.The improvement of democracy requires the more frequency of the exposure of the social and politic scandals due to that the scandals attract people's attention to focus on some hidden problems and then the problem are possible to be solved. But scandals, serving as a public tool, would influence the people involved.They may annoysome sometimes. Coins have two sides, so does the scandals.

字数好多^o^，加油^^

硬柿子UID: 204138

Scandals, as the coins that have pros and cons, can be useful if used in the suitable way. But used improperly, they will cause tumult and do harm to our society.

Revised:
B1: On one hand, scandals can act as a scrutiny system to confine the behavior of people. Our society is managed by two sets of mechanisms. One is legal system while the other is morality. The legal system is formal comparing with the informal morality system. How does morality system restrict the actions of people? One of the channels is scandals. Maybe the most obvious example lies in the realm of sports. Because the athletes are afraid of being forbidden from applying for the next match once exposed to have taken excitant, they dare not take in excitant presumptuously. So the scandals here plays an important role in keeping a more fair competition environment. Another good examples is the scandals recently revealing the unqualified producing workshops of Nestle and Haagen-Dazs. Nestle is a world famous band producing milk, while Haagen-Dazs is regarded as the top-bank ice-cream producer all over the world. The exposure of their dirty producing process can accelerate the formation of a more qualified producing standard.

On the other hand, scandals can sometimes distract us from more important issues. In the realm of media, scandals are usually used to improve the popularity of someone. Hundreds of thousands of scandals about singers and movie stars who get divorce and who act as the third party to ruin a family are usually seen in the entertainment magazines, some of which are even untrue. Curiosity is the nature of  human beings. People are apt to pry at other’s privacy especially that of the celebrity. In order to raise the sales of the magazines, some publisher even fabricate some scandals about the famous people. In this case, the famous movie stars and the singers involved should pay for their popularity. What is more, some of the people do not aim at solve the problems in the scandals, but just to talk about them flamboyantly so that the most important items in the scandals are covered. What does the sexual scandals have business to do with our democracy development? Do they have close relationship with our welfare and so on? The answer is not, thus focusing on the scandals too much but ignoring the more important issues may distract the attention of people. Take the scandal in the realm of business. The bankruptcy of the Enron Energy Company revel the illegal action taken by the company, through which this company fabricated thousands of dollars in the documents. But only deriding on this issue has not much help to our daily lives, what we should do is to  analyses the causes of the bankruptcy of this company and draw lessons from this scandals but to focus on the scandal itself.

Therefore, the scandals are a good policeman and a bad friend. The improvement of democracy requires the more frequency of the exposure of the social and politic scandals due to that the scandals attract people's attention to focus on some hidden problems and then the problem are possible to be solved. But scandals, serving as a public tool, would influence the people involved. They may annoy sometimes. Coins have two sides, so does the scandals.

kolu_renUID: 158196

Scandals, as the coins that have pros and cons, can be useful if used in the suitable way. But used improperly, they will cause tumult and do harm to our society.

Revised:
B1: On the one hand, scandals can act as a scrutiny system to confine the behavior of people. Our society is managed by two sets of mechanisms. One is legal system while the other is morality. The legal system is formal comparing with the informal morality system.个人觉得法律是成文的，而道德事不成文的，这种区别 How does morality system restrict the actions of people? One of the channels is scandals. Maybe the most obvious example lies in the realm of sports. Because the athletes are afraid of being forbidden from applying for the next match once exposed to have taken excitant, they dare not take in excitant presumptuously. So the scandals here plays an important role in keeping a more fair competition environment. 我觉得还不如说scandal更有监督和震慑的作用，以提供一个更纯粹、公平的竞争环境 Another good examples is the scandals recently revealing the unqualified producing workshops of Nestle and Haagen-Dazs. Nestle is a world famous band producing milk Nestle is a world famous food manufacturer 这样说你觉得怎么样？, while Haagen-Dazs is regarded as the top-bank ice-cream producer all over the world. The exposure of their dirty producing process can accelerate the formation of a more qualified producing standard.我觉得可以在你提到nestle和haagen-daz时就将对他们的介绍作为并列成分放在一边，而你的重点是sandal揭示了他们哪方面的问题，面对巨大的社会压力，即使是这样的跨国公司也不得不就他们自身的问题做出整改，提高他们的产品质量，这样才是scandal的好处！另外你可以把这两个例子分为两段，一个是对体育方面的，另一个是对企业监督方面的

On the other hand, scandals can sometimes distract us from more important issues. In the realm of media, scandals are usually used to improve the popularity of someone. improve the ones own reputation Hundreds of thousands of scandals about singers and movie stars who get divorce and who act as the third party to ruin a family are usually seen in the entertainment magazines, some of which are even untrue. 感觉例子描述不够精炼 Curiosity is the nature of  human beings. People are apt to pry at other’s privacy especially that of the celebrity. In order to raise the sales of the magazines, some publisher even fabricate some scandals about the famous people. In this case, the famous movie stars and the singers involved should pay for their popularity. What is more, some of the people do not aim at solve solving the problems in the scandals, but just to talk about them flamboyantly so that the most important items in the scandals are covered. What does the sexual scandals have business to do with our democracy development? Do they have close relationship with our welfare and so on? The answer is not, thus focusing on the scandals too much but ignoring the more important issues may distract the attention of people. Take the scandal in the realm of business. The bankruptcy of the Enron Energy Company revel the illegal action taken by the company, through which this company fabricated thousands of dollars in the documents. But only deriding on this issue has not much help to our daily lives, what we should do is to  analyses analyze the causes of the bankruptcy of this company and draw lessons from this scandals but to focus on the scandal itself.

Therefore, the scandals are a good policeman and a bad friend. The improvement of democracy requires the more frequency of the exposure of the social and politic scandals due to that the scandals attract people's attention to focus on some hidden problems and then the problem are possible to be solved. But scandals, serving as a public tool, would influence the people involved. They may annoy sometimes. Coins have two sides, so does the scandals.
总的感觉语言不是很精炼，其实几个例子都不错很能说明问题，只是在写法上还需要再考虑一下，我觉得你缺乏的不是对例子本身的描述而是对例子的评述，没有交待请出这个例子怎样support你的观点。事不是太狠了？:confused:

另外，加上我的，你也解解气！issue185 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... amp;extra=page%3D12

硬柿子UID: 204138

个人觉得法律是成文的，而道德事不成文的，这种区别

成文的一词怎么表达呢？

Scandals, as the coins that have pros and cons, can be useful if used in the suitable way. But used improperly, they will cause tumult and do harm to our society.

Revised:
B1: On the one hand, scandals can act as a scrutiny system to confine the behavior of people. Our society is managed by two sets of mechanisms. One is legal system while the other is morality. The legal system is formal comparing with the informal morality system. How does morality system restrict the actions of people? One of the channels is scandals. Maybe the most obvious example lies in the realm of sports. Because the athletes are afraid of being forbidden from applying for the next match once exposed to have taken excitant, they dare not take in excitant presumptuously. So the scandals here have supervising functions thus plays an important role in keeping a more fair competition environment. Another good examples is the scandals recently revealing the unqualified producing workshops of Nestle and Haagen-Dazs. Nestle is a world famous food manufacturer, while Haagen-Dazs is regarded as the top-bank ice-cream producer all over the world. The exposure of their dirty producing process can accelerate the formation of a more qualified producing standard. After these scandals are exposed to the public, these two multinational company will face huge social pressure and take actions to find the problem and then regulate and improve the producing process.

On the other hand, scandals can sometimes distract us from more important issues. In the realm of media, scandals are usually used to improve someone’s own popularity. Hundreds of thousands of scandals about singers and movie stars who get divorce and who act as the third party to ruin a family are usually seen in the entertainment magazines, some of which are even untrue. Curiosity is the nature of  human beings. People are apt to pry at other’s privacy especially that of the celebrity. In order to raise the sales of the magazines, some publisher even fabricate some scandals about the famous people. In this case, the famous movie stars and the singers involved should pay for their popularity. What is more, some of the people do not aim at solving the problems in the scandals, but just to talk about them flamboyantly so that the most important items in the scandals are covered. What does the sexual scandals have business to do with our democracy development? Do they have close relationship with our welfare and so on? The answer is not, thus focusing on the scandals too much but ignoring the more important issues may distract the attention of people. Take the scandal in the realm of business. The bankruptcy of the Enron Energy Company revel the illegal action taken by the company, through which this company fabricated thousands of dollars in the documents. But only deriding on this issue has not much help to our daily lives, what we should do is to   analyze the causes of the bankruptcy of this company and draw lessons from this scandals but to focus on the scandal itself.

Therefore, the scandals are a good policeman and a bad friend. The improvement of democracy requires the more frequency of the exposure of the social and politic scandals due to that the scandals attract people's attention to focus on some hidden problems and then the problem are possible to be solved. But scandals, serving as a public tool, would influence the people involved. They may annoy sometimes. Coins have two sides, so does the scandals.

硬柿子UID: 204138

我觉得你缺乏的不是对例子本身的描述而是对例子的评述，没有交待请出这个例子怎样support你的观点。

这个评论很对，以前就有G友说我有堆砌例子的坏毛病，这次要好好反省一下~~~现在缺乏的是例证而不是例子本身

改完了你再看看如何