Argument26 欢迎互拍

lleputaUID: 192475

Argument26  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：50分0秒     567 words
从2005年6月24日20时51分到2005年6月24日21时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
'For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.'
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In this argument, the arguer recommends that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.To support his or her recommendation, the arguer states that  the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly when Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School during the past 5 yeasr.Although the arguer's conclusion seems to be reasonable, the argument suffers from several fallacies.

First, there's no reliable evidence to prove the causal relationship between the three champions of the regional band competitions and the effect of Mr. Charles Schade .Though the achievements were gained when Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, even if Mr. Charles Schade effect some members of the band, it doesn't mean that the music director of Mr. Charles Schade is the crucial factor that cause the success of the band. There may be some other factors ,such as the members of the bands have gifts on playing music and are working hard day after day ,the other competitors played better than that the Steel City High School's band did, but they didn't do good jobs when they are on the formal performance, the style of band casually cater for the taste of judge, etc. Lacking consideration on these factors makes the argument weakened.

Secondly, the arguer fails to convince that Mr. Charles Schade make the result of the rise of the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments over the past five years .It's impossible that the Steel City High School raised the budget of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments itself. For this matter, another possibility is that Steel City High School received more donations on the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments from its schoolfellows during the past 5 years. The arguer couldn't convince me that Mr. Charles Schade should be hired to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system on the basis of improvement on the rise of the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments.

Thirdly, even if Mr. Charles Schade was conducive to the band of Steel City High School, no fact is provided that he will give excellent performance on the stage of Saluda school. Perhaps after 5 years teaching, Mr. Charles Schade is no longer vigorous and ready to retire. Perhaps the Saluda school is much different from the Steel City High School at the aspects of climate, school culture, etc which isn’t suitable for Mr. Schade．Without taking these possibilities into account, the arguer’s conclusion remains dubious at least.

To sum up, the argument seems to be plausible; In fact, it's neither sound nor persuaded. Not only it leaves out key issues, but also cites in analysis on the evidence that doesn’t lead strong support to what the arguer claims. To strength the argument, the arguer should give us more evidence on the contribution that Mr. Charles made for Steel City High School ;To better evaluate his or her standpoints ,there must be more information to prove Mr. Charles could do a good job in Saluda school . After that it will be thorough and adequate.

[ Last edited by lleputa on 2005-7-30 at 10:46 ]

mmyppUID: 187645

太多了吧……赶上issue字数了，没必要：P

popcatUID: 2105433

In this argument, the arguer recommends that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support his or her recommendation, the arguer states that  the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly when Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School during the past 5 years. Although the arguer's conclusion seems to be reasonable, the argument suffers from several fallacies.

First, there's no reliable evidence to prove the causal relationship between the three champions of the regional band competitions and the effect of Mr. Charles Schade .Though the achievements were gained when Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, even if Mr. Charles Schade effect some members of the band, it doesn't mean that the music director of Mr. Charles Schade is the crucial factor that cause the success of the band. There may be some other factors, such as the members of the bands have gifts on playing music and are working hard day after day, the other competitors played better than that the Steel City High School's band did, but they didn't do good jobs when they are on the formal performance, the style of band casually cater for the taste of judge, etc. Lacking consideration on these factors makes the argument weakened.

Secondly, the arguer fails to convince (sb?) that Mr. Charles Schade make (makes) the result of the rise of the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments over the past five years .It's impossible (possible吧) that the Steel City High School raised the budget of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments itself. For this matter, another possibility is that Steel City High School received more donations on the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments from its schoolfellows during the past 5 years. The arguer couldn't convince me that Mr. Charles Schade should be hired to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system on the basis of improvement on the rise of the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments.

Thirdly, even if Mr. Charles Schade was conducive to the band of Steel City High School, no fact is provided that he will give excellent performance on the stage of Saluda school. Perhaps after 5 years teaching, Mr. Charles Schade is no longer vigorous and ready to retire. Perhaps the Saluda school is much different from the Steel City High School at the aspects of climate, school culture .etc which isn’t suitable for Mr. Schade．Without taking these possibilities into account, the arguer’s conclusion remains dubious at least.

To sum up, the argument seems to be plausible; In fact, it's neither sound nor persuaded. Not only it leaves out key issues, but also cites in analysis on the evidence that doesn’t lead strong support to what the arguer claims. To strength the argument, the arguer should give us more evidence on the contribution that Mr. Charles made for Steel City High School; to better evaluate his or her standpoints, there must be more information to prove Mr. Charles could do a good job in Saluda school. After that it will be thorough and adequate.

1．        最后一点没有充分展开，可能是在一、二两点费了较多功夫的缘故吧。我觉得这个理由应该当作重点来写，是一个较重要的理由。而一、二两点其实是在讲一个理由的两个方面，可以压缩一下。这样文章比较平衡，也更有说服力。
2．        总的感觉这篇文章写得不错，论证有力，文法通畅，句法语法也少有错误。
3．送你一个变色的工具，方便改别人的文章:)，见附件

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=306461