issue104 第一篇习作

yuhangjfUID: 2111099

------题目------共用时间：80分13秒     500 words中间有人打扰
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

观点：赞成
1．        正规教育对每个人形成其价值观起重要作用，国家应该利用这个机会。
2．        利用正规教育保存国家的文化是最好的方法。
3．        Discredit不是distort，批判日本人窜改教科书。

------正文------
Everyone in the world gets different kinds of education since he was born: family education, formal education in schools or self-study. Now there is an argument that it is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. Some people may disagree the allege with claim that not only all kinds of education but also  other communicative methods such as ads, TVs, newspapers and so on can carry its points. As far as I am concerned, I am ept to agree with the argument to some extent.

Generally speaking, formal education is the main approach most people acquire their knowledge which may play an important role in their later lives. It is well-known that nearly everyone in the world spends their first twenty years (at least fifteen )in studying, in which they spend at least half of the time at school. It is just in this time that  they shape their values and characters which is decisive for them to judge all by themselves; they get the skills what  they may live on all their lives. So it is also an unique opportunity for a country to indoctrinate what they want to perpetuate to the young students who will be the host of the country later.

Furthermore, every country, no matter it is developed or developing, whether it is big or small, has its own culture. To maintain their culture, there unavoidable exists(可以用exist吗) some ideas it fears from other culture or happened in the past. We are not defied that other kinds of education or other approaches listed above can help to discredit those ideas. But can you assure TV, ads, newspapers or other people will do as the authority think as in the society of free speech? Even if they will do as what the authority think, will the people heard them will believe them? Therefore we believe that it is the most effective way through formal education to discredit the ideas it fears which occurs in the early ages when they are easily affected and they are more likely to listen to the teachers.

However, we should point out that to discredit the ideas doesn't mean to distort the history. To discredit, we just tell the students what is wrong and forbidden judging by our culture and admonish them not to disobey while to distort is just a behavior that say yes to no, say black to white. Recently, some Japanese educators compile a new set of text books about history aiming at beatifying the aggression of China and other Asian countries in the World War II, which has brought about great discontentment all over the world.

In sum, the speaker's assert that it is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate its favoring ideas and discredit its fearing ideas is reasonable to some extent. The assert will be more convictive if the arguer distinguishes to discredit and to distort.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-25 at 23:32 ]

星星之火UID: 2107154

issue104 第一篇习作

------题目------共用时间：80分13秒     500 words中间有人打扰
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

观点：赞成
1．        正规教育对每个人形成其价值观起重要作用，国家应该利用这个机会。
2．        利用正规教育保存国家的文化是最好的方法。
3．        Discredit不是distort，批判日本人窜改教科书。

------正文------
Everyone in the world gets different kinds of education since he was born: family education, formal education in schools or self-study. Now there is an argument that it is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. (最好能把原句变化一下说法）Some people may disagree the allege with claim that not only all kinds of education but also  other communicative methods such as ads, TVs, newspapers and so on can carry its（their)  points. As far as I am concerned, I am ept (apt) to agree with the argument to some extent.

Generally speaking, formal education is the main approach (for) most people (to) acquire their knowledge which may play an important role in their later lives. It is well-known that nearly everyone in the world spends their(his or her) first twenty years (at least fifteen )in studying, in which they spend at least half of the time at school(这个定语 从句感觉用得不太舒服). It is just in this time that  they shape their values and characters which is decisive for them to judge all by themselves; they get the skills what  they may live on all their lives. So it is also an unique opportunity for a country to indoctrinate what they want to perpetuate to the young students who will be the host of the country later.(感觉最后总结句突然提到了国家的概念和前面稍有不对应,另外感觉本段的论述有点太简单了,可以举一些例子,或自己的经历,那样比较生动,又可以占字数, 呵呵)
Furthermore, every country, no matter it is developed or developing, whether it is big or small, (这里感觉有点别扭,可以改成regardless of developed or developing , and big or small) has its own culture. (TS太过简单了,应尽量把整段要说的内容概括)To maintain their culture, there unavoidable exists(可以用exist吗) some ideas it fears from other culture or happened in the past. (????这句没看懂)We are not defied that other kinds of education or other approaches listed above can help to discredit those ideas. But can you assure TV, ads, newspapers or other people will do as the authority think as in the society of free speech? Even if they will do as what the authority think, will the people heard(getting) them will(去掉)believe them? Therefore we believe that it is the most effective way through formal education to discredit the ideas it fears which occurs in the early ages when they are easily affected and they are more likely to listen to the teachers.(总结句要起到总结的作用,不要随便引入本段没有涉及的概念)
However, we should point out that to discredit the ideas doesn't mean to distort the history. To discredit, we just tell the students what is wrong and forbidden judging by our culture and admonish them not to disobey while to distort is just a behavior that say yes to no, say black to white. Recently, some Japanese educators compile a new set of text books about history aiming at beatifying the aggression of China and other Asian countries in the World War II, which has brought about great discontentment all over the world.(这一段感觉和前面的逻辑关系不是很紧, 另外一定要有总结句)
In sum, the speaker's assert that it is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate its favoring ideas and discredit its fearing ideas(原句最好改写一下) is reasonable to some extent. The assert will be more convictive if the arguer distinguishes to discredit and to distort.(怎么有点像Argu??)
提几点建议吧:
1. 我觉得每一段的起始句和结尾句非常的关键,一定要把本段的中心思想表现出来
2.我觉得你说理的论证太多缺少一些例子,有时我们想表达的意思用英文说不清楚,所以单纯的说理效果并不好
3.还有些语法错误要注意一下

总体感觉还是不错的,坚持下去会不断提高的,加油.

谢谢你给我改的作文,意见很宝贵!!