argument137希望自己每天都在进步中...

AlexandraUID: 185174

希望自己每天 都有进步！！  Oh yeah!
题目：
<137>  The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."


正文：

The arguer alleges that recreational use of the river is likely to increase and the budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River also would need to improve, by giving some analysis and some evidence. Closer inspection will divulge the hidden flaws in several respects in the argument.

Primarily, the author assumes that the number of the Mason City residents who are likely use the Mason River playing water sports would increase, as the agency responsible for the river is going to clean up the river. However, one would wonders about that whether the cleaning up would change the river to such a tune as to make it satisfy to Mason City residents. It is largely possible that the region's residents require high level on fitness and would not approve of the result of the clean up. In this case, recreational use of the river would not increase. Hence, the author will fails to conclude the conclusion based on the evidence above.

Next, even assuming that the degree clean up would please the region's residents, it can also hardly to say that the case, the river is not clean enough, is responsible for Mason City residents seldom using the river for recreational activities. Perhaps the circumstances of the river are not suitable for any kind of recreational activities. For example, the riverbed is narrow or the river is tantivy. Or perhaps in Mason City there are other places such as artificial garden in which the lake is suitable for swimming, fishing and boating than do the Mason River, so the residents prefer such places to the Mason River. Thus, under either possibilities, it is reckless to indicant the thing that the river is not clean enough serve to people seldom using the river for recreations even though there have been complaints about the water quality of the river, let alone that the council should increase the budget about the river.

Additionally, whether the result of the surveys that the region's residents are favor the water sports, such as swimming, fishing and boating, is true is kept unknown. But the arguer contains no information to support how valid the results of the study are. One would also wonders that how many people were selected in the survey. It is possible that a few residents responded the study so that the result cannot stand for the favorites of the region's residents. Consequently, the conclusion that the water sports are the favorites of the residents is untenable, and the claim that the council should need to improve the budget of the improvements about the river is unconvincing.

To sum up, based on the lack of more effective information in the argument, I cannot accept the conclusion that the budget of the improvements to the publicly owned lands along the river would increase for the assume that many people are likely go the river for some recreational activities, after the clean up the river.

[ Last edited by Alexandra on 2005-8-8 at 19:15 ]

czl223UID: 2120177

argument137希望自己每天都在进步中...

希望自己每天 都有进步！！  Oh yeah!
题目：
<137>  The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."


正文：

The arguer alleges that recreational use of the river is likely to increase and the budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River also would need to improve, by giving some analysis and some evidence. 可以放在开头。总结的不错，自己的语言。Closer inspection will divulge the hidden flaws in several respects in the argument.
Good！

Primarily, the author assumes that the number of the Mason City residents who are likely use the Mason River playing water sports would increase, as the agency responsible for the river is going to clean up the river. However, one would wonders about that whether the cleaning up would change the river to such a tune as to make it satisfy to Mason City residents. It is largely possible that the region's residents require high level on fitness and would not approve of the result of the clean up【确信可以这样用，of the clean up】. In this case, recreational use of the river would not increase. Hence, the author will fails to conclude the conclusion based on the evidence above.
【攻击的不错，挺具体的。】
Next, even assuming that the degree clean up would please the region's residents, it can also hardly to say that the case, the river is not clean enough, is responsible for Mason City residents seldom using the river for recreational activities. 【这一句不是很好啊，有点问题，再想想。】Perhaps the circumstances of the river are not suitable for any kind of recreational activities. For example, the riverbed is narrow or the river is tantivy.【高手】 Or perhaps in Mason City there are other places such as artificial garden in which the lake【in which the lake这是什么用法，不懂】 is suitable for swimming, fishing and boating than do the Mason River, so the residents prefer such places to the Mason River. Thus, under either possibilities, it is reckless to indicant the thing that the river is not clean enough serve to people seldom using the river for recreations even though there have been complaints about the water quality of the river, let alone that the council should increase the budget about the river.长句，小心使用。

Additionally, whether the result of the surveys that the region's residents are favor the water sports, such as swimming, fishing and boating, is true is kept unknown.【头重脚轻】 But the arguer contains no information to support how valid the results of the study are. 【to support that the survey is reliable就行了】 One would also wonders that how many people were selected in the survey. It is possible that a few residents responded the study so that the result cannot stand for the favorites of the region's residents. Consequently, the conclusion that the water sports are the favorites of the residents is untenable, and【这边和后面的没说清楚就连了过去】 the claim that the council should need to improve the budget of the improvements about the river is unconvincing.

To sum up, based on the lack of more effective information in the argument, I cannot accept the conclusion that the budget of the improvements to the publicly owned lands along the river would increase for the assume that many people are likely go the river for some recreational activities, after the clean up the river.
【总的来说，语言功底还是不错的，就是有点晦涩，不必追求长句，能表达清楚就行了。个人观点。错误也找到了，字数也挺多的，总体感觉不错。】

runningpiggyUID: 194977

The arguer alleges that recreational use of the river is likely to increase and the budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River also would need to improve, by giving some analysis and some evidence. Closer inspection will divulge the hidden flaws in several respects in the argument. [i think u should avoid the beginning style of restate......however......such a beginning is nice for its concision......]

Primarily, the author assumes that the number of the Mason City residents who are likely [to] use the Mason River playing water sports would increase, as the agency responsible for the river is going to clean up the river. [u should directly state that the author is wrong......if i were u.....i would write that......the conclusion is fallacious for the author presumptuously assumes that......merely based on the fact that the agency........] However, one would wonders [wonder] about [this about is no need] that whether the cleaning up [cleaning-up] would change the river to such a tune [i'm not sure whether tune should be used......i think extent is better......] as to make it satisfy to [make it able to satisfy the residents of Mason City.......] Mason City residents. It is largely possible that the region's residents require high level on fitness and would not approve of the result of the clean up. [cleaning-up] In this case, recreational use of the river would not increase. Hence, the author will fails [fail] to conclude [too strange to see 'to conclude the conclusion'.......what do u feel like using 'to elicit the conclusion'.......] the conclusion based on the evidence above. [the argumentation is not bad......nevertheless......several errors of grammar and a weak beginning of this paragraph render this paragraph to be a moderate one......]

Next, even assuming [well........it is not a good concession......i prefer 'even though the assumption discussed in the last paragraph is tenable......the argument is still unpersuasive for the reason that......] that the degree clean up would please the region's residents, it can also hardly to say that the case, the river is not clean enough, is responsible for Mason City residents seldom using the river for recreational activities. [such a beginning is just tooooooooo looooooooong......use more concise language....save your time in order to be able to criticize the argument presented more roundly.......] Perhaps the circumstances of the river are not suitable for any kind of recreational activities.  For example, the riverbed is narrow or the river is tantivy. [i think it is better to write that the riverbed is too narrow or the river is too tantivy......] Or perhaps [why not change a form......u'd better use 'moreover, the possibility exists that......' or 'in addition, it is likely(possible) that] in Mason City there are other places such as artificial garden in which the lake is suitable for swimming, fishing and boating than do the Mason River, so the residents prefer such places to the Mason River. Thus, under either possibilities, it is reckless to indicant [indicate] the thing ['the thing' is superfluous.....] that the river is not clean enough serve to people seldom using the river for recreations [such a sentence is confusing......i will give my edition.....Thus, without ruling out such possibilities, it is reckless to indicate that there is causal effect between the facts that the river is not clean and that people seldom use the river for recreations......] even though there have been complaints about the water quality of the river, let alone that the council should increase the budget about the river. [certain errors in grammar again......and i think your reasoning in this paragraph is a little bit disordered......because i feel that there are some intersections between these first two paragraph.........]

Additionally, whether the result of the surveys that the region's residents are favor the water sports, such as swimming, fishing and boating, is true is kept unknown. [my edition.......additionally, whether the result of the surveys is credible is open to doubt for the arguer fails to provide to sample size and the selection procedure of the survey.......] But the arguer [argument] contains no information to support how valid the results of the study are. One would also wonders [wonder] that how many people were selected in the survey. It is possible that a few residents responded the study so that the result cannot stand for the favorites of the region's residents. ['all residents of the region' is better] Consequently, the conclusion that the water sports are the favorites of the residents is untenable, and the claim that the council should need to improve the budget of the improvements about the river is unconvincing. [why not write about the selection procedure......a terrible mistake......for the arguer and for u........]

To sum up, based on the lack of more effective information in the argument, I cannot accept the conclusion that the budget of the improvements to the publicly owned lands along the river would increase for the assume that many people are likely go the river for some recreational activities, after the clean up the river.


[all in all........there are several fallacies u have not found out in the argument.....find them in urself.......
firstly.........to write an argument......the most important job is to find out the most serious problems in the argument presented........then criticize them powerfully........and this passage lacks the first step........
secondly....your language is just so-so.....due to the grammatical errors u commits......and i'm unable to observe any gorgeous sentence in your passage......
finally.......be aware of the beginning of every paragraph.......tell everyone what fallacy the author commits, not what assumption the author has made......
add oil.......there is still a long way........]

mikechsUID: 2121753

argument137希望自己每天都在进步中...

希望自己每天 都有进步！！  Oh yeah!
题目：
<137>  The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."


正文：

The arguer alleges that recreational use of the river is likely to increase and the budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River also would need to improve, by giving some analysis and some evidence. Closer inspection will divulge the hidden flaws in several respects in the argument.（开头不错呀）

Primarily, the author assumes that the number of the Mason City residents who are likely use the Mason River playing water sports would increase, as the agency responsible for the river is going to clean up the river. However, one would wonders about that whether the cleaning up would change the river to such a tune as to make it satisfy to Mason City residents. It is largely possible that the region's residents require high level on fitness and would not approve of the result of the clean up. In this case, recreational use of the river would not increase.（希望对此句加以解释，与满意度的关系） Hence, the author will fails to conclude the conclusion based on the evidence above.

Next, even assuming that the degree clean up would please the region's residents, it can also hardly to say that the case, the river is not clean enough, is responsible for Mason City residents seldom using the river for recreational activities. Perhaps the circumstances of the river are not suitable for any kind of recreational activities. For example, the riverbed is narrow or the river is tantivy. Or perhaps in Mason City there are other places such as artificial garden in which the lake is suitable for swimming, fishing and boating than do the Mason River, so the residents prefer such places to the Mason River. Thus, under either possibilities, it is reckless to indicant （indicate）the thing that the river is not clean enough serve to people seldom using the river for recreations even though there have been complaints about the water quality of the river, let alone that the council should increase the budget about the river.

Additionally, whether the result of the surveys that the region's residents are favor the water sports, such as swimming, fishing and boating, is true is kept unknown (?). But the arguer contains no information to support how valid the results of the study are. One would also wonders (换个词?) that how many people were selected in the survey. It is possible that a few residents responded the study so that the result cannot stand for the favorites of the region's residents. Consequently, the conclusion that the water sports are the favorites of the residents is untenable, and the claim that the council should need to improve the budget of the improvements about the river is unconvincing.

To sum up, based on the lack of more effective information in the argument, I cannot accept the conclusion that the budget of the improvements to the publicly owned lands along the river would increase for the assume that many people are likely go the river for some recreational activities, after the clean up the river(好长的一句,不错,要是来几句短的穿插就更好了).

整体感觉很好，可以当我的范文了，494字，不知用时多少？
语言很难挑出错，不过希望第二段与第一段对调以显重要性

我在写这篇的时候写的提纲，不知有没有参考价值，大概看看吧：
1．        The arguer tries to indicate that the citizens prefer to do recreational activity before along Mason River but fail to illustrate it.
2．        Not efficiency facts about pollution complaints, are they important and when?
3．        Other reasons for the citizens avoid the river, like conveniences equipments or services.
4．        Do the announcement of agency make any difference; are they competent on achieving them?
5．        Other factors affect the recreational use of the river.
6．        Fail to justify the necessaries

flfengUID: 2111823

<137>  The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."


正文：

The arguer alleges that recreational use of the river is likely to increase and the budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River also would need to improve, by giving some analysis and some evidence. Closer inspection will divulge the hidden flaws in several respects in the argument.

Primarily, the author assumes that the number of the Mason City residents who are likely use the Mason River playing water sports would increase, as the agency responsible for the river is going to clean up the river. However, one would wonders about that whether the cleaning up would change the river to such a tune as to make it satisfy to Mason City residents. It is largely possible that the region's residents require high level on fitness and would not approve of the result of the clean up. In this case, recreational use of the river would not increase. Hence, the author will fails to conclude the conclusion based on the evidence above.

Next, even assuming that the degree clean up would please the region's residents, it can also hardly to say that the case, the river is not clean enough, is responsible for Mason City residents seldom using the river for recreational activities. Perhaps the circumstances of the river are not suitable for any kind of recreational activities. For example, the riverbed is narrow or the river is tantivy. Or perhaps in Mason City there are other places such as artificial garden in which the lake is suitable for swimming, fishing and boating than do the Mason River, so the residents prefer such places to the Mason River. Thus, under either possibilities, it is reckless to indicant the thing that the river is not clean enough serve to people seldom using the river for recreations even though there have been complaints about the water quality of the river, let alone that the council should increase the budget about the river.

Additionally, whether the result of the surveys that the region's residents are favor the water sports, such as swimming, fishing and boating, is true is kept unknown. But the arguer contains no information to support how valid the results of the study are. One would also wonders that how many people were selected in the survey. It is possible that a few residents responded the study so that the result cannot stand for the favorites of the region's residents. Consequently, the conclusion that the water sports are the favorites of the residents is untenable, and the claim that the council should need to improve the budget of the improvements about the river is unconvincing.

To sum up, based on the lack of more effective information in the argument, I cannot accept the conclusion that the budget of the improvements to the publicly owned lands along the river would increase for the assume that many people are likely go the river for some recreational activities, after the clean up the river.


文章写得不错， 同学们也给你改到位了。这里没有必要再说多少。 感兴趣把ARGU50，142写写，那是难点。

要想提高贴个ISSUE上来看看，ARGU是在是没什么好说的。

AlexandraUID: 185174

哇  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~谢谢 大家的 修改
我发现自己 的 很多曾想改
但是受水平 限制， 没有 改好的 地方。

谢谢

禾日因心UID: 174510

这么多人改了，呵呵，那我就等下次了，这段时间一直集中精力攻8T，没给大家看，真是不好意思了，加油呀:victory:

echostateUID: 194935

呵呵，本来想给你改的，不过看见runningpiggy (嘉) 改的，汗死了~~~
你快写下一篇吧！到时候拍你。issue，arg都行。：P
到时候叫我吧。