argument181 寄托4人组 8月10日

meautoUID: 2116250

Argument181
From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper.
'One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with their own academic performance. As a way of combating these problems, the high schools in our city should begin classes at 8:30 A.M. instead of 7:30 A.M., and end the school day an hour later. This arrangement will give students an extra hour of sleep in the morning, thereby making them more alert and more productive. Consequently, the students will perform better on tests and other assignments, and their academic skills will improve significantly.'

1调查的科学性？学生对自己功课不满意是缺少睡眠的原因？
2，上课的时间并没有缩短。如果学生是由于功课复习和作业而减少睡眠时间，新的作息时间只会让他们睡更晚。睡眠时间不一定就增加了。
3，睡眠时间增加了academic skills就能提高？
主要的错误找的这么几个,但是时间不够了,所以也没写全.

In this argument, the editor suggests a new daily schedule for high schools to resolve sleep-deprived problems among their students. However, his suggestion is problematic in three ways.

First of all, from the survey presented the editor unfairly concludes that it is high school students who need more sleep. Although the survey is pointed to adolescents, what is the specific number of all the respondents? One hundred or ten thousand? However, the term "many” is too vague to convince us that the survey is statistically reliable. In addition, what is the proportion of high school students in the overall people answering the survey? If more than ninety percent of the respondents consists of people who drop out of the school and the young who have already entered the work force, then the implication of more sleep is needed by high school students based on the survey is doubtful.

In addition, the editor unsubstantially assumes that students' dissatisfaction with their academic performance results from their inadequate sleep, which is not necessarily the case. In fact, there are maybe a myriad of factors leading to their dissatisfaction, such as difficulty in communication with teachers and other students, too much time spent with their boyfriends and girl friends, peer pressure coming from fierce competition, awkward teaching of faculty members, and classroom or library facilities, each may cause poor school performance. What is more, these students may be ones who are very strict with themselves: however excellent their performance is, they never satisfy.

Even if we confess that high school students need more sleep, whether the recommended school schedule will effectively combat this problem is open to question. The new arrangement of school hours is actually as much as the current one. While students may sleep one more hour in the morning, to finish their homework they might still have to go to bed one hour later than do now, In this sense, to give more sleep hours to their students, high schools, instead adopt the suggested daily schedule, need to shorten the school hours, or lessen the homework burdens on students.

As sleep problem may be just one of various factors important for school performance, and high school students might not benefit from the new school timetable, this argument is unconvincing.

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

argument181 寄托4人组 8月10日

Argument181
From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper.
'One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with their own academic performance. As a way of combating these problems, the high schools in our city should begin classes at 8:30 A.M. instead of 7:30 A.M., and end the school day an hour later. This arrangement will give students an extra hour of sleep in the morning, thereby making them more alert and more productive. Consequently, the students will perform better on tests and other assignments, and their academic skills will improve significantly.'

1调查的科学性？学生对自己功课不满意是缺少睡眠的原因？
2，上课的时间并没有缩短。如果学生是由于功课复习和作业而减少睡眠时间，新的作息时间只会让他们睡更晚。睡眠时间不一定就增加了。
3，睡眠时间增加了academic skills就能提高？
主要的错误找的这么几个,但是时间不够了,所以也没写全.

In this argument, the editor suggests a new daily schedule for high schools to resolve sleep-deprived (很地道!) problems among their students. However, his suggestion is problematic in three ways.

First of all, from the survey (哪有survey?) presented the editor unfairly concludes that it is high school students who need more sleep. Although the survey is pointed to adolescents, what is the specific number of all the respondents? One hundred or ten thousands? Although开头的句子里面跟问句我不确定。 However, the term "many” is too vague to convince us that the survey is statistically reliable. In addition, what is the proportion of high school students in the overall people answering the survey? If more than ninety percent of the respondents consists of people who drop out of the? school and the young who have already entered the work force, (不知所云哦！adolescent去工作？违法吧？) then the implication of more sleep is needed by high school students based on the survey is doubtful.
题目分明是两个study，哪里有survey?
而且这种问句的方式如果后面不跟具体解释（比如用if…）的话是没有效果的=没展开.
你in addition后面倒是explain了一下，但你好像弄得文不对题了。是不是不是写的这个题目？

In addition (这里用个secondly，B3用in addition吧!), the editor unsubstantially assumes that students' dissatisfaction with their academic performance results from their inadequate sleep, which is not necessarily the case. In fact, there are maybe (might be是不是好些？) a myriad of factors leading to their dissatisfaction, such as difficulty in communication with teachers and other students, too much time spent with their boyfriends and girl friends, peer pressure coming from fierce competition, awkward teaching +skills of faculty members, and classroom or library facilities (建议重新用adj修饰), each may cause poor school performance. What is more, these students may be ones (换those) who are very strict with themselves: however excellent their performance is, they never satisfy.最后一句要说个人的satisfaction与实际的performance不是同一的，但表达的不是很到位。

Even if we confess that high school students need more sleep, whether the recommended school schedule will effectively combat (换solve) this problem is open to question. The new arrangement of school hours is actually they might still have to go to bed one hour later than do now. +In other words, the actual amount of time spent on sleep is never changed. In this sense, to give more sleep hours to their students, high schools, instead adopt (of adopting) the suggested daily schedule, need to shorten the school hours, or lessen the homework burdens on students.

As sleep problem may be just one of various factors important for school performance, and high school students might not benefit from the new school timetable, this argument is unconvincing.

总结一下：
1．B1稀里糊涂，严重警告。
2．并列结构使用有问题，见B2。
3．B3里面的转接、过渡需加强。
4．结尾是不是短了点？但我不确定。A我没经验，这篇算试拍。

我可能有说得不对的地方，仅供参考！

[ Last edited by bridgewalker on 2005-8-10 at 20:30 ]

meautoUID: 2116250

study是看错了,ten thousnd没有问题
第2段里面我想指出两个错误:
1,回应调查的人可能很少
2,即使回应调查的人很多
这里面高中生的比例我们不知道
违法的问题倒真要考虑看看
不知道老美的高中是不是义务教育,不是的话可能有上不起学的人.

其他的我都收下了:)