issue150 8月下旬组

95221740UID: 2118079

150"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

The author asserts above that tourism will soon become obsolete because people can get all information from television and web instead of tourism. However, I disagree with his opinion that tourism can not be displaced ultimately because we can feel happy and meet some need by practice tourism, not by just looking at TV or computer.

Although we can get some information about different places around the world by television and worldwide computer connections, pictures and views in TV are already different with real view. On one hand, admittedly fast development communication provide us more ways to learn one place instead of tourism, however these information such as pictures are still not enough to learn this place wholly and all-sided. And in some cases, words can not explain the nature of culture of one place well. Just through our visiting on this place, we can really know the grandness of Great Wall and the Imperial Palace in China. On the other hand, television and www just provide some information most people want to know. At some times, they can’t meet peoples’ interest because  it is rare. It is also possible that one people want to know the origin of names of some buildings in one place which are hardly found on web or TV, however, we can easily get this information by asking the people living in this place.

Pictures or information people get from web or TV may incite people to visit these places. Taking Palace du Lovre as an example. There are thousands of invaluable and classic arts and sculptures in Palace du Louvre. People can get pictures or introducing of some of these arts in webs or TV. If they want to enjoy these arts nearly or some other not showed on screen , tourist to Palace du Louvre is needed.  Another example is Gold coast. To enjoy sunshine on beach millions people every year go to this place , most of which are incited by the view on TV or web.

The purpose of people traveling is not only to enjoy beautiful scenery in these places, but also to learn different culture in the world. How to learn culture in one place? Just by looking at pictures? The answer is of course no. To learn the culture of one place, we need to talk with indigenes, hear the songs they sing , experience the life what they have, and so on. We also can listen stories about the heroes in this country or nation to learn this nation better and deeper than before. So that without the face-to-face connection, no one can get the latter aim of traveling and tourism can not be obsolete.

To sum up, admittedly people can become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited by television and computer , however what they got form TV and web is not all-sided and may lack aspects in which some people are interested. One purpose of visiting also decide that tourism will not soon become obsolete. And Tourism are not displaced by communicating on web or by TV, oppositely , more and more people are incited by what they saw on screen to travel these places.

one way streetUID: 194590

The author asserts above that tourism will soon become obsolete because people can get all information [/u]（作者好像题目理解的有点过分了吧，题目是说使人们熟悉，而不是获得所有的信息啊！）from television and web instead of tourism. However, I disagree with his opinion that tourism can not be displaced ultimately because we can feel happy [/u]（感觉说的太泛了，怎么happy啊？稍微具体一点会更好）and meet some need by practice tourism, not by just looking at TV or computer.

Although we can get some information about different places around the world by television and worldwide computer connections, pictures and views in TV are already （这个词用在这里不对啊！建议在开头或结尾用一个after all）different with(from) real view. On one hand, admittedly fast development communication provide us more ways to learn one place instead of tourism, however these information such as pictures are still not enough to learn this place wholly and all-sided. And in some cases, words can not explain the nature of culture of one place well. Just through our visiting on this place(建议改为just we visit this place personally), we can really know the grandness of Great Wall and the Imperial Palace in China. On the other hand, television and www just provide some information most people want to know. At some times(sometimes), they can’t meet peoples’ interest because  it is rare. (这句话是要表示什么意思？)It is also possible that one people want to know the origin of names of some buildings in one place which are hardly found on web or TV, however, we can easily get this information by asking the people living in this place. 看完这段话，第一个感觉就是没有主题句，这么长一段话读者读完以后提炼不出一个主题句。第二个感觉就是这段话欠条理，建议注意信号词的使用。第三个感觉是论证比较局限，翻来覆去都是说电视和网络无法给人们更加真实的感觉，而且主要集中在picture上面，论证有些单调吧！第四就是句式有点单一，建议多使用一些从句和强调句。

Pictures or information people get from web or TV may incite people to visit these places. Taking Palace du Lovre as an example. There are thousands of invaluable and classic arts and sculptures in Palace du Louvre. People can get pictures or introducing of some of these arts in webs or TV. If they want to enjoy these arts nearly or some other not showed on screen , tourist to Palace du Louvre is needed.  Another example is Gold coast. To enjoy sunshine on beach millions people every year go to this place , most of which are incited by the view on TV or web.这段话的2个例子选择不错，但作者要是进一步阐明这2个地方的独特之处以及实地参观这些地方的必要性，将会更有说服力。

The purpose of people traveling is not only to enjoy beautiful scenery in these places, but also to learn different culture in the world.（很明确的总结） How to learn culture in one place? Just by looking at pictures?（难道电视和网络就只能给人们提供图片吗？其他的信息比如酒店，旅游公司，游览路线，风味特产等也是很有用的，这里论证的范围太窄了） The answer is of course no（not）. To learn the culture of one place, we need to talk with indigenes, hear the songs they sing , experience the life what they have, and so on. We also can listen stories about the heroes in this country or nation to learn this nation better and deeper than before. So 去掉that without the face-to-face connection, no one can get the latter aim of traveling and tourism can not be obsolete.我感觉最后一句说的太绝对了。有些地方通过电视和网络的了解后也许就没有参观的必要了，比如雪山，沼泽，海底什么的，因为not available,而大多数地方还是很有必要亲身体验的。建议作者这样写比较好。

To sum up, admittedly people can become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited by television and computer , however what they got form from TV and web is not all-sided and may lack aspects in which some people are interested. One purpose of visiting also decide that tourism will not soon become obsolete(这句话说得很突兀，考虑一下如何与上下文衔接). And Tourism are not displaced by communicating on web or by TV, oppositely , more and more people are incited by what they saw on screen to travel these places. 结尾总结还是很周全的，点明了主题，也总结了全文。

文章主题很明确，但是逻辑关系不是很明显，我想这主要是由于各段缺乏能够提纲挈领的句子，前面的论证范围有点局限，影响了后面论证的展开。另外，作者的语言表达有待加强，很多地方用词不准确。

个人意见，欢迎讨论！:)

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