ISSUE150 互拍啊(治学要严谨)

阿择菜UID: 2110339

Issue150  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分55秒     569 words
从2005年7月10日23时58分到2005年7月11日0时44分
------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
提纲::

1.T,I可以促进旅游的发展..
2.旅游不能使我们熟悉某个地方,只有亲身经历,才可以深切感受
3.旅游的目的是在工作劳累之时的放松调节, 可以提高工作效率,而且还可以促进家庭的和睦.
------正文------
With the development of the society, the TV and internet are popular in the world. They provide much information for us, such as the landscape, popular song, art, education, sports, and so on. Take the landscape for an example, the information from the TV and Internet have us access to someplace although we don't get to.

Nowadays, TV and Internet is necessary for our daily life, and take our wide view for us. Accordingly, our curiosity is enlightened by the introduction for some beautiful and mystic place, or some grand architecture. TV and Internet impulse us know the world especially for someplace we have not got to before. If we want to visit someplace, we also get much information from the TV or Internet. For example, if we want to visit the rain forest in Brazil, we can search for the flight for Brazil from US, and watch the whole view of the forest, have also acquaintance of the weather. Thus, we can decide to what we will wear, when we are going to visit, what we will take. If no introduction of the rainforest, such as wearing thick clothes, it is hard to think the feelings. The pleasing  tour will be affected by the local environment. However, The information brought from TV and Internet solves this problem, it also provide our pleased feelings when we are to tour.

Nevertheless, in spite of  TV and internet could bring us many different views and depict the vivid landscape, introduce the local culture and custom, we fail to be familiar with the place and feel it. The image and is quite different from feelings. Only when you go to some place in person, you'll feel the natural beauty. Also, if tour-leader goes with us, we also get much knowledge. Such as the Banff in Canada, in which the water in the river is all blue, distinct from water of other places is an attractive landscape. The ice mountain is covered by the snow. The air gives us a pleasing feelings. It's cool but enlighten our passion.  When we are walking in Banff, the blue water gives us a elegance feeling, the white ice brings us quiet feeling. It is impossible to suffer the distinct feelings only from TV and Internet.  Therefore, tourism is impossible to be taken place by TV and Internet.

Moreover, the goal of tourism is not only to appreciate the views and meet our curiosity. In other words, tourism could relax ourselves and promote our family affection. As the pressure increasing in our work, When we are tired , the tour is one of relaxing ways. In recent years, the tourist is a popular trend in the world. The company, such as IBM company, the workers may be organized to have a tour for some place. In this way, the positivity of workers is encouraged. It is known that relaxing is served for better work. In addition, when you have a tour for someplace, you may take your wife and child together. The child gets much knowledge out of the book, furthermore, you can get your family more harmonization than before, maybe your life and child love you more. In short, we can benefit from the tour.

In sum, the trend of tourism is increasing, rather than obsolete. Also tour increase colors for our daily life.  So, TV and  internet  are  impossible to take it place completely.

[ Last edited by 阿择菜 on 2005-8-11 at 15:18 ]

ahqiuUID: 207682

With the development of the society, the TV and internet are popular in the world. They provide much information for us, such as the landscape, popular song, art, education, sports, and so on. Take the landscape for an example, the information from the TV and Internet have（make） us access to someplace although we don't get to.（开头要表明态度哈，不知你是什么态度，背景介绍一堆，没用）

Nowadays, TV and Internet is(are) necessary for our daily life, and take our wide view for us. （主题句太过于笼统了，一般说了necessary的话，最好用定语从句说一下原因，其他的形容词也一样）Accordingly, our curiosity is enlightened by the introduction for some beautiful and mystic place, or some grand architecture. TV and Internet impulse us know the world especially for someplace we have not got to before. If we want to visit someplace, we also get much information from the TV or Internet. For example, if we want to visit the rain forest in Brazil, we can search for the flight for Brazil from US, and watch the whole view of the forest, have also acquaintance of the weather.(acquaintance 只能用于人，好像) Thus, we can decide to what we will wear, when we are going to visit, what we will take. If no introduction of the rainforest, such as wearing thick clothes, it is hard to think the feelings. The pleasing  tour will be affected by the local environment. However, The information brought from TV and Internet solves this problem, it also provide our pleased feelings when we are to tour.（观点表达不明确，既然说TV和Internet的好处为了方便旅游，为什么不在主题句体现呢， 注意题目说的是TV减少了旅游，是不是没怎么扣题）
Nevertheless, in spite of  TV and internet could bring us many different views and depict the vivid landscape, introduce the local culture and custom, we fail to be familiar with the place and feel it.(有点Chingish, 旅游的好处仅仅在于familiar?这个观点不够insightful) The image and is quite different from feelings. Only when you go to some place in person, you'll （缩写不能用）feel the natural beauty.（scenery） Also, if tour-leader goes with us, we also get much knowledge. Such as the Banff in Canada, in which the water in the river is all blue, distinct from water of other places is an attractive landscape. The ice mountain is covered by the snow(TV上面也是这样). The air gives us a pleasing feelings. It's cool but enlighten our passion.  When we are walking in Banff, the blue water gives us a elegance feeling, the white ice brings us quiet feeling. It is impossible to suffer the distinct feelings only from TV and Internet.  Therefore, tourism is impossible to be taken place by TV and Internet.（这段遇上一段存在转折吗，我不懂，你前一段没有说obsolete啊）语言不够生动，论证无力
可能是限时的原因呵呵
Moreover, the goal of tourism is not only to appreciate the views and meet our curiosity. In other words, tourism could relax ourselves and promote our family affection.（哪个是TS，后面一句与前一句出入也太大了吧，这不是in other words） As the pressure increasing in our work, When we are tired , the tour is one of relaxing ways. In recent years, the tourist is a popular trend in the world. The company, such as IBM company, the workers may be organized to have a tour for some place. In this way, the positivity of workers is encouraged.（通常用morale has been raised） It is known that relaxing is served for better work. In addition, when you(怎么能换着人称写，改成they,记住了，不可以) have a tour for someplace, you may take your wife and child together. The child gets much knowledge out of the book, furthermore, you can get your family more harmonization than before, maybe your life and child love you more. In short, we can benefit from the tour.

In sum, the trend of tourism is increasing, rather than obsolete. Also tour increase colors for our daily life.  So, TV and  internet  are  impossible to take it place completely.
结尾比较扣题，
我限时写的时候结尾就一句话，呵呵
从全文来看，内容很散，没有很好的强调你的观点，大的思路是有的，不过每一段的论证都不够insightful,注意围绕一个中心展开，这很重要，TS也很重要，没有绝对的把握不要用necessary,这种adj,来开头，很容易让人挑到毛病，自己给自己找麻烦，不知道我说清楚没有哈，加油吧，看看别人的文章的组织

ahqiuUID: 207682

我的受累看一下
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

阿择菜UID: 2110339

多谢指正!!~~

本来是先想交个作业,写完后根本也就没怎么改,除了拼写...

首先我觉得TS不一定非要在头一句显示出来,我喜欢先用一句话过渡一下..

其次我的语言表达欠缺,练的还少,有些东西明白但是表达不清,还是要多改多练的