issue41 G89 8月高频！8。14号改第三遍了~~~快疯了。。。。。

mvpzhuangUID: 205051

恩 大家都加油哈
以后互相互拍哈

mvpzhuangUID: 205051

认真重写了  
真诚求拍！！:handshake

mvpzhuangUID: 205051

自己顶一下！！

mvpzhuangUID: 205051

再顶！！

polymathUID: 179557

The dispute about what role and how and how去掉！多余！the non-mainstream areas, such as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits, plays in today's society lasts so longso long 什么意思哦！太CHINISH！. I concede that those areas still play some roles now, but I do not agree with the speaker's assertion that they play certain vital roles. 开头怎么看，怎么别扭！

No one can deny that those non-mainstream areas contributed so much to the ancient society and some of the contributions are still useful today. Although non-mainstreams, most of which are not correct as we see today, they bring ancestors the way and system to thought and to solve 不要用2个and连接2个主语，加2个谓语的句子，很容易出错，而且意思不明确！their curious problems. They are, in some extent, satisfied ancestors' curiosities and demands to acknowledge 意思不对吧？承认吗？knowthe world. Additionally, those non-mainstreams often play an important role to help rulers establishing, managing, stabilizing and developing their countries. Many historical reports can prove that many people who want to turn over a dynasty would turn to astrology, fortune-telling, for example, to convince common people to help them. Moreover, many things commonly used today were reformed based on those non-mainstreams' invention. Such as the calendar, whose forerunner was invented based on ancient research of astrology. 这一段讲非主流的存在价值，分析的比较好！

With increasing in people's curiosities and demands for unknown areas, the non-mainstreams can not satisfy people and the flaw-full自己造的吧？ non-mainstreams was suspected by more and more people. Gradually, a completely new system-science-不用加短线吧！ had founded, which can satisfy people's needs in much larger spectrum. Science gives us more credible, authentic and rational way to acknowledge our world, and becoming the ruler and basis of today's world.这一段是过渡段吗？还行！

Now, in the science-ruleruled world, non-mainstreams also play some roles such as comfort painful people and encourage disappointed ones. First, non-mainstreams, like paranormal pursuits, can give the people who lost parents, close friends, or true lovers真的情人？;P comfort and ease themselves这个好像不当！主语弄错了！你可以说help someone who，这样后面才能用themselves by considering that they can talk to the dead person. Second, fortune-telling can sometimes courage and give hopes to disappointed person, like the one who faces bankruptcy, by telling themthe one 是单数！ that everything will become alright in the future. All above-mentioned can prove the function non-mainstreams acted.

Admittedly, those non-mainstreams have something to do with today's society, however, we should have a clear view point和view意思重复！ that the role non-mainstreams played today is quite different from that of the past: people in the past consider the non-mainstreams as truth and correct ones that they believe in them, while people nowadays just consider them as a carrier to shift the choose and decision burdens which are caused by today's serious competitions and hard pressures. Rational people will not rely on those non-mainstreams but take on responsibilities to their actions.

It is surely that non-mainstreams cannot take place of science. For one thing, non-mainstreams may sometimes do harm to people. Those who run after non-mainstreams and over-believing them would lost their intellect and fighting will and cause distort in mental and severities which may damage the world. For anotherthing为什么省掉了？, the non-mainstreams which were 去掉！based on unverified predictions are no longer believed simply by modern people most of who believe in science as it is based on credible, reliable and verified researches.

To sum up, unless science developed to the degree that can solve all the problems given by people and satisfy people's needs, such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits will not disappear completely. However, the functions that those non-mainstreams act nowadays are not that vital as speaker asserts. Moreover, the role of those non-mainstreams will be famed away by science.最后一句话不懂？:confused:
跟之前的观点不同了。。。。
希望大家给点意见！！！

总评：觉得你修改后的文章没有跑题，但是缺乏条理，组织挺乱的！一会谈non-mainstream areas 的好处，一会又说它不行，不重要！感觉就想偶的一句名言：打一棒子，给个甜果。如果ETS看了你的作文一定苦笑不得！;P再把段落重新安排一下！可以先写它发挥的作用以及存在的必要性，然后来个However,强调它的作用是有限的嘛！就 这么多了！更正吧！:)

mvpzhuangUID: 205051

又改了  5555
怎么还是这么烂阿

steven1984UID: 206443

你好认真阿
本来打算现在开始看argu
那就帮你看看吧

steven1984UID: 206443

看了一下，有些写得不错，但还是有问题

The dispute about what role the non-mainstream areas, such as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits, play in today's society lasts long(没这样表达把). I concede that those areas still play some roles now, but their functions are not as such significant as the speaker asserts.（最好在具体化一点，将下面的内容进行一下总结，如果是时间紧，套模板无可厚非）
我简单写了一下，你看看吧
These nonmainstream areas play a particular role from the inception of human civilization.Their main role of prediction and supernatural communication, which satisfy the curiosity of human being, can help people complete some task and comfort those in depression. Beyond the concession, however, we should keep in mind that it is the mainstream science that plays a vital role in society and this assertion is more or less exaggerating the importance of nonmainstream areas.

No one can deny that those non-mainstream areas contributed so much to the ancient society and some of the contributions are still useful today. Although non-mainstreams, most of which are not correct as we see today, they bring ancestors the way to thought and to solve their curious problems. They are, in some extent, satisfied ancestors curiosities and demands to acknowledge the world. Additionally, those non-mainstreams often play an important role to help rulers establishing, managing, stabilizing and developing their countries. Many historical reports can prove that many people who want to turn over a dynasty would turn to astrology, fortune-telling, for example, to convince common people to help them. Moreover, many things commonly used today were reformed based on those non-mainstreams' invention. Such as the calendar, whose forerunner was invented based on ancient research of astrology.

Now, in the science-rule world, non-mainstreams also play some roles such as comfort painful people and encourage disappointed ones. First, non-mainstreams, like paranormal pursuits, can give the people who lost parents, close friends, or true lovers comfort and ease themselves by considering that they can talk to the dead person. (这个例子举的不错)Second, fortune-telling can sometimes courage and give hopes to disappointed person, like the one who face bankruptcy, by telling them that everything will become alright in the future. All above-mentioned can prove the function non-mainstreams acted. （实际上占卜先生不一定都这么善良把）

Admittedly, those non-mainstreams have something to do with today's society, however, we should have a clear view point that the role non-mainstreams played today is quite different from that of the past: people in the past consider the non-mainstreams as truth and correct ones that they believe in them, while people nowadays just consider them as a carrier to shift the choose and decision burdens which are caused by today's serious competitions and hard pressures. Rational people will not rely on those non-mainstreams but take on responsibilities to their actions.

With increasing in people's curiosities and demands for unknown areas, the non-mainstreams can not satisfy people and the problematic non-mainstreams was suspected by more and more people. Gradually, a completely new system-science- had founded, which can satisfy people's needs in much larger spectrum. Science gives us more credible, authentic and rational way to acknowledge our world, and becoming the ruler and basis of today's world. Moreover, it is surely that non-mainstreams cannot take place of science. For one thing, non-mainstreams may sometimes do harm to people. Those who run after non-mainstreams and over-believing them would lost their intellect and fighting will and cause distort in mental and severities which may damage the world. For another, the non-mainstreams which were based on unverified predictions are no longer believed simply by modern people most of who believe in science as it is based on credible, reliable and verified researches.（这一段有问题，觉得你的可能跟我的不一样，其实如果人们越发好奇的话，他们通常该更会去求助那些神秘主义的东西吧，正是科学认识得不完善性才使得这些神秘主义的东西有其用武之地的八，只有科学越进步，越理性，才能使人们看到神秘主义的荒谬）

To sum up, unless science developed to the degree that can solve all the problems given by people and satisfy people's needs, such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits will not disappear completely. However, the functions that those non-mainstreams act nowadays are not that vital as speaker asserts. Moreover, the role of those non-mainstreams will be famed away by science.

[ Last edited by steven1984 on 2005-8-15 at 01:12 ]

iamfeatherUID: 202850

不要害怕啊，我写那么烂都不怕，呵呵，加油哦:victory: