argument145 泡面组8/15，求拍闭回

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Argument145  
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
The author concludes that anyone who snores should eat less and exercise more than ordinary person. To support his claim, he introduces a survey that shows that those who snore are easier to gain weight than those who do not snore.  He also asserts that the sleep apnea caused by snoring wakes people and makes them too tired during the day to exercise. After carefully analyzing the argument of the author, I find that there are several flaws in this article.

Firstly, the author only gives us the result of the an new survey but no any clear data. Then ,its statistical reliability is doubtable. Who participated this new survey and how many? What are they? Also, how many of them responded the survey? Can they represent the whole people? All the answers of these questions are unknown. It is entirely possible that only few people in a certain company take part in the survey. Thus, the result cannot convince us owing to the skeptical survey.

Secondly, author thinks many people who snore suffer the sleep apnea at night. However, there is no evidence to show that assumption.  Sleep apnea may be not aroused by the snore. It is probably that ordinary people also have this condition when sleeping. Furthermore, the author hasn’t showed us the assurance that all the people who snore suffer the sleep apnea. Therefore, the explanation of the sleep apnea still remains testifying.

Thirdly, there is a contradiction in the author's claim. That is author assert that the interruption of breathing wakes people, but it is too briefly to be noticed. Since people cannot notice the condition, how can they be waken by it? Even if they are really waked, only several seconds will make them feel very tired during the day? Perhaps those people just stayed up all the night, which cause feel very tired. Although they are not tired during the day, will they go to exercise? It is entirely possible for some people that they have not enough time to exercise due to their busy work. Hence, it is very hard for us to evaluate the author's contention without evidence.

Finally, the author makes another assumption that those who snore should do more exercise and eat less.  The conclusion is based on what the author has argued before. Yet, the argument before possibly  cannot stand. As a result, the conclusion is nonsense. Even the argument before works, eating less and exercising more hasn't been justified to preventing gain weight. It is probably harmful to people's health. It may arise some negative influence.

In sum, the author's argument is not persuaded.  To strengthen it the author must provide more detailed data about the survey to show its reliability and the scientific definition and explanation of the so-called sleep apnea. Also, we appreciate to get more information about how tired would be if a person suffers the sleep apnea.

skylovUID: 209137

argument145 泡面组8/15，求拍闭回

Argument145  
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
The author concludes that anyone who snores should eat less and exercise more than ordinary person. To support his claim, he introduces a survey that shows that those who snore are easier to gain weight than those who do not snore.  He also asserts that the sleep apnea caused by snoring wakes people and makes them too tired during the day to exercise. After carefully analyzing the argument of the author, I find that there are several flaws in this article.

Firstly, the author only gives us the result of the an(删) new survey but no any(删) clear data. Then ,its statistical reliability is doubtable. Who participated (in) this new survey and how many? What are they?(删) Also, how many of them(what portion of them) responded the survey? Can they represent the whole people? All the answers of these questions are unknown. It is entirely possible that only few people in a certain company take part in the survey. Thus, the result cannot convince us owing to the skeptical survey.
想了一个反例～～有可能是胖人容易打呼而不是打呼容易张胖～后来想象胖人似乎也该少吃多运动～～卡卡～～头大～～不知能不能在这里用．
Secondly,(the)author thinks(assumes) many people who snore suffer the sleep apnea at night. However, there is no evidence to show that assumption.  Sleep apnea may be not aroused by the snore. It is probably that ordinary people also have this condition when sleeping. Furthermore, the author hasn’t showed us the assurance that all the people who snore suffer the sleep apnea. Therefore, the explanation of the sleep apnea still remains testifying.既然很短暂难以察觉，作者是怎么判断是睡着还是醒着呢？又可能普通人也会有这种短暂，只是因为不打呼感觉不出来。觉得说到位比较好

Thirdly, there is a contradiction in the author's claim. That is author assert that the interruption of breathing wakes people, but it is too briefly to be noticed. Since people cannot notice the condition, how can they be waken by it（这个驳的有点骗了～～个人感觉～～因为察觉不到是指大脑思维不是清醒的情况下发生的而已，而思维身体的休息状机理可能已经被破坏了）? Even if they are really waked, only several seconds will make them feel very tired during the day（这不是疑问句．．．）? Perhaps those people just stayed up all the night, which cause (them) feel very tired. Although（过多的让步只会成为使你论据不成立的暗示而已） they are not tired(exhausted) during the day, will they go to exercise?(这个好象又偏了把～～作者只是说应该而不是必须～～就想我说我应该每天在这发２篇稿改２篇，可事实上我没有足够时间，只是成立的～～没必要驳啊) It is entirely possible for some people that they have not enough time to exercise due to their busy work. Hence, it is very hard for us to evaluate the author's contention without evidence.


Finally, the author makes another assumption that those who snore should do more exercise and eat less.  The conclusion is based on what the author has argued before． Yet, the argument before possibly  cannot stand. As a result, the conclusion is nonsense..(删) Even the argument(???这句好象有点问题呀，是说少吃多运动不一定就可以减肥吗？) before works, eating less and exercising more hasn't been justified to preventing gain weight. It is probably harmful to people's health. It may arise some negative influence.
这段谈的有点空，有些对你论证没帮助的句子．可以举些反例，有可能这些胖人原来就运动却没有效果，（而这种累就是因为少吃多运动而引起的），我乐意见到更多材料证明他们之前没有进行过这种尝试（或运动有效果的任何证据）．

In sum, the author's argument is not persuaded.  To strengthen it the author must provide more detailed data about the survey to show its reliability and the scientific definition and explanation（那么多and呀） of the so-called sleep apnea. Also, we appreciate to get more information about how tired (it) would be if a person suffers the sleep apnea.
语言还需注意，第五段没有用的话过多导致谈的有点空，第四段建议重写，其他很好～～
西西～～好困～～拍狠了多见凉= =|||
我不行了～～去睡了～～大家加油

[ Last edited by skylov on 2005-8-16 at 02:51 ]

硬柿子UID: 204138

很好~~就是要狠狠地拍~~这样才有进步~~~你们也要狠拍我的拉~~~;)