chandler/joey-------traped written by cress

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Still listening at the door, Monica said, "Hey. It's three in the morning. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you know, people can be so self-involved."

Seeing as the necessary sarcastic reply had been made already, Chandler groaned and sat on the bed, trying again to get his thoughts off his hunger. Everyone had tried to eat the Waxine earlier, but Chandler had not been able to stomach much of it, and the tempting smell of pizza in the living room hadn't helped.

Joey said in his own defense, "See, I'm not the only one who says stuff like that. Man, I'm getting so bored of listening to them fight. Why can't I talk about me coming up with a new walk, huh?"

Phoebe sighed and admitted, "I'm worried that I'll get into trouble at the massage parlor because I missed that 9:00 appointment tonight. What kind of excuse am I gonna give them when I show up for work tomorrow? Like, 'Oh, two of my friends were fighting all night and I got trapped listening to them.' Jasmine might care, but Mrs. Potter probably won't."

As he listened to her, Chandler realized something. "Hey, we've been in here for eight hours now! We've been in here for the equivalent of a whole workday!"

The others quickly hushed him, but apparently it didn't matter, because Ross and Rachel just kept fighting in living room, unaware of their friends trapped in Monica's bedroom.

Chandler groaned and lay back on the bed. "How come they're not tired and talked out yet? Why don't they leave and go somewhere to cool off, huh? I mean, Joey caught Janice cheating on me with Gary, and I didn't confront her about it for hours at a time."


Monica said, "That's different. It was just a kiss--"

"It was two kisses!" Chandler corrected her.

"Fine, it was two kisses with her almost ex-husband, who by the way was the father of her child. They had a history there, and besides, you and Janice were only together for a few months, and it certainly wasn't on your anniversary night that she cheated."

Chandler snorted. "But Janice was always telling me how horrible Gary was, and how I was her soulmate." He got emotional at the memory. "And how we were movie love."

"Aw." Phoebe hugged him and they started to hum Lionel Richie's "Endless Love" together.

"Not again!" Joey went over and grabbed Chandler by the shoulders. "I thought you were over her."

Chandler shrugged and turned away, feeling another pang of hunger. "I wish I at least had some gum in my pockets, or a pencil. Just something to chew on." Or actually, a cigarette would be good too. If only he had a pack on him.

"Chandler!" Monica complained. "You're making us all hungry again. Come on, let's just all stop talking and go to sleep. Maybe they'll be done by the time we wake up."

"Okay."

After some negotiation, Monica and Phoebe got into the bed together, and they gave the guys some blankets and pillows in order to sleep on the floor. So Chandler and Joey laid out the bedding, then Chandler went behind Monica's changing screen to get undressed.

Chandler stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, folding up his other clothes so that he could put them aside on a chair. He was nervous, though, about what the women would say when they saw him that much undressed. He once wore some spandex jogging shorts in front of Monica, and she gave him such a mocking look that he went back and changed into sweats instead.

Joey on the other hand wasn't embarrassed or insecure about his body at all, but he waited for Chandler to get done because the women insisted that he not strip in front of them.

Chandler hesitantly came out, holding his folded up clothes in front of him, then he went to his spot on the floor and laid down under the blanket.

Joey stripped behind the screen too, then turned out the lights in the room before he joined Chandler on the floor.

They could all still hear Rachel and Ross going at it in the living room, but they closed their eyes and tried to ignore it.

Chandler still craved a cigarette, though, and he realized that Ross and Rachel's seemingly endless fight was similar to the awful fights that his own parents had during their bitter divorce. He hoped that Ross and Rachel would work things out, but they didn't seem to be making much progress.

Joey was restless too, but for a different reason. He was used to sleeping naked, and he couldn't sleep with his underwear on. Maybe if he just wriggled out of his shorts underneath the blanket, no one would know.

However, Chandler noticed Joey starting to wriggle under his blanket. "What are you doing?"

Joey whispered back, "I can't sleep in my underwear."

Chandler groaned and turned away. "Good luck if Monica catches you naked in the morning."

"What are you guys whispering about?" Monica said from the bed.

"Nothing!" they answered.

After a moment of silence, Joey moved nearer to Chandler and asked softly, "Is it just me, or are you imagining them doing stuff up there too?"

"Joey!" But he had to admit that a lesbian fantasy did take his mind off his hunger, as well as his craving for a cigarette.

Joey kept whispering into Chandler's ear, almost in a hiss, "It would be really hot if they hugged or kissed..."

Chandler closed his eyes and gulped.

Joey continued painting an erotically charged picture, then added, "It'd be hot if we were all in a group or something, too."

"We?" Chandler answered faintly.

"Yeah, you, me, and them. We could have a lot of fun together. Hey, remember when we talked about having a threesome with Chloe?"

Chandler nodded and blushed. "But we didn't. She wasn't serious."

"I know, and she was so boring at that dance club. Man, I can't believe she went after Ross instead!"

"Yeah. It was bad for everybody." Chandler briefly wondered whether he and Joey ought to have watched Ross more closely and tried harder to send him home to Rachel that night.

Joey was pensive for a while too, then he ventured quietly, "You, uh, you think we could still have a threesome maybe?"

"Huh?" Chandler was shocked. "With who?"

Joey shrugged and nuzzled his neck. "I don't know. Maybe one of Phoebe's hot friends from her birthday party. Some of them were pretty cool and they had stuff pierced too."

As Chandler tried to remember details about Phoebe's many eccentric friends, he felt Joey becoming distinctly aroused behind him. Yep, Joey definitely wasn't wearing any shorts anymore. Chandler started to turn around and warn Joey not to get so close to him, possibly even push him away if he had to.

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Joey seemed to mistake Chandler's intention, though, for when Chandler faced him, Joey leaned in and kissed his lips.

Chandler was stunned. He noticed a sugary taste on Joey's lips, probably from the Waxine.

Joey closed his eyes and pulled Chandler into his arms. "Mmm, you're hot too." He pressed their groins together.

Chandler realized that he was indeed still aroused, even though he had another guy's erection pressed against him. Strange. And yet, he didn't pull away from Joey, and in fact he now leaned close to return the kiss.

Joey shifted their blankets so that they were underneath one blanket together, and he kissed Chandler more deeply.

Chandler moaned faintly as Joey's tongue slipped into his mouth and he slid his arms around Joey too. They kissed passionately and pressed against the foot of Monica's bed as their legs tangled together.

They were finally startled out of their sensual daze by raised voices in the living room. Ross and Rachel were fighting loudly again.

"No Ross!" Rachel said suddenly and firmly, "Don't! You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just make it better, okay?"

"Okay," Ross answered and searched for some other approach that he hadn't tried already on this long, very emotional night.

Meanwhile, Chandler and Joey realized what they were doing, and they abruptly separated, feeling very confused.

Above them on the bed, Monica and Phoebe had evidently woken up, because they commented, "Oh no, not again," and "I wish they'd stop."

Joey scrambled to put on his underwear again, while Chandler turned away and tried to will his erection to go down. What was he thinking, making out with Joey like that? He wound up having to just wrap the blanket around himself and hope that holding his folded clothes in front of his groin would hide it.

Joey had to resort to similar measures, for he remained fairly aroused as well.

Monica crawled across the bed and looked down at them curiously. "What are you guys doing?"

"Nothing!" they answered in a panic.

"Shh!" she hushed them.

Still blushing, Chandler stammered quietly, "We just, we just woke up too."

Phoebe went to the door to listen more carefully to Ross and Rachel. "I think I hear them crying now," she said.

Worried, they all strained to hear the argument, though Joey and Chandler had other things on their minds and remained nervous around each other.

They heard Rachel speak through her tears, "No. I can't, you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing you with her, I can't. It doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever."

Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler all felt the terrible finality in her words.

Ross cried, "Yeah, but this can't be it, I mean--"

Rachel answered, "Then how come it is?"
After a while, everything went quiet again, and Phoebe thought she heard the front door open and close, but couldn't be sure. The group finally ventured to peek out of the bedroom door, and they saw Rachel asleep on the couch, but Ross was no longer there.

So Joey and Chandler grabbed their clothes and hurried to leave. Phoebe waved goodbye to everyone and started to go, while Monica put a blanket over Rachel.

Joey walked very strangely, all hunched over. Chandler suspected that he knew the reason for this posture, but did not want to draw attention to it by commenting.

However, Phoebe asked Joey, "Is that your new walk?"

Both Joey and Chandler froze uncomfortably. Joey finally whispered an excuse, "No, uh, I just really have to pee." He hurried out the front door with Chandler following after him.

They were relieved to be in their own apartment again, but Joey apparently did have to pee, because he immediately went into their bathroom.

Chandler realized that he needed to pee, too, so he nervously sat down on one of the stools and waited for Joey to finish. He groaned and still couldn't believe what he and Joey had done. Did hunger and being trapped for several hours really affect their minds that much?

Joey finished and came out of the bathroom, but he blushed when he saw Chandler. "I, uh, I'm sorry about what happened--"

"Let's never speak of it again," Chandler answered firmly, then hopped off the stool and went into the bathroom too.

By the time that he finished, Joey had already gone to bed, so Chandler started to go to his bedroom too, but then there was a knock on the door.

When Chandler answered it, Phoebe was there.

"Can I stay the night on your couch? I don't wanna go all the way home at this time of night."

"Oh. Okay." Chandler let her inside and started to fold out the sofa-bed for her.

"Thanks," she said. "Oh, and Monica said that I should remind you guys to give back her blankets and stuff tomorrow."

"Oh, right. We still have those. Um, here, you want the blankets for tonight?" He went to retrieve the blanket he had wrapped around himself.

"Thank you," Phoebe said as she lay down on the sofa-bed. "Hey, you know what?" she giggled in a naughty manner, "I had the weirdest dream while we were sleeping in Monica's bedroom. I dreamed that you and Joey started, like, making out and stuff on the floor."

Chandler blanched and wondered if she had actually heard them kissing and moaning at the foot of the bed. He sincerely hoped that Monica hadn't heard them too.

"Good night," she said cheerfully.

"Good night." He anxiously retired to his bedroom and tried to get some sleep, but he remained restless and awake for a long while, still thinking about Joey.


***

The next morning, the guys were exhausted and still felt awkward around each other. Phoebe didn't notice anything wrong, though. She used their shower, then helped to fold the sofa-bed back in. Everyone was rather hungry too, so Joey cooked some eggs for breakfast.

Monica came to get back her blankets and to tell them how Rachel was doing. Then Ross dropped by to tell everyone of the breakup, not knowing that they knew already. Everything felt so strange now, as if the world had turned upside down.

The days following the breakup were tense and deeply unhappy. Ross and Rachel couldn't be in the same room together without arguing, and they competed over who had the right to hang out with which friends.

Chandler couldn't take how much this breakup reminded him of his parents' divorce, so he secretly bought a pack of cigarettes and started smoking again, just like when he was nine years old. He simply couldn't handle all the ugly fighting, much less the additional stress that he felt about having kissed Joey.

Everyone was angry and disapproving when they caught Chandler smoking again, but he insisted that it was the only way that he could cope.

They all tried to talk him into quitting, and Phoebe even threatened to make Chandler pay back her $7000 dollars from years ago, but he didn't care about the money. So they gave up in disgust. All they could do now was to make him smoke outside or near a window, hoping the inconvenience would discourage him from his filthy habit.

Everyone but Ross got invited on a ski trip to Rachel's sister's cabin in Poconos, but they all got stranded at a rest stop, because Phoebe hadn't put enough gas into her grandmother's cab. They ended up calling Ross for help, which led to another big fight when he arrived, but Phoebe finally told Ross and Rachel to learn how to be civil to each other, unless they wanted to completely wreck the group.

Ross and Rachel agreed to be civil, and the gang parted on better terms. When they arrived in Poconos, everyone unpacked their bags, then went skiing on the slopes. Chandler, however, kept sneaking away for a smoke.

Joey finally found Chandler smoking by a tree. "Chandler, come on!" he said. "Stop that. You're missing all the fun."

"I can't ski anyway," Chandler replied. "I get all out of breath at high altitudes."

Joey scoffed and grabbed the pack of cigarettes from him. "And you wonder why!"

"Hey, give that back!"

"No!" They struggled over the pack, and Joey also snatched the lit cigarette from Chandler's lips and tossed it into the snow, where it sizzled and went out.

"Noooo!" Chandler was very upset and tried to hit Joey hard, but they kept struggling, and he quickly got out of breath. He really did have the lung-capacity of a two-year old.

Joey was glad to have won the tussle, but he was concerned by Chandler's panting and shivering. "You're so cold. You better get inside. Come on." He helped Chandler up and led him back to the

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cabin.

Chandler tried to fight him, but it was useless. As they went inside and entered their shared bedroom in the cabin, he finally managed to gasp, "You guys shouldn't make me smoke outside, then."

"You shouldn't smoke!" Joey answered. "Come on, you're still shivering. You should get in bed." He started to help pull off Chandler's wet shoes and coat so that he could get underneath the warm blankets, but Chandler pulled away from him timidly and blushed.

"I can--I can undress myself."

Joey frowned and realized that he was remembering their recent kisses. "I'm sorry," he coughed nervously. "I'll--I'll get more blankets."

While Joey was gone, Chandler undressed and got into bed, but he was still shivering, and he desperately craved a cigarette. What had Joey done with that carton of cigarettes? Put it in his pocket, or thrown it away?

Joey returned and tucked Chandler underneath a few more layers of blankets. "You okay? You want some hot chocolate or something?"

"I want my cigarettes back."

"Chandler!"

"Please! I need them back, Joe. I can't quit cold turkey. I don't have any nicotine patches or gum here. Just let me get through this weekend, please?"

Joey reluctantly considered his argument. "Well, do you promise to quit when we get back to New York?"

Chandler shrugged. "I guess so. If Ross and Rachel don't start fighting all over again."

"If they do, then we'll get you the extra strength patch, or maybe not hang out with them for a while."

"Okay, okay! Just give me my cigarettes. Do you still have them?" He impatiently frisked Joey, searching for the carton in his pockets.

Joey pulled away from him. "Wait, you can only smoke outside, and you're still too cold to go back out there."

"So open a window or something. Please!"

Joey shook his head. "Not now. Let me get you some hot chocolate to warm you up first."

"No, I need a cigarette now!" Chandler desperately held onto Joey's coat to prevent him from leaving for the kitchen.

"Chandler!" He tried to relax Chandler's grasp on him.

"Please!"

"Just calm down."

"Joe, I--" He started coughing fitfully and had to let go.

Joey got worried and offered him some tissues, then lay him back against the bed and felt his forehead. "Are you sick? Maybe you've got a cold."

"No!" Chandler spoke through wheezing coughs, "I just need my cigarettes."

"No, Chandler," Joey pushed Chandler's hands away from him again. "You can hardly breathe now."

"Please!" He begged and tried to find another pocket in Joey's coat.

Joey grasped Chandler's hand and noticed how much it was trembling, whether from cold, a nicotine craving, or both. Joey entwined his fingers with Chandler's, then rubbed his other hand warm.

"Please," Chandler tried to sit up again.

Joey pushed him back down and leaned over him, trying to tuck him securely under the blankets. "It's gonna be okay."

Chandler begged hoarsely, "I need something in my hands, between my lips..."

Joey caressed Chandler's face and met his eyes. Though he knew it wasn't what Chandler meant, Joey recalled how they had recently kissed, and his tongue had slipped between Chandler's open lips. Getting caught up in the memory, he couldn't help pressing his lips against Chandler's again.

Chandler stopped struggling to get up, and his hands began to caress Joey's hands faintly. He closed his eyes and sighed raggedly.

Joey backed away and stared at Chandler, trying to decide whether to apologize and leave, or just stay here in this cozy embrace.

Chandler blinked and looked up into Joey's eyes intently, saying nothing. He just breathed hard and occasionally turned away to cough.

Joey offered him another tissue, then just sat near and watched him in silence. When Chandler recovered from his coughs, Joey tried to speak. "That night, when we--"

Unable to take the tension any longer, Chandler pulled Joey close for another kiss.

Joey looked surprised and amazed. "You--you want this?"

Chandler nodded and licked his lips, waiting.

Joey kissed him back, softly at first, but Chandler encouraged him to go deeper. They opened their mouths and tasted each other passionately. There was an unpleasant aftertaste of cigarettes on Chandler's breath, but he was a rather good kisser, which made up for it. After several heated kisses, Joey sank against Chandler on the bed. Then he stopped to pull off his coat and his shoes, with Chandler's eager assistance.

He soon got under the blankets with Chandler and they tangled their bodies together in the warm bed, much like they had done on Monica's floor just days ago.
Chandler was huffing and puffing considerably, though no longer just from cigarettes nor the altitude. He wanted Joey so much and could feel them both getting aroused again under the covers. Their combined body heat was enough that they started discarding their layers of sweaters, jeans, and socks.

Joey trailed kisses down Chandler's neck before teasing his nipples with his hot breath. Chandler shivered and ran his fingers through Joey's hair. "Joe. Ohhhhh."

"Chandler," he sighed, getting out of breath as well. They were sweating already and rubbing against each other for friction. Joey eased his knee between Chandler's thighs and wondered if Chandler would let him do more than that.

Chandler pulled Joey closer to him and whispered, "I can't--I can't breathe. You'll have to, to--" His fingers reverently caressed Joey's little general like a very big, and sexy, cigarette. "--be on top," he finished delicately.

Joey couldn't resist such an invitation, and he kissed Chandler eagerly. "I-I need some condoms, and some lube." He got out of bed and searched in his luggage for what they needed.

Chandler waited impatiently, watching Joey and thinking that he might, at some other time, like to taste Joey's erection in his mouth. Maybe they could do a sixty-nine, and maybe Chandler could even top Joey sometime. But all that would have to wait until they were back home in New York first, where Chandler could breathe easier.

Joey returned to the bed, shivering a little from his naked excursion. Chandler kissed him and rubbed all his goosebumps away, and Joey happily enjoyed this attention. Then he began to gently and teasingly pull apart Chandler's thighs.

Chandler was not afraid, and he welcomed Joey's warm, sensuous touch. He let out many little cries of excitement as Joey patiently made love to him more and more intimately with every moment. When Joey finally put a condom on and more lube, Chandler gasped and closed his eyes as Joey slowly entered him.

Then the pain abated and was replaced by a hot, tight pleasure that he'd never known before. Joey kept stroking Chandler's erection too, just to make sure that he was comfortable. When Chandler responded with reassuring moans, Joey began to thrust, gradually bringing them both off with his steady rhythm, inside and outside.

Joey cried out Chandler's name, but Chandler was more incoherent and breathless as he clutched the sheets and shuddered. After their joined climax, Joey withdrew and wearily turned Chandler around so that they could kiss and embrace again.

"Wow." Joey couldn't find more words than that, still caressing his new lover's face tenderly.

Feeling tired and sated, Chandler caught his breath and snuggled against Joey's shoulder. It was strange how having sex with Joey made him feel calmer somehow, more safe and secure. He was less jittery about nicotine too, let alone Ross and Rachel's split. In fact, he wasn't even panicking now about his gay dad, or himself apparently being gay either. He was actually tranquil for the moment. Even happy.

Joey kissed him again and they fell asleep together.


***

Later, they woke up with a start when the girls came back from skiing and called out, "Chandler? Joey? Are you here?"

Joey sat up and blushed, hurrying to get out of bed and retrieve his scattered clothes.

Someone came to the door and began to turn the knob. Joey realized that he hadn't locked it, so he called out, "Don't come in!"

Phoebe replied, "Oh, Joey, there you are. Did you find Chandler yet?"

"Yeah, uh, he was trying to smoke again, and then I made him go inside to get warm. He's uh, he's still in bed."

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"Oh, okay. I'll go tell Monica and Rachel. You wanna have some hot chocolate with us?"

"Yeah, I'll--I'll be out in a minute."

"All right."

After she left for the kitchen, Joey stopped dressing long enough to look at Chandler and ask him worriedly, "Uh, what should we, what should--?"

Chandler kissed him softly and said, "Hurry back, Joe, and, um, bring me some hot chocolate too."

Joey smiled and said, "Okay." He finished dressing and left the room.

Chandler felt kind of lonely and cold without him, then he noticed that Joey had left his coat behind on the floor, so he searched the pockets and found his confiscated carton of cigarettes. He knew that he shouldn't have one, especially indoors, but he had a strong craving now, and Joey had promised him cigarettes for the duration of the weekend. Besides, they'd just had sex, so surely he should celebrate with a puff or two? He was all warmed up now and could finally breathe freely again.

So Chandler lit up a cigarette and inhaled the smoke, doing damage to his lungs once again, but enjoying the familiar taste between his lips. He wondered how serious Joey was about making him quit when they went home to New York. It would be tough to go through all the withdrawal yet again, and nicotine patch or not, Chandler was frequently cranky and unpleasant whenever he was trying to kick the habit. He'd rather just keep smoking, if only he could convince Joey and the others to accept it.

Just then, Joey returned with a mug of hot chocolate, only to catch Chandler crushing his cigarette on the nightstand. "Chandler!"

Chandler hurriedly made excuses, "I missed you so much, Joe, and, uh, and there's no nicotine patches here, remember?"

Joey sighed and shut the door, locking it this time. He put down the mug on the nightstand, then picked up the cigarette butt and took it over to the nearest window, which he opened. Then he threw out the cigarette butt and tried to fan all the smoke outdoors.

"That's twice you've littered today," Chandler pointed out, but then he shivered at the blast of cold air from the open window.

Joey returned to the bed and sat down. "So, you still want your hot chocolate?"

Chandler sipped it slowly, but he really wanted Joey's arms around him more.

Joey was irritated with him, though, and kept his distance, just telling Chandler about his conversation with Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. "I told them all that you caught a cold and I stayed to take care of you today. They wanted to come see you and maybe make you some soup, but I told them no, it's easier for me to do it since we're sharing this room. So they all went to sit by the fireplace and talk about stuff, but maybe you'd rather have me send one of them in here after all."

"No!" Chandler put down the mug and threw his arms around Joey's neck pleadingly. "No, stay here. I'm sorry, Joe. But you know how addicted I am to smoking. I've been doing it since I was nine years old!"

"I know!" Joey finally hugged him and kissed him. "But you promise you'll really try to quit smoking as soon as we're home? And that you won't smoke indoors again?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll go outside, if you'll come with me and keep me company."

"Okay."

They kissed again, and Chandler shivered, urging Joey to come join him in bed again. Joey kicked off his shoes and slid under the covers with him, letting Chandler strip him of his clothes. They made love again, though quieter than they had before, due to the risk of the girls hearing them.

As soon as the stink of cigarette smoke was gone, Joey got out of bed again and shut the window firmly. Then he scurried back to the bed, and Chandler's waiting arms.

"Ooh, you're freezing!"

"Why don't you warm me up again, huh?"

"Okay." They resumed their passionate coupling and remained in bed for the rest of the night.


***

The rest of the weekend went by fairly quickly. They both dressed in the morning and breakfasted with the girls in order to assure them that Chandler was feeling better.

However, the guys declined from skiing with them. "We wanna stay here and check out your sister's cool entertainment system."

"Yeah, big screen TV and surround sound!"

Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel rolled their eyes. "Okay, have fun." They left the cabin and went to ski on the slopes.

While the girls were gone, Joey and Chandler went back to their room, only leaving bed when Chandler got an irresistible nicotine craving. They got dressed then and took a walk outside so that Chandler could smoke again.

Joey limited the number of cigarettes that Chandler could have, and he also kept his distance because he didn't want to breathe all the secondhand smoke. They spent that time talking, either about the nice scenery, or Ross and Rachel, or how Chandler would quit smoking this time around. Possibly he should take up exercising to build up his lung capacity too.

"I can't stick with any exercise routine, Joe. Remember when Monica had me go through that insane jogging workout every morning, even Sunday?"

"Well, yeah, but that's just Monica. We still, like, play basketball and racquetball with Ross sometimes. We even played football this Thanksgiving, you know?"

Chandler shrugged. "I guess so. But I've got no willpower, you see. I even joined this gym once, but I never go there and when I tried to quit, they made it too hard to leave, so I'm stuck. They keep taking $50 out of my bank account every month, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll show you the membership card in my wallet." He searched his pockets for his wallet. "Oh, I think I left it in the cabin."

"Wanna go back there now?" Joey asked suggestively.

Chandler smiled at him. "Hold on a sec." He took one last, long drag on his cigarette, then put it out underneath his heel. "Okay, I'm ready to go."

Joey shook his head and would have suggested a race back to the cabin, if he didn't know already that Chandler would collapse in no time at all. "You better rinse with the mouthwash twice this time," he said as they walked back to the cabin. "And you better quit smoking when we get home."

"Fine. As long as you understand that I have no willpower."

Joey reached out to grab a clump of snow, then threw it at Chandler.

"Hey! Just for that, I'm not putting out tonight."

Joey laughed and pulled him close. "But you have no willpower."

Chandler grinned. "Touché."

"Tushie?" Joey grabbed his butt and kissed him.

Chandler melted into his arms and lost all his willpower again.
After the skiing weekend in Poconos, everyone got back into the cab to drive home. Chandler, Joey, and Monica were all in the backseat again, but this time, Joey sat in the middle so that he could be next to Chandler. Of course, they couldn't make the women suspicious, so they didn't touch each other as much as they wanted to.

Then Chandler had another nicotine craving, so he pulled out his lighter and asked Joey for a cigarette, but Phoebe told him again that there was no smoking in her grandmother's cab. "You wait until we stop for gas."

"Yeah," Monica agreed. "And what's Joey doing holding your cigarettes for you?"

Chandler glanced at Joey and stammered, "Um, I-I had no more room in my pockets."

Monica looked at him funny, but figured that Chandler was just making some obscure joke that she didn't get. So she shrugged and said, "If you ask me, Joey, you should have thrown his cigarettes away instead of keeping them for him. We're trying to make him quit, remember?"

"Well, yeah," Joey answered her. "But he can't quit cold turkey, without any quitting gum or patches. So until we get home, I've just been making him cut down some."

"Oh really?" Phoebe asked. "Well, good! Then he can start cutting down even more right now. No smoking for the next half a gas tank."

Chandler objected. "No, I need a cigarette now! Come on, Pheebs, I can just gonna roll down the window again."

"No!" she said sharply. "You'll let all the heat out, and it's too cold outside. I don't like a draft when I'm driving."

Monica nodded. "Yeah, and I'm tired of smelling all that stinky secondhand smoke too!"

Rachel chimed in as well. "Why should we all have to suffer just because you wanna smoke? You never should have started again, and this will teach you a lesson!"

"No, please!" Chandler protested, "I can't wait that long. Joey!" He looked to him with pleading eyes.

Joey tried to reason with the women. "Guys, come on! You know how Chandler gets when he tries to quit. Go easy on him."

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"We've been easy on him all the times that he's quit before," Monica said. "Phoebe even paid him that $7000 to quit last time."

"Yeah, it's time for the tough love now."

Joey protested again, but the women wouldn't budge, having had enough of Chandler's whining and smoking during the trip to Poconos.

Chandler pouted and was very upset by their lack of sympathy for him.

Giving up, Joey sighed and put an arm around him soothingly. "I'm sorry. Maybe the next gas station will have some quitting gum, or we'll just take a long break there, okay?"

That faint assurance didn't cheer up Chandler at all, and he became increasingly jittery and cranky until they finally stopped for gas many miles later. Chandler immediately went off to smoke, while the others took bathroom breaks or refueled the cab. Joey luckily found some nicotine patches in the convenience store, and though he didn't have enough cash for it, he convinced the women to help him buy it.

Then Joey went outside in search of Chandler, calling out, "Chandler!"

"Five more minutes!" Chandler yelled back, fearing that the group were already getting back on the road. He drew deeper, stronger puffs on the two cigarettes that he had in his mouth at the same time.

Joey went over to him and showed him his purchase. "Look what I got in the store, huh? This will help you when we're back in the cab."

Giving the box a cursory glance, Chandler just shrugged and kept smoking with desperate urgency. To him, a patch was never as good as a cigarette, and he was still trembling all over from being deprived for so long. "Why'd they have to be so mean?" he asked after a moment. "You'd let me smoke if it was just us, wouldn't you?"

Joey nodded and hugged him. "Yeah, for a while. I still want you to quit, though." Then the smoke got to him and he moved away again, coughing.

Chandler missed Joey's arms surrounding him, but he wasn't about to quit smoking just yet. "I gotta pee. Are the restrooms nonsmoking?" He hadn't even stopped to check, in his rush to light up.

Joey shrugged. "I don't think anybody cares. It stinks pretty bad in there already."

"Okay, then I'll go." Chandler left to use the restroom, still puffing like a chain smoker.

Joey sighed and returned to the taxicab, wishing that Chandler wasn't so addicted that he reminded Joey of his agent Estelle. Maybe things would be better once they got home.

Chandler stayed in the men's restroom for a long time, until Joey had to finally drag him out so that they could leave. As they were driving down the highway again, Joey helped roll up Chandler's sleeve and slap a nicotine patch on his arm. That helped ease his craving a little, but Chandler remained in a bad mood for the rest of the trip. He even kept an unlit cigarette in his mouth, sucking on it and pretending to take long drags from it; he was just as addicted to the rituals of smoking as he was to the nicotine itself.

Joey felt terrible and longed to cover him in kisses, but he settled for hugging Chandler close and discreetly entwining his fingers with Chandler's twitchy fingers, which clearly ached to have a lit cigarette in their grasp.


***

After many hours, they arrived home in New York, and Phoebe dropped everyone off at the apartment building, then drove away to return the taxicab to her grandmother. The four of them carried their luggage up the stairs.

Chandler immediately took the opportunity to light up again.

"Chandler!" Rachel scolded him. "You're supposed to be quitting, remember?"

"Just this last one!" he pleaded.

Monica rolled her eyes skeptically. "Yeah, right! And you shouldn't do that while you have a patch on your arm."

Chandler dropped his bag on the step in front of him, then rolled up his sleeve and pulled off the patch. "Happy now?" he said past the cigarette still hanging out of his mouth.

The women scoffed in disgust and hurried upstairs.

Chandler petulantly stuck his tongue out at them, then looked around for a trash can where he could discard the used patch.

Joey coughed and looked at Chandler with disappointment. "You promised you'd quit, Chandler. And you're smoking indoors again."

Chandler turned back to him and finally felt guilty. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's just, with that awful trip, and--" He frowned and said quite sincerely, "I don't have any willpower."

Joey sighed and nodded, not finding anything funny in it now. "Okay, but you'll try now? You'll really try?"

Chandler took an uneasy breath, then nodded and gave in. "Okay," he whispered, putting the nicotine patch back onto his arm and rolling his sleeve down. He reluctantly took the cigarette from his mouth, stared at it longingly, and finally tossed the butt into the nearest trash container.

Joey was pleased, so he went over to hug Chandler close and kiss him. "Good. Come on, let's go upstairs."

"Okay." He clung to Joey as they picked up their bags again and continued to their apartment together. Chandler leaned on Joey for both physical and moral support.

Joey opened the door for them and they dropped their bags inside while they put away their coats. Joey locked their door, and then pulled Chandler close to him again. "You okay?"

Chandler shrugged and clung to his arms, already having doubts about quitting. "But what if it's really hard? Like that trip? Or what if Ross and Rachel start fighting again, and I can't handle it? What if--?"

"Shh, it's gonna be okay." Joey kissed him tenderly. "I'm gonna take care of you. Come on, you want a beer or something?"

"Okay."

They drank a couple of beers from their fridge and ordered pizzas for dinner. While waiting, the guys began unpacking their bags from the skiing trip, though Chandler stopped because he felt nauseous. Chandler sank down on his bed with a moan, so Joey finished unpacking for him, then he held Chandler close and asked if he needed a new patch or anything.

Their pizzas arrived, so Joey borrowed Chandler's wallet in order to pay the delivery guy. He noticed that Chandler did actually have a gym membership card in his wallet. Joey wondered whether he ought to help Chandler quit the gym too, but maybe it was best to concentrate on one thing at a time. Chandler felt too ill to eat dinner now, so Joey just let him take a nap, and put a bucket beside his bed in case he needed to vomit.

Joey ate dinner alone and watched TV, but still checked on Chandler periodically. Chandler woke up later and felt better, so Joey reheated the remaining pizza slices for him, and Chandler joined him on the couch to watch TV and eat dinner.

Seeing that Chandler had sufficiently recovered from his bad spell, Joey pulled him close again, and they soon began kissing and necking on the couch.

"Mmm, Joe." Chandler sighed and helped Joey take off his shirt. He noticed that Joey was going commando under his jeans again, so Chandler slid his hand inside to grope him.

Joey growled and kissed him much harder.

Chandler definitely enjoyed how it was much easier to breathe here than way up in the mountains in Poconos. He was getting hot and excited, but not faint at all. They could probably have a lot more fun now, and he could toy with Joey at a leisurely pace.

Joey, however, was getting impatient to move things along, so he suddenly got up from the couch and picked Chandler up in his arms.

Chandler was startled and not pleased at all. "Hey! Joey, put me down!"

"I will." With a grin, Joey carried Chandler into his bedroom and playfully dropped Chandler down onto the bed. Then he pounced on top of Chandler and kissed him passionately, all while stripping his clothes off.

But Chandler angrily resisted him and firmly pushed Joey off him. "No, no! Stop it. I'm not a girl, Joe. Get off me!"

Joey finally sat back and stared at him in shock. "But, but I thought you wanted to have sex. Don't you want to?" If he didn't, then what was all that teasing about?

"Yeah I do," Chandler answered him, "but I'm not a girl, okay? I don't want you to treat me like one. You can't just pick me up and toss me around like that. Did you assume that I was gonna let you be on top again too?"

Joey shrugged and remained confused. "But that's what we did in the cabin."

"I know." Chandler sighed and realized that he needed to explain. "Yeah, that's what we did this weekend, and it was good, but that's not all I wanna do, Joe. I'm sorry, I guess I didn't make it clear that I was spoiling you in Poconos. I let you do me all the time because I couldn't breathe well enough to do anything else really, and it was to thank you for letting me still smoke and all."

"Oh." Joey frowned. "I didn't get that. I thought, um, you just liked being on bottom."

Chandler reached over to him and kissed him. "Yeah, I do like it, and we can still do that sometimes, if you want to, but not every time, okay? Look, I'm sorry I got so upset with you, Joe. You just startled me by picking me up like that, and you were getting too aggressive."

"I'm sorry, I thought you were just kidding. I didn't think you were really upset." Joey hugged him and kissed him apologetically.

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"It's okay," Chandler readily forgave him and pushed Joey back down onto the bed. "So you wanna keep going, Joe, only slower?"

Joey nodded and smiled happily. "Yeah, okay. I can slow down. What kind of things do you wanna do, exactly?"

Chandler shrugged. "Just different stuff. Like, um," he reached for Joey's groin again, "I wanna play with this some more, and, you know, maybe find out what it tastes like..."

Joey shivered at the thought. "Yeah? Really?"

Chandler nodded and whispered, "I mean, I don't really know how to give you a proper blowjob yet, but you don't mind if I practice on you a little bit, do you?"

Joey didn't mind at all. Having Chandler's warm, wet mouth upon him sounded like a great alternative to what they had done at the cabin. "Practice is good."

Chandler kissed him and asked softly, "And maybe, um, maybe later you wanna do a little practice on me too? We could try a sixty-nine or something, huh?"

Joey nodded. "Okay. Um, can we get naked yet?"

"Oh, sure!" Chandler laughed and put his arms around Joey happily. With another kiss, they went back to fooling around and discarding their clothes onto the floor. Then they got under the covers, and Chandler finally got to do the things that he had been putting off all weekend.
Over the next few days, Chandler wore the nicotine patches to help him quit smoking, but every day at work he still had an urge to send his secretary out to buy him some cigarettes. Chandler also suffered through many headaches and bouts of nausea, which sometimes made him feel like going home. Joey tried to always be there for Chandler, whether by calling him frequently to check up on him, or coming to visit his office when he didn't have any auditions to go to.

With the office door locked, Joey often comforted Chandler with kisses, or if he felt too queasy, Joey would just hang out with him and talk.

"Hey, uh, what if you let Phoebe give you a massage or something to help you relax?" Joey suggested, with his arm around Chandler's shoulder. "Or, oh! Maybe today we could go to that gym you belong to, and see if they've got anything fun to do there."

Chandler shrugged and murmured, "I don't remember if I'm allowed to bring a non-member into the restricted areas. Besides, they'd probably try to talk you into joining too."

"Nah, I wouldn't fall for that."

"You might, if they bring Maria out."

"Who's Maria?"

"She's like this blond, spandex-covered gym… treat. Nobody can say no to her."

Joey tried to picture Maria, who sounded hot. "Hmm, you'd think she'd be interested in a threesome?"

Chandler jabbed Joey with his elbow and put his head down on his desk.

"Ow!" Joey pouted. "You could've just said no." Honestly, Chandler could be really moody and short-tempered when going through nicotine withdrawal.


***

Back at home, Chandler's crankiness got on everyone else's nerves too, so Rachel tried to speed up the quitting process by offering Chandler a hypnosis tape. "This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since."

Both Ross and Phoebe dismissed the effectiveness of hypnosis, but Joey thought it was worth a try. He looked at the tape and asked Rachel, "But, um, will anything weird happen to me if I hear the tape too? I don't smoke, but will it make me think that I do?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't think so. Chandler just has to play it when he goes to bed, so it has to be really quiet and subliminal. You probably won't even hear it from your bedroom, Joey."

"Oh. Right." Joey blushed and realized that nobody knew that he was sleeping with Chandler lately. He coughed nervously and thought he saw a suspicious look on Phoebe's face, so he covered with, "It's just, the walls are thin, and, um--"

Chandler interrupted with a better excuse. "Sometimes I have to puke at night, and Joey comes in to check on me, empty the bucket, or whatever."

"Yeah, that's it," Joey said with obvious relief.

Chandler darted a scolding look at Joey, who, for all his good looks and sweetness, was rather dense sometimes. "If you'll excuse us, I'm gonna need another patch soon. Come on, Joe, and bring that tape with you."

"Okay." They got up from the Central Perk couch and went upstairs to their apartment.

As Chandler changed his nicotine patch, Joey started to put the hypnosis tape away. "Which bedroom you wanna sleep in tonight?"

Chandler shrugged. "How about my room? I got a cassette player near my bed already."

"Okay." Joey took the tape into Chandler's room and put it in the cassette player. "I hope this thing really works. I don't want you to keep feeling bad all the time."

"Me neither," Chandler said with a sigh. He rolled down his sleeve again and joined Joey in the bedroom. "Hey, Joe, you don't think that Phoebe knows something, do you? She keeps giving us weird looks, and remember how she told me that she had a dream about us making out on the floor?"

"I don't know," Joey pondered that. "Well, maybe we should go ahead and tell everybody about us now."

Chandler grimaced and tensed up. "No, I can't handle that right now. They'd probably get all nosy and stuff, like when they found out about my third nipple. Quitting smoking is hard enough."

Joey hugged him and kissed him soothingly. "Okay. But maybe we should talk to Phoebe about keeping us a secret."

"Maybe. I mean, if she gives a definite hint that she knows and isn't just bluffing."

"Sure."

Relaxing now, Chandler closed his eyes and rested his head on Joey's shoulder. "It kinda feels good, you know, us having a secret. It makes it private and different from when we're hanging out with them."

"Yeah." Joey nodded and held him tighter. Sometimes he got a little jealous whenever Chandler spent too much time with their other friends or seemed to relate more to them than to Joey. After all, Chandler had been Ross's roommate once, and he could be just as geeky as Ross in certain subjects. Also, most of their other friends were smart and had been to college, so Joey sometimes felt left out of their conversations that went over his head. He wanted to know that Chandler liked him best, out of all his roommates, and out of all his friends. Joey realized that making love to Chandler in secret made him feel rather special. The sex was also exciting and naughty too.

Chandler felt Joey getting aroused as they stood close together. He opened his eyes and joked softly, "Is that the tape in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Joey grinned. "I was thinking about, you know, fooling around some more. You wanna?"

Chandler kissed him and nodded. "Yeah, I feel okay now." He led them toward the bed. "Come here and make me feel even better!"

Laughing, Joey eagerly tumbled into bed with him, and they got naked in a hurry.

Later that night, Joey wanted to top Chandler again, and Chandler agreed to it, on the condition that he could do Joey in return. Joey got a little apprehensive, not sure if he was ready to be on bottom.

"Come on, please," Chandler coaxed him. "You let me play around back there before."

"Fingers are one thing," Joey said cautiously. "I'm not sure I wanna do more yet."

"Well, we can stop if you really don't like it. I just wanna try it since I'm feeling so good."

"Okay," Joey agreed to the deal, seeing that Chandler wanted to make the most of his lack of nausea tonight. "But can I go first?"

"Sure."

So Joey prepared Chandler and entered him again. They did it face to face this time so they could keep kissing while Joey pounded him into the mattress. It brought back many wonderful memories of their weekend in the cabin, and Chandler truly seemed to enjoy it. Or was he groaning so enthusiastically to convince Joey that it would feel good? Still, Chandler must like it some, to have done it so many times with Joey. In the cabin, they could have easily just fooled around a little and not gone further until they got home.

When Joey's turn was done, he withdrew and collapsed wearily on the bed.

Chandler smiled and kissed him fondly. "You're so good, Joe," he whispered. "Now I know what I've been doing wrong with girls. I should've just taken a lesson from you, huh?"

Joey nodded and wanted to ask again whether Chandler ever wanted to do a threesome, since he figured that Chandler was in a good enough mood right now to not jab him with his elbow. But Chandler interrupted him with another kiss and pressed his erection against Joey's thigh.

"Now it's my turn."

"Uh, yeah." Joey gulped nervously.

"Don't worry, I'll take it slow, just like you did that first time with me. And we can stop if you really don't want to." Chandler kissed him reassuringly for a while, before he nudged Joey to roll onto his stomach. Then he kissed and massaged his way down all the muscles of Joey's back to relax him. Finally, Chandler squeezed Joey's butt fondly and began teasing ever so lightly at the opening that his fingers had penetrated on other nights.

"Just breathe," he reminded Joey, when he tensed a bit. "Remember how good it felt before." As

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further encouragement, Chandler licked him and made him shiver.

Joey enjoyed Chandler's touch for a little while, but when Chandler progressed beyond their normal limits of exploration, Joey became uncomfortable and didn't want to continue.

So Chandler stopped and withdrew his fingers. "I'm sorry. I guess you don't like it."

Joey said, "Some of it was okay, but some of it--I don't know, I'm not ready."

"That's okay," Chandler turned him around and kissed him.

Joey asked with wonder, "I don't know why you weren't more scared the first night in Poconos. You never did that with a guy before, did you?"

Chandler shook his head and confessed, "No. But I've been known to kiss guys when I'm drunk enough, and I used to undress my cousin Glenn when I was a kid. Besides, I can't tell you how many times I caught my mom or my dad having weird sex with somebody in the pool house. I guess there's not much that can shock me at this point."

Joey was speechless and disturbed at the mention of Chandler's strange and traumatic childhood.

Chandler shrugged off Joey's look of concern. "I'm okay now, and you're right. I normally would have been really freaked out about being in bed with you and doing gay stuff. But at the time, I was distracted by how hot you are, and I was lightheaded from the lack of cigarettes and the high altitude. You just felt and tasted so good to me then, that I wanted you to keep doing stuff, even if I blacked out from the pleasure. It was like being drunk and uninhibited I guess. It was like when we were trapped in Monica's bedroom and we started making out in the heat of the moment."

"Yeah, that was kinda sudden," Joey said. "I forgot everything we were talking about and just kissed you like, like it was something we always did."

"Well, we did kiss once, Joe. Remember at New Year's?"

"Oh yeah." Joey smiled with irony at that memory now.

"It's like, this was meant to happen." Chandler met his eyes with a loving gaze. "We just needed the right time and place, you know?"

"I guess so," Joey agreed with a kiss.

Chandler kissed him back passionately and pulled him closer, asking if Joey would blow him to make up for not getting his turn at topping Joey. Joey readily said yes, as they had both done a lot of practicing on that skill lately, and he proudly reduced Chandler to a quivering, moaning mess with his attentions.

"Oh, Joey, that was so good. I almost blacked out there."

"Next time, it won't be almost."

"I can't wait." Chandler smiled and curled up next to his warm body. Then he yawned and murmured, "Goodnight, Joe."

"Goodnight."

They closed their eyes and started to fall asleep, until Chandler remembered belatedly, "Oh wait. We should turn that hypnosis tape on."

"Okay." Joey reached up and hit the play button on the tape deck. "Is it on?"

"Yeah, I hear something. It's supposed to be quiet like that. Anyway, goodnight again."

"Goodnight." They kissed again and soon dozed off together, hoping that hypnosis would really work and Chandler wouldn't be so cranky or sick without cigarettes tomorrow.
In the morning Chandler woke up and reached out to turn off his buzzing alarm. Then he yawned and rubbed his eyes, surprised to find that he didn't feel at all jittery or in urgent need of a fresh nicotine patch. Perhaps the hypnosis tape had worked after all. Chandler felt great now; in fact, he felt strong and confident too. Ready to take on the world, or even go down to that gym and quit his membership once and for all. Maybe he'd even tell Maria off about how she shouldn't walk around in spandex, looking like some kind of Fitness Barbie doll. Maybe he wouldn't even need to wear any nicotine patches today, either.

As Chandler sat up in bed, he reached and turned off the hypnosis tape, which was still playing in a loop. The subliminal message on the tape sounded like nothing more than a low, indistinct noise to his ears, and he couldn't make out any actual words. But Chandler didn't really care what it said, as long as the tape helped him feel better. He decided to keep his supply of nicotine patches handy, just in case he had a craving later, but otherwise, he wanted to see how long the positive effects of the hypnosis tape lasted.

Then Chandler turned to Joey, who was still soundly snoring beside him. Chandler grinned and kissed him, finding Joey adorable and yet manly at the same time, especially with the morning stubble on his face. Chandler was tempted to wake Joey up in a very pleasant and erotic manner, but he realized that the resulting hot sex might make him rather late to work, and he had an important presentation to make today.

So Chandler reluctantly got up to shower and get ready for work, but he resolved to pounce on Joey tonight for a vigorous round of sex as soon as he got home. Maybe there should be candles everywhere too, and rose petals on the bed and romantic background music. It would make everything perfect and lovely. Maybe he'd even tell Joey "I love you" tonight. Chandler felt so strong and confident that it hardly mattered to him whether it was too soon to say such words yet. He and Joey were lovers now, and they were happy.


***

By the time that Joey woke up that morning, Chandler was already long gone. Joey gazed sadly at Chandler's half of the bed and sniffed the scent that he had left behind in the sheets and on the pillows. He wanted to call Chandler immediately and hear his voice again, but perhaps he was still in that business meeting that he'd mentioned. So Joey decided to wait until later to call, and he hoped that Chandler was handling the stress and the withdrawal symptoms fairly well.

Joey sighed and started to get out of bed, intending to go shower and then have a late breakfast. But as he reached to grab his bathrobe as usual, Joey changed his mind and grabbed Chandler's instead, because it still smelled like him.

As he remembered last night, Joey had a vague memory of Chandler wanting to screw him in the ass, but he had chickened out of it and given Chandler a blow job instead. Joey found that quite odd, considering that he'd always been sexually adventurous. What was wrong with him?

Joey resolved to put aside his fears and to definitely let Chandler screw him tonight, in any way that he wanted to. Yeah, and maybe he should make them a nice, home-cooked meal too, with plenty of candles and wine to set the mood; lots of wine would probably help Joey relax and loosen up, actually. Then they could have a really good time, and Joey even consided suggesting a playful threesome with Phoebe, since she seemed to already suspect that they were lovers. In fact, maybe Phoebe could give him some advice.


***

During lunchtime at the diner, a customer named Pete tried to ask Monica out on a date, but she wasn't interested.

Rachel told her to give Pete a chance, since she hadn't been out on a date in so long. "You said yourself that you've only been out with Julio and Richard this year. I don't have anybody else I can set you up with."

"But I'm not attracted to him."

While they argued over Pete's merits, Monica discovered that Pete had left her a $20,000 tip when he paid for his meal, and he had underlined his phone number on the check. They both assumed that it was just a wacky stunt to grab Monica's attention, and they made no mental connection between Pete Becker, goofy diner guy, and Pete Becker, software millionaire.

Meanwhile, Joey called Chandler at his office to check on how he was feeling. "Hey, Chandler. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Joe. Why don't you come over today so we can fool around in my office?"

Joey chuckled at his flirtatiousness. "You're really feeling good, aren't you?"

"Yeah, that hypnosis tape really worked. No headaches, and I haven't needed a nicotine patch at all!"

"Wow, that's great!" Joey said, glad to find Chandler in such a good mood.

Chandler spoke seductively, "So then why don't you come over, and we can lock my office door and you can 'process' me right on my desk?"

Joey was very tempted by that offer, but he didn't want them to have sex again just yet, before he could talk to Phoebe. "Oh, I can't. I'm sorry. I got some errands to do this afternoon. Can you hold onto that thought until tonight?"

Chandler was quite disappointed. "But I want you now, Joe. I need you, so bad." With no nicotine cravings to make him irritable, Chandler felt horny and inspired to do all sorts of naughty things that were inappropriate for the workplace. "What are you wearing now? Are you going commando again?"

But Joey interrupted Chandler's attempt at phone sex to apologize again. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'll even cook you dinner tonight. Your favorite."

"You don't have to do that, Joe."

"No, I want to. It'll be special. Romantic."

That did sound good, so Chandler sighed and gave up. "Okay. As long as you're my dessert."

"Absolutely. We'll do whatever you want, as many times as you want."

Chandler sounded very pleased. "I can't wait. I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah, see you. Bye, Chandler."

"Bye, Joe."

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After Joey came back home from grocery shopping, he tried to talk to Phoebe about him and Chandler, but he couldn't get her alone. She was also distracted and upset about learning that her half-brother Frank Jr. was engaged to his much older Home Ec teacher, Alice Knight. Phoebe strongly disapproved of their relationship, but she also didn't want to start a big fight, like Frank already had with his mother.

"Why don't you talk to him, Joey? You and Ross tell him that he's too young for this, and he shouldn't settle down yet."

Joey didn't want to interfere. "Come on, Phoebe! You didn't think he was too young to get married before he introduced his teacher to us."

Ross agreed. "Yeah, Pheebs. What is it? The age thing? Because I felt kinda weird about Richard and Monica, too, but they seemed to be happy together. With Frank and Alice, at least they both want to have children."

"That's just it! He's too young to have children. Pretty soon he'll be up to his elbows in diapers from all the babies that they're gonna have right away. That's not fair to Frank, or the babies, and it's not good home economics. Please, please, talk him out of it!"

Ross reluctantly agreed to do it, and Joey sighed. "Okay, but I still need to talk to you after that, Pheebs. It's important."

"Not as important as this! Now stay here, guys. I'm gonna go get Frank."

While they waited for her to get back, Joey got a wine bottle from the fridge and asked Ross if he had picked out a nice enough wine.

"Wine? Boy, that's pretty fancy for you, Joey. Have you got a hot date tonight, or something?"

Joey shrugged and didn't meet Ross's eyes. "Sort of."

"Somebody special, huh?"

Joey almost wished that he could tell Ross the whole truth, but Chandler had already said that he wanted them to remain a secret for now. So Joey dodged Ross's questions vaguely and just asked Ross to tell him whether the wine and candles he had bought were appropriate to the romantic dinner he was going to cook tonight. Ross approved these items and suggested a tablecloth as well.

"Right over the glass cover, so that it looks less like a foosball table."

Then Phoebe returned with Frank, and she left them alone to lecture her brother on the merits of enjoying his youth and his freedom. But Frank sincerely loved Alice and said that he didn't want just meaningless sex when he could be with someone that he actually cared about. "Being with her is so much better than, like, not being with her."

Frank's simple words touched them both deeply, and Ross teared up as he realized how stupid he was to ruin things with Rachel.

Joey got emotional too and realized how much he cared about Chandler, and wanted their relationship to last. He wanted to settle down with Chandler and not fool around anymore. Chandler was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Both Ross and Joey told Frank to appreciate what a lucky bastard he was to find true love, and that he should hold onto Alice no matter what.

Frank thanked them and asked both of them to be his best men.

Joey looked confused. "Me? Best man?"

Ross nodded, not realizing what Joey was objecting to. "Yeah, we can't both be your best man, Frank. And don't you have any close friends you wanna ask instead?"

"Well, I used to have some buddies at school, but they kind of snicker about me and Mrs. Knight. I mean, Alice. They don't understand about us getting married, you know, but you guys do, and I figure you can make a nice speech about love and stuff."

Ross smiled and felt honored. "Oh, we'd be glad to! But, um, maybe one of us should be an usher or ringbearer or something."

"Yeah, yeah!" Frank agreed and took out a coin. "Wanna flip for it?"

Still frowning, Joey was about to protest that they seemed to be confused about traditional wedding duties for men vs. women, but he was interrupted by Chandler coming in.


***

Several minutes earlier, Chandler had come home from work, carrying both his briefcase and a shopping bag filled with scented candles and roses for their romantic evening.

But at the door, Chandler heard voices inside the apartment and decided not to go in yet. So he went into Rachel and Monica's apartment next door.

"Hey, guys."

"Hi, Chandler."

He put down his stuff on the counter. "Can I borrow some chapstick, Mon?"

"Sure." She went to get her purse.

Rachel asked if the hypnosis tape had worked, and Chandler nodded.

"Yeah, I haven't had one craving today. I feel great, and confident, and--That is a stunning blouse! Can I borrow it sometime?"

Both Rachel and Monica looked at him oddly and thought he must be joking, so they laughed politely. "Uh, sure."

Monica gave Chandler the chapstick, and he thanked her and sat down to get out a mirror.

The girls went back to discussing Pete. Rachel said, "Give Pete a chance. Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable."

"What check thing?" Chandler asked curiously.

They explained and handed him the check. Chandler's eyes widened, and he picked up a magazine to show them a photo of Pete Becker. "This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!"

Rachel gasped with realization. "Our office uses it!" She got very excited then and encouraged Monica to definitely go out with the millionaire, but Monica found the check very offensive now, as if Pete was trying to buy her.

While the roommates argued, Chandler put on the chapstick, as if he were a woman putting on lipstick, and he even used a tissue to take off the excess.

They stared at him again.

"What?" He didn't understand their reactions.

Rachel said "Never mind" and impatiently tried to change Monica's mind again. "If you don't go out with him, I will!"

"He's not interested in you!"

Chandler decided that he didn't want to get caught up in their bickering, nor put up with their weird looks anymore, so he returned the chapstick to Monica, then gathered up his things and returned to his apartment.

While Frank and Ross kept discussing the wedding, Joey turned to Chandler with a smile and immediately went over to hug him. They lingered and both wanted to kiss, but were wary of the others in the room.

"What's that?" Joey asked about the bag, which smelled vaguely like some mixture of perfume and flowers.

Chandler held the bag away from him. "It's a surprise, for later. Excuse me, I gotta go change." He hurriedly stashed the briefcase and bag into his bedroom, before going to their bathroom to shower and freshen up for their special evening.

Frank advised Ross to do anything he could to make up with Rachel, then he went to go see Alice again. Phoebe, who had been waiting downstairs for Frank to leave, exited the coffeehouse and went upstairs to ask Ross and Joey how the talk went.

She got upset when she learned what happened. "He's still getting married? You didn't talk him out of it!"

Ross sheepishly confessed that Frank had even asked them to be his best man and ringbearer.

Joey started to protest again, but Phoebe yelled at them angrily before storming out. "Fine! I'll go talk to Alice then. Somebody's gotta be able to reason with her."

Ross followed Phoebe out, trying to convince her to accept the engagement. "Their love is so pure."

Phoebe hit him with her purse.

"Wait, Pheebs!" Joey started to go after her too, because he still hadn't been able to ask her for sexual advice about Chandler.

But Chandler emerged from the bathroom then, and he called out, "Joey, where are you going?"

Joey came back inside and looked at him. Chandler looked strange. Hot, but strange. He had just come out of the shower, but he had one towel wrapped around his head and another towel wrapped around his body, but not at the waist like usual. He was wearing the towel higher up, like a woman covering up her boobs as well. "Chandler? Why are you all covered up?"

Chandler didn't understand what Joey meant, and he smiled coyly. "Just because you've seen me naked already, doesn't mean I'm just gonna parade around here and give you a free peep show whenever. Not without some romance first."

"Huh?" Joey didn't get how that answered his question.

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Chandler laughed and headed into his bedroom. "Now you go work on that dinner you promised me, while I get ready. And no peeking!" He shut the door and locked it, so that he would have enough privacy to dress, arrange all the candles around the bedroom, then cover the bed in petals.

Joey remained confused, but he shrugged and just got started on dinner. Maybe Chandler was acting weird because of that surprise he had mentioned earlier. What could he be hiding underneath his towels? A tattoo, or a piercing, or something else? Joey wasn't sure, but he decided to wait and find out.

Joey wished that he'd been able to consult with Phoebe, but if he ended up chickening out again tonight, despite all the wine, Joey decided that he would find some way to make amends and tell Chandler how much he loved him.
Chandler went through all his clothes, trying to find something sexy to wear. But he realized that he didn't own any dresses, skirts, or blouses. Not even one pair of high heels or lacy underwear. How odd. Chandler's deluded mind glossed over this discrepancy by rationalizing that he must have been put off of feminine clothing by his drag queen father and his slutty mother. Thus, he had relied too often on sweater vests and conservative suits. Chandler decided that he needed to go shopping soon, and maybe get fashion advice from Monica and Rachel.

For tonight, though, Chandler made do with a white button-up shirt that was so sheer, that Rachel had once told him that his nipples were visible through it. As a further treat to Joey, Chandler left the top few buttons undone, then tucked the shirt into his pants.

Joey called out, "Chandler, what's taking you so long?"

"I'll be right there, Joe."

"Okay."

Chandler hastily tossed all of his other clothes into his closet, intending to properly put them away later, then he put on his shoes and finally unlocked the door.

Joey was waiting just beyond the entertainment center, so Chandler shut both halves of the door behind him, to conceal all the petals and candles in the room.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologized.

Joey smiled and kissed him softly. "It's okay. You look great."

"Thanks. So do you, Joe." Chandler snuggled up to him and growled sexily, "I could eat you right up."

Joey blushed and grinned. "Not until dessert, remember?"

Chandler was tempted to drag Joey into the bedroom anyway, but then he smelled the aroma of dinner and got hungry. Chandler looked toward the kitchen with surprise. "Oh, hey! You set the table, with candles and everything."

"Yeah," Joey said, walking with Chandler over to the foosball table. "I told you it would be special and romantic."

Chandler laughed and took a seat. "Well, I didn't think you'd go all out, when my favorite meal is only grilled cheese sandwiches and onion rings."

Joey shrugged. "Well, no reason why we can't make it special. I got us some wine too." He started to pour the liquid into their glasses.

Chandler raised his eyebrows. "I don't think that exactly goes with dinner, Joey. Beer would have been fine. Or a Yoo-hoo."

"I know, but I thought we should celebrate you quitting smoking and all." And of course, Joey wanted to get drunk enough to not chicken out of anything in bed tonight. He raised his glass to toast Chandler, "I hope you never smoke again."

"Okay." Chandler raised his glass as well, "I'll never smoke again, I promise." Chandler only sipped the wine that one time, before he began eating his dinner. Then he asked for a Yoo-hoo, which Joey obligingly got from the fridge for him.

However, Joey continued to drink from his wineglass throughout dinner, which puzzled Chandler.

Joey said that it tasted just fine to him, and then tried to distract him. "Try that dipping sauce. I made it myself."

"Really? Wow." Chandler was impressed by both the onion rings and the marinara-like dipping sauce, which tasted better than those served at any fast food place they'd tried. "You're such a good cook, Joe. I can only make toast!"

"That's okay." Joey smiled and caressed his cheek. "I like cooking for you."

Chandler blushed slightly and touched Joey's hand, entwining their fingers fondly. "You're so sweet, Joe. Taking care of me while I quit smoking, and making this dinner... I mean, I've been so moody lately, but you're being all romantic and everything. Thank you." He felt flattered and happy to receive such special treatment.

"Ah, it's nothing." Joey shrugged it off. "It's just, you mean a lot to me, you know."

"I know." Chandler smiled and nodded, gazing deep into Joey's eyes. Then he added softly, "I love you."

Joey was surprised, but pleased, and he readily answered, "I love you too." They kissed softly, and Joey pulled Chandler closer across the table.

But then Chandler abruptly pulled away. "Ooh, hot!" He looked down to see that Joey had accidentally pulled him into the dipping sauce, leaving a red stain on his white shirt.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Joey got up from his chair and came over to wipe off the sauce with a napkin. "Um, maybe you should take your shirt off and soak it."

"Take it off?" Chandler raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Are you asking me to get topless?"

Joey shrugged and chuckled at how naughty Chandler made that sound. "Well, sure. Or you can change into something else if you want." He still wondered whether Chandler might be hiding something from him.

Chandler looked coy and undecided for a moment, then he leaned in and kissed Joey passionately. "So, let's go soak this shirt..." he whispered and got up from his chair, taking Joey's hand and leading them to the bathroom.

By the sink, Chandler kept flirting with him and playfully made a show of unbuttoning and stripping off his shirt. Joey smiled and kissed him, then curiously ran his fingers all along Chandler's chest and back. He didn't discover anything new, though.

"What's wrong?" Chandler asked, meeting his eyes with confusion.

"Nothing." Joey shrugged. "But you said you had a surprise for me, you know. I was looking for it."

Chandler laughed, "Oh, it's not on me, silly!"

"Well, where is it? In your room?"

"Be patient! Not till after dinner." He kissed Joey lightly.

"Okay. Well, I can still play with these for now." Joey grinned and started teasing Chandler's nipples.

Chandler was turned on and started to change his mind about waiting. "Mmm, Joe. How would you feel about having an early dessert?"

Imagining them in bed again, Joey realized that he still didn't think he'd had enough wine yet, so he changed his sensual caresses into energetic tickling, which startled Chandler into sudden giggles.

"Hey!" He jumped out of Joey's embrace, then modestly reached for a towel to cover himself.

Joey smiled and said, "Dinner's getting cold. You go get another shirt. I gotta soak this one before the stain sets."

"Oh, all right." Chandler sighed and left for his room while Joey rinsed the stain with cold water and gently rubbed in a little soap to try to break up the tomato sauce. Coming from an Italian family, he'd seen plenty of marinara stains over the years.

Chandler put on the next best shirt that he could find, then returned to the table just as Joey came back, leaving the shirt soaking in the bathroom.

So they resumed dinner, and Chandler often reached across to hold Joey's hand. Joey smiled at him and drank more wine, until he got rather tipsy and played footsie with Chandler under the table.

Chandler smiled and suggested that it was time for dessert, and Joey nodded, feeling ready now. Blowing out the candles on the table, they cleared the dishes into the sink, then headed to Chandler's bedroom.

"Surprise," Chandler said as he opened the door.

Joey was stunned to see all the flowers and candles in the room. "Wow. It's pretty, and smells nice too."

"Yeah." Chandler kissed Joey eagerly and pulled him onto the bed. He pushed play on the cassette player before he returned to Joey's arms.

"Is that the hypnosis tape?" Joey asked.

"No, I put in a romantic tape. Can't you tell?" He turned up the sound.

Joey frowned. "Oh, it's that sappy music you like."

Chandler pouted. "What's the matter with sappy music?"

Joey shrugged and apologized. "I'm sorry. It's just, I don't know how you can hate Yanni, and yet like this stuff."

"It's not like Yanni! It's way better. This is Lionel Richie. Just listen." He started to sing along with the music, which Joey realized now was the "Endless Love" duet with Diana Ross. "I'll hold you close in my arms. I can't resist your charms..."

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Hearing Chandler sing it to him made the lyrics seem more meaningful now, and Joey liked being reassured that Chandler thought of their love as "endless." Deeply touched, Joey pulled Chandler close and kissed him quite emotionally.

Chandler smiled and said, "See?"

They kissed and sank down upon the bed together, but they laughed as they got covered head to toe in rose petals. So they decided to undress and get under the covers. Once they were naked, they soon got serious again and caught up in a passionate embrace. Joey played with Chandler's nipples again and made him moan.

Chandler closed his eyes. "Oh, Joey, I want you so much. I can't wait to feel you inside me again."

Joey blinked and frowned, thinking that he must have misheard due to his drunkenness. Surely Chandler must have said that he wanted to be inside Joey.

Not noticing Joey's reaction, Chandler rolled on top of him and growled with anticipation and lust. All he remembered about last night and their previous nights of sex, was when Joey screwed him as vigorously as he had done in the cabin. Chandler shivered at the memory. "It feels so good, I get wet just thinking about--" he reached over to Joey's groin and teasingly caressed him, but this startled Joey immensely.

"Hey! Whoa." Joey abruptly pulled away and looked very confused. His eyes opened wide with shock and he thought he must be really drunk.

Chandler sat back and looked concerned. "What's the matter?"

Joey stammered incoherently, then raised up the covers to glance at his groin. He frowned. There was definitely something there that he didn't know he had. And where had his boobs gone? This morning in shower, his hypnotized mind had blocked out certain things and enhanced others, but Chandler's intimate touch had suddenly broken the illusion.

Chandler didn't understand, but he followed Joey's gaze. "What happened? Did I hurt you? Oh!" he kissed and embraced Joey apologetically.

Joey gulped. "I just, I just, um..."

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" Chandler offered, pushing the covers aside and moving down. "I'll be careful, I promise. I love your little Joey."

Joey's eyes widened again, and he watched with bewilderment as Chandler gently and adoringly kissed his little Joey to make amends. Chandler didn't seem at all shocked by Joey's groin, and in fact he seemed already quite familiar with how to touch him pleasurably.

Joey stopped Chandler from attempting to begin a blowjob, and he met Chandler's eyes searchingly. "Chandler, you--did you know about this?"

"About what?"

"About me being..." The more he looked into Chandler's eyes, the more ridiculous Joey felt for thinking anything was wrong in the first place.

Chandler hugged him close and kissed him again. "You all right, Joe?"

Joey blushed deeply and confessed, "I-I thought I was a woman."

"What?" Chandler stared at him in disbelief. "A woman?! How?"

Joey shrugged and sighed. "I don't know. I'm very confused. One minute we're having dinner, you know, then I'm all drunk and we're fooling around, and then you touch me there and suddenly I'm a guy. I don't get it."

Chandler narrowed his eyes in confusion. "I don't get it either. Why would you think you're a woman?"

Joey frowned. "But didn't I have boobs before?"

The look on Chandler's face clearly said no.

Joey bit his lip and turned away, pulling the covers over his head. "God, I must be going crazy!"

"Oh!" Chandler came closer and rubbed his back comfortingly. "Joey, no, it's okay. I don't know what happened to you, but don't worry about it. Maybe that was just an extra strong wine you bought, or mixing it with grilled cheese and onion rings does weird stuff to your brain. But you'll be okay now, and I still love you. Come here." He pulled the covers off Joey and kissed him all over.

After a moment, Joey responded warmly to his touch, and they started to fool around again.

Chandler smiled and encouraged him, "Oh my big, strong, sexy man! Come here and do me like you did last night."

"Last night?" Joey didn't remember screwing Chandler last night. Hypnosis had altered his memories in keeping with being a woman, so he thought that Chandler had screwed him from the front, before rolling him over.

"Don't tell me you don't remember, Joe."

Joey frowned and reluctantly admitted, "I-I thought you did me last night."

Chandler blinked. "I did you?"

"Yeah. You did me, you know, like normal, but then you got hard again and wanted to screw me in the ass. I chickened out and gave you a blowjob. Remember?"

"What?!" Chandler couldn't help laughing at the thought. "How could I possibly screw you, Joey? That's nuts."

Joey frowned and started to get a feeling of déjà vu, so he tentatively reached out and touched Chandler's groin.

Suddenly all the blood drained from Chandler's face, and he gasped. Clearly rattled, Chandler retreated to a corner of the bed and then just stared gaping at his groin.

For a while, neither Joey nor Chandler said anything, so they could once again hear the romantic music playing in the background. Lionel Richie was now singing "Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady." Chandler no longer liked that refrain, and he stopped the tape.

Joey sat up and came close to Chandler again, kissing and embracing him. "See?" he asked.

Chandler nodded and now completely understood Joey's earlier disorientation and confusion. But if this break with reality had nothing to do with the wine, then what the heck had happened to both of them?

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English,thank you~

[ Last edited by joe824 on 2005-8-18 at 06:49 ]

starhitsUID: 2104154

oh~~my~~god~~!

qsliuUID: 2113523

ok

isaidnoUID: 2102108

[ Last edited by joe824 on 2005-9-10 at 08:57 ]

i-winnerUID: 183200

too  long