argument163 小木互改站队

amanda2005UID: 2120493

163The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham
"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."

The recommendation seems to be reasonable and convincing at a first glance. The new town hall will have several advantages which are spacious, energy efficient. Even it can earn extra income. However, the argument can not bear further consideration from the angle of saving money.

First, the arguer does not provide single information about the costs of building this larger and energy-efficient town hall. As the old town hall is small and uncomfortable, then more land area will be occupied and more convenient facilities will be fixed up. Plus, energy-efficient system is also needed in the building. All of these improvements will cost a large amount of money which may place economic constraints to the government. Therefore, without a budget of this building in details, no one will consider it will save money.

Second, the arguer mentions that the new building costs less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. However, as the area of the former is bound to be larger, the total energy consuming of the new one is not necessarily less than the old one. Meanwhile, usually one floor of the new building is inclined to be more higher than that of the old town hall, then maybe more energy is needed to cool or heat the new building.

Third, the suspicion could be placed on whether the program of renting out the spare space will be successful. Are the extra rooms easy to rent out? Are there a lot of companies which would move to Rockingham? How about the rent per month can be accepted and bring much profit to the government at the same time? Though the town hall often locates at the central district, once other companies work together with the officials, more problems of security about the confidential documents or conference memos will happen. Thus, the prediction of generating income would be overthrown.

In sum, the arguer need to do more analysis to make clear the costs that will be spent on the new building including the expenditures in the future due to large space. And a further investigation must be carried out to judge whether the extra space is worth renting out. Otherwise, the target of saving a considerable amount of money will not be realized.

childrenqUID: 2109575

The recommendation seems to be reasonable and convincing at a first glance. The new town hall will have several advantages which are spacious and energy efficient. Even it can earn extra income. However, the argument can not bear further consideration from the angle of saving money.

First, the arguer does not provide single information about the costs of building this larger and energy-efficient town hall. As the old town hall is small and uncomfortable, then more land area will be occupied and more convenient facilities will be fixed up. Plus, energy-efficient system is also needed in the building. All of these improvements will cost a large amount of money which may place economic constraints to the government. Therefore, without a budget of this building in details, no one will consider it will save money. (whether it will save money or not is unpredictable)

Second, the arguer mentions that the new building costs less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. However, as the area of the former is bound to be larger, the total energy consuming of the new one is not necessarily less than the old one. Meanwhile, usually(perhaps吧,就是指出另外一种可能性) one floor of the new building is inclined to be more higher than that of the old town hall, then maybe然后去掉这个 more energy is needed to cool or heat the new building. 这一段不够深入,可以再说说地方大了,房间多了,电费,清洁费,设备保养费等等都多了,支出不单只调节温度的费用的嘛,呵呵

Third, the suspicion could be placed on whether the program of renting out the spare space will be successful. Are the extra rooms easy to rent out? Are there a lot of companies which would move to Rockingham? How about the rent per month can be accepted and bring much profit to the government at the same time? Though the town hall often locates at the central district, once other companies work together with the officials, more problems of security about the confidential documents or conference memos will happen(problems will happen搭配不当,用appear吧). Thus, the prediction of generating income would be overthrown.

In sum, the arguer need to do more analysis to make clear the costs that will be spent on the new building including the expenditures in the future due to large space. And a further investigation must be carried out to judge whether the extra space is worth renting out. Otherwise, the target of saving a considerable amount of money will not be realized.

句子很顺畅, 思路也清晰, 就是somewhat不够深入

purple-1984UID: 2132524

The recommendation seems to be reasonable and convincing at a first glance. The new town hall will have several advantages which are spacious, energy efficient. Even it can earn extra income. However, the argument can not bear further consideration from the angle of saving money.

First, the arguer does not provide single information about the costs of building this larger and energy-efficient town hall. As the old town hall is small and uncomfortable, then more land area will be occupied and more convenient facilities will be fixed up. Plus（不确定有副词用法）, energy-efficient system is also needed in the building. All of these improvements will cost a large amount of money which may place economic constraints to the government（用IMPOSE ON 不知是否也行）. Therefore, without a budget of this building in details, no one will consider it will save money

Second, the arguer mentions that the new building costs less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. However, as the area of the former is bound to be larger, the total energy consuming (
consumption)of the new one is not necessarily less than the old one. Meanwhile, usually one floor of the new building is inclined to be more higher than that of the old town hall(不知从何而知)
, then maybe more energy is needed to cool or heat the new building.

Third, the suspicion could be placed on whether the program of renting out the spare space will be successful. Are the extra rooms easy to rent out? Are there a lot of companies which would move to Rockingham? How about the rent per month can be accepted and bring much profit to the government at the same time? Though the town hall often locates at the central district, once other companies work together with the officials, more problems of security about （more problems about the security of ）the confidential documents or conference memos will(probably) happen.(似乎应该接着再深入论证一下) Thus, the prediction of generating income would be overthrown.

In sum, the arguer need to do more analysis to make clear the costs that will be spent on the new building including the expenditures in the future due to large space. And a further investigation must be carried out to judge whether the extra space is worth renting out. Otherwise,（perhaps） the target of saving a considerable amount of money will not be realize
无法确定修改得是否得当，仅作参考，更欢迎能帮我纠正错误。
我觉得文章在语气方面应更注意，猜测似乎比肯定或否定更好