第一篇Issue 知道烂得很，用时29分钟， 望牛牛们给偶改一改。

margaret13UID: 171005

People’s loyalty to political parties and political leaders significantly hinders their ability to form their own opinions about issue.

In the author’ view, people’s loyalty to political parties and leaders greatly impedes their ability to establish their own ideas about issue. Well, I firmly agree with the author and I hole that people should try their best to keep their mind clear. The reasons why I think so will be listed as follows.

Indisputably, many historical events prove that people’s mindless loyalty to political parties and leaders can bring hazards to a nation or even the world. In the first place, common people usually do not like to pay too much on those “big issues”. To live a easy and simple life, many people---especially those is Asia nations----prefer to believe the words on the TV, newspapers and radios. In the second place, this habit often provides those leaders such as, Maozhedong, Hitler and Sidalin chances to access power and do what they wish.. Well, the comedies of Jews in German during the Second World War, the Great Leap and Great Culture Revolutionary in China are the lessons for us., which warn current people not to obscure their minds.

Admittedly, politic parties and leaders are irreplaceable in the foreseeable future. However, we should only consider a party or a leader as an organization or a director to manage a nation, plus, we-taxpayers-give the government officials the power and salaries. Thus, it is no necessary to be loyalty to party and a leader. Of course, if the party and the leader do their job well, we can respect them. In fact, what really worth us to be loyal to should be our nation, our world, and all the goodness of human beings.

In conclusion, it is no beneficial or necessary to blindly following any political parties and leaders. Common people should always keep their heads awake in order to prevent the similar mistakes repeating.

stephanie_sisuUID: 201114

关于细节错误：
1、避免用well...这样的语气，因为这样感觉比较口语化。
2、provide sb. with sth.(第三段)
3、悲剧是tragedy，不是comedy
4、not necessary，不是no necessary
关于文章整体逻辑：
1、还是不错的啊，转折词，还有让步，条理都满清楚的
2、事实论据还不错，不过说理可以更加透彻一点。每一点感觉展开还不够。

我个人没有仔细研究过GMAT作文，不过研究过GRE的，有一些模版是一样的，lz可以也去GRE作文版看看
再接再厉！

margaret13UID: 171005

多谢版主了！

DajUID: 18915

you used a model ?

seems not bad

margaret13UID: 171005

????

第二段的第一句话是范文上的。

stephanie_sisuUID: 201114

写作就是一个模仿加原创的过程，慢慢写多了就有自己的模版了

DajUID: 18915

en...
I mean second paragraph

and words like   Indisputably     Admittedly


hehe, not bad anyway