刚开始练作文,请大牛帮忙修改一下

独孤文UID: 2140686

Topic155.155. Plants can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one  kind of plant that is important to you or the people in your country? Use  specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

Several years ago, Beijing was subject to one kind of serious climate which have never been meet before. Wind invaded the place with masses of sand in it ,and the sands floated it the air everywhere through which you can hardly see a person just two meters apart, this situation was called sandstorm which is becoming popular these years. In the northwest part of China, the situation is even worse, sandstorm existed in almost the whole spring in somewhere, which have a crucial influence on people’s daily lives. Horrible as it is, solution was put into effect in recent years, the horrible climate has disappeared in Beijing since two years ago. What is the weapon against it? It’s right the shielding forest that protect the city from being invading by block the winds mixed with sands out of it.

The shielding forest comprises of hundreds of thousands of tall tree that are able to prevent the sandstorm from west when it initially came to being. As we know , in the west of China the situation that soil has been converted into sands because of the human beings’ foolishly overcutting of trees is getting worse. By the ruining of human ourselves sands stacked up to become desert ,then the sands blow up from west to east as the winds traveled. However, it can be in a sense eased if plants are available to cover this area.With the shielding forest planted in the west ,the source of sands will be controlled in that the roots of the plants are capable of keeping the soil underground stable, which make it less possible to having reaction that convert soil to sand. Also it reduce the possibility that sand is blown up and washed away from the upper scream.

Second, as the sand storm blowing on the way to east , shielding forest gets in the way of its traveling ,and stop it from continuing forward with a large area of woods on the side of that winds comes from ,what’s important sands are stopped by the leaves ,which makes the area beyond the forest safe. Moreover ,with the planting of forest ,air quality is promised ,with the photosynthesis of the plants CO2 changes to oxygen that is the resource of human and other organisms’ respiration. It is a nice thing to breath fresh air in the morning when waking up in the morning.

It’s a more and more serious situation we are facing nowadays,with the bad weather and crucial loss of earth, plants used for shielding are becoming more and more important even relevant to people’s normal life everyday. Therefore, it hasn`t gone a far way to say that shielding forest is a essiential weapon against natural invasion.

独孤文UID: 2140686

自己顶一下,现在没人愿意改作文吗?:(

cross9UID: 2107360

首先声明，寄托永远不会没人改作文，只是可能现在大家都没看到你的帖子或者正在改：）
其次，我不是牛人，但是也想要发表一下意见，聊供参考。
说回正题，我觉得你的文章偏题了。题目是What is one  kind of plant....，但是文中并没有提到which kind。
第二，文章的结构不合理。托福作文都是观点性文章，你开头一大段讲中国的环境问题如何严重，似乎不大合适吧，首先应该阐明观点的。然后，题目要求给出specific reasons and details，而全文只讲了一个reason，就是环保，虽然是从两个方面讲的：），理由不充分。
第三，段落的过渡有些模板的影子，不够自然，当然这是主观印象了：）
至于语句方面，有很多地方我都有疑问，但是因为自己不够牛，不敢随便给你改，等待大牛指点吧。
加油，写了且有勇气发上来就很不错了。多看看别人的文章，在帮别人改的过程中也能学到很多，特别能警惕自己的相同毛病。

lynnliuUID: 2116614

大概看一下，同上，中间有个traveled  should be travel,文中by the ruining of human ourselves,seems人类的毁灭，ruined by human好些，第一句subject应是被动，meet-met,第五行少个连词,foolishly-foolish adj,那句because of-because,后面跟的是完整句，不是短语，很多句子结构乱，大概是追求句子结构复杂的结果，复合句拿不准就分开下，都不知道什么意思了，不要强套模版，很生硬，只有两点论点时最好用for one thing,for another,一个second泰突兀，给人没时间写完的感觉，一定要读题

potatoUID: 2117620

偶不牛，出于助人为乐的动机，补充一下，说得不好的地方请各位牛人及时纠正：
第一段感觉好像有点罗嗦，开门见山好一点吧；有很多值得推敲的语言点，有些可能是笔误，比如the sands floated it the air everywhere，有些是语法问题，比如 It’s right the shielding forest that protect（前面的forest是单数） the city from being invading（被动诶） by block（“by"是个介词的说） the winds mixed with sands out of it，内容先不说，起码有三个语法错误；还有一些很混乱，比如The shielding forest comprises of hundreds of thousands of tall tree that are able to prevent the sandstorm from west when it initially came to being.这句话的时态到底是什么？语法也有问题；再就是有些地方很生硬，比如As we know , in the west of China the situation that soil has been converted into sands because of the human beings’ foolishly overcutting of trees is getting worse.句子结构有必要复杂到这种地步吗？
总之，我的感觉是这篇文章基本上每句话都值得再推敲一下，说得可能狠了一点，希望你不要介意

独孤文UID: 2140686

谢谢各位:)
刚开始练作文,我也不知道该把句子用到什么样子,所以比较混乱,尤其是我也的确有些一味追求长句的困惑,反到把自己也搞晕了
第一段我一直找不到比较好的开头方式,选择讲一件事情开头然后在进入观点的确感觉是比较罗嗦,呵呵,被打击惨了:)

cross9UID: 2107360

被打击是正常的，也是好事，我也被打击过的，呵呵，而且现在依然不断在被打击。
还是老话，多写，多看，多改：）