<求助>请问TWE中有一篇:成功和运气有关系吗?怎么写要好一点.

yinzhitao128UID: 192960

题目是这样:
Topic. When people succeed, it is because of hard work, luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree.

我看孙远的绿皮书上的sample essay,说实话,不知道他写的啥(水平不够:(),我再看自己买的"TOEFL6分作文范文" 李笑来写的那本上的范文,更是离奇,他开篇写了一个人侥幸杀死狮子的故事,我晕..不过后面两段讲得还比较有道理..

昨天我把我第一次写的作文给我朋友看,说实话,他只是一个老外,工程师,文学水平怎样不知道,他看了看我的文章,头晕,大概写太差...:( 我的major idea是:运气和成功有关系,所以他只说it's  not an accepted fact so u need to argue and prove

我把我写的贴出来,可能还会包含许多常识性错误加语法错误..大家该笑就笑,该扔砖头就扔啊...我接着..谢谢大家指点!!


Some people said: people achieve their success because of their hard work, but nothing to do with luck. To judge this statement, we should split it into two parts and I believe hard work is a prerequisite for success and luck somewhat connects to it.
For one thing, individual human beings admit that no one can gain achievement without tough training, diligent practice and amply preparation. For example, when Da Vanci became a celebrated painter, he would have practiced to draw a simple egg by thousands of times and we can picture that this process of practice is extraordinarily boring. In addition, one of the most successful movie stars—Jet.Lee had been send to be an apprentice when he was only 4-year old who met years of tough training and ordeal in Shao-lin Temple.
For another thing, I could say the opinion “luck does not relate to success at all” is somewhat pessimistic. If Walt Disney could not discover a tiny mouse in the old and shabby garage accidentally then created Mickey Mouse welcomed by people all over the world; we would never see the Disney Empire exist today. What’s more, if Maggie.Chang couldn’t incidentally get the chance to be the leading role of the French movie “Clean”, there would be one stone vacancy from her road to become an international actress plus his husband-a recondite French director would have no chance recognized by Asia auditions.
In conclusion, we can’t simply attribute one’s success neither to hard work nor luck. As Newton said “I am just standing at the shoulder of a giant” which indicated us his modesty and his attitude to luck after his hard working. Anyway, the most significant factor for success should be hard work and we could put luck as another element which should not be disregarded.

yinzhitao128UID: 192960

huh?都没有高手帮看看?自己先顶....不要掉了就没人看了