ToHeart互改小组(12楼sudongpo)第一次作业i196

sudongpoUID: 2125302

Issue 196
Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life.

Outlines:
1: The development of technology makes our life more convenient, more efficient, and even more harmonious.
2: Also in modern society, new technology solves a lot of social problems.
3: However, in some certain fields, technology causes some dangerous problems and results in irreparable damages.

Nowadays, almost all the media put that our society faces more problems than ever before, attributing to the use of new technology, which creates more problems than it solves, so it threaten or even damage the quality of life. Although I agree that sometimes we make some huge problems by using new technology, there is far more to deal with than those problems we should face in everyday life. Thus, the speaker only sees one aspect that technology may take us. In my opinion, in the whole, technology makes our life better.

Firstly, for the purpose of making our life better, we tried countless new methods and luckily most of them indeed take more conveniences to us. For example, by the invention of airplane we can travel around the whole world easily, enjoy the beautiful sight from the blue sky, and in the sum we make the world feels smaller and smaller, which in the old days even the king could not imagine to do so; by the development of the video camera, we can put down what we want to memorize in a vivid form, which we can enjoy whenever we want and also we can show it to our offspring to tell them how we live in our times, which is much greater than just think about it or tell them in a story form. Also there are a number of examples can show how the technology changes our life in a more efficient mood, such as the internet which allows us to do some work without going to the office, thus saving a lot of time by emancipating us from the long time travel to the office everyday. What’s more, though the internet we can make friends all over the world, no matter what color them are, no matter they are rich or not, and no matter how old they are, we can just talk by the ICQ which makes we know others better than before, so it may make our society more harmonious.

Secondly, when we have to solve some difficult problems, at first we may try some used methods but if it dose not work, what should we do? The only solution is to invent some new ways to deal with it. Everybody knows that China is a huge country with a quarter of the world’s population; however, it just has less than 10% of the plow lands of the whole world. How China feed those people with such a few plow lands, which is a big and difficult problem not only the Chinese should face, but also the whole world. The Chinese people turned to the scientist for help, and finally one scientist found the hybridized rice which makes more produce per unit of area than the common rice. This technology solves this biggest problem, and without it China would be a poor and undeveloped country even now, let along dream to become a developed country in the future. From above all, how can anyone say that the technology damage the quality of life?

However, we have to consent that some nonlicet technologies may damage our life, because these technologies are immoral, inhumanity, and brutal. Such as the biochemistry weapons, malevolence clone and so on. If these technologies are used to the human beings, it will take a catastrophe to the world, causing chaos, death and even the annihilation of the human culture, which is the aspect that the speaker says the technology may damage our life. Luckily until now these things do not happen and we should try our best to stop them become true for every.

In sum, looking around the world and comparing our life with our forebears we can find that we live a more beautiful and more colorful life and we enjoy all the advantages technology takes us. So if we make the technology always under our control, avoiding it does damage that I believe it will bring us a better life.

[ 本帖最后由 sudongpo 于 2006-1-18 12:13 编辑 ]

leongfishUID: 2176854

Nowadays, almost all the media put这个动词不好 that our society faces more problems than ever before, attributing to the use of new technology, which creates more problems than it solves, so it threaten单复数错了 or even damage the quality of life. Although I agree that sometimes we make some huge problems by using new technology这里让步应该是重复题目观点，题目说是技术造成问题，你这儿感觉是人类造成问题（通过科技）, there is far more 这儿好像有点不通to deal with than those problems we should face in everyday life. Thus, the speaker only sees one aspect that technology may take us. In my opinion, in onthe whole, technology makes our life better.

Firstly, for the purpose of making our life better, we tried时态不对 countless new methods and luckily most of them indeed take more conveniences不可数 to us. For example, by the invention of airplane we can travel around the whole world easily, enjoy the beautiful sight from the blue sky, and in the sum we make the world feels smaller and smaller, which in the old days even the king could not imagine to do so; by the development of the video camera, we can put down what we want to memorize in a vivid form, which we can enjoy whenever we want and also we can show itit多余 to our offspring复数 to tell them how we live in our times, which is much greater than just think about it or tell them in a story form定语从句贴多了好像也不好. Also there are a number of examples whichcan show how the technology changes our life in a more efficient mood, such as the internet which allows us to do some work without going to the office, thus saving a lot of time by emancipating us from the long time travel to the office everyday. What’s more, though the internet we can make friends all over the world, no matter what color them are, no matter they are rich or not倒装, and no matter how old they are, we can just talk by the ICQ which makes we know others better than before, so it may make our society more harmonious.这一段结构是三层吧，第一层缺少归纳。还有感觉光谈例子似乎论证强度不够--尽管我也经常这样做

Secondly, when we have to solve some difficult problems, at first we may try some used methods but if itthey dose not work, what should we do? The only solution is to invent some new ways to deal with itthem. Everybody knows that China is a huge country with a quarter of the world’s population; however, it just has less than 10% of the plow lands of the whole world. How China feed those people with such a fewfew plow lands, which is a big and difficult problem not only the Chinese should face, but also the whole world. The Chinese people turned to the scientist for help, and finally one scientist found the hybridized rice which makes more produce per unit of area than the common rice. This technology solves this biggest problem, and without it China would be a poor and undeveloped country even now, let along dream to become a developed country in the future这个例子要精炼点. From above all, how can anyone say that the technology damage the quality of life?还有感觉这一段说的意思和尚一段区别不大，或者说这一段可以说是上一段的一个分论点

However, we have to consent that some nonlicet technologies may damage our life,其实合法的技术也会造成 because these technologies are immoral, inhumanity, and brutal. Such as the biochemistry weapons, malevolence clone and so on. If these technologies are used toto不好 the human beings, it will take a catastrophe to the world, causing chaos, death and even the annihilation of the human culture, which is the aspect that the speaker says the technology may damage our life. Luckily until now these things do not happen and we should try our best to stop them become true for every.这段说的简单了点，包含面窄了点

In sum, looking around the world and comparing our life with our forebears we can find that we live a more beautiful and more colorful life and we enjoy all the advantages technology takes us. So if we make the technology always under our control, avoiding it does damage that I believe it will bring us a better life.
注意些细节包括实义动词的使用等，不过更重要的还是全篇的谋划。大家一起加油啊

sudongpoUID: 2125302

谢谢啦 一起加油！

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

Nowadays, almost all the media put这个动词不好 that our society faces more problems than ever before, attributing to the use of new technology, which creates more problems than it solves, so it threaten单复数错了 or even damage the quality of life. Although I agree that sometimes we make some huge problems by using new technology这里让步应该是重复题目观点，题目说是技术造成问题，你这儿感觉是人类造成问题（通过科技）, there is far more 这儿好像有点不通to deal with (further advantages ) than those problems we should face in everyday lifedisadvantages faced in daily life . Thus, the speaker only sees one aspect that technology may take us. In my opinion, on the whole, technology makes our life better.

Firstly, for the purpose of making our life better, we tried时态不对 countless new methods and luckily most of them indeed take more conveniences不可数 to us. For example, by the invention of airplane we can travel around the whole world easily, enjoy the beautiful sight from the blue sky, and in the sum we make the world feels smaller and smaller, which in the old days even the king could not imagine to do so; by the development of the video camera, we can put down what we want to memorize in a vivid form, which we can enjoy whenever we want and also we can show itit多余 to our offspring复数 to tell them how we live in our times, which is much greater than just think about it or tell them in a story form定语从句贴多了好像也不好. Also there are a number of examples which can show how the technology changes our life in a more efficient mood, such as the internet which allows us to do some work without going to the office, thus saving a lot of time by emancipating us from the long time travel to the office everyday. What’s more, though the internet we can make friends all over the world, no matter what color (colorful?) them are, no matter they are rich or not倒装, and no matter how old they are, we can just talk by the ICQ which makes we know others better than before, (may be we can say it like this:without the race, class, age and gender tendency ) )so it may make our society more harmonious.这一段结构是三层吧，第一层缺少归纳。还有感觉光谈例子似乎论证强度不够--尽管我也经常这样做

[ 本帖最后由 zhangheng1020 于 2006-1-18 21:41 编辑 ]

sudongpoUID: 2125302

谢谢了，正在为这些东西怎么表达范愁呢，太有帮助了。谢谢