Issue147 (gogogo)

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

Issue 147/32
"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
“传统与现代化水火难容，人们必须在两者之间作出抉择。”
中文提纲：1. 提出论点，传统与现代化不是两者必取其一的关系
2. 传统为人们提供精神食粮，
3. 传统对于一个民族和国家来说就是区别于其他国家的特点，正是因为每个国家都有不同的传统，它才是无法取代的
4. 当然，现代化同样重要，没有现代化就。。。。排比
5. 谈两者之间的关系，传统为现代化提供基础，现代化为传统的发展与传播服务。
正文：
   Nowadays, as the whole world is developing in a skyscraping speed, modernization attracts so much attention that some people may claim that we should choose modernization rather than tradition to make further progress to our society. However, I cherish the belief that tradition and modernization are not exclusive to each other. The society can not go further without any of them.

To begin with, tradition, for a country or a nation, is the foundation of its current culture. Each generation adds a lung to the ladder of the nation’s tradition. It is the accumulation of all the foregone culture that provides aliment to every person’s spiritual world. The tradition helps to inform people with beliefs, values, customs, decorum and so forth. Moreover, one of the purpose of a society’s development is to meet the spiritual needs of its people. If tradition is given up, all the people would live without any culture, any customs, any quintessence of the country or any spiritual satisfaction, then what the society develop for? Thereby tradition of a nation is so indispensable to its people that can be not lost in any circumstance.

Furthermore, tradition means so much not only for people but also a whole country. Tradition is influenced by a country’s history. As a result, different nations that experience different history surly have distinguished tradition, which makes one nation irreplaceable in the world. Chinese Spring Festival, American’s Christmas, Spanish’s bullfight and so forth are all come into being under differentiated histories. In this matter, abnegation of the tradition means treachery to the history since tradition reflects the unique history of one country. A nation without its own history is dispensable to exist in the world. Therefore, we can come to the conclusion that tradition is significant to a country as well as to its people.

Admittedly, modernization is equally paramount to a society as tradition does. Without modernization, we would still go to work by foot or carriage but not automobile. Without modernization, we would still bless our friends by calling for them but not by sending an electronic card or making a telephone. Without modernization, we would just know the news around us but not all the events that have happened all over the world. In sum, modernization brings convenience and efficiency to our daily life.

Finally, between modernization and tradition, there is no need to choose one in the expense of the other. Modernization concludes the culture modernization, which can help to throw the dreg remaining in the tradition away, while leaving over the quintessence part. An apt example is that modernization helps to open people’s mind wider, which eliminates the discrimination of gender and race. In addition, modernization can disseminate the tradition of a certain country. It is due to modernization and globalization that Chinese-style clothing can be known and accepted by the world wide. What’s more, tradition can provide methods to solve some problems existing in current society. For example, the problems encountered by many modern companies can be solved by the principles which were mentioned in Sun Zi Bingfa. Consequently, if developed properly, modernization and tradition can facilitate each other and join together to speed the development of our society.

In conclusion, both modernization and tradition are desirous to the development of current society. With sufficient utilization of the two, we can not only propel our modernization to excellent, but also can develop the tradition effectively.

568字，感觉有点跑题了.

azaleaUID: 196122

nekoUID: 162772

Issue 147/32
"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
“传统与现代化水火难容，人们必须在两者之间作出抉择。”
中文提纲：1. 提出论点，传统与现代化不是两者必取其一的关系
2. 传统为人们提供精神食粮，
3. 传统对于一个民族和国家来说就是区别于其他国家的特点，正是因为每个国家都有不同的传统，它才是无法取代的
4. 当然，现代化同样重要，没有现代化就。。。。排比
5. 谈两者之间的关系，传统为现代化提供基础，现代化为传统的发展与传播服务。

不得不来说一下 你每次的提纲里面的body2都会让我觉得怪怪的 且不说我不知道它的作用是什么 它存在的理由就很怪了
比如你这篇 上篇也有同样的问题 就先哪这篇说了
你的全文TS是说传统跟现代化都很重要 (看你body 3说同样重要就汗了一下 昨天我给你的comments里对both跟equal的区别你再体会下吧 呵呵)
那么body 1说传统重要 正常
body 3说现代化重要也正常
从逻辑来看 B1 B3的作用是并列的
那么 B2存在的道理呢? 如果你的意思是决定把传统分正 反两个部分来说 也就是说B1说传统很重要 B2说传统不可取代
那么从我的逻辑观点来看 这篇文章就不完全是55分成 而是37 至少是46开了

其实你的思路可以有如下两种
1. 并列式
开头: 说传统跟现代化都很重要
B1: 传统很重要
B2: 现代化很重要
B3: 两者结合更重要

这就是我昨天告诉你的那个

当然你可以在这个基础上改正一下变成一个不完全并列的方式
开头: 说传统跟现代化都很重要
B1: 传统很重要 因为有以下两个原因:
然后B1写一个 B2写一个 当然 这两个原因会不同 排列的方式也有讲究
这个以后再说
然后B3再来说现代化很重要

这样写的话从逻辑上来看是并列的 但是其实是有重点的在讲
但是还是可以写得两个都很重要 但是可能现在人们更容易忽略传统 所以传统的笔墨更重一些

还有一个就是37开
开头: 传统其实很重要, 虽然在我们这个社会里, 对现代化的要求和呼声要更高一些
B1: 说传统怎么怎么好
B2: 说没了传统怎么怎么不行
B3: 说但有传统也不行 还要有现代化

简单来看这个跟上面的不完全并列一样
但事实它的B3就已经不是一个完整的成分 而只是一定意义上的让步
这样其实你全文的重点就已经不是两个都是 而事实上是传统了
当然你改造一下我说的不完全并列也可以弄成这样
但是里面的用词 尤其是连词的用法都需要改下

好 接下来看你的文章


正文：
   Nowadays, as the whole world is developing in a skyscraping speed, modernization attracts so much attention that some people may claim that we should choose modernization rather than tradition to make further progress to our society. However, I cherish the belief that tradition and modernization are not exclusive to each other. The society can not go further without any of them.
however出现 文章开始有所转折 从你的观点来看 你应该是算我认为的不完全并列或者37开 而非你在最初写的55分成

To begin with, tradition, for a country or a nation, is the foundation of its current culture. Each generation adds a lung to the ladder of the nation’s tradition.自己看上句跟下句之间的逻辑关系 先说传统是一个国家的基础 然后说每一代都为传统加砖 请问 这跟传统是国家基础啥关系 因果? 下一句更扯远了 怎么说到每个人的精神世界了 这跟国家啥关系? 如果这里只是想要解释下传统 那么一句话就够了 就直接到tradition is the accumulation of all....上面一句直接给删了 下一句把方式改改 往社会学上扯 别说到哲学层面 It is the accumulation of all the foregone culture that provides aliment to every person’s spiritual world. The tradition helps to inform people with beliefs, values, customs, decorum and so forth. 本来是个绝好的展开机会 放过了 可惜Moreover, one of the purpose of a society’s development is to meet the spiritual needs of its people.老美绝对不同意你这种看法 所以如果你要用这个当论据 事先请加以说明 哪怕你加个 seen from the human history这种废话也比你直接拿来用看起来要有逻辑 If tradition is given up, all the people would live without any culture, any customs, any quintessence of the country or any spiritual satisfaction, then what the society develop for?反问得好 可惜没例子... Thereby tradition of a nation is so indispensable to its people that can be not lost in any circumstance.不错 知道收了

Furthermore, tradition means so much not only for people but also a whole country.果然是不完全并列 Tradition is influenced by a country’s history.何出此言啊姐姐 证据呢? 要知道 我们差人做事讲究的是证据......:D(不好意思哈 那啥上瘾...) As a result,还as a result 汗 different nations that experience different history surly一看就是没有用word检查的 surely啊... have distinguished tradition, which makes one nation irreplaceable in the world.自己看什么逻辑! 就靠这我能反驳死你 你的意思是说tradition只是让一个国家具有不同特征的标志 那只是它的特点 而非它的作用 irreplaceable有什么用? 照样一下就被人侵略成一堆灰了 对这个国家的发展有什么帮助没有 对这个国家的强大有什么帮助没有 要知道 你的第二论点 也就是"反面"立场是现代化 所以你这里用的传统 是相对于现代化的传统 自己想想看 Chinese Spring Festival, American’s Christmas, Spanish’s bullfight and so forth are all come into being under differentiated histories.哭了 果然走了题..... 这样你怎么跟后面的工业化现代化相提并论啊... In this matter, abnegation of the tradition means treachery to the history since tradition reflects the unique history of one country. A nation without its own history is dispensable to exist in the world. 正说都没说清楚还想反说 而且一个问题 没例子 从头到尾你一个人说得算...Therefore, we can come to the conclusion that tradition is significant to a country as well as to its people.

Admittedly,又admittedly了 这又是典型的让步..... modernization is equally下次再不加思索的用这个我敲你的头! paramount to a society as tradition does. Without modernization, we would still go to work by foot or carriage but not automobile. Without modernization, we would still bless our friends by calling for them but not by sending an electronic card or making a telephone. Without modernization, we would just know the news around us but not all the events that have happened all over the world. In sum, modernization brings convenience and efficiency to our daily life.还不错 里面的句子我喜欢 MS在280篇里面看过类似的 不记得了 但是如果后面可以把这个跟国家牵扯到一起就好了 你的论题是国家嘛...

Finally, between modernization and tradition, there is no need to choose one in the expense of the other. Modernization concludes the culture modernization, which can help to throw the dreg remaining in the tradition away, while leaving over the quintessence这些词我都已经不怎么认得了 555... part. An apt example is that modernization helps to open people’s mind wider, which eliminates the discrimination of gender and race. In addition, modernization can disseminate the tradition of a certain country. It is due to modernization and globalization that Chinese-style clothing can be known and accepted by the world wide.这个例子烂! What’s more, tradition can provide methods to solve some problems existing in current society. For example, the problems encountered by many modern companies can be solved by the principles which were mentioned in Sun Zi Bingfa. Consequently, if developed properly, modernization and tradition can facilitate each other and join together to speed the development of our society.其实我觉得这段写得不错 就是段内挺乱的 考虑考虑怎么组织一下 或者分成两个部分 一个是A促进B 一个B促进A 然后加点明显的连词副词表示关系就好了 这段写得比前两段都好 看到这里我又怀疑是55分成了... 你绕得我...

In conclusion, both modernization and tradition are desirous to the development of current society. With sufficient utilization of the two, we can not only propel our modernization to excellent, but also can develop the tradition effectively.


我一直在想
我是不是太严格了......
挖卡卡 不是故意的
你考了5分再骂我吧...
嘿嘿...
我看DIF4去了...

加油!!!!!!

azaleaUID: 196122

哈哈 满眼大砖头哦 neko的评论真是赏心悦目！
看来我就不用多说啦
不过觉得楼主写的确实有点跑题
题目是讨论传统与现代化能否并存
而你写的是他们重要性的比较
2个东西都重要并不能成为他们都存在的理由！而你前面用了很大篇幅写这个 只在倒数第二段讨论并存的问题
在我看来就是跑题了 不知ETS怎么想。。

倒数2段
Modernization concludes the culture modernization
                   ~~~~~是不是includes？看了半天没懂

别的不多说啦

nekoUID: 162772

楼上的MM偷懒.....

azaleaUID: 196122

你把我能说的都说了 还来责怪我 :(

nekoUID: 162772

啊?
我都说了啊??????

cowcow
对不起啦啊
我要罢工两天啦
要不然都没有人给你改作文啦...
下次我等人家先帮你改了我再来
hoho

我偷懒的说...

azaleaUID: 196122

晕死。。。

nekoUID: 162772

小牛
你看下我现在时间
挖卡卡卡卡
我去睡觉哪.....

你加油写哈
我晚上给你拍...

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

The tradition helps to inform people with beliefs, values, customs, decorum and so forth. 本来是个绝好的展开机会 放过了 可惜

这句话是借鉴的别人的提纲上的，看到它上面第一段就写了这一句我也感到纳闷：这咋写得出来一段咧？到底应该咋展开捏

至于传统对于国家的意义，我真没想出来除了使各个国家各具特色，望指点~

yunziluoUID: 2164829

Nowadays, as the whole world is developing in a skyscraping speed, modernization attracts so much attention that some people may claim that we should choose modernization rather than tradition to make further progress to our society. However, I cherish the belief that tradition and modernization are not exclusive to each other. The society can not go further without any of them.（你的开头越写越有感觉了。）

To begin with, tradition, for a country or a nation, is the foundation of its current culture. Each generation adds a lung to the ladder of the nation’s tradition. It is the accumulation of all the foregone culture that provides aliment to every person’s spiritual world. The tradition helps to inform people with beliefs, values, customs, decorum and so forth. Moreover, one of the purpose（复数？） of a society’s development is to meet the spiritual needs of its people. If tradition is given up, all the people would live without any culture, any customs, any quintessence of the country or any spiritual satisfaction, then what the society develop for? Thereby tradition of a nation is so indispensable to its people that can be not lost in any circumstance.

Furthermore, tradition means so much not only for people but also a whole country. Tradition is influenced by a country’s history. As a result, different nations that experience different history surly have distinguished tradition, which makes one nation irreplaceable in the world. Chinese Spring Festival, American’s Christmas, Spanish’s bullfight and so forth are all come into being under differentiated histories. In this matter, abnegation of the tradition means treachery to the history since tradition reflects the unique history of one country. A nation without its own history is dispensable to exist in the world.（生存还是能生存，只是会丧失自己的文化品格，好象一个人丧失了自己的个性。） Therefore, we can come to the conclusion that tradition is significant to a country as well as to its people.

Admittedly, modernization is equally paramount to a society as tradition does. Without modernization, we would still go to work by foot or carriage but not automobile. Without modernization, we would still bless our friends by calling for them but not by sending an electronic card or making a telephone. Without modernization, we would just know the news around us but not all the events that have happened all over the world. In sum, modernization brings convenience and efficiency to our daily life.（排比的气势比较好，但是只有一个层面，如果现代化只是一些生活的便利的话，不要他也无妨。走路上班可以锻炼身体，减少污染；拜访多好，面对面交流，关系亲密，人情浓。那么多新闻，信息，多喧嚣啊！不是故意挑刺，如果有递进，现代化帮人类预报自然灾难，物质极大丰富，带领人类探索宇宙。小的大的都来点，就更有气势了。）
Finally, between modernization and tradition, there is no need to choose one in the expense of the other. Modernization concludes the culture modernization, which can help to throw the dreg remaining in the tradition away, while leaving over the quintessence part. An apt example is that modernization helps to open people’s mind wider, which eliminates the discrimination of gender and race. In addition, modernization can disseminate the tradition of a certain country. It is due to modernization and globalization that Chinese-style clothing can be known and accepted by the world wide. What’s more, tradition can provide methods to solve some problems existing in current society. For example, the problems encountered by many modern companies can be solved by the principles which were mentioned in Sun Zi Bingfa（得注解一下吧，不能期待ETS那么了解中国）. Consequently, if developed properly, modernization and tradition can facilitate each other and join together to speed the development of our society.

In conclusion, both modernization and tradition are desirous to the development of current society. With sufficient utilization of the two, we can not only propel our modernization to excellent, but also can develop the tradition effectively.

568字，感觉有点跑题了.

没有跑题啊，扣得很紧啊，意思很明确就是谁都不能丢啊！
这篇文章很充实，美中不足是，倒数第二段的意思有些重复，反复，能不能把他化解到前两段去。混起来说，有点乱。

[ 本帖最后由 yunziluo 于 2006-1-24 19:43 编辑 ]

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

嗯，把倒数第二段分开分别放到前面去是个好办法。多谢yunzi!

nekoUID: 162772

原帖由 neverstopcow 于 2006-1-24 17:13 发表
The tradition helps to inform people with beliefs, values, customs, decorum and so forth. 本来是个绝好的展开机会 放过了 可惜

这句话是借鉴的别人的提纲上的，看到它上面第一段就写了这一句我也感到纳闷 ...

我想一下我当初是怎么分析的
恩......
首先我觉得 看题目来说 由于你的"对立面"是现代化
那么讨论的时候我主要思考的是它们相矛盾的一面

对于这个
The tradition helps to inform people with beliefs, values, customs, decorum and so forth.
我的看法是
传统的东西可以让人在现代化的进程中不迷失方向 保持自己独特的特色
每个民族独特的文化  都使得外国的势力 尤其是经济 在进入你的国家的时候达到一种妥协 而不是一味的倾泻
这对于自己的国家 无论是从国家整体 还是人民来说 都是一种保护

然后这种独特的东西在保护之后还可以成为一种武器
俗话说 民族的才世界 一个国家只有保持了自己的独特的传统 才能加以利用这样的特点来发展商机
化守为攻

困困UID: 2177071

看neko 的评论真是茅塞顿开啊，我现在思路有问题，到处看别人的提纲呢。