argument145 Friends小组作业~~留链回拍~

nandUID: 2179356

TOPIC: ARGUMENT 145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 501          TIME: 12:30:00 AM          DATE: 2/10/2006

In the argument, the writer cites that people who snore have better chance to gain weight than are people who do not snore and bases his conclusion on the assumption that people snored will be too tired during the day to exercise because of their sleep apnea during the night. Therefore, he suggests that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. However, the writer should dig more into the superficially convinced evidence before he jumps to the conclusion.

To begin with, the causal relationship established by the study is open to doubt. Lacking of the details, we can not rule out other possibilities like the sample size, people's age and physical status, which could lead to the snoring condition and people's gaining weight at the same time. It is possible the sample size is too small to speak for the overall condition, or the people who being asked belong to the senior citizen who may snore and be fat because of their age. It is also possible that snoring is ordinary to people with poor health and they happened to be fat at the same time.

In addition, sleep apnea may not cause the tired feeling during the day time. As referred to the argument, people snored would stop breathing frequently during the night for only a few seconds. Maybe the time is too short to cause the lacking of strength. It is equally possible the interruption of breathing will not do harm to people's daily energy because the wakes the interruption is so briefly and the waking goes unnoticed as mentioned in the argument. Even sleep apnea could cause people to feel tired, we do not know to what extent it will affect their daily exercise.

What's more, the advices given by the writer is hard to be practical. Considering the question that what is the proper amount of food, it largely depends on the consuming condition. With different consuming conditions on different people and just advise them to eat less than the average may affect their life and even cause damage like hydrate. Also, we do not know their regular plan for exercise and it is entirely possible that they have already taken the suitable amount to exercise and have no more time to do it. Even with the permission of time, over exercising may lead to some undesired results to the people's health.

Viewed all the aspects mentioned above, the argument is not well reasoned and to some extent harmed by those flaws. To make it more persuaded, the writer needs to provide detailed information about the study and ensures its validity and reliability. At the same time, it would be better for him to prove that sleep apnea really can exert enough energy of people and so prevent them from exercising during the day. Finally he needs to give more applicable advice that suits people with different current conditions. By doing all these, the argument will be more cogent.

Nancy131492UID: 2169227

In the argument, the writer cites that people who snore have better chance to gain weight than are people who do not snore and bases his conclusion on the assumption that people snored will be too tired during the day to exercise because of their sleep apnea during the night. Therefore, he suggests that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. However, the writer should dig more into the superficially convinced （convincing）evidence before he jumps to the conclusion.

To begin with, the causal relationship established by the study is open to doubt. Lacking of the details, we can not rule out other possibilities like the sample size, people's age and physical status, which could lead to the snoring condition and people's gaining weight at the same time. It is possible the sample size is too small to speak for the overall condition, or the people who being asked belong to the senior citizen who may snore and be fat because of their age. It is also possible that snoring is ordinary to people with poor health and they happened to be fat at the same time.

In addition, sleep apnea may not cause the tired feeling during the day time. As referred to the argument, people snored would stop breathing frequently during the night for only a few seconds. Maybe the time is too short to cause the lacking of strength. It is equally possible the interruption of breathing will not do harm to people's daily energy because the wakes the interruption is so briefly and the waking goes unnoticed as mentioned in the argument. Even sleep apnea could cause people to feel tired, we do not know to what extent it will affect their daily exercise.

What's more, the advices given by the writer is hard to be practical. Considering the question that what is the proper amount of food, it largely depends on the consuming condition. With different consuming conditions on different people and just advise（advice） them to eat less than the average may affect their life and even cause damage like hydrate. Also, we do not know their regular plan for exercise and it is entirely possible that they have already taken the suitable amount to exercise and have no more time to do it. Even with the permission of time, over exercising may lead to some undesired results to the people's health.

Viewed all the aspects mentioned above, the argument is not well reasoned and to some extent harmed by those flaws. To make it more persuaded, the writer needs to provide detailed information about the study and ensures its validity and reliability. At the same time, it would be better for him to prove that sleep apnea really can exert enough energy of people and so prevent them from exercising during the day. Finally he needs to give more applicable advice that suits people with different current conditions. By doing all these, the argument will be more cogent.
只有少量错误，可以忽略。点抓的不错，论证也很好，连词用得也很得当。6分

restart20UID: 2178562

1的观点是nand的文章是限时写的,挺好的,

虽没想nancy说的那么夸张,改进用词后,还是可以得4.5分的

加油! 帮你顶一下:)

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

我的榜样啊~
一点拙见仅供参考，欢迎拍我的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

In the argument, the writer cites that people who snore have better chance to gain weight than are people("people"用词重复了，建议去掉"are"，"people"换成"those") who do not snore and bases his conclusion on the assumption that people snored will be too tired during the day to exercise because of their sleep apnea during the night. Therefore, he suggests that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. However, the writer should dig more into ("dig into"用得很赞，不过我感觉"dig more profound into"或者"dig deeper into"更好)the superficially convinced evidence before he jumps to the conclusion.(admire~~)
To begin with, the causal relationship established by the study is open to doubt. Lacking of（去掉"of",lack作名词时才有搭配lack of） the details, we can not rule out other possibilities like the sample size, people's age and physical status, which could lead to the snoring condition and people's gaining weight at the same time. It is possible(that) the sample size is too small to speak for the overall condition, or the people who being asked （不太通，建议改成"the people asked/acquired"/"the respondents")belong to the senior citizen who may snore and be fat because of their age. It is also possible that snoring is ordinary to people with poor health（固定搭配 in poor health) and they happened to be fat at the same time.

In addition, sleep apnea may not cause the tired feeling during the day time. As referred to the argument, people snored would stop breathing frequently during the night for only a few seconds. Maybe the time is too short to cause the lacking of strength. It is equally possible the interruption of breathing will not do harm to people's daily energy because the wakes the interruption （这里不太通顺）is so briefly and the waking goes unnoticed as mentioned in the argument. Even sleep apnea could cause people to feel tired, we do not know to what extent it will affect their daily exercise.

What's more, the advices given by the writer is hard to be practical. Considering the question that what is the proper amount of food, it largely depends on the consuming condition. With different consuming conditions on different people （这句话缺少主语....我不太明白你的意思）and just（我觉得此处"just"换成"simply"更合适） advise them to eat less than the average（建议省略than the average，显得前后有点重复） may affect their life and even cause damage like hydrate. Also, we do not know their regular plan for exercise and it is entirely possible that they have already taken the suitable amount to(of) exercise and have no more time to do it. Even with the permission of time, over exercising may lead to some undesired results to the people's health.

Viewed all the aspects mentioned above, the argument is not well reasoned and to some extent harmed by those flaws. To make it more persuaded(persuasive), the writer needs to provide detailed information about the study and ensures its validity and reliability. At the same time, it would be better for him to prove that sleep apnea really can （建议去掉can，这个词最好避免）exert enough energy of(to) people and so prevent them from exercising during the day. Finally he needs to give more applicable advice that suits people with（如果condition作情况将用of，做身体状况讲用in） different current conditions. By doing all these, the argument will be more cogent.