OG11 ISSUE1 第一次练笔，大伙使劲拍！

LQMMUID：2148690

中文都写得不怎么样，别提叫我写英文有多难了。但还是鼓起勇气凑了一篇。实在写不下去了，先贴上来，大家拍拍。莫笑哦！

In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.

In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and / or examples to support your position.

Our daily life is surrounded by a lot of information transmitted by television and radio programs. Therefore there exists a problem about the censorship. Television and radio programs are critically censored by some countries for offensive language and behavior, but some other countries do not focus such censorship on these television and radio programs. Hereby I want to show my standpoint on the latter one against the first one.


I have ever seen a series program about pregnancy presented by Discovery channel. This program provides a complete recognition about pregnancy and points out some emergencies during the special period and the solutions by hospitals. Such series may be forbidden by some Arabian countries and some Muslim societies in that some fragments of this series do not comply with their religion rules. But these information is so important for the pregnant women that can help them to make clear sense what happened in their bodies and how to deal with.


In the past, some babies died just after birth or even died in mums’ uterine due to the ignorance of pregnancies. Some governments realize this situation and provoke the professional institute to educate the publics some accurate professional knowledge on such area. Consequently a lot of programs which tell how a zygote is produced and how it grow up to a baby and how it is born was introduced in the media. People can conventionally absorb relative information through watch or listening by some channels.


However in some countries , where due to certain reasons such programs are “tatu”, people have to risk more dangerous during the pregnancy period lacking such knowledge than those living in the countries which have no such prohibitions.

stephanie_sisuUID：201114

个人觉得最大的问题，你的分论点不明确。
GMAT/GRE作文就是八股文，所以结构很重要。开头表明自己观点，中间2-3段，每段开头先陈述分论点，然后辅以论据支撑，结尾段总结自己的观点。
你的整篇文章都围绕pregnancy一个例子，太单薄了，结构不够严谨。pregnancy是论据，你要找出2个或2个以上分论点。
对语言的运用还是不错的。
加油

LQMMUID：2148690

我发出去后，就觉得好象有点偏题了。

whoeverioeUID：170170

同意stephanie
what u r going to say--say it--what u said
段落和整体都这样就差不多了.

LQMMUID：2148690

谢谢楼上两位指点。

LQMMUID：2148690

还有一个问题就是写这么一点长，字数够了吗？

stephanie_sisuUID：201114

issue的话字数500-600吧