argument137

ciceUID: 2140424

In this argument, the arguer asserts that the Mason City council needs to increase investment on the publicly owned lands along the river. To illustrate(To support this conclusion), he/ she claims that residents nearby consider the water sports as a favorite form of recreation and their keeping away from it is due to its pollution. (第2句并没有直接支持第一句中的结论。)Moreover, by claiming the situation is about to change through the newly announced plan, the arguer get the conclusion that people will be attracted back to Mason River, thus the need for improvements to lands along is crucial. (这一句包含主要结论和证据，充实一下可以作为开头。)However, the argument is problematic in several parts. (把题目阐述得很全面，就难免开头过长。我认为没有必要将所有的结论和其支撑事实全部写出。)

Firstly, the argument is based on an assumption that the residents avoid the river because they think it's dirty; if the water is cleaned up, they will come back. Unfortunately, he/she fails to offer sufficient evidence to support the assumption. First of all,(这个body两层，没必要用它) the residents’ complaining about the quality of water does not necessarily indicate they want to use the river for recreational activity.(作者想用抱怨来支撑污染，想用污染来支持不用river。这样写有些跳跃。可以再讨论！) Perhaps the awful smell comes from the water severely influences the health of people nearby, for no one wants to live near a smelly river. Even though the residents nearby rank water sports as a favorite form of recreation, they may not prefer to do them at Mason River. There could be other locations more attractive, for instance, having a good vision scene or providing with more comfortable environment. For instance, there are amounts of swimming pools which offer professional facilities and protection. And it's more than possible that the river is not fit for fishing and boating for the wind reason. In these cases, it is unnecessary and ineffective to clean up the river. (这一段可否从攻击抱怨入手：抱怨说明污染，但污染不一定是关键原因，即使没污染，也不一定被很多人用。)

Secondly, regardless of the reason why residents avoid the Mason City and supposing that if the river turns clean again, they will get back to the river, it still lacks more details about the plan. We only know that some certain agency responsible, has announced plans, but no further information is given. We are doubt about when will the plan get started and how long it will last. If the cleaning up will not be achieved in a short time, then it won't be hurry for the council to take any measures. Meanwhile, we have a very reason to doubt the efficiency of the plan, for it’s widely known that fighting against water pollution is not an easy job, which acquires feasibility and professional knowledge on environment. To evaluate the necessity(必要性？or可行性) of cleaning up the river, we need more solid evidence. (这段不错！)

Thirdly, the arguer doesn’t establish the casual relationship between the improvement on lands around and attracting more visitors.(文中最后一句中的so) We are not provided with information about the current situation of the publicly owned lands along the Mason River. If they are already in good condition, then the increasing budget will be a waste. Moreover the budget decision is based on the precondition that the river will be popular in recreational activity, otherwise any hasty investment is not advisable. (这段可以说，治理好了，游客不一定多，多也不一定需要改善land。这样就和上段衔接起来了)

To sum up, the conclusion in this argument lacks credibility for the evidence cited does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author should let us know for sure what cause people avoid river as a recreational location and that it is both necessary and effective to clean up the water. Further more, to make us convinced of the conclusion, we need be offered sufficient evidence showing why the increasing on land improvement is necessary(结尾很好)

(大错误都找到了，也提供了有说服力的细节。但论证安排的不很合理。欢迎讨论！)

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

argument 137

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."

In this argument, the arguer asserts that the Mason City council needs to increase investment on the publicly owned lands along the river. To illustrate , he/ she这样写对么？问一下，我以前只写he的 claims that residents nearby consider the water sports as a favorite form of recreation and their keeping away from it is due to its pollution. Moreover, by claiming the situation is about to change through the newly announced plan, the arguer get the conclusion that people will be attracted back to Mason River, thus the need for improvements to lands along is crucial. However, the argument is problematic in several parts.的确有点长，虽然没有问题，但建议你看看cice的，我觉得挺不错的

Firstly, the argument is based on an assumption that the residents avoid the river because they think it's dirty; if the water is cleaned up, they will come back. Unfortunately, he/she fails to offer sufficient evidence to support the assumption. First of all, the residents’ complaining about the quality of water does not necessarily indicate they do notwant to use the river for recreational activity. Perhaps the awful smell 突然来了这个，感觉像原文文中就有的，但实际是你的假设，换一下说法吧comes from the water severely influences the health of people nearby, for no one wants to live near a smelly river. Even though the residents nearby rank water sports as a favorite form of recreation, they may not prefer to do them at Mason River. There could be other locations more attractive, for instance, having a good vision scene or providing with more comfortable environment. For instance,重复，换成 as an illustration there are amounts of swimming pools which offer professional facilities and protection. And it's more than possible that the river is not fit for fishing and boating for the wind reason. In these cases, it is unnecessary and ineffective to clean up the river.

Secondly, regardless of the reason why residents avoid the Mason City and supposing that if the river turns clean again, they will get back to the river, it still lacks more details about the plan. We only know that some certain agency responsible, has announced plans, but no further information is given.这点跟我想的一样。 We are doubtdoubt不是动词么？去掉are about when will the plan 换成the plan willget started and how long it will last. If the cleaning up will not be achieved in a short time, then it won't be hurry for the council to take any measures. Meanwhile, we have a very reason to doubt the efficiency of the plan,这个是不是跟上面这一点说的重叠呢？get started and last 也是可以看作efficiency这一点吧，你说呢？ for it’s widely known that fighting against water pollution is not an easy job, which acquires feasibility and professional knowledge on environment. To evaluate the necessity of cleaning up the river, we need more solid evidence.

Thirdly, the arguer doesn’t establish the casual relationship between the improvement on lands around and attracting more visitors. We are not provided with information about the current situation of the publicly owned lands along the Mason River. If they are already in good condition, then the increasing budget will be a waste. Moreover the budget decision is based on the precondition that the river will be popular in recreational activity, otherwise any hasty investment is not advisable.

To sum up, the conclusion in this argument lacks credibility for the evidence cited does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author should let us know for sure what cause people avoid river as a recreational location and that it is both necessary and effective to clean up the water. Further more, to make us convinced of the conclusion, we need be offered sufficient evidence showing why the increasing on land improvement is necessary.  结尾不错啊！

又一个限时失败而且无比罗嗦唐僧的阿狗，痛苦，为什么我不能限时呢 眼泪哗哗的！！！！