同主题第二期 166 拙作一篇 诚心求拍，求拍必应

bert2006UID: 2194175

166. People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.


The differences between children and adults are obvious. Children are weak, dependent, while adults are strong and independent. There are many events that make a person an adult, however I can only point out here several important ones, that are being 18 years old, attending colleges and getting jobs.

The year when people grow up to 18 years old is significant. They will no longer be seen as children and get their identification cards as well as the citizen obligation. They will be responsible for whatever they have done rather than their parents. From this time, they should realize they are member of the society and not just children.

For most of us, attending colleges may be the first time we go out of our home and live alone, so it is also a chance for us to live independently. Our parents will arrange everything for us when we at home, thus we don not need to use our mind at all. In the other hand, we must care about all things by ourselves when we go to the colleges. For example, if I want a new shirt, I need to buy it by myself; when I have trouble with my friends, I must work them out by myself. Cause there is no one I can rely on, I need to learn to rely no myself.

The most important one is getting jobs. Why I assert so is that getting jobs make people independent in their finance. People are not actually independent until they have jobs, because they need others to support their lives. While they get jobs, they not only can earn themselves but also give support to others, especially their parents. The ability of helping others is surely a primary character of an adult.

In a word, all of these are necessary when we grow up. We need to experience them by ourselves before we become adults.

susan8940UID: 160449

The differences between children and adults are obvious. Children are weak, dependent, while adults are strong and independent. There are many events that make a person an adult, however I can only point out here several important ones(what i'm going to point out here are three most important ones), that are(namely) being 18 years old, attending colleges(getting into a university) and getting jobs(obtaining a job).

The year when people grow up to 18 years old is significant. They will no longer be seen(considered or treated) as children and get their identification cards as well as the citizen obligation. They will be (personal) responsible for whatever they have done rather than their parents(或改成It is themselves rather than their parents who is responsible for whatever they've done). From this time(From the day on), they should realize they are member of the society and not just children.

For most of us, attending colleges may be the first time we go out of(leave) our home and live alone, so it is also(为何有also?) a chance for us to live independently. Our parents will arrange everything for us when we at home, thus we don not need to use our mind at all. In the other hand(However), we must care about all things by ourselves when we go to the colleges. For example, if I want a new shirt, I need(have) to buy it by myself; when I have trouble with my friends, I must work them out by myself. Cause there is no one I can rely on, I need to learn to rely no myself.

The most important one is getting jobs. Why I assert so is that getting jobs make people independent in their finance. People are not actually independent until they have jobs, because they need others to support their lives(people without a job surely need others to support their lives,these persons,therefor,can not be completly independent). While(When) they get jobs, they not only can earn(feed) themselves but also give support to others, especially their parents. The ability of helping others is surely a primary character of an adult.

In a word, all of these are necessary when we grow up. We need to experience them by ourselves before we become adults.
紧扣events非常好!语言上还要加油啊:)

jadeiteUID: 2192066

来晚了，看着改得都差不多了：P
文章题目扣得紧；
可以考虑加几句衔接句，使段与段之间更紧凑，尤其是第二、三段
加油！！！