快来拍砖啊，有拍必应！第四期写作

vigilwangUID: 203758

初次露脸，请多多指教！
It has been in a drastic discussion a long time about whether a student should take part in all the classes arranged by teachers or optionally choose the ones they need and are interested in. Seemingly, these two ways of education have their intrinsic merits. However, I prefer the latter one. Below I give the reasons which concentrate in three parts.

I hold the view that study is not all for a college student, while the full-scale development is the final purpose of education. During the four years time , we gain a lot in the campus and the knowledge is only part of the most valuable ones. Only do we have a good plan of our time, we can learn the other parts---social experiences. Nowadays, holding a school report with “perfect” scores, many students graduate from the university, whereas, they are not able to find a satisfied job. The main reason of this surprising phenomenon is they were restrained by the arranged study schedule and have not get in touch with the other crucial parts.

Furthermore, different people have different ways to study. Some prefer following the teachers instructions in class, but some others get used to study by themselves for the reason that in their own way they comprehend the theories in a shorter time. We should encourage the students, who are surely to solve various kinds of problems individually in the future, to study by themselves. Since the ability if self-study play an important part in the coming work.

What I want to emphasize most is that because of the rapidly developed society, the man with special skills wins the respects of others and the specialists are the original power which pushes the society forward. So the students should be cultivated personally. As we know, it is Bill Gates who sacrificed his college study for the research of software programming, which he really interested in. His success of building the Microsoft not only verified his genius in software and business, but the fact that spending most of your time on a part of the academic field is a better way to study.

For these reasons, we can draw the conclusion that choosing the courses optionally can benefit the students in the largest scale.

超了2分钟，写到后面都乱了，想到什么写什么·········
作文到底多少字合适呢？

[ 本帖最后由 vigilwang 于 2006-4-27 07:32 编辑 ]

vigilwangUID: 203758

自己顶一下，期待互助：）

vigilwangUID: 203758

大家说点什么吧，呵呵

graceaLee2006UID: 2203836

我觉得你写的很好，但论据用的不明显，很隐晦，每段的第一句好像都不是主题句，很典型的中国学生的思考方法

seven10elevenUID: 2209147

字数写300-350字比较好
第一段举了个反例，我个人认为反例放在后面说服力会更强。另外第二段最后的the orther crucial parts 我觉得应该具体说明一下
第三段好象不太对，自学是学习方法，不管学习学校安排的课程还是自己选的都可以自学，这个观点不要写了，你的字数应该够的
最后一段太匆促，我想字数控制一下就有时间了
有一些小语法问题

嗯，以上个人建议，仅供参考，好多地方还要向你学习 ：D

meishenUID: 189284

写得挺好,但是开头和结尾写得都比较少.第一段尤其要重视啊,可以吸引考官的注意.

我的在着儿,帮我看看吧
http://www.gter.edu.cn/bbs/viewt ... &extra=page%3D1

vigilwangUID: 203758

谢谢大家，发现自己的毛病了，主题句写得不好，没有起到总领的作用，像中国式的议论文，进步，进步！
meishen 已经帮你拍了
继续加油！

[ 本帖最后由 vigilwang 于 2006-4-27 07:36 编辑 ]

expire7UID: 2160574

It has been in a drastic discussion a long time about whether a student should take part in all the classes arranged by teachers or optionally choose the ones they need and are interested in. Seemingly, these two ways of education have their intrinsic merits. However, I prefer the latter one. Below I give the reasons which concentrate in three parts.

I hold the view that study is not all for a college student, while the full-scale development is the final purpose of education. During the four years time , we gain a lot in the campus and the knowledge is only part of the most valuable ones. Only do we have a good plan of our time, we can learn the other parts---social experiences. （only的原因没有指出来，过于武断了）Nowadays, holding a school report with “perfect” scores, many students graduate from the university, whereas, they are not able to find a satisfied job. The main reason of this surprising phenomenon is （that）they were restrained by the arranged study schedule and have not get in touch with the other crucial parts.(crucial parts是什么。指出来)。展开不够。都是带过的感觉。不深入。

Furthermore, different people have different ways to study. Some prefer following the teachers instructions in class, but some others get used to study（studying) by themselves for the reason that in their own way they comprehend the theories in a shorter time.(为何？) We should encourage the students, who are surely to solve various kinds of problems individually in the future, to study by themselves. Since the ability if（？） self-study play an important part in the coming work.

What I want to emphasize most is that because of the rapidly developed society, the man with special skills wins the respects of others and the specialists are the original power which pushes the society forward. So（so不能放） the students should be cultivated personally. As we know, it is Bill Gates who sacrificed his college study for the research of software programming, which he really interested in. His success of building the Microsoft not only verified his genius in software and business, but the fact that spending most of your time on a part of the academic （BG是主语，后面却出现the fact.不一致。）field is a better way to study.

For these reasons, we can draw the conclusion that choosing the courses optionally can benefit the students in the largest scale.

1。语言还要多总结，多模仿。很多地方表达很硬。
2。比较狠哈，加油了。
3。字数看个人。如果时间内能够写出来而且写好。再多也没有什么。不过多但是空泛不如少。

vigilwangUID: 203758

谢谢！
很想知道一些举例子的方法和具体的例子可以在文章中用用：）

sweetykathyUID: 2194314

句型感觉不错，比偶强多 了；
但仅仅论述2主题中的其中一个是不是够充足？偶不知道哦，有高手出来讲吗？
思维比较中国化，不够直接。

DidoyUID: 2181213

谢谢帮我看我的作文，以下我的拙见：
1。It has been in a drastic discussion a long time about whether a student should take part in all the classes arranged by teachers or optionally choose the ones they need and are interested in.前面主语是a student，后面变成they need。记得写长句的时候，不要把自己搞糊涂了
2。However, I prefer the latter one.这句是非常非常重要的topic sentence，你前两句都是长句，不够有力，这里的主题句又用了省略，会让阅卷人觉得逻辑不清
3。Below I give the reasons which concentrate in three parts.这里何不把three parts说明白呢，哪three parts呢？如果说出来可以有结构提示的作用，使结构更清晰
4。I hold the view that study is not all for a college student, while the full-scale development is the final purpose of education. 这句话，你看一下主从句的逻辑关系，显然不能够用while来连接，或者可以换成because？
5。Only do we have a good plan of our time, we can learn the other parts.有点句意不清，你是不是像表达只要我们有好的时间计划？或许可以用as long as we have a good pan of our time?这个倒装句用得比较生硬的说，我不知道如果一定要用倒装句这句话怎么讲比较好，如果你想到了，我们可以讨论一下。
6。As we know, it is Bill Gates who sacrificed his college study for the research of software programming, which he really interested in.根据这一段的主题，这句话你想强调的应该是Bill Gates辍学自我发展才得来他的成功吧，换言之，你想强调的应该是辍学而不是Bill Gates吧，那为什么用it is Bill Gates作为强调成分呢？
7。His success of building the Microsoft not only verified his genius in software and business, but the fact that spending most of your time on a part of the academic field is a better way to study.这句话作为一段的末句，偏离了主题。这段的topic sentence时说学生应该个性发展，末句却成为他的成功取决是他只专注了一个领域，是不是不一样了？
总的来说，思路不是很清晰，可能是你的第一篇的缘故吧。。。加油!

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[ 本帖最后由 Didoy 于 2006-4-27 17:10 编辑 ]

susan8940UID: 160449

楼主写的相当不错哦! :)

除了第四段论述的有点乱,需要修改一下,其它基本没问题,而且表达很出色呢.
当然,限时写成这样真的很了不起了.再练十几天相信必得高分!加油!

dr_greenUID: 193584

谢谢你帮我改

你的语言上  我觉得只要注意一下小的语法细节就好了  
我主要是从论证过程上看的

It has been in a drastic discussion a long time about whether a student should take part in all the classes arranged by teachers or optionally choose the ones they need s/he needs and are  is interested in. Seemingly, these two ways of education have their intrinsic merits. However, I prefer the latter one. Below I give the reasons which that / , which concentrate in three parts.

I hold the view that study is not all for a college student, while the full-scale development is the final purpose of education. During the four years time , we gain a lot in on the campus and the knowledge is only part of the most valuable ones. Only do we have a good plan of our time, we can learn the other parts---social experiences.如果前面是“other parts”读者应该会期待你列举出几个parts吧，加上etc. 或者再加几项比较好，我觉得啦 Nowadays, holding a school report with “perfect” scores, many students graduate from the university, whereas, they are not able to find a satisfied satisfying / desirable job. The main reason of this surprising phenomenon is they were restrained by the arranged study schedule and have not get in touch with the other crucial parts.
大学教育应使学生全面发展。学习好是一方面。而另一方面——社会经验，只有通过合理安排我们的时间才能获得。现今很多学生以优异的成绩毕业，却找不到工作，是因为他们没有社会经验，没有社会经验是因为在学校的时间都用在arranged study schedule上了。
你这里的assumptions包括：1. full-scale development至少包括优异的成绩和社会经验组成；2. 学校安排的study schedule使学生缺乏社会经验；3. arranged classes一定会restrain students from earning social experiences。前一个假设不提我觉得没有什么关系，但是后面一个其实才应该是你在这一段里 攻击arranged classes而支持optional classes应该论证的重点吧。
我觉得这一段的问题 一个是“Only do we have a good plan of our time,”这里说的不够明确，a good plan 并不能让人联想到你是在说optional classes也就是说，读者看到这里可能仍然不知道你是在说optional classes好。
二是， 对于第三个假设，你没有明确点出这一点，我就可以反驳你一个安排合理的arranged classes schedule不仅可以让学生系统的获得知识，还可以为他们提供充足的时间进行社会实践活动。

Furthermore, different people have different ways to study. Some prefer following the teachers teachers’ instructions in class, but some others get used to study are used to studying, get used to 比较适合表达一个适应的过程by themselves for the reason that in their own way they comprehend the theories in a shorter time. We should encourage the students, who are surely to solve various kinds of problems individually in the future, to study by themselves. Since the ability if of self-study play plays an important part role？ in the coming work.
学生的学习方法各不相同，有人习惯听从老师，有人习惯自学。因为自学能力对未来是重要的 所以我们应该encourage他们自学
可是怎么encourage呢？整段论证没有点出optional classes 比arranged classes在鼓励学生自学方面有更好的效果

What I want to emphasize most is that because of the rapidly developed developing？我理解你是要强调社会是在不断发展变化的吧 如果developed以后就没有发展的机会鸟~~ 或者rapid development of the society? society, the man with special skills wins the respects of others and the specialists are the original power which pushes the society forward. So the students should be cultivated personally.这么说是不是变成每个人都应该通过单独授课来获得教育啦？ As we know, it is Bill Gates who sacrificed his college study for the research of software programming, which he really interested in.恩 这个强调句好像强调的对象有点问题 His success of building the Microsoft not only verified verified not only his genius in software and business, but the fact that spending most of your time on a part of the academic field is a better way to study.
社会需要的是专业型人才 所以我们应该把时间有针对性的花在特定的学科领域内 所以每个人应该得到个人的教育 所以optional 比arranged 好
你在这里最主要的假设是 大学划分的专业方向和arranged classes所涉及的专业内容还不够集中，学生应该学习更为细致分类后的几门课程 而由于同一个专业中的学生必然不会关注于相同的领域 所以要单独教育
总觉得有点变扭。。。plus Bill Gates的例子好像不是很贴切

For these reasons, we can draw the conclusion that choosing the courses optionally can benefit the students in the largest scale.

不知道我的理解是不是对  我们再讨论！！

vigilwangUID: 203758

呵呵，有着么多高人指点啊，领小生受益非潜啊，
互拍才是硬道理，大家加油吧！

dlegumeUID: 2139164

It has been in a drastic discussionabout a long time好象放的位置不太对 whether a student should take part in all the classes arranged by teachers or optionally choose the ones they need and are interested in. Seemingly, these two ways of education have their intrinsic merits. However, I prefer the latter one.  I give the reasons which concentrate in three parts Below

I hold the view that study is not all for a college student, while the full-scale development is the final purpose of education. During the four years time , we gain a lot in the campus and the knowledge is only part of the most valuable ones. Only do we have a good plan of our time, we can learn the other parts---social experiences...and so on. Nowadays, in order to holding a school report with “perfect” scores, many students graduate from the university, whereas, they are not able to find a satisfied job. The the main reason of this surprising phenomenon is they were(are) restrained by the arranged study schedule and have not get in touch with the other crucial parts.

Furthermore, different people have different ways to study. Some prefer following the teachers instructions in class, but some删掉 others get used to study by themselves for the reason that in their own way they comprehend the theories in a shorter time. We should encourage the students, who are surely to solve various kinds of problems individually in the future, to study by themselves. Since the ability if self-study play an important part in the coming work.
HWhat I want to emphasize most is that because of the rapidly developed society, the man with special skills wins the respects of others and the specialists are the original power which pushes the society forward. So the students should be cultivated personally. As we know, it is(was) Bill Gates who sacrificed his college study for the research of software programming, which he really interested in. His success of building the Microsoft not only verified his genius in software and business, but the fact that spending most of your time on a part of the academic field is a better way to study.


感觉有意要追求句子复杂程度,以至有几句中国式英语
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D258我的连接,欢迎楼主拍砖