五一twe写作特训------by polymath（欢迎贴作文进来互改）

polymathUID: 179557

Different people have different point of views 添加上to the above choice引出话题！. Some people prefer to live in a small town. Maybefor they enjoy the fresh air, the big house and something else. While with the economy growing perpetuately 这个是永存的，无止境地，不是太恰当！换continuously, more and more people want to live in a big citywish to take living in a big city as their prime preference. And it is sure that I am one of them. I prefer to live in a big city. 合并改写一下，As far as I am concerned, I agree with the opinion.This I wouldsupport with the following reasons.

The most important reason I choose to live in a big city is the competition. In other words, chances of better jobs that you really like.这一句不懂啊？感觉表达地不够好！ For example, you work in a TV company. If you are in a small town,maybe you will be popular locally. But when you live in a big city, you know you are nothing, and surely get more competitions. There are a lot of people who expertised in your area,  they will compete with you. So what you can do is to increase your ability and make a breakthrough. Maybe it is teemed accompanyed with pressure, but you can always be progressive. When you really reach a certain height of your job, better offer will come to you.论点比较清晰，不足之处语言欠变化，句式单一。

You can have more fun in a big city-it is another important reason I think.改写为Another important  reason  for people’s propensity is they can have more fun in a big city.People today are quite different from people one hundred years ago.They get more pressure,so they need more entertainment to get relieved. Then a big city provide tons of these things. 最好加个If You are a 'Brad Pitt' fan?Go to the theatre.If You need some exercise?Go to the gym. Whatever you like ,you can find something in a big city.论点明确，论证还算有理。欠饱满！

Additionally, a big city is much more convenient than a small town. For instance, when you are hungry, but there is not anything left at home. What can you do?In a small town, nothing! But in a big city, you can just go downstairs and grab grab这样哪个会不会成为强盗！:eek: something to eat at a ‘Seven-Eleven’.

I do not mean that everything is better in a big city. But I believe that a big city has more benefits for us to live in. Therefore , I strongly hold the view that I prefer to live in a big city.

总评：全文给出了3个大城市的优点进行褒扬论证，每个部分的分析比较充分，但缺点是语言不是很丰富，简单句多，句式缺乏变化，措辞的恰当性和准确性较差。鉴于第一段的影象分不太好，给个3.5-4分。希望再接再励，一定能够有更大的进步！:)

polymathUID: 179557

原帖由 susan8940 于 2006-5-6 19:08 发表
复制回去晚上改：）
楼主帮我看看吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1768535331

改的可能苛刻了些，有不对的地方楼主就ignore them啦
顺便说一下 ...

谢谢susan，意见很中肯，有些我接受了！:p

polymathUID: 179557

值得提到是这篇文章是我借鉴了太傻上该期TWE练笔总结和关于该类题目的一些固定模板，自己重新写的一篇。觉得论证还比较充分，大家提点意见！！:D

7. How do movies or television influence people’s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

There is no denying the fact that movies or television--as the most pervasive and persuasive of modern technologie, marked by rapid change and growth--does bring people amusement and swiftness. However, one should not based on this basis curtly justify the entire influence of movies or television. Before rendering my opinion, I think it is important to take a glance at the arguments on both sides.

People who support movies or television are integrant and constructive usually give some, even all of the following reasons. The first is that television is more than just an electronic system, however, it is a means of expression, as well as a vehicle for communication, and as such becomes a powerful tool for reaching other human beings. The second reason for people's propensity to the idea is that being the latest communicating media, the power of movies and television is not distant and impersonal, which reaches into every home in the world, and has occupied almost all our spare time. The third but not the last, ascribed to providing access to other parts of the world, showing dissimilar cultures from different countries, and attaching the significant novelties in the first place, they, to some extent, have met human beings'curiosity and enriched our spiritual life.

As a proverb says, “Each coin has two sides”. Although movies and television does have its seemingly profound advantages, at the mean time there lie harmful drawbacks in it. Namely, as the public in whole indeed lack ability of discretion and critical thinking, they  were often led or even regulated by the television. This significant point, however, is often not noticed by the public and accordingly, is unconsciously overlooked. During many years, programs' plan or arrangement has been  controlled, for the most part, by the broadcast networks, ABC, NBC, and CBS, who have been the major purveyors of news, information, and entertainment. These giants of broadcasting have actually shaped not only television but our perception of it as well. We have come to look upon the picture tube as a  source of entertainment, placing our role in this dynamic medium as the passive  
viewer.

The worst effect of movies and television is on little children. Here are three main faults: First, it induce kids into becoming consumers for dangerous toys, mindless games, and unhealthful food; another bad effect is that kids are over exposed to violence; most serious of all, kids who often watch Tv or movies are becoming passive, for they have been robbed of creative impulses by them.

As far as I am concerned, I am convinced that the total effect of most television or movies  is negative. By just sitting back and acting as a baby sitter, far too much time of us is wasted. Therefore it is time for us to understand such bad effects and cherish our time in doing more meritorious things. (470)
17:58 2006-5-6

[ 本帖最后由 polymath 于 2006-5-6 22:02 编辑 ]

mjtiger23UID: 2164364

太谢谢了.有这个DOOD的帮忙真是太好了.我愁死了.本来作文基础差.考试前还有几天时间了.哎,心虚啊...

susan8940UID: 160449

原帖由 polymath 于 2006-5-6 21:46 发表
值得提到是这篇文章是我借鉴了太傻上该期TWE练笔总结和关于该类题目的一些固定模板，自己重新写的一篇。觉得论证还比较充分，大家提点意见！！:D

7. ...

大概看了下，是否跑题啦？题目是how to influence
你写的是不是merits and drawbacks啊？
还没细看，晚上再来:D

susan8940UID: 160449

另外请教下lz，作文的提纲列了多少啦？
我才准备了二十多个，接下来每天起码弄30个，:L

philixcasterliuUID: 2182659

Topic72: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Grades encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that grades acquired from millions of tests and quizzes by students will spur them to study more industrious and efficient. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them and I will explore only a few primary ones here.

The main reason with this argument is that it is ignorant to the basic fact that for students, in order to get a higher mark and precede others in appearance, namely trying to be decent, they resort to every expedient especially cheating. Students who cling to cheat in the exam utterly misunderstand the essence of marks and they contort the real purpose of exams. For one thing, a lot of students show off their high marks in front others to betray how sophisticated they are so as to obtain others’ compliment. This is the negative result elicited by the ardor for marks, in my point of view.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I consent that even though students receive a high mark as  their deserved reward, yet hardly will some of them be arrogant about themselves. These students are more likely to loose their study because of their high grades, as always, they will lose themselves and penetrate with playing for a long episode. This kind of phenomenon has existed among many students very often, and definitely influences students at school in a bad side.

What is more, some people convince that scores always help the society select out the real gifted and talented persons to construct our community. However, emphasizing marks too much always lead education to a wrong way, in other words, people should also pay more attention to the competitive abilities of nurturing a qualified talent. As far as I am concerned, student’s with both adequate knowledge and abilities can do good to us for the sake that knowledge could solve science problems but without basic living abilities, scarcely could people live in the society.

In a word, taking into account of all these factors such as the tendency to cheat among students, the pretentious minds of receiving high marks and the vital role of abilities compared to the scientific knowledge, we may reach the conclusion that marks will not motivate students to study harder.

Topic169:

It is a general truth that music as a kind of art plays a vital role in our life. People could benefit and enjoy music in mammoth ways for several reasons and in this essay, I would explore some primary ones here.

The fundamental reason I’d like to mention first is that splendid songs and adept percussions will make people who live in the urban community with tired attitudes escape from the fiercely competitive business, tedious school life, monotonous work in factory or hollow social activities, and music also educe people to a fairyland filled only with music to an uttermost level. Not only does music entertain people, but also it soothe particular part of people who suffered some tragedies. In some ways, music is definitely an indispensable ingredient to grip people’s rhythm of life.

The second reason I affirm is the point that in culture aspect, music rises people’s spiritual life and psyche to a higher criterion. That’s to say, while people are listening to music such as classic, they would attain the proper way to read that kind of music. For example, in my country, an increasing number of people would like to buy tickets to the opera where concert would be held, however, twenty years ago, without the accumulation of classical music experience, people would not go to the opera. That is how everything changed and in order to heighten their virtue ,a surge in quantity of people begin listening to music in many ways.

What's more, music is a sort of languages for people to communicate with each other holding different backgrounds. As it is said, there is no boundary among cultures. So people want to obtain the alien culture, and then recognize the world through music.

To generalize, taking into account of these factors such as music could relieve people, flourish people’s psyche and make people obtain the culture around the world, we can clarify the reasons why people love music.

327words in 34mins

Welcome to share your cherish opinions

A basket of THANKS

mjtiger23UID: 2164364

楼主还在嘛?昨天真谢谢了,今天看了不少技巧然后写了2篇,选了一个,打出来.继续求教.谢谢了撒.
Topic 20:It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

It is widely argued that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city, On contrary, I believe that there are more merits for children to live in a big city. Therefore, I disagree with the common sense. This I would support with the following reasons.

One of the main reasons to support my point of view is that mostly a big city has better schools for children than countryside. It is without argument that school is extremely important for children, for they spend most of there time there. When children grow up in countryside, they have few choices of schools. But when children are raised up in a big city, they get more alternatives. If they like music, they can go to a school which is good at music; If they like basketball, they can choose a basketball-customary school. On the whole, children can go to a better school and get a better education in a big city.

Another reason is that children can have more entertainment in a big city. Although entertainment may have no direct affect to enhance the ability of children, it is very crucial to children. Barely can children grow up without any fun. As you can see, if they do live in L.A., they can see the Lakers game, have fun in Hollywood world, play with sand on the beach and something else. At the mean time, children live in countryside do not have as much fun as the kids in L.A.

In addition, children live in a big city can have more ways to get knowledge rather than study in school. They can also learn something interesting from a museum, a zoo, and any event for kids.

I do not mean that there are no demerits for children to live in a big city. For instance, they could be attracted from study by various things. As another example, they could get more stress than who live in the countryside.

Altogether to summarize, I believe that there are more merits for children to live in a big city than in countryside. Therefore, I argue that it is better for children to grow up in a big city but countryside.

AceLeeUID: 2137421

让点评来得更加猛烈些吧...

Topic169: people listen to music for different reasons and at different times. why is music important to many people?

I always amazed when I hear people who spend about 70% of their working hours transacting, documenting, and otherwise business saying that they can live admirably without music. Music is at least partly if not wholly the share for our lives. There are numerous reasons witness my standpoint and here I would explore a few of the most vital ones.

Look at the posters on the billboard full of news about latter albums; or look at the passerby mostly wearing a pair of earphone. Music created by different musicians is to some extent a microcosm of the reflection of experience through our lifetime. Under the interaction of improved music processing and high demand led to the rapid spread of various kinds of music today, it never fail to fascinate human beings. From the dissimilar patterns of music, the different experience of life we can seek for. When we wallow of the tunes of the symphony of lives,  

Whether we find a successful person pleasurable or not largely depend on the ability he or she feel could relieve from the music. From Juliana, the former mayor of New York .always put a sum of CD albums on her escritoire to add some color to her dull routine work life. As is revealed in recent investigation conducted by Department of Sociology in Princeton University, those who are fond of listening to music could get along with their friends stunning and receiving more praise in their work. Even people who take no interest in music cannot have failed to notice the rhythms from the organ grinders and then smile.

Music never fails to fascinate people especially those who frequently receive abundance of inspirations from music. Dissimilar types of music provide numerous sources to create new meanings during mixed work. In respect that no kind of music and experiences of life are exactly alike, there will always be differences, but differences should not be avoided: it can be healthy if handled creatively. Experts from CMCO (Chinese Media and Communication Organization) with great optimistic pointed out that more inspiration the people can seek from the music to deal with their work , more claimed they will receive.

At dissimilar times and places, music became an indispensable adjunct to people of different age levels for daily lives, for it was a stage to be affected by various experience of lives ,a carrier to release our pressure ,and a fountainhead of creation

404字 用时：不晓得好多分钟漫长就是了(郁闷之极的事)

希望大家能帮我看看...谢谢...谢谢...

susan8940UID: 160449

第一篇模考作文，30分钟，缫了一堆，感觉很多地方不尽人意，欢迎修改：）

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Money a person earns is surely an important aspect of his/her job.However, I can hardly believe that it is the most significant one. There are several factors playing more important roles in a person’s profession than money, namely, opportunities to gain knowledge, enjoyable environment, and the quality of coworkers.

First and foremost, I believe opportunities to improve working ability are one of the most important elements that should be considered when applying for a job. People may not be able to stay in the same company or institution all their lives. Technology of certain fields is improving so rapidly that if one doesn’t go pace with it, he/she can hardly do their work well. As a result, he/she can be fired one day. If so, former high paycheck will not be available any more. For that matter, people have to evaluate opportunities the employer offers to absorb the latest knowledge and skills to imporve their quality of work. In this way, not only can they keep steady salary, but also they may be able to be hired by a larger company, for example, with a more decent pay.

Additionally, whether the environment of the office is enjoyable is more significant than the money one earns. People spend over 1/3 time of their lives in the office, so whether the environment of the place is good or not directly decide whether we can live a comfortable life or not. For example, if employees prefer to smoking in the office, we will never enjoy fresh air. Instead, we may suffer from bad diseases such as lung problems, which will cost numerous money to cure it. For that matter, our high pay may be not enough to pay for the medical cure.

Finally, the quality of coworkers may influence our efficiency at work. Just suppose one of our coworkers is not at all friendly to us, even do harmful things to prevent us from doing well in the job. For instance, he/she may say something terrible about us behind our back, then other people may begin to misunderstand us and not so friendly as before. Working in such atmosphere, we can hardly have effective performance. Worse still, we may be far from happiness and comfort.

Considering all that I argue above, it is clear that money is not the most important aspect of a job.

ben26102UID: 2184045

peking是北平 北京原来的官方英语名称 介于外国人对中国的了解比较滞后，确实曾经在网上聊天时碰到很多只知道peking的

polymathUID: 179557

原帖由 susan8940 于 2006-5-7 13:10 发表



大概看了下，是否跑题啦？题目是how to influence
你写的是不是merits and drawbacks啊？
还没细看，晚上再来:D

个人认为这里谈的influence实际上就是让你指出电视或电影对人类产生的好的或者坏的影响。我的全文思路是：先不明确表态，经过论证积极和消极的影响，得出副面影响更多，所以最后下结论，电视或电影对对人们得影响主要是副面得，应该得到控制。

谢谢susan的质疑，继续交流！:)

polymathUID: 179557

原帖由 mjtiger23 于 2006-5-7 01:21 发表
太谢谢了.有这个DOOD的帮忙真是太好了.我愁死了.本来作文基础差.考试前还有几天时间了.哎,心虚啊...

DD表太愁。招个分类，每个分类列几个提纲就可以了，实在没有时间，就把某个牛牛和前辈的提纲拿来自己从投到尾过一遍，然后每类挑选一个题目自己写一篇，一定要写，而且现在要现时写了！加油！bless you and lesss me!:D

mf1984`UID: 2174556

原帖由 polymath 于 2006-5-8 21:38 发表

个人认为这里谈的influence实际上就是让你指出电视或电影对人类产生的好的或者坏的影响。我的全文思路是：先不明确表态，经过论证积极和消极的影响，得出副面影响更多，所以最后下结论，电视或电影对对人们得影 ...

还是认为楼主跑题了，是how 不是 what

polymathUID: 179557

这里真的好热闹啊！先说声对不住大家，昨天出去喝喜酒了！醉了！:$刚上来，马上替大家看作文！按顺序改吧！表急！
;)
BTW：我主要想借这个平台让大家吧自己的作文发到这里互相批改，我的时间喝 精力也有限，所以大家一定要主动帮别人先提出点意见，学习的过程实际就是自己提高的过程，而且往往比自己单独去写一篇文章，可以收获得更多！因为我们从每一篇文章中都可以发现一些闪光点，这样我们就可以拿来主义，用在自己得作文中！呵呵！:D

还有5天了！加油吧！！！:victory: