arguemnt147 [加州阳光]第二次作业

盈盈飞飞UID: 2217743

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS:425   
This argument drew a conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind (W) video game will increase based on the reasons that it has introduced several games which are fit for the player’s appetite of video-game according to the result of a survey. However, an in-depth analysis indicates to me that there are some flaws which undermine the validity.

To begin with, the chief deficiency of this argument is that it drew the conclusion without a careful analysis of the reason why the sale of W declined over the past two years. The arguer maintains the idea that the reason is because their games of past two years are not popular with the video-game players. Since they have introduced several games with lifelike graphics which requires most up-to-date computers, their sale will definitely increase. In my observation, this is a unwarranted ratiocination. As we all knows that there is many other crucial factors which might determine whether the sale will increase or not . As for me, one of the most important one is the condition of the market of a certain product. It is highly likely that other companies also engaging in video-game has introduced some video-games much more popular with the consumer than W, which is likely the basic reason of W's sale declining, if this is the case, it is no use for W to introduce new games in order to reverse its sale declining .

Furthermore, no evidence could indicate that the responder of the survey can represent the players of 10 to 25 years old. Maybe the survey mentioned in the argument is made to all video-game players, it cannot demonstrate that the player of 10 to 25 also like this kind of game. Maybe players at these ages prefer to the sound, story, action rather than the graphics of a game. Therefore this survey cannot indicate that players of 10 to25, which most likely to play games  will buy its product. Also, no evidence indicates that the vital statistic of the survey is large enough for a reliable research.. It is probably the amount of responder is no more than 50 , which is too small comparing with the total number of video-game player. Moreover, if there are more than 1000 pieces of test paper spread away with only less than 100 withdrew, it also cannot indicate the plays are fond of graphics.

In sum, without eliminating all the flaws I have mentioned above, the arguer cannot draw the conclusion that sale of W will increase in the next few month.

leaf99UID: 2174003

This argument drew a conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind (W) video game will increase based on the reasons that it has introduced several games which are fit for the player’s appetite of video-game according to the result of a survey. However, an in-depth analysis indicates to me that there are some flaws which undermine the validity.

To begin with, the chief deficiency of this argument is that it drew the conclusion without a careful analysis of the reasons why the sale of W declined over the past two years. The arguer maintains the idea(idea是想法，很弱的一个词) that the reason is because their games of past two years are not popular with the video-game players. Since they have introduced several games with lifelike graphics which requires most up-to-date computers, their sale will definitely increase. In my observation, this is a unwarranted ratiocination. As we all knows（不但对吧） that there is many other crucial factors which might determine whether the sale will increase or not . As for me（太主观）, one of the most important one is the condition of the market of a certain product. It is highly likely（highly possible, very likely） that other companies also engaging in video-game has introduced some video-games much more popular with the consumer than W, which is likely the basic reason of W's sale declining(sales decline), if this is the case, it is no use for W to introduce new games in order to reverse its sale declining .

Furthermore, no evidence could indicate that the responderrespondents of the survey can represent the players of 10 to 25 years old. Maybe the survey mentioned in the argument is made to all video-game players,thus it cannot demonstrate that the player of 10 to 25 also like this kind of game. Maybe players at these ages prefer to 去掉the sound, story, action rather than the graphics of a game. Therefore this survey cannot indicate that players of 10 to25, which most likely to play games  will buy its product. Also, no evidence indicates that the vital statistics of the survey is large enough for a reliable research.. It is probably the amount of responder（the number of respondents） is no more than 50 , which is too small comparingcompared with the total number of video-game players. Moreover, if there are more than 1000 pieces of test paper spread away with only less than 100 withdrew, it also cannot indicate the plays are fond of graphics.

In sum, without eliminating all the flaws I have mentioned above, the arguer cannot draw the conclusion that sale of W will increase in the next few month.

总体 除了第二段有些主观外，其他论点都不错。语言也不错，结尾建议再加强一下 good
请修改叶子的
Issue38 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768680615
Argument147  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3

[ 本帖最后由 leaf99 于 2006-6-10 11:04 编辑 ]

stone_lueUID: 2154056

This argument drew a conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind (W) video game will increase based on the reasons that it has introduced several games which are fit for the player’s appetite of video-game according to the result of a survey. However, an in-depth analysis indicates to me that there are some flaws which undermine the validity.

To begin with, the chief deficiency of this argument is that it drew the conclusion without a careful analysis of the reason why the sale of W declined over the past two years. The arguer maintains the idea that the reason is because their games of past two years are not popular with the video-game players. Since they have introduced several games with lifelike graphics which requires most up-to-date computers, their sale will definitely increase. In my observation, this is a（an） unwarranted ratiocination. As we all knows that there is many other crucial factors which might determine whether the sale will increase or not . As for me, one of the most important one is the condition of the market of a certain product. It is highly likely that other companies also engaging in video-game has introduced some video-games much more popular with the consumer than W, which is likely the basic reason of W's sale declining, if this is the case, it is no use for W to introduce new games in order to reverse its sale declining .

Furthermore, no evidence could indicate that the responder of the survey can represent the players of 10 to 25 years old. Maybe the survey mentioned in the argument is made to all video-game players, it cannot demonstrate that the player of 10 to 25 also like this kind of game. Maybe players at these ages prefer to the sound, story, action rather than the graphics of a game. Therefore this survey cannot indicate that players of 10 to25, which most likely to play games  will buy its product. Also, no evidence indicates that the vital statistic of the survey is large enough for a reliable research.. It is probably the amount of responder is no more than 50 , which is too small comparing（compared） with the total number of video-game player. (是否过于具体了)Moreover, if there are more than 1000 pieces of test paper spread away with only less than 100 withdrew, it also cannot indicate the plays are fond of graphics.

In sum, without eliminating all the flaws I have mentioned above, the arguer cannot draw the conclusion that sale of W will increase in the next few month.
每一条论点都能充分展开， 但是否结尾有些过于简略了。

sandyfriendUID: 157486

This argument drew a conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind (W) video game will increase based on the reasons that it has introduced several games which are fit for the player’s appetite of video-game according to the result of a survey. However, an in-depth analysis indicates to me that there are some flaws which undermine the validity.

To begin with, the chief deficiency of this argument is that it drew the conclusion without a careful analysis of the reason why the sale of W declined over the past two years. The arguer maintains the idea that the reason is because their games of past two years are not popular with the video-game players. Since they have introduced several games with lifelike graphics which requires most up-to-date computers, their sale will definitely increase. In my observation,[自己的观点,] this is a unwarranted ratiocination.[Observed carefully, it lies in an unwarranted ratiocination.]As we all knows that there is many other crucial factors which might determine whether the sale will increase or not . As for me, [可以去掉把]one of the most important one is the condition of the market of a certain product. It is highly likely that other companies also engaging in video-game has introduced some video-games much more popular with the consumer than W, which is likely the basic reason of W's sale declining, if this is the case, it is no use for W to introduce new games in order to reverse its sale declining .

Furthermore, no evidence could indicate that the responder of the survey can represent the players of 10 to 25 years old. Maybe the survey mentioned in the argument is made to all video-game players, it cannot demonstrate that the player of 10 to 25 also like this kind of game. Maybe players at these ages prefer to the sound, story, action rather than the graphics of a game. Therefore this survey cannot indicate that players of 10 to25, which most likely to play games  will buy its product. Also, no evidence indicates that the vital statistic of the survey is large enough for a reliable research.. It is probably the amount of responder is no more than 50 , which is too small comparing with the total number of video-game player. Moreover, if there are more than 1000 pieces of test paper spread away with only less than 100 withdrew, it also cannot indicate the plays are fond of graphics.

In sum, without eliminating all the flaws I have mentioned above, the arguer cannot draw the conclusion that sale of W will increase in the next few month.
[结尾要重申一下观点的如何改正。才符合结论。]
没什么好改的论证跟语言都不错。
得向你学习啊。