issue136 义无返顾小组第22次作业

ylwangUID: 2191211

ylwang ---> even1985310

第22次作业

issue 136 (选择的存在)
."The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

Individual freedom of choice of thought would be achieved more easily than individual freedom of choice of action, given that the latter, thought also desirable, must be subject to(subject to是动词短语,be去掉) the limits imposed by the rights and freedom of others. So I partly agree with the writer’s assertion that men are little subject to (subject to是动词短语,are去掉)the circumstance to make choice, however, sometimes in the specific situation we have no choice and absolutely freedom does not exist.

On the one hand, modern progress has greatly contributed to man’s freedom of choice both material and moral. With the development of science and technology, man has less and less been slaved to their physiological mechanism(slave是不及物动词，似乎没有be slaved to这种用法). In the past we perceive the world with finite extent（means是不是好一点）. Now the natural limits of our eyes have, of course, been extended（overcomed吧，limit被延伸，不是意思反了） by mechanical instruments: telescopes, microscopes, secondary planet and so on and our chance of choice also has been extended(为什么感觉的东西多了就选择多了，why?). In the modest standards（什么叫modest standards呢？） of those days, people did not know what has happened in the microcosm, now people can choose microscope to see clearly what was the cell of onion really like(这句话还是说利用显微镜可以看细胞了，但和论点有什么关系呢？我不理解). The same is to our moral world. (这段说的是人们可以利用先进设备做月来越多的事情，但是这和选择有什么关系呢，好像论证不是很convincing,还有最后来一句moral系统也一样，why？作者一句也没说)
The plentiful supply of material goods provide people an entire freedom of choice. That does not mean, however, we have the absolutely(absolute) power or freedom to choose. Who feels free to choose his own origin? Who can select the time of retirement except you decide to chuck of it yourself? Who can earn a trip to the moon if you are not an millionaire or a technician. The absence of the “choice ” may be not exist, but the absence of the power to “choice” is exist.(这一段的观点不错，赞！但可以更加充实一点)

Maybe you will say that though you can’t control the objective environment sometimes, nevertheless, you can choose your freedom of spirit, you have the ability to think independently, but sometimes the choice of spirit is still out of control, and this time we also lack of choice. Like you are a child. Psychology said(says) that when we are children, we are puny to our environment; we have no choice to choose(have no chance to choose是不是更好一点) the psychological effect to us. And the imprint might leave a long period that even when you grow older you may also be controlled by your early experience, in the sub consciousness(subconsciousness). Unless you can choose to excavate these sub consciousness(subconsciousness), try to use new experience to substitute, and eliminate their influence. (这段我大概看懂了，是说心理不成熟经验不够选择就少了，但是措辞感觉不行，没有完全表达出你要想说的意思)

So the chance of choice is not absolutely freedom(free), there are something uncontrollable. Sometimes we have no other choice. However there is no entirely restrict, you can make the chance of choice with your own effort. (个人努力能增大选择机会？文章好像没有论证这一点啊)

提纲
1．社会物质丰富，使选择本身的自由越来越大
2．但是选择的权利却并不是同样变得无限
3．我们随时可以保持精神自由，但有时我们精神的自由也是没法控制的，所以这时我们也别无选择
POSITION:我们的选择并不是绝对自由的，有很多不可控因素，有时别无选择。但也没有绝对的限制，随着环境改变，也改变着选择的可能性。

总结
1。论证段里面就第二段非常不错，论证比较有力
2。第一段的论据没有很好的support你的观点，没有很好的把论据和选择结合起来，感觉不是很convincing
3。第三段表达不是很透彻，没有能很好的表达出你要表达的意思。
4。感觉语感似乎不够，有些句子读起来比较别扭，可以背背孙远的工具箱。

个人意见，拍重勿怪~


[ 本帖最后由 ylwang 于 2006-6-11 21:13 编辑 ]

coxleeUID: 2197149

coxlee--->kitty

Is the absence of choice a very rare circumstance that exists in our life ?In light of  my knowledge and experience, I fundamentally agree with the assertion that the absence of choices is very exceptional, and alternative choices are always available in the world( in the world 合适么？).(第一段表明态度，完全赞同)

In this time(era?) of rapid social changes leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement(这句话似层相识啊，哈哈), people frequently face with difficulties in making choices. For example, one might feel trapped in a low-paid job for financial pressure. He would claim he had no choice but to declare bankruptcy if he lost this job. Some people bear boring marriages(要复数?) for a long time. They are unwilling to free them from the marrical(marital) restriction either for the pressure imposed by their parents or by utilitarian intentions. The majorties(majorities) of them complain it is the circumstances around them to leave them no choices. When they run into these dilemmas,  the complete absence of choice would invariably seem to be possible and available.(这段我有点摸不着头脑了，既然是完全赞同，怎么又列举这么多没有选择的例子呢？(而且这些例子都不真的是没有选择)。是想说明没有选择的情况是完全有可能存在的？)

(有一个连接词好点，感觉和上面好脱节)Common sense indicates that we, as the highest creasures(creatures) in the world, have a free will to make choices. (and enjoy this freedom to find alternative relusions)多余?感觉没必要).The fundermental(fundamental) reason lying in this sort of claim(this sort of claim?感觉不对又说不出哪错了，hehe) is that other considerations require(require) more courage for us to face with the uncertain situations(直接uncertaity好了). That is to say, people in such situations have some choices, however, they(there) contain so many uncertain(uncertain) factors that many people  retreat before the difficulties (to make any choice?).(这段花了好长时间推敲才知道作者的意思。。。作者是想说这种情形人们不是没有选择，而是不想做选择，因为选择就会有很大的不确定性，需要很大的勇气。这段作者叙述的太晦涩，我建议把这段和上段合并（当然这段还要重新组织下），上段的例子用到这段的论述上.)

(连接词?)The absence of choice does not mean we have no choice but implies we need some time or knowledge to seek for alternative choice hidden behind the surface, thus we could treat the embarassment(embarrassment) from another perspective(感觉不是因果关系阿，应该是相互补充的，同时我们可以从其它角度看问题). We can extend this assertion to the history field (we ca look for a example from the history??).When we retrospect the route that our party have been exploring to establish a system based on the interests of the majority of chinese people, we will find  the pinoeers  experienced many difficulties. Falling twice from the apex of vitory(victory) to the abyss of defeat, the situation was severe for CPC. Instead of giving up choices,  the CPC eventually decided to long march .Half way through the Long March, they held a meeting in Zunyi to elect Mao as the leader of the Party and the Red Army. That meeting is considered a  turning point in the history of both the CPC and the Chinese revolution.  Mao led the Red Army out of the enemy and successfully  established a revolutionary base in Yan ’an, where the Red Army grew stronger and readied itself for a triumphant comeback. LearingLearning from this episode of demostic(domestic) history, we should carefully consider in tough circermstance(circumstances) to make proper choice instead of losing confidence and even complaining that we have to(no) choice(这一句应该换个角度，和题目结合的紧密些).(这段应该是文章的核心部分了，用了红军的例子（偶页用了，hiahia），例子说明的很详细，但叙述中间没有突出和主题句的联系。例子没有说明”need time or knowledge” nor “from another perspective”。)

In sum, the statement is fundamentally correct. I would concede that everyone is able to make a proper choice though the situation is very tough. Accordingly, one is also responsible for his own choice ,and should not complain(complain) the unexpected result.(Accordingly后面的部分前文完全没有提到，这样蹦出来似乎不好，还不如删掉，重复开头呢。)
(总体来说作者需要更加努力，句式、例子，论证和组织上都有待商榷，可能是偶拍的太重了，呵呵，不过这个题目好难写啊，我写的估计也特烂，大家一起加油！)

kittywen_16UID: 2135347

Issue 136

1 科技的发展给人们的生活带来很多选择
2 没有选择是因为人的眼光太狭隘态度太不积极所造成
3 面对无法改变的客观事实，我们也只能接受，然而乐观的态度不能缺少
511words

In this high-developed society, is it true that the absence of choice is very, very rare? I would say yes to this question【say yes 有点太口语化，建议I would agree with 】 for the 【删掉the】more and more abundant【用了more and more, 就不必再用abundant】 materials and facilitated communion between people. On the other hand【这个词组应该与on the one hand l联用】, everything is not absolute【这句话是什么意思啊？】, and that the number of choice is rare or abundant to each person is relative. Moreover, there are some objective truths we have no choice but have to accept it in the specific circumstance.【总体感觉chi English的味道很浓，建议自己写完后要通读一边，看看哪里不通顺】
Admittedly，with the science and technology striking【strikingly】changed and the productivity boosted, people's life are enriched. In the living material aspect, we are provided so many【much】: if you want to have a meal in restaurants, there are so many kinds of food such as Chinese, Indian, and more kinds of delicious in mixed style;【去哪里吃饭和科技的进步有关系吗？】 if you want to choose evening wear for your birthday party, it also may be very hard for so many different material and styles in the shops. Moreover, the same thing is happened when we choose our occupations. As the development of technology and more distributions of works in society, more kinds of occupations are appearing, which makes us are confused in choosing. We cannot to deny that sometimes, the happened chances help most of us choose.【作者想说，科技进步给我们带来很多选择，但举出的例子范围太小。或者在开头说：in our life experience】

On the other hand, to some certain【certain】 persons, the choices are really too rare, which【这里的which 指代的不是很清楚。直接用the problem就好了】 is made by their shot sight and passive attitudes. These two years, in several universities in China, several senior students were suicide, which evokes public attention. To some extend, it is due to the pressure of finding job in society, however, the most important reason for that is from the students' pessimistic attitudes and shot sight. They only realize the pressure at present, but they could not foresee the beautiful future with their efforts. If the graduates could debase their demand in wage and prize at their first period of work, they can find out that there are many jobs, which they can take, and after several years, with work experience and good performance, their demands are absolutely satisfied. 【作者应先阐述这些大学生是在一种什么样的情况下走上自杀的道路。是到处求职碰壁、是经受不起打击、还是理想和现实差距过大……仅仅一句it is due to the pressure of finding job，有点单薄；然后再说，造成他们自杀的原因不是无法选择，而是他们的短视和悲观态度。】

However, when faced with some objective truth, we have no choice but have to accept it. Take the most threatening illness-cancer for example, in today's medical technology, we can only control but not defeat it. So, when people get cancer, they have to accept this truth and are suffered to die. But, even in this no choice times, people also should keep the optimistic attitudes to face it, which is helpful to us. As in the above example, patients, who get cancers, with optimistic attitudes, will be useful for treatment and extend their life.【个人认为，这里可以继续使用上面大学生的例子，不然感觉段落之间不是很连贯】

To sum up, the life provides all the people the same choices, but to different persons the choices are different: to the active people with more hopes to their life, there are all the choices surrounding; to the passive people who are lazy and hopeless, there is no choice at all. However, in some circumstances, we have no choice and have to accept the truth, and at this time, optimistic attitudes cannot be missing.

总结：第一次改Ginny mm的作业，批得多一点，不要见怪。作者的观点不太清晰，论述缺乏力度，有点到为止的感觉。要赞同，一定要把赞成的理由说清楚。既然同意“没有选择的机会很少“，那你应该说到人们通常认为没有选择的机会，实际上是可以选择的。然后再提出你的观点：因为短视、悲观等。而你想用例子来证明，也没有很好地支持自己的观点。读完以后，觉得你的观点并不是完全赞同，而是认为：现实中存在一些无法选择的情况，我们应该……
    只是个人看法，我的作文也写得很艰难，最近好累。

kittywen_16UID: 2135347

原帖由 coxlee 于 2006-6-11 21:21 发表
coxlee--->kitty

Is the absence of choice a very rare circumstance that exists in our life ?In light of  my knowledge and experience, I fundamentally agree with the assertion that the absence  ...

回答coxlee：第一段我想说：现实中确实存在一些无法选择的事例，就是常说的让步段，想在下面说有些情况其实并不是无法选择

coxleeUID: 2197149

Issue 136 - 第22次作业总结  by coxlee

136.The absence of choices is a circumstance that is very, very rare.
没有选择的情况少之又少。

完成的习作，8份：
jiqixueyuan , lionprince ,yuvi , ylwang , even1985310, KITTY,ginny-mm ,coxlee
这个抽象题好像大多数组组友都写了 ^_^，而且大家好像都有话可说，好现象阿，呵呵，下面仿照ylwang的给大家把我自己认为好的东西提炼出来，希望对大家有用.

提纲：
(a)   1．        生活中的選擇無處不在。
2．        過渡段：沒有不存在選擇的情況，兩方面考慮：客觀環境，主觀想法。
(b)   论点：在事物发展的早期阶段，选择会很多，但随着事物的发展，选择会越来越少
1。以孩子的发展为例进行论证（教育界）
2。以科技公司技术的选择为例进行论证（科技界）
3。以战争为例（军事界）
(c)  孙：1. on the one hand, economic progress has greatly contributed to people’s freedom of choice in terms of consumption.
            2. on the other hand, culturally speaking ,diversity is disappearing due to the trend of globalization.
                3. Another phenomenon worth pointing out is that people in developed countries enjoy more freedom of choice –    politically ,materially or spiritually – than people in the developing world.

妙语：
1.        And who says that we cannot choose our original birth? At least, people have chance to change their original gender though transexualism-operation. Follow the development of technology; choice has been widely extend in our lives, and with many possibilities existing in today's world.  ---by Yuvi
2.        Thereby, life is always like an ant climbing a high tree, in which when the ant go ahead on one branch, it can hardly turn back to  other parallel branches.   ---ylwang

精彩实例：
In the first place, consider the personal development of a child. When the child is very young, before his school age, we can say the child has lots of choices of his/her future, to be an athlete, a politician, a scientist, a doctor, a company executive, a musician, a painter, a soldier, and so forth. However, with the accretion of her/his age, choices will shrink dramatically to some extent. When he/she enter an university with studying the major of computer science, we can hardly predict that he can become a professional athlete, a doctor, or a soldier. Of course, someone would argue that there is still some possibility that  the child can do any jobs as we firstly mentioned, yet it is obvious that the possibility of doing some jobs is much lower after his/her bounding to the major of computer science than in his preschool age, which means choices are becoming rare。 --ylwang

In China, the suicide cases happened very frequently these days. Everyone will not choose to death unless he/she thinks he/she has no choices. Due to the investigation to the reasons of those suiciders, many of them have issues on study, work or love, if they didn't think straight and changed the view angle to their parents or friends when they made the decision to suicide, they would find many other options and death is not the only solution.  ---coxlee

The plentiful supply of material goods provide people an entire freedom of choice. That does not mean, however, we have the absolute  power or freedom to choose. Who feels free to choose his own origin? Who can select the time of retirement except you decide to chuck of it yourself? Who can earn a trip to the moon if you are not an millionaire or a technician. The absence of the “choice ” may be not exist, but the absence of the power to “choice” is exist. --- even1985310