Argument6 [infinity小组]第十一次作业

mayaUID: 199038

TOPIC: ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS: 585          TIME: 35min         DATE: 2006-7-5

The argument claimed that the C Note club can make a big profit in Monroe based on several evidence. To support this conclusion, the arguer indicate, at the first, that a jazz music club can make money in Monroe and the nearest jazz club is far away from here. Then it also present some unreasonable information about the residents' favor about jazz in Monroe. Finally, a nationwide study has been cited to support the conclusion. However, all these plausible evidence have several logical flaws after a careful examination.

The arguer assumes unfairly that a jazz music club can make money in Monroe. This is a dubious assumption on basis of such a dogmatically evidence. The arguer has not provide any evidence to justify this claim. Although the arguer wants to add a known situation that a  nearest jazz club, 65 miles away, to support the above assumption. But unfortunately, that is not enough. It is possible that there are many other music clubs next to the so-called nearest jazz music club which the residents prefer to, or perhaps these citizens actually have no interests in jazz music. Without providing more information about the residents' opinion about jazz music, the arguer could not assume that a jazz music club in Monroe can make money.

In addition, the arguer assumes that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe based on the evidence that over 100,000 people have attended the jazz festival. It is equally possible that this statistic is just few in the whole number of residents in Monroe. Or, perhaps many of them are not the local residents but belong to other districts. Again, the arguer intend to support his assumption by citing that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe. This evidence is little ridiculous. There is no evidence to prove that residents would like to listening the jazz music for these several jazz musicians. Even if they like listening jazz, there are also no evidence to show that they will go to the jazz club.

Finally, the argument indicates that the highest-rated radio program which broadcasts "Jazz Nightly" every weeknight. It is possible that the residents are actually do not like this program. Perhaps they would hate the jazz by this weeknight program. Even if they like it, there is no evidence to indicate that they will go to the jazz club. In addition, the assumption that residents will pay most money to the jazz music on the basis of the evidence that the typical jazz fan spends nearly 1,000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment. The possibility that these typical jazz fans might not like the club's jazz music or even will not like to go to the club. Although the evidence that the typical jazz fans paid a lot of money on jazz entertainment, the arguer cannot concludes that they will go to the music club, or perhaps will spend lots of money on it.

In sum, the arguer based on some unfounded evidence draws a same unreasonable assumption and finally present us this incredible conclusion. To convince me to accept the conclusion that this jazz music club can make profits in Monroe, the arguer should provide the specific information about the residents and whether they like and would like to go to the jazz music. In addition, we would need the evidence about other circumstances with other jazz music clubs. Without providing such these evidence and ruling out the possibility that like to interrupt the jazz music, the argument cannot be acceptable.

pluckfUID: 2172756

123"It is possible to identify a person's politics within a very short time of meeting him or her. Everything about people—their clothes, their friends, the way they talk, what they eat—reflects their political beliefs."

1 让步否定，虽然部分可以短时间内看出，但是政见是一个深层的东西，仅有短时间相处下的结论是不准确的
2 确实有一部分人，可以被看出
3 但是，细节等仅仅代表个人生活方式，个性，与政治没有太大关系
4 短时间内形成的印象可能不准确，表面的表达不是深层的想法，需要深入的交谈或长期的观察
5 总结

Can person's politics be identified in a short time through everything about him or her? I am not in favor of this hasty conclusion. Although in some cases people could be identified in short time, it is usually inaccurate to say one's political beliefs which are in the deep level of mind just by the facial performance.

There are the very people that are easy to know the politics in a short time. A typical example is in Islamic countries, people is confined strictly by their politics, such as they refuse to eat the pork and they wear in their representative clothes, which helps others easily identify their politics[政治信仰和宗教信仰是一回事吗？]. Also, someone, incline to show their politics or very simplicity[?], are easy to learn.[句子不顺] Moreover, in specific time things are getting easy, such as in the political changing time or during the presidential election, more people are likely to show their political beliefs than in normal days through expressing their political points, wearing some clothes with logo, or stay in a group with the same politics. All in all, a part of people in some time or characteristic could be known the politics in a short time.[不同政治信仰的人难道穿衣服还不一样吗？偶怎么觉得都穿西服，看不出区别] 【例子这段不是很恰当，不过也是支持了观点】
However, to majority of people in the world, everything about them--their clothes, their friends, the way they talk, what they eat most time just expresses their personality or personal inclination, not the political beliefs. One, preferring to wear and talk like a cow boy just as George Bush, could not be labeled republician member, because it is just definite by one's clothing style. Similarly, we could not say that a person fights American culture, such as KFC, just because he or she likes Chinese noodle【因为喜欢中国面条，所以与美国文化对立，比如肯德基？，不怎么好的表达与例子】. In addition, two people with different politics could be good friends, which are common in the USA, so friends could not be a precise parameter in reflecting the politics. 【朋友和你要证明的有什么关系呢？朋友本来就是政治信仰不同，难道有些人认为朋友有相同的政治信仰，所以用这个支持观点？】In sum, all the details, formed acquiredly and unrealistic to show the politics, could be influenced by outside which most time are uncertain.

Moreover, things that are learned in short time of meeting reflect 【动词不对吧】only a shallow impression, while the politics is a deep level in mind and needs long time to observe for a general scale. Usually, peoples’ modes of talking or life style are frequently under adjustment due to their change of social status, or the relationship between he and the listeners he is talking to, or simply influences exerted by a social trend or one article in the political editorial they read. What's more, someone refuse to tell their political beliefs with a stranger even some friends of them. Pushing to extremely cases, in autarchy country, people dare【dare to do】 not show their different politics obviously and some spies hide their politics on purpose[spies hide their politics? How to spies hide behind the idea?]. All things talking[thing is talked,talked] above tell that the safe and accurate way to identify one's political belief is to talk about[很喜欢用talk about,本来这个词就很口语] some hotspot in politics, observe the action and collect and analyze all the information for a long time. Doing all these will help decrease【help do?】 the influence by the outside and intensity[outside and intensity?]
sum, to judge a person’s political belief is an onerous tack, which requires all attention in the people’s outside appearance as well as the internal traits in the long run. Under most conditions, the effort in “telling at first glance” is a unrealistic fiction since human personality is so much diversified and unpredictable.
提纲写得不错， 不过文章有些晦涩！

徐牛牛UID: 2178357

The argument claimed that the C Note club can make a big profit in Monroe based on several evidence. To support this conclusion, the arguer indicate, at the first（插入的有点生硬how about” the arguer firstly indicate that”）, that a jazz music club can make money in Monroe and the nearest jazz club is far away from here. Then it also present(s) some unreasonable information about the residents' favor about jazz in Monroe. Finally, a nationwide study has been cited to support the conclusion. However, all these plausible evidence have several logical flaws after（through） a careful examination.开头有点长耶，不知道你卡过时间没？Chanel说真正考试没什么时间重述作者的论据，我觉得有道理，尽量简练吧
The arguer assumes unfairly that a jazz music club can make money in Monroe. This is a dubious assumption on basis of such a dogmatically evidence. The arguer has not provide(d) any evidence to justify this claim. Although the arguer wants to add a known situation that a  nearest jazz club, 65 miles away, to support the above assumption. But(头句有although了，和这句衔接要去掉but) unfortunately, that is not enough. It is possible that there are many other music clubs next to the so-called nearest jazz music club which the residents prefer to, or perhaps these citizens actually have no interests in jazz music. Without providing more information about the residents' opinion about jazz music, the arguer could not assume that a jazz music club in Monroe can make money.

In addition, the arguer assumes that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe based on the evidence that over 100,000 people have attended the jazz festival. It is equally possible that this statistic is just few[a small amount] in the whole number of residents in Monroe. Or, perhaps many of them are not the local residents but belong to other districts. Again, the arguer intend to support his assumption by citing that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe. This evidence is little ridiculous. There is no evidence to prove that residents would like to listening[to] the jazz music for[play by] these several jazz musicians. Even if they like listening jazz, there are also no evidence to show that they will go to the jazz club.

Finally, the argument indicates that the highest-rated radio program which broadcasts "Jazz Nightly" every weeknight. It is possible that the residents are actually do not like this program[既然是highest-rated为什么不会被喜欢呢？这个假设有点牵强]. Perhaps they would hate the jazz by this weeknight program. Even if they like it, there is no evidence to indicate that they will go to the jazz club.这节论得有点牵强喃， 没说明 In addition, the assumption that residents will pay most money to the jazz music on the basis of the evidence that the typical jazz fan spends nearly 1,000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment[is open to doubt“the assumption that...is…”句子太长了忘了写完了吧]. The possibility that these typical jazz fans might not like the club's jazz music or even will not like to go to the club. Although the evidence that the typical jazz fans paid a lot of money on jazz entertainment, the arguer cannot concludes that they will go to the music club, or perhaps will spend lots of money on it.

In sum, the arguer based on some unfounded evidence[,] draws a same unreasonable assumption and finally present us this incredible conclusion. To convince me to accept the conclusion that this jazz music club can make profits in Monroe, the arguer should provide the specific information about the residents and whether they like and would like to go to the jazz music. In addition, we would need the evidence about other circumstances with other jazz music clubs. Without providing such these evidence and ruling out the possibility that like to interrupt the jazz music, the argument cannot be acceptable.

谬误基本上全了哈，就是开头和结尾有点长，卡时间谬？卡了的话就可以哈，直觉告诉我你打字超快。。。还有语法错误有点煞杠...嘿嘿 但是论据之间衔接还是多自然的。。。
第一次改你的大作还是多紧张的哈，共勉:handshake