ISSUE136

728AWUID: 2216408

TIME 50min  words: 691

outline
1.有选择,只不过人们不愿去选择
2.有选择,只不过人们没有更好的选择
3.没选择,在极端情况下.

The absence of choices is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

Since the birth of human, people have been endued with the right of choice, people chose what to eat today, chose which skirt to wear today, and chose which class to attend as an option course. However, for the most of the time, people still feel like having been to push into a corner that there is no other choice but to face to one that God has put in front of them. In fact, most of the cases is that the other choices is masked with other possibilities that people may chose to not to face with them.

First of all, let me start with a simple case that ever lazy boy might face everyday. When he wake up late in the morning, he opens his fridge to see nothing but a bottle of milk to eat, he will claim that he have no choice for breakfast but milk. In fact, it is no one else but himself to put him to be left with the milk. What he can choose is whether to have the left milk in home or to go outside enjoy the sunshine and have a breakfast in a coffee shop by the way to work. This example serves to show that most of the time, the choice is masked by ourselves that seems it is no other way to attain a goal. As an old saying goes” All roads lead to Roma”, this is perfectly designed to explain that if you have a goal that there would always be numerous way to attain it. The absence of choice here will be explained as that most of the time, people only see the shortest way or the way he or she deems as the most suitable way to himself or herself and that seems he or she have no choices.

Additionally, let me take this argument into a further step. The absence of choice is not equal with no choice but one, it is that one faced with a number of choice that feels no one seems to be the better one, since when picked up one the options that it still has disadvantages, but after fully compared with the rest of the options this one seems to be the only one that is feasible.  Most of time, the situation is not as easy as whether you choose to eat apple pie or fried chicken. What if you were set into an election which is choose who is to be elected to be your boss? Mr. A or Mr. B? Under this circumstance, neither of the two candidates is satisfied with your own profits. But you have to choose one of them to be the boss. This time, you should vote for a candidate who is represent most of your will. As what we see in this case, even if some people maintains that they have no choice, if fact there is no best choice at that time but they do have the right to choose which one is better that the others.

However, although the circumstance of absence of choice is very, very rare, it do happen under certain situation and certain countries. Consider, although since the born of ourselves we have the right to choose, what about the moment of birth? Who can have the choice to pick up a pair of parents to be his or her father and mother? Besides, there is no denying the fact that people who was born in a centralized countries such as Germany ruled by Hitler, ancient china, North Korea, and racial discrimination countries, they have no choice in those countries but to obey the dominator’s will to serve to their oder.

In sum, we have the right to choose for most of the cases, even if sometimes there seems that people have been deprived of the right but the fact is that they have already chosen the one that fits them to the largest extent. However, even if the absence of choice is rare, it does exist in certain extreme cases.

runningpiggyUID: 194977

take a seat..

tianwangxinranUID: 2137111

我是8月7号考AW，希望能找人一起准备
         每天互改一篇或两篇文章。
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         如果好的话可以继续合作下去！！


QQ：237532164

runningpiggyUID: 194977

Since the birth of human,[刚生下来的时候好像没什么能选择吧，逻辑上有点问题] people have been endued with the right of choice[the right of choice读起来怪怪的，我觉得写the right to choose会比较好], people chose[时态] what to eat today[today多余，而且，如果这里写today，前面怎么会是过去时], chose which skirt to wear today[同前面，而且如果前面写choose吃的东西，那这里应该是choose穿的东西，那似乎不应该写which skirt to wear，而应该是what to wear], and chose which class to attend as an option[optional] course.[似乎是想写成排比的，不过无论从句式还是内容上都相当不对称，前面写了衣食，后面似乎写住行会比较对头] However, for the most of the time, people still[前面有however了，这里的still就有点多余了] feel like having been to push into a corner that there is no other choice but to face to one that God has put in front of them.[实在是相当地别扭，个人建议这里用一个feel as if的比喻来形容这种状态，至少读起来会顺一点] In fact, most of the cases is[主谓不一致] that the[不要the] other choices is[主谓不一致] masked with other possibilities that people may chose[助动词后面用动词原型] to not to face with them. [这段稍嫌过长，而且主题并不是太清晰，主要是语言上的问题导致最后的那句论点读上去很拗口。我看完感觉你应该是相当同意题目的说法的，可表达论点的这两句比起题目的表述就是在是太逊色了，以后写论点句的时候尽量要简练，清晰]

First of all, let me start[太口语化] with a simple case that ever[every] lazy boy might face everyday.[这个开头我不喜欢，first of all是重要的地标词，看到这个短语我第一个反应就是后面跟的是作者这段的TS句，很可惜，后面我看到的，却是很口语化，很叙述性的语言。以后写issue千万要注意，每段的TS句要一上来就摆出来，后面怎么论述不是问题，但至少论述的主题要让大家一上来就看得到] When he wake[主谓不一致] up late in the morning, he opens his fridge to see nothing but a bottle of milk to eat[drink or eat?], he will claim that he have[主谓不一致] no choice for breakfast but milk. In fact, it is no one else but himself[这个himself似乎跟后面的him换一下比较好] to put him to be left with the milk.[已经写出it is了，为什么不用强调句呢？可惜] What he can choose is whether to have the left milk in[at] home or to go outside [to]enjoy the sunshine and [to]have a breakfast in a coffee shop by[on] the way to work.[晕了，这才知道原来这个boy是要上班的，如果说上班族，最好别用boy了，用man比较好] This example serves to show that most of the time, the choice is masked by ourselves that [缺主语，that如果作主语，那就该是定从，可这里不是]seems it[there] is no other way to attain a goal. As an old saying goes” All roads lead to Roma[Rome，别拼错了，读起来差很远的]”, this is perfectly designed to explain that if you have a goal that there would always be numerous way to attain[刚刚才用过，换个acquire或者obtain之类的嘛] it. The absence of choice here will be explained as that most of the time, people only see[observe is better] the shortest way or the way he or she deems as the most suitable way to himself or herself and that seems he or she have no choices. [第一感觉是看得挺吃力的，主要是一路过来都挺口语化的。而且总体的论述还是有点问题。你的分论点应该是并非没有choice，只是大家没有去想到那些choice。那怎么去论述这个问题呢？你在这一段里采取的方法是用一个例子，平行地去说明，但问题在于，例子仅仅是例子，这段里的这个例子，仅仅说明一个现象，就是某些人他们没有留意到一些可能的choice而导致了好像是没有choice。说明这个现象的存在并不是就证明了你的论点，你还需要做的就是分析这个现象存在的原因，文中提到一点不错的就是他们选的通常是比较容易做的，或者是人们认为最适合他们的。可惜的就是没有继续深究下去，我认为最根本的在于人类所存在的天生的惰性。所以整段的逻辑应该是，先阐述人类天生就有惰性，这个问题的证明可以引用一些名人名言，如果不熟悉这些名人名言，那大可以说，a philosopher asserts that这样。证明了有惰性，那么惰性就导致了人们常常留意不到一些应该留意的东西，因而也忽略了一些choices to be choose的possibility了。完了就到说你文章里说的那些，然后整个论证才是完备的]

Additionally, let me take[倒了，怎么还是口语化的写法，又不是做presentation] this argument into a further step. The absence of choice is not equal with no choice but one, it is that one faced with a number of choice that[这个that多余] feels no one seems to be the better one, since when picked up one the options that it still has disadvantages, but after fully compared with the rest of the options this one seems to be the only one that is feasible.[可以肯定的是，这句话语法有问题，不过因为里面的谓语太多了，我就不分析了，你等会慢慢看看]  Most of time[前面缺介词], the situation is not as easy as whether you choose to eat [an] apple pie or fried chicken. What if you were set into an election which is choose who is to be elected to be your boss?[这句话写得不好，不用what if用imagine会很顺] Mr. A or Mr. B? Under this circumstance, neither of the two candidates is satisfied with your own profits. But[这个词一般不要放句首，放句首的一般是however，nevertheless，nonetheless等] you have to choose one of them to be the boss. This time, you should vote for a candidate who is represent[不要is，represents] most of your will. As what we see[这次用notice如何？] in this case, even if some people maintains[主谓不一致] that they have no choice, if fact[:eek:这啥意思] there is no best choice at that time but they do have the right to choose which one is better that[than] the others. [看得我相当郁闷，思绪就像你写这篇文章的时候那么混乱，你是想到哪里写到哪里，我是看到哪里想到哪里，非常不安定。具体的意见跟前面一段类似，我就不赘述了]

However, although[昏迷不醒了，however后面怎么会有个although] the circumstance of absence of choice is very, very rare, it do happen under certain situation and certain countries.[这个并列有点诡异] Consider, although since the born[birth，born不是名词] of ourselves we have the right to choose, what about the moment of birth? Who can have the choice to pick up a pair of parents to be his or her father and mother? Besides, there is no denying the fact that people who was born in a centralized countries such as Germany ruled by Hitler, ancient china[China], North Korea[应该是people's republic of korea], and racial discrimination countries[countries where racial discrimination exists], they have no choice in those countries but to obey the dominator’s will to serve to their oder[order]. [我觉得这段里就不需要说前面那种这么极端的情况了，说一下在集权国家的情况就好了，而且要具体说说为什么在集权国家不能有choice，比如会被迫害之类的]

In sum, we have the right to choose for most of the cases, even if sometimes there[it] seems that people have been deprived of the right but the fact is that they have already chosen the one that fits them to the largest extent. However, even if the absence of choice is rare, it does exist in certain extreme cases. [结尾挺好的，简练]



[分几个方面来说，语言上，问题很大，看得我晕乎乎的，这个需要多总结，总结些好句型，好的换用的词语，而且不要总用口语的时候才会有的句子，不要在文章里出现太多疑问句，尽量通篇的陈述。文章结构上，问题也很大，我个人认为，Issue的写作，文章结构是最重要的，只要你把结构搭好了，逻辑上的问题也不会很大了。而最common的结构就是所谓的总分总，从小学写到现在，一直适用。无论是整篇文章还是具体的段落中，都是要总分总，我就不具体说了，你大概明白吧？逻辑上，问题还是很大，其实就是还没搞懂怎么论述一个问题，这个要平时多思考，怎样的论述才是完整的，才是无懈可击的，大概高中写议论文的时候就想过吧？现在再想想吧，这么写是不行的。总的来说，这篇issue只能说是入门之作，还有很多很多要提高的地方]

kito9695UID: 209685

老大太认真了:eek:

dicmiUID: 183392

及早指出来错误，才能及早改正。

对吧：）

赫赫

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

呜……看的我好眼馋！……寄托的时间……

苯石UID: 2169611

首席班竹就是不一样.
第一次看到习作改成这样的. PFPF.

728AWUID: 2216408

谢谢+首席斑竹
真是受益非浅,抢楼是值得的啊.

自己继续加油去了,这个文章自己要好好再改改才是。

再次祝福好人+工作顺利

静儿UID: 2192487

眼馋~~

AnderuthUID: 2206102

改得好仔细啊,
祝福版大

宝贝小猪UID: 2135340

学习ing

xiezhoupeng351_UID: 2224293

ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 555          TIME: 0:44:33          DATE: 2006-7-23
The author asserts that the video camera has an advantage of recording contemporary life accurately, but does it means that it will become a more important form of documentation instead of written records? In my point of view, video camera does has its conspicuous superiority such as accuracy and convincingness, however, written records, as the traditional form of documentation, remain play a vital role in people's life, which cannot be instead of.

Admittedly, video camera can record people's life more accurately and convincingly, especially for recording some beautiful scenes. When you boat in the West Lake, when you climb the Great Wall, when you visit the Liberty Statue ,what you want first must be picturing, which may remind you these happy experience after a few years. And especially for people who know few words, which is usual in the countryside of China, photographs are almost the only thing which can help them remind their good old days. All these, unquestionably, depend on the accurate and convincing record of video camera.

However, in contrast with its advantages, the shortcomings of video camera are so prominent that we cannot ignore them. Firstly, video camera, which costs thousands of yuan averagely, is not able to be afforded by every people or family, particularly in China where most people are not too rich. Secondly, the only thing video camera can record is what we can see such as a beautiful picture, a charming girl, people's pose or expression, but for what people is thinking, or what they are talking about, it seems impossible for video camera to record it. Thirdly, when you want to make a contract with other people or company, you cannot record it just by video camera.

So, in the condition mentioned above, we may have missed the superiority of written records. For one thing, it is popular from the time we can written to now, so it can be accepted easily and also can be afforded by every people. For another, when we solve some problems of statistics, or when we try to record our feelings, written records may manifest their superiority which cannot be instead of. For example, we want to record how many trees in a wood, if we use video camera, we must record it from different angles, and even though, we may can not complete this assignment, but if we record it by writing, we may just write a simple number. Also, if you want to apply for a good university, your application also should be a written record rather than a photograph by the most accurate and convincing video camera.

Of course, we cannot avoid the shortcomings of written records, but we can complement them by other methods. For example, paper may be destroyed easily, but we can record some important documents in a computer. And the written record may hard to be read by people in other country, but we can solve this problem by translating. Also, the strong recollection of our brains can make up for the shortcoming of written records in recording extremely complex ideas or feelings.

All in all, based on the analysis made above, we may come to a conclusion that written records are remain the essential form of documentation in people's life, and video camera can be selected as a complement, which must make the records more perfect.

ljknirvanaUID: 2231819

首席斑竹也帮我改改吧（issue51）
我觉得我的语言和逻辑也都很有问题，没人帮我改，而且我的例证也很少，但现在临时去找那么多例证实在不现实啊
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101