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[a习作temp] argument142 我们的九月小组-----第十九次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2006-8-14 15:40:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Based on a recent study and the so-called established knowledge, the arguer claims that the correlation between red meat and heart disease is attributed to the relationship between high iron and heart disease. This argument might sounds reasonable at the first glance; however a scrutiny will reveal that the conclusion is groundless and unpersuasive.

To begin with, the study does not lend strong support to the assumption that high levels of iron in the food would increase the incidence of heart disease. As a matter of fact, the study just shows us that the two phenomena happen coincidently at the time, and the arguer provides no other evidence to substantiate the high levels of iron is the real cause which leads to heart disease. It is totally possible that the other gradients in the diet actually result in the augment of heart disease. Therefore, to make the assumption more acceptable and convincing, it is imperative for the arguer to present detailed information on the scientific principles of the iron causing heart disease and the concrete negative effect of high levels of iron in food. Additionally, the arguer should properly rule out the possibility of other substances as the real cause.

On the other hand, the assumption concerning the relationship between red meat and heart disease, relies on the established knowledge, is still open to doubt. Although the consumption of considerable mounts of red meat is positively related with the occurrence of heart disease, it does not reason that the rich iron contained in the meat genuinely result in the heart disease. As we know, many other substances also are contained in the red meat, and then it is equally possible that the other abundant materials in the meat finally increase the happening of heart disease.

Further, the arguer fails to eliminate the cooking recipe as the possible and potential cause. Perhaps the problem arises between red meat and heart disease is caused by the inappropriate cooking of red meat, rather than the meat itself. Consequently, to properly rule out the possibility, the arguer would be better to check the harmful substance brought by cooking process.

In addition, the arguer unfairly ignores the difference between various existential forms of iron. Common sense tells us that not all of the iron could be absorbed by circulating system in our body. Hence, even the large amount of iron exists in our diet, the iron might not be consumed by us and finally it would have little to with our health, let alone the connection with heart disease. To consolidate the conclusion, it is essential for the arguer to carefully analyze the different forms of iron and make out what kind of iron will ultimately have negative effect on the occurrence of heart disease.

To sum up, without detailed and sufficient evidence, as well as thorough analysis, the arguer hastens to come to the conclusion. To validate the claim, the arguer should provide more relevant evidence and rule out other potential causes.
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发表于 2006-8-15 11:39:43 |只看该作者

argument142-revised

Based on a recent study and the so-called established knowledge, the arguer claims that the correlation between red meat and heart disease is attributed to the relationship between high iron and heart disease. This argument might sounds reasonable at the first glance; however a scrutiny will reveal that the conclusion is groundless and unpersuasive.

To begin with, the study does not lend strong support to the assumption that high levels of iron in the food would increase the incidence of heart disease. As a matter of fact, the study just shows us that the two phenomena happen coincidently at the time, and the arguer provides no other evidence to substantiate the high levels of iron is the real cause which leads to heart disease. It is totally possible that the other gradients in the diet actually result in the augment of heart disease. Therefore, to make the assumption more acceptable and convincing, it is imperative for the arguer to present detailed information on the scientific principles of the iron causing heart disease and the concrete negative effect of high levels of iron in food. Additionally, the arguer should properly rule out the possibility of other substances as the real cause.

On the other hand, the assumption concerning the relationship between red meat and heart disease, relies on the established knowledge, is still open to doubt. Although the consumption of considerable mounts of red meat is positively related with the occurrence of heart disease, it does not reason that the rich iron contained in the meat genuinely result in the heart disease. As we know, many other substances also are contained in the red meat, and then it is equally possible that the other abundant materials in the meat finally increase the happening of heart disease.

Further, the arguer fails to eliminate the cooking recipe as the possible and potential cause. Perhaps the problem arises between red meat and heart disease is caused by the inappropriate cooking of red meat, rather than the meat itself. Consequently, to properly rule out the possibility, the arguer would be better to check the harmful substance brought by cooking process.

In addition, the arguer unfairly ignores the difference between various existential forms of iron. Common sense tells us that not all of the iron could be absorbed by circulating system in our body. Hence, even the large amount of iron exists in our diet, the iron might not be consumed by us and finally it would have little to with our health, let alone the connection with heart disease. To consolidate the conclusion, it is essential for the arguer to carefully analyze the different forms of iron and make out what kind of iron will ultimately have negative effect on the occurrence of heart disease.

To sum up, without detailed and sufficient evidence, as well as thorough analysis, the arguer hastens to come to the conclusion. To validate the claim, the arguer should provide more relevant evidence and rule out other potential causes.

嗯,作者语言应用纯熟,不过个人感觉把四个攻击点转换为三个更加紧凑一些。

[ 本帖最后由 lanyeloveme 于 2006-8-15 11:42 编辑 ]

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RE: argument142 我们的九月小组-----第十九次作业 [修改]

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