argument137 076GMYTH小组第五次作业 请教

杏林有情天UID: 2247728

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."
WORDS: 514          TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2006-10-30

This recommend alerts that because of polluted water of Mason River, residents in Mason City seldom use the river for any kind of recreational activity. It also cites that the agency promise to plan to clean up Mason River,then residents could use of the river to do their favorite sports in water, certainly, the government of Mason City would increase budget for improvements of water quality of Mason River. As I observe, the arguer fails to supply convincing evidence to prove that planing to clean up Mason River really could attract with residents' interest on palying in Mason River.

First of all, the arguer fails to rule out the reason why presently Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity.There are many possibilities to explain this situation. For instance, the residents are not willing to play in this river , not only in present but also in the over past years. Or perhaps government forbidded the residents to paly in the river for their safe or swearing polluting the quality of river which used for food water, all of which are ignored by the arguer.

Secondly, no evidence be ruled out to prove that because of the polluted water, the residents refuse to play their water sports in this river. We do not know when someone complainted the quality of the water ,maybe many years ago, and government workers already solve this problems, so this reason is not convincing us. And the arguer cites evidence that the residents love water sports-such as swimming, fishing, and boating.But this recommend fails to supply the evidence that Mason River is the favorite place where residents always play games. Perhaps other park rivers or lacks nearby the city centre are the residents' favorite place for games.

Last but not least, the arguer supply little support to persuade government to increase budget for improvement of Mason River Water.On one hand , perhaps there are many factories siting aside this river , they have responsibilities to clean the pollution of this river , resulting in government out of business ; on the other hand, as the above possibilities I citing , maybe many years ago government already solve the pollution problem , or maybe just only a few residents consider the water of Mason river are not clean to play in it , even though the government carrys out to manage pollution problem , perhaps no one would be desired to play water game in this river,  because they have found out their favorite game-place never consider this river as a good game-place . All of these possibilities are ignored by arguer .

In sum , until the arguer cites compelling evidence to prove that because of the water pollution of Mason river, residents refuse to play water games in it , and rules out convincing evidence to persuade government to invest on cleaning water of Mason river , we can not ensure that pollution is the reason why residents are unwilling to play games , additionally , once government completes the clean business , residents in Mason would willing to play in Mason river.

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

This recommend alerts that because of polluted water of Mason River, residents in Mason City seldom use the river for any kind of recreational activity. It also cites that the agency promise to plan to clean up Mason River,then residents could use of 去掉the river to do their favorite sports in water, certainly这个词有同意作者的嫌疑，有些多余了，用些表示看上去的词应该更合适, the government of Mason City would increase budget for improvements of water quality of Mason River. As I observe, the arguer fails to supply convincing evidence to prove that planing to clean up Mason River really could attract with residents' interest on palying in Mason River.对题目的概述少了一个调查，就是居民喜欢水上运动那个，这个调查用CITES更加合适，而AGENCY PROMISE，个人感觉用STATES就行了。对于题目的概述感觉虽然提的很多但相互之间没有逻辑次序在里面，不利于后面的展开。这里有三个元素：1，由于水污染，居民不愿意在水中活动。2机构说要整理水质，所以居民会去活动了。3，政府应该增加公共设施预算。中间所用的连接词also, certainly都没有明确的逻辑关系在里面，1和2的衔接不妨用but，因为是情况转折，而2和3应该用Therefore, 以及it seems。

First of all, the arguer fails to rule out the reason 改成other reasons besides the pollution why presently Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity. There are many possibilities改为possible reasons to explain改成may cause this situation. For instance, the residents are not willing to play in this river , not only in present but also in the over past years这个例子没有说明性，也不具体，居民前几年和这几年都不喜欢去河里玩跟反驳污染没什么太大关系，杏林这里显然应该说明的是居民可能愿意去别的地方进行水上运动而不是去河里，因为河里的条件不合适，比如水流，地形和水面形态. Or perhaps government forbidded the residents to paly in the river for their safe or swearing polluting the quality 这个他因我认为也不太妥当，如果政府自己禁止了水上活动的话，作者会去向政府要求为方便水上活动增加预算？of river which used for food water, all of which are ignored by the arguer.

Secondly, no evidence be ruled out改为is stated，语法+用法错误 to prove that because of the polluted water, the residents refuse to play their water sports in this river. We do not know when someone complainted the quality of the water感觉这个在说没证据证明因为水质不好而人们不愿意去活动，上一段在说其它原因也可能导致人们不愿意去，两个是在证明同一件事，一个是反驳，一个是他因，两种手法而已，结构上不构成两个层次 ,maybe 改为. Maybe，断句问题 many years ago, and删去 government workers没必要加 already 这个应该跟完成时态一起用solve this problems, so this reason is not convincing us这个论述也让人摸不着头脑，不是有人在抱怨水质问题么，为什么就说水质问题早被解决了？. And the arguer cites 加上the，单数可数名字不得单独存在evidence that the residents love water sports-such as swimming, fishing, and boating.But this recommend fails to supply the evidence that Mason River is the favorite place where residents always play games这个不用说作者没证明吧，作者的意思就是这条河不是大家玩的地方. Perhaps other park rivers or lacks nearby the city centre are the residents' favorite place for games.

前两段感觉说的没什么条理，都是在说污染不是居民不去玩的原因，但有意义的论证却很少，现成句来回用，却没说清楚问题。

Last but not least我个人强烈建议不要使用这类的并列时连接词，这样给人的感觉是你所攻击的逻辑错误都是并列的，没有主次关系也没有相互联系，一般这种词只在分条攻击作者并列列举的证据时比较好用。, the arguer supply little support to persuade government to increase budget for improvement of Mason River Water.上一句说作者没说服政府去增加预算，下一句直接跳到他因，还是很具体的例子，这个论证显得很不完整，作者到底怎么没有说服了？建议要加入推理、说明性的文字On one hand , perhaps there are many factories siting aside this river , they have responsibilities to clean the pollution of this river , resulting in government out of business ; on the other hand, as the above possibilities I citing cited, maybe many years ago government already solve the pollution problem , or maybe just only a few residents consider the water of Mason river are not clean to play in it , even though the government carrys out to manage pollution problem , perhaps no one would be desired to play water game in this river,  because they have found out their favorite game-place never consider this river as a good game-place . All of these possibilities are ignored by arguer .
这一段一开始象是说增加预算的事情，结果除了工厂的他因外其它话都没有说在这个问题上，又跑回到污染的问题上去了，而agency's promise则被忘掉了。

In sum , until the arguer cites compelling evidence to prove that because of the water pollution of Mason river, residents refuse to play water games in it , and rules out 杏林同学是不是对rule out这个词有误解？查字典是排除，清除的意思，不是列举出来啊convincing evidence to persuade government to invest on cleaning water of Mason river , we can not ensure that pollution is the reason why residents are unwilling to play games , additionally , once government completes the clean business , residents in Mason would willing to play in Mason river.

总体而言文章虽然比以前有了不少的进步，主要表现在有了个比较完整的模板，使文章字数上有了保证，但我感觉也是因为受限于模板，结果谈的东西都没在点子上，结构也很凌乱，对于题目的分析存在问题。建议写ARGUMENT的时候把提纲写作重视起来，每次写完提纲以后看一下网上牛人写的（GTER这就能下到），看下自己的跟别人的差距，然后逐渐熟练掌握ARGU的分析方法（我感觉做一两次提纲作业以后这个方法就能掌握了）。另外语法错误和用词错误也不少，建议找些成型的词来套用。

杏林有情天UID: 2247728

汗,真是句句收益啊,再次感谢队长,我这两天才注意到这些问题,以前光批驳论据了,事实证明,非常不适用,完全抛弃了逻辑分析,月底就考了,真为自己担心,嘿嘿!