issue144 [Synergy小组]hyt0303第一次作业(11.20)

hyt0303UID: 2254178

144."It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." a person who
evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

1.艺术家在艺术创作中的贡献是不可否认的。
2.批评家的工作使得大众明白什么是真正的艺术，从而促进艺术的普及并推进艺术家的工作。
3.批评家帮助大众形成自己的对真正持久的艺术的看法，从而帮助有才华的艺术家脱颖而出，也使得旷世杰作得以流传。
4.批评家对艺术家的工作不断提出批评，与艺术家的活动形成互动，好的评论能够打动人心，促进好作品的诞生，从而创造出不朽的艺术价值。

Two kinds of people influence human's artistic development heavily. One is the artists, while the other is the critics. Insofar as
the media has paid much attention on the achievement made by the artists, it makes a great deal of people take it for granted that artists are more important than critics in nourishing the art. However, further reflection shows that besides artist, if there is no critic, we actually can not get anything of lasting value.

First of all, I must admit that at most time it is the artist that creates invaluable works of art. We always feel amazed when we enjoy the grand compositions left throughout   the history. When attending in a concert, we are often so indulged in the heavenly-like music that we even do not realize the end of the music. And while enjoying the wonderful paintings in the museum, we always can not help wondering on human's brilliant imagination in creating such perfect artworks. Thus it is not surprising that there are so many fans for those world-famous artists, even though some of them have left this world for a long time.

Although I agree that artists are important in making invaluable articles, I insist that critics are necessary in devoting something that owns lasting value to the society. In the first place, the critics teach the common people what art is and how to appreciate it, thus cultivating a love of art in the whole society. Once we open the newspaper, we can easily find some reports written by some critics about the latest films or novels. Many people just come to know what is a good film or novel by reading these articles; furthermore, they come to understand how to enjoy these works of art for the critics usually comment on the advantages and disadvantages of these works. It is very useful in wide spreading the art among common people and nourishing it as well, meanly if there is no audience for these works of art, how can the artists survive and develop themselves? Not to say the outcome of artworks.

In the second place, the critics' work helps the common people to develop their own ideas about the value of the works of art they enjoy; and it can help those outstanding artists come into prominence. After appreciating a considerable amount of works and then reading numerous comments on these works, it is natural for everyone to form their own opinions about what kind of composition is decent and elegant and what is the opposite. This is really beneficial for those outstanding artists to win more fans and then enlarge their working scope. And their works thus can be known by more tasteful people as well.

Further more, the critics comment on the works of the artists so frequently that in fact, they can form an interaction with the latter. Thinking about if an artist has done badly in his work for a period of time, and then was criticized by many critics severely; it is inevitable that he or she will be excluded from the artistic circle from then. In this way, the artists somehow have to try hard to create wonderful compositions. Vice versa, when many of the artists have improved their skills and made out better works, they surely will ask the critics to extend their horizon and keep paralleled with them as well. Constructive criticism, if taken to heart, can result in better work. There was once a well-known poetic critic named Ezra Pound who called for the poets to write poems by using images. The theory he advocated was called "Imagism" and had dominated the world poetic field in 1930s. Many poets at that time created a great many impressing poems by his theory, and some of these poems are still popular nowadays. They have become the classic.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we can not develop the art without the critics. It is both the artists and the critics that work together and keep some valuable works of art for our society.

683 words; time unlimited; revise once.

[ 本帖最后由 hyt0303 于 2006-11-28 19:29 编辑 ]

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

我第一次改 不能说改吧 不太会 就是给点意见吧 希望对你有帮助~



Two kinds of people influence human's（文章不用缩写会更书面 正式一点吧？） artistic development heavily. One is the artists, while the other is the critics. Insofar as the media has paid much attention on the achievement made by the artists, it makes a great deal of people take it for granted that artists are more important than critics in nourishing the art. However, further reflection shows that besides artist, if there is no critic, we actually（感觉语气不是很顺，是不是应该是如果没有critic，我们就…要不要用虚拟语气？） can not get anything of lasting value.

First of all, I must admit（concede怎么样？） that at most time it is the artist that creates invaluable works of art. We always feel amazed when we enjoy the grand compositions left throughout the history. When attending in a concert, we are often so indulged in the heavenly-like music that we even do not realize the end of the music. And while enjoying the wonderful paintings in the museum, we always can not help wondering on human's brilliant imagination in creating such perfect artworks. (加结论句呼应首句怎么样？后面用了thus 但是好象没说原因呢 把后面的改成一个论据)Thus it is not surprising that there are so many fans for those world-famous artists, even though some of them have left this world for a long time. (Even there are so many fans for those world-famous artists who have left this world for a long time. In conclusion, artists contribute to the valuable things.就是我的一个意见 你自己也看一看)

Although I agree that artists are important in making（别扭么？我怎么觉得有一点…直接用on呢？再查查 我也查查） invaluable articles, I insist that critics are necessary in devoting something that owns（of） lasting value to the society. In the first place,(这个是呼应下面的In the second place吧？可以另起一段，我在北美范文里见过这样的) the critics teach the common people what art is and how to appreciate it, thus cultivating a love of art in the whole society. Once we open the newspaper, we can easily find some reports written by some critics about the latest films or novels. Many people just come to know what is a good film or novel by reading these articles; furthermore, they come to understand how to enjoy these works of art for the critics usually comment on the advantages and disadvantages of these works. It is very useful in wide spreading the art among common people and nourishing it as well, meanly if there is no audience for these works of art, how can the artists survive and develop themselves? Not to say the outcome of artworks.

In the second place, the critics' work（同样的，缩写不太正式） helps the common people to develop their own ideas about the value of the works of art（art） they enjoy; and it can help those outstanding artists come into prominence.(前面用过help了 换个说法吧 it can promote the reputation of the artist 也可以试试not only but also句型 是闪光的) After appreciating a considerable amount of works and then reading numerous comments on these works, it is natural for everyone to form their own opinions about what kind of composition is decent and elegant（不好意思，可能是我知识不够，我不知道这么用对不对，不过如果是我，我可能这样写 , decent or elegant, and…） and what is the opposite. This is really beneficial for those outstanding artists to win more fans and then enlarge their working scope. And their works thus can be known by more tasteful people as well.

Further more, the critics comment on the works of the artists so frequently that in fact, they can form an interaction with the latter(后者？指？). Thinking about if an artist has done badly in his work for a period of time, and then(and 后面应该是完整的句子成分吧？加个 he) was criticized by many critics severely; it is inevitable that he or she will be excluded from the artistic circle from then. In this way, the artists somehow have to try hard to create wonderful compositions.(有个例子就好了) Vice versa, when many of the artists have improved their skills and made out better works, they surely will ask the critics to extend their horizon and keep paralleled with them as well. Constructive criticism, if taken to heart, can result in better work. There was once a well-known poetic critic named Ezra Pound who called for the poets to write poems by using images. The theory he advocated was called "Imagism" and had dominated the world poetic field in 1930s. Many poets at that time created a great many impressing poems by his theory, and some of these poems are still popular nowadays. They have become the classic.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we can not develop（prosper） the art without the critics. It is both the artists and the critics that work together and keep some valuable works of art for our society.




不好意思 被我这么一搅和 面目全非了……我没什么经验 希望对你没什么坏处就好 谢谢让我改了你的文章
你可以再组织组织~写的挺好的 比我强多了……

小兔521UID: 2230275

Two kinds of people influence human's artistic development heavily. One is the artists, while the other is the critics. Insofar as
the media has paid much attention on the achievement made by the artists, it makes(删去it makes) a great deal of people take it for granted that artists are more important than critics in nourishing the art. However, further reflection shows that besides artist(the artist或artists), if there is no critic, we actually can not get anything of lasting value.

First of all, I must admit that at most time it is the artist that creates invaluable works of art. We always feel amazed when we enjoy the grand compositions left throughout   the history. When attending in(in删去) a concert, we are often so indulged in the heavenly-like music that we even do not realize the end of the music. And while enjoying the wonderful paintings in the museum, we always can not help wondering on（about较好） human's brilliant imagination in creating such perfect artworks. Thus it is not surprising that there are so many fans for those world-famous artists, even though some of them have left this world for a long time.

Although I agree that artists are important in making invaluable articles, I insist that critics are necessary in devoting something that owns lasting value to the society. In the first place, the critics teach the common people what art is and how to appreciate it, thus cultivating a love of art in the whole society. Once we open the newspaper(s), we can easily find some reports written by some critics about the latest films or novels. Many people just come to know what is a good film or novel(whether the film or novel is good可能更好些) by reading these articles; furthermore, they come to understand how to enjoy these works of art for(from) the critics usually comment on the advantages and disadvantages of these works. It is very useful in wide spreading the art among common people and nourishing it as well(It is very useful when widely spreading the art among common people and nourishing it as well), meanly(?) if there is no audience for these works of art, how can the artists survive and develop themselves? Not to say (Let alone更好一点)the outcome of artworks.

In the second place, the critics' work helps the common people to develop their own ideas about the value of the works of art they enjoy; and it can help those outstanding artists come into prominence. After appreciating a considerable amount of works and then reading numerous comments on these works, it is natural for everyone to form their own opinions about what kind of composition is decent and elegant and what is the opposite. This is really beneficial for those outstanding artists to win more fans and then enlarge their working(?不如删去,暂时想不到换什么词) scope. And their works thus can be known by more tasteful people as well.

Further more, the critics comment on the works of the artists so frequently that in fact, they can form an interaction with the latter. Thinking about if an artist has done badly in his work（works）for a period of time, and then was criticized by many critics severely; it is inevitable that he or she will be excluded from the artistic circle from then. In this way, the artists(artist) somehow have(has) to try hard to create wonderful compositions. Vice versa, when many of the artists have improved their skills and made out better works, they surely will ask the critics to extend their horizon and keep paralleled with them as well. Constructive criticism, if taken to heart, can result in better work. There was once a well-known poetic critic named Ezra Pound who called for the poets to write poems by using images. The theory he advocated was called "Imagism" and had dominated the world poetic field in 1930s. Many poets at that time created a great many impressing poems by his theory, and some of these poems are still popular nowadays. They have become the classic.（good example）

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we can not develop the art without the critics. It is both the artists and the critics that work together and keep some valuable works of art for our society.（最后一句有些冲淡论点，失去重心）

思路很清晰，够条理，个别论证处的小节有点薄弱。例子很好

[ 本帖最后由 小兔521 于 2006-11-20 23:05 编辑 ]

小兔521UID: 2230275

偶有用红色改啊
怎么又变成黑的了??

三块半UID: 2202025

Two kinds of people influence human's artistic development heavily. One is the artists, while the other is the critics. Insofar as
the media has paid much attention on the achievement made by the artists, it makes a great deal of people take it for granted that artists are more important than critics in nourishing the art. However, further reflection shows that besides artist, if there is no critic, we actually can not get anything of lasting value.

First of all, I must admit that at most time it is the artist that creates invaluable works of art. We always feel amazed when we enjoy the grand compositions left throughout   the history. When attending in a concert, we are often so indulged in the heavenly-like music that we even do not realize the end of the music. And while enjoying the wonderful paintings in the museum, we always can not help wondering on human's brilliant imagination in creating such perfect artworks. Thus it is not surprising that there are so many fans for those world-famous artists, even though some of them have left this world for a long time. （有没有更好一些的小结呢？最好直接切题．这句怎么感觉都有点鸡肋．）

Although I agree that artists are important in making invaluable articles, I insist that critics are necessary in devoting something that owns lasting value to the society. In the first place, the critics teach the common people what art is and how to appreciate it, thus cultivating a love of art in the whole society. Once we open the newspaper, we can easily find some reports written by some critics about the latest films or novels. Many people just come to know what is a good film or novel by reading these articles; furthermore, they come to understand how to enjoy these works of art for the critics usually comment on the advantages and disadvantages of these works. It is very useful in wide spreading the art among common people and nourishing it as well, meanly if there is no audience for these works of art, how can the artists survive and develop themselves? Not to say the outcome of artworks.（第一点阐释的好，很充分）

In the second place，（和第一点合起来写一段吧，没什么必要分开，分开反觉不紧凑了） the critics' work helps the common people to develop their own ideas about the value of the works of art they enjoy; and it can help those outstanding artists come into prominence(不好意思哈，没看明白这句话,是不是说更＂显著＂？）. After appreciating a considerable amount of works and then reading numerous comments on these works, it is natural for everyone to form their own opinions about what kind of composition is decent and elegant and what is the opposite. This is really beneficial for those outstanding artists to win more fans and then enlarge their working scope. And their works thus can be known by more tasteful people as well.

Further more, the critics comment on the works of the artists so frequently that in fact, they can form an interaction with the latter. Thinking about if an artist has done badly in his work for a period of time, and then was criticized by many critics severely; it is inevitable that he or she will be excluded from the artistic circle from then. In this way, the artists somehow have to try hard to create wonderful compositions. Vice versa, when many of the artists have improved their skills and made out better works, they surely will ask the critics to extend their horizon and keep paralleled with them as well. Constructive criticism, if taken to heart, can result in better work. There was once a well-known poetic critic named Ezra Pound who called for the poets to write poems by using images. The theory he advocated was called "Imagism" and had dominated the world poetic field in 1930s. Many poets at that time created a great many impressing poems by his theory, and some of these poems are still popular nowadays. They have become the classic.（这段写的很好呃，最好最后的时候来个小节，就完美了）

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we can not develop the art without the critics. It is both the artists and the critics that work together and keep some valuable works of art for our society.

全文读起来很溜，３，４两段可以合起来写，第五段做为特别阐述的可以另做一段，这样比较紧凑，其实我很菜，纯属个人意见，不一定正确哈．

hyt0303UID: 2254178

谢谢大家哈：）
继续使劲拍~~~