argument26 十二月高强组第一周周四作业

waidswUID: 2256074

题目：ARGUMENT 26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
字数：476        用时：0:47:03          日期：2006-11-23

1．        三次冠军并不能说明这都是C的功劳
2．        设施和乐器的提高跟C关系不大
3．        没有证据说明C可以做好整个城的主任
The chairperson claims that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this claim, the chairperson lists that during Mr. S act as the music director at Steel City High School, that school won three regional band competitions and the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly as well. At first glance, the claim seems convincing. However, careful examination of the evidences reveals several reasoning flaws.

To begin with, the evidence that the band from Steel City High School win the competition three times lend little support to the claim. It is very likely that the whole school is concentrated on musical education so that the students' musical level is higher than others. It is still possible that the members of the champion bands are great talented in music that need little instructions. In addition, maybe there is an excellent music teacher in Steel City High School that the successes mostly attributed to the efforts of that teacher. Absent information to rule out such possibilities of the reason of the championships, we cannot be convinced that the successes have to do with Mr. Charles.

Secondly, the mere fact of the improvements of the quality of facilities and instruments are too vague to substantiate the claim. Common sense informs us that it is the financial state that determines such improvements. However, the chairperson failed to justify us that Mr. Charles is responsible for the improvement of school financial state. It is reasonable to assume that it is other facts, such as the increase of government financial distribution that lead to the improvements.

Last but not least, even if Mr. Charles is a good high school music director, the chairperson provides little proof that Mr. Charles is qualified in doing the job as the director of the entire Saluda school system. A good executor is not necessarily a good planer. Even assuming that Mr. Charles do well in the job as a music director of a high school , it is probably that he is not competent in doing the plan and direct the whole music programs of the town. Without the evidence that Mr. Charles has the ability to deal with the issues concerning the whole town effectively, it is specious to make the proposal that Mr. Charles is proper for such position.

To sum up, the chairperson's claim is unjustifiable as it stands. To strengthen the claim, the chairperson has to offer credible information to prove that the 3 times winning of the regional competition and the improvement of the musical facilities and instruments are all own to the contribution of Mr. Charles. To better evaluate the claim, we also have to know Mr. Charles has the ability to direct the music system of the whole town.

sunnie_518UID: 2136235

The chairperson claims that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this claim, the chairperson lists that during Mr. S act as the music director at Steel City High School, that school won three regional band competitions and the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly as well. At first glance, the claim seems convincing. However, careful examination of the evidences reveals several reasoning flaws.

To begin with, the evidence that the band from Steel City High School win the competition three times lend little support to the claim. It is very likely that the whole school is concentrated on musical education so that the students' musical level is higher than others. It is still possible that the members of the champion bands are great talented in music that need little instructions. In addition, maybe there is an excellent music teacher in Steel City High School that the successes mostly attributed to the efforts of that teacher. Absent information to rule out such possibilities of the reason of the championships, we cannot be convinced that the successes have to do with Mr. Charles.

Secondly, the mere fact of the improvements of the quality of facilities and instruments are too vague to substantiate the claim. Common sense informs us that it is the financial state that determines such improvements. However, the chairperson failed to justify us that Mr. Charles is responsible for the improvement of school financial state. It is reasonable to assume that it is other facts, such as the increase of government financial distribution that lead to the improvements.（差结束语）

Last but not least, even if Mr. Charles is a good high school music director, the chairperson provides little proof that Mr. Charles is qualified in doing the job as the director of the entire Saluda school system. A good executor is not necessarily a good planer. Even assuming that Mr. Charles do well in the job as a music director of a high school , it is probably that he is not competent in doing the plan and direct the whole music programs of the town. Without the evidence that Mr. Charles has the ability to deal with the issues concerning the whole town effectively, it is specious to make the proposal that Mr. Charles is proper for such position.

To sum up, the chairperson's claim is unjustifiable as it stands. To strengthen the claim, the chairperson has to offer credible information to prove that the 3 times winning of the regional competition and the improvement of the musical facilities and instruments are all own to the contribution of Mr. Charles. To better evaluate the claim, we also have to know Mr. Charles has the ability to direct the music system of the

语言和逻辑都不错。逻辑论证再展开一点就好了


我觉得在argument上，我只能去学习，看过的组员的大作，都让我觉得自叹弗如，

[ 本帖最后由 sunnie_518 于 2006-11-24 17:41 编辑 ]

lyliaUID: 2273442

The chairperson claims that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this claim, the chairperson lists that during Mr. S act as the music director at Steel City High School, that school won three regional band competitions and the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly as well. At first glance, the claim seems convincing. However, careful examination of the evidences reveals several reasoning flaws.

To begin with, the evidence that the band from Steel City High School win the competition three times lend little support to the claim.最好直接指出错误原因 It is very likely that the whole school is concentrated on musical education so that the students' musical level is higher than others. It is still possible that the members of the champion bands are great talented in music that need little instructions. In addition, maybe there is an excellent music teacher in Steel City High School that the successes mostly attributed to the efforts of that teacher. Absent information to rule out such possibilities of the reason of the championships, we cannot be convinced that the successes have to do with Mr. Charles.

Secondly, the mere fact of the improvements of the quality of facilities and instruments are too vague to substantiate the claim. Common sense informs us that it is the financial state that determines such improvements. However, the chairperson failed to justify us that Mr. Charles is responsible for the improvement of school financial state. It is reasonable to assume that it is other facts, such as the increase of government financial distribution that lead to the improvements.段尾最好再总结下

Last but not least, even if Mr. Charles is a good high school music director, the chairperson provides little proof that Mr. Charles is qualified in doing the job as the director of the entire Saluda school system. A good executor is not necessarily a good planer. Even assuming that Mr. Charles do well in the job as a music director of a high school , it is probably that he is not competent in doing the plan and direct the whole music programs of the town. Without the evidence that Mr. Charles has the ability to deal with the issues concerning the whole town effectively, it is specious to make the proposal that Mr. Charles is proper for such position.

To sum up, the chairperson's claim is unjustifiable as it stands. To strengthen the claim, the chairperson has to offer credible information to prove that the 3 times winning of the regional competition and the improvement of the musical facilities and instruments are all own to the contribution of Mr. Charles. To better evaluate the claim, we also have to know Mr. Charles has the ability to direct the music system of the whole town.

楼主的行文基本上没有太大问题 建议最好在body段的开头处直接点出错误类型 另外最好再丰富一下列举他因的部分