issue48 [米国有米]第三次作业

森林116UID: 2272614

issue48 [米国有米]第3次作文
作者：森林116

48."The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

提纲:1.承认两方(个人和群众)都不应当被忽视
         2.指出个人的贡献的重要性
         3.进一步说明群众贡献是给个人提供基础
         4.总结观点.


      The author claimed that the study of history should places more emphasis on group of people rather than individuals for the latter possibly made the most significant events and trends in history. I generally concede with his declaration with admitting that individuals shouldn’t be ignored as well.
      From childhood, the history in textbooks we always had been studying were constituted by stories in which famous heroes were described lively as if they made the all contributions to history independently and human beings won’t improve without them. Indeed, it is really individuals who have been ultimately responsible for the most significant developments whether in scientific or sociology. For instance, we may still go out by carriages with out Vettle’s invitation of steam machine and know nothing about gravitation, if Newton didn’t get inspired by the following apple. Furthermore, these socialism countries also won’t exist in case of that Marx died in the exile.
     However, these above are only some typical cases. In fact, the groups of people or we called multitudes whose identities have been forgotten, are the real motive force in the majority of significant events and trends in history. Even most of the famous individuals’ contribution are also based on the foundations which spent so many people’s spirits and time .When people are immersed in praising Chairman Mao’s brilliant achievements they failed to see other leaders’ contributions and innumerable soldiers’ sacrifices which finally played an unignored role toChairman Mao’s thoughts and action.. Also Newton regarded his found of gravitation as a result of “standing upon former scientists shoulders”. So we can conclude that without the “groups” efforts, the “individuals” will be forgotten by history too for they could'nt make so much amazingly contributions in history.
      To sum up,we should ignore neither of the two:group and individuals when facing with history. Thanks to both of them, today our modern life is prosperous and developing quickly.

[ 本帖最后由 森林116 于 2006-12-7 19:40 编辑 ]

森林116UID: 2272614

貌似有点短~~不知道怎么可以查字数呢?

sadskyUID: 146461

The author claimed that the study of history should places[no s] more emphasis on group of people rather than individuals for the latter possibly made the most significant events and trends in history. I generally concede with his declaration with admitting that individuals shouldn’t be ignored as well.
      From childhood, the history in textbooks we always had been studying[incorrect tense] were constituted[was composed] by stories in which famous heroes were described lively as if they made the all contributions to history independently and human beings won’t improve[society be improved?] without them. Indeed, it is really individuals who have been ultimately responsible for the most significant developments whether in scientific or sociology[sociological field]. For instance, we may still go out by carriages with out Vettle’s[Watt] invitation of steam machine and know nothing about gravitation, if Newton didn’t get inspired by the following apple. Furthermore, these socialism countries also won’t exist in case of that Marx died in the exile.
     However, these above are only some typical cases. In fact, the groups of people or we called multitudes whose identities have been forgotten, are the real motive force in [+forming]the majority of significant events and trends in history. Even most of the famous individuals’ contribution[s, informal sentense] are also based on the foundations which spent so many people’s spirits[efforts] and time .When people are immersed in praising Chairman Mao’s brilliant achievements they failed to see other leaders’ contributions and innumerable soldiers’ sacrifices which finally played an unignored[important] role toChairman Mao’s thoughts and action.. Also Newton regarded his found of gravitation as a result of “standing upon former scientists shoulders”. So we can conclude that without the “groups” efforts[the efforts of the groups], the “individuals” will be forgotten by history too for they could'nt make so much amazingly[no -ly] contributions in history.
      To sum up,we should ignore neither of the two:group and individuals when facing with[no with] history. Thanks to both of them, today our modern life is prosperous and developing quickly.

这两天事情很多，迟迟没有交作业，也没有帮你批改，十分抱歉...
你的语言很好，基本没有什么问题。不过本篇的结构不够清晰，展开的也不到位，例子举的很多，但相对每个例子都比较苍白。如果能充实一下两个论点会比较好。
注意全部使用半角的标点符号，标点后跟空格，段顶头段和段之间空一行的写法会比较清晰，易于阅读。

sadskyUID: 146461

另外，word和置顶的写作工具好像都可以查字数

森林116UID: 2272614

没关系拉，非常感谢你的批改～～～～
也希望能有机会能拜读你的文章，呵呵