issue83 帮忙改改啊

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

83. "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
政府应该保留国家领土中公共拥有的荒凉地区，即使这些地区往往人迹罕至。

The speaker’s asserts that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.I fundamentally agree with this claim for the chief reason that preserving these areas by government is conducive to keep ecological environment balance and in the meantime,it carries significant effect on the archeological and historica research with respect to ancient cultural sites most of which were found or excavated in wildness areas.

In a great many countries of this world are there wildness districts that possess abundant natural resources including petroleum,mineral,diverse species of plants and animals.Tropical rain forest and primitive forest are such places.With the development of us human beings,however,a great portion of these forests are subject to damage and numerous species are on the edge of extinction on a account of both natural and man-made causes.Due to their particularly important roles in maintaining the balance of the environment and the natural rule of the climate change and thus the survival of human beings,government should take on its responsibility to consider the protection of those areas as one of the most principle missions. Realizing the necessity of preserving wildness districts, government in many countries of the world have so far began to establish national parks and natural protection zones in succession,which are predicted to assuage the destruction of ecological balance and offer animals and plants a harmony place to live.An apt evidence  below demonstrates that preserving environment in this way is quite efficious. In China,the construction of natural protection zone for pandas,a rare species of animals,increases their propagation and the effect is much more better than cultivating in the zoo.

Not only does preserving wildness areas connect closely with maintaining the balance of environment,but it also makes for the protection of cultural relics.In the huge tracts of remote and wild land always hides ancient civilized sites which extinted centuries of years ago.For instance,the remains of Marya civilization, the greatest and the most mysterious civilization in the history of human beings,were discovered in the depth of the rainforest of (亚马逊平原) and the ancient city of loulan which had been extraordinary prosperous and lied on the silk road,was inundated by expansive desert in the south of China. Those historic places tells us what previous generations achieved,what they believed,how they live their lives and offer archeologists and historians more evidence to do various researches on the fields of history and archeology as well.Furthermore,to investigate why ancient civilization was not able to escape from the decline and extinction functions as a warning and message to us modern people that what we should do and what we should not do in oder that modern civilization will thrive permanently for our descendants.  Nevertheless,Under the conditions of inclement weather,those sites are likely to be destroyed more and more seriously and some of (文物) might be eroded and even cannot be discerned as well,leading to vast loss in archeology and history.Thus,it is undoubtedly that government should take mearsures to preserve wild historic sites which are valuable cultural heristage that ancestors bequeath us. Nowadays many countries have already cost much energy and money to build some of the cultural sites into a touristic places that on one hand they can be well-protected and on the other hand attract more visitors for the country to obtain large profit.  

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it is indispensable and worthwhile for the government to preserve publicly owned wildness areas ,in spite of their remoteness and inaccessibility for human beings.Because protecting those areas helps to creat a better place for all of the species in the world covering human beings ourselves and in addition,it also provide us especially archeologists and historians with well conserved cultural legacy to study the origin and advancement of humanic society.

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

The speaker’s asserts (assertion) that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I fundamentally agree with this claim for the chief reason that preserving these areas by government is conducive to keep ecological environment balance and in the meantime, it carries(takes) significant effect on the archeological and historica(historical) research with respect to ancient cultural sites most of which were found or excavated in wildness areas.In a great many countries of(in好还是of好？) this world are there wildness districts that possess abundant natural resources including petroleum, mineral, diverse species of plants and animals. Tropical rain forest(rainforest) and primitive forest are such places. With the development of us human beings(we humans/human beings), however(前后不是2个句子), a great portion of these forests are subject to damage and numerous species are on the edge of extinction on a (an) account of both natural and man-made causes（我不知道这么写对不对但是要表达以牺牲环境为代价你可以试试 be at the cost of）.Due to their particularly important roles in maintaining the balance of the environment and the natural rule of the climate change and thus the survival of human beings, government should take on its responsibility to consider the protection of those areas as one of the most principle missions. Realizing the necessity of preserving wildness districts, government in many countries of the world have so far began to establish national parks and natural protection zones in succession, which are predicted to assuage the destruction of ecological balance and offer animals and plants a harmony place to live. An apt evidence below demonstrates that preserving environment in this way is quite efficious. In China, the construction of natural protection zone for pandas, a rare species of animals, increases their propagation and the effect is much more better(better) than cultivating in the zoo. （开头段看过来这段应该说保护是有利你想用利益原则来论证这段吧？不过没看到利益的证据而且没什么例子看起来说服力不够加一些光合作用之类的也很好你觉得呢？）Not only does(do 后面是areas) preserving wildness areas connect closely with maintaining the balance of environment, but it also makes for the protection of cultural relics. In the huge tracts of remote and wild land always hides(主语呢？) ancient civilized sites which extinted（became extinct） centuries of years ago. For instance, the remains of Marya civilization, the greatest and the most mysterious civilization in the history of human beings, were discovered in the depth of the rainforest of (亚马逊平原) Amazon and the ancient city of loulan which had been(was这个不知道是不是符合你的意思你再看一下) extraordinary prosperous and lied on the silk road, was inundated by expansive desert in the south of China. Those historic places tells(tell) us what previous generations achieved, what they believed, how they live their lives and offer archeologists and historians more evidence to do various researches on the fields of history and archeology as well. Furthermore, to investigate why ancient civilization was not able to escape from the decline and extinction functions as a warning and message to us modern people that what we should do and what we should not do in oder(order) that modern civilization will thrive permanently for our descendants.  Nevertheless, Under the conditions of inclement weather, those sites are likely to be destroyed more and more seriously and some of (文物)cultural relics might be eroded and even cannot be discerned as well, leading to vast loss in archeology and history. Thus, it is undoubtedly that government should take mearsures (measures) to preserve wild historic sites which are valuable cultural heristage that ancestors bequeath us. Nowadays many countries have already cost much energy and money to build some of the cultural sites into a touristic places (a places?) that on one hand they can be well-protected and on the other hand attract more visitors for the country to obtain large profit.  In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it is indispensable and worthwhile for the government to preserve publicly owned wildness areas, in spite of their remoteness and inaccessibility for human beings. Because protecting those areas helps to creat(create) a better place for all of the species in the world covering human beings ourselves and in addition, it also provide(s) us especially archeologists and historians with well conserved cultural legacy to study the origin and advancement of humanic(human) society.



自己的意见希望对你有帮助观点是不错的结构也好

[ 本帖最后由 ostrich1986 于 2006-12-12 14:57 编辑 ]

hyt0303UID: 2254178

The speaker’s(speaker） asserts that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.(这句话能否稍微改写得多一点，感觉抄的多了。）I fundamentally agree with this claim for the chief reason that preserving these areas by government is conducive to keep ecological environment去掉 balance and in the meantime,it carries significant effect on the archeological and historica research with respect to ancient cultural sites most of which were(which were mostly) found or excavated in wildness areas.

In a great many countries of this world are there wildness districts that possess abundant natural resources including petroleum,mineral,diverse species of plants and animals.Tropical rain forest and primitive forest are such places.With the development of us human beings,however,a great portion of these forests are subject to damage and numerous species are on the edge of extinction on a account of both natural and man-made causes.Due to their particularly important roles in maintaining the balance of the ecological environment and the natural rule of the climate(climatic) change and thus the survival of human beings,government should take on its responsibility to consider the protection of those areas as one of the most principle missions. Realizing the necessity of preserving wildness districts, government in many countries of the world have so far began(begun) to establish national parks and natural protection zones in succession,which are predicted(assumed) to assuage the destruction of ecological balance and offer animals and plants a harmony(harmonious) place to live.An apt evidence  below demonstrates that preserving environment in this way is quite efficious(?effective). In China,the construction(establishment) of natural protection zone for pandas,a rare species of animals,increases their propagation and the effect is much more better than cultivating (them) in the zoo.

Not only does preserving wildness areas connect closely with maintaining the balance of environment,but it also makes for the protection of cultural relics.In the huge tracts of remote and wild land always hides(没有主语） ancient civilized sites which extinted (were extinct) centuries of years ago.For instance,the remains of Marya civilization, the greatest and the most mysterious civilization in the history of human beings,were discovered in the depth of the rainforest of (亚马逊平原) and the ancient city of loulan which had been extraordinary prosperous and lied on the silk road,was inundated by expansive desert in the south(southwest) of China. Those historic places tells us what previous generations achieved,what they believed,and how they live their lives去掉 and(meanwhile) offer archeologists and historians more evidence to do various researches on the fields of history and archeology as well.Furthermore,to investigate why ancient civilization was not able(unable) to escape from the decline and extinction functions as a warning and message to us modern people that what we should do and what we should not do in oder that modern civilization will thrive permanently for our descendants.  Nevertheless,Under the conditions of inclement weather,those sites are likely to be destroyed more and more seriously and some of (文物) might be eroded and even cannot be discerned as well,leading to vast loss in archeology and history.Thus,it is undoubtedly that government should take mearsures to preserve wild historic sites which are valuable cultural heristage that ancestors bequeath us. Nowadays many countries have already cost much energy and money to build some of the cultural sites into a touristic places that on one hand they can (调一下位子，否则后面半句没有主语） be well-protected and on the other hand attract more visitors for the country to obtain large profit.  

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it is indispensable and worthwhile for the government to preserve publicly owned wildness areas ,in spite of their remoteness and inaccessibility for human beings.Because（forthe reasons that前面用逗号，连成一整句) protecting those areas helps to creat a better place for all of the species in the world covering（including） human beings ourselves and in addition,it also provide us especially the archeologists and historians with well conserved cultural legacy to study the origin and advancement of humanic society.

整篇结构不错，你是限时写的吗?好强啊！！
感觉你现在写的东西结构上已经趋于稳定了，很不错。

christainUID: 2200210

The speaker’s(speaker） asserts that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.I fundamentally agree with this claim for the chief reason that preserving these areas by government is conducive to keep ecological environment balance and in the meantime,it carries significant effect on the archeological and historica research with respect to ancient cultural sites most of which were found or excavated in wildness areas.

In a great many countries of this world are there wildness districts that possess abundant natural resources including petroleum,mineral,diverse species of plants and animals.Tropical rain forest and primitive forest are such places.With the development of us human beings,however,a great portion of these forests are subject to damage and numerous species are on the edge of extinction on a account of both natural and man-made causes.Due to their particularly important roles in maintaining the balance of the ecological environment and the natural rule of the climate(climatic)不用改 change and thus the survival of human beings,government should take on its responsibility to consider the protection of those areas as one of the most principle missions. Realizing the necessity of preserving wildness districts, government in many countries of the world have so far began(begun) to establish national parks and natural protection zones in succession,which are predicted(assumed) to assuage the destruction of ecological balance and offer animals and plants a harmony(harmonious) place to live.An apt evidence  below demonstrates that preserving environment in this way is quite efficious(?effective).可以这么用 In China,the construction(establishment) of natural protection zone for pandas,a rare species of animals,increases their propagation and the effect is much more better than cultivating (them) in the zoo.
这段没有topic sentence
Not only does preserving wildness areas connect closely with maintaining the balance of environment,but it also makes for the protection of cultural relics.In the huge tracts of remote and wild land always hides(没有主语）以介词开头是可以的 ancient civilized sites which extinted (were extinct) centuries of years ago.For instance,the remains of Marya civilization, the greatest and the most mysterious civilization in the history of human beings,were discovered in the depth of the rainforest of (亚马逊平原) and the ancient city of loulan which had been extraordinary prosperous and lied on the silk road,was inundated by expansive desert in the south(southwest) of China. Those historic places tells us what previous generations achieved,what they believed,and how they live their lives去掉 and(meanwhile) offer archeologists and historians more evidence to do various researches on the fields of history and archeology as well.Furthermore,to investigate why ancient civilization was not able(unable) to escape from the decline and extinction functions as a warning and message to us modern people that what we should do and what we should not do in oder that modern civilization will thrive permanently for our descendants.  Nevertheless,Under the conditions of inclement weather,those sites are likely to be destroyed more and more seriously and some of (文物) might be eroded and even cannot be discerned as well,leading to vast loss in archeology and history.Thus,it is undoubtedly that government should take mearsures to preserve wild historic sites which are valuable cultural heristage that ancestors bequeath us. Nowadays many countries have already cost much energy and money to build some of the cultural sites into a touristic places that on one hand they can (调一下位子，否则后面半句没有主语） be well-protected and on the other hand attract more visitors for the country to obtain large profit.  
感觉这段有问题，荒凉地区还有文物古迹？？
In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it is indispensable and worthwhile for the government to preserve publicly owned wildness areas ,in spite of their remoteness and inaccessibility for human beings.Because（forthe reasons that前面用逗号，连成一整句) because后面应接句子，前面的改法不知道什么意思 protecting those areas helps to creat a better place for all of the species in the world covering（including） human beings ourselves and in addition,it also provide us especially the archeologists and historians with well conserved cultural legacy to study the origin and advancement of humanic society.

注：
蓝色是我改的，红色是上面仁兄的
christain=faith
加u！

polymerwufanUID: 2219535

The speaker’s[speaker] asserts thatgovernment should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in theirnatural state even though these areas are often extremely remote andthus accessible to only a few people.I fundamentally agree with thisclaim for the chief reason that preserving these areas by government isconducive to keep ecological environment balance and in the meantime,itcarries significant effect on the archeological and historical researchwith respect to ancient cultural sites most of which were found orexcavated in wildness areas.

In a great many countries ofthis world are there wildness districts that possess abundant naturalresources including petroleum,mineral,diverse species of plants andanimals.Tropical rain forest and primitive forest are such places.Withthe development of us human beings,however,a great portion of theseforests are subject to damage and numerous species are on the edge ofextinction on a account of both natural and man-made[anthropogenetic] causes.Due totheir particularly important roles in maintaining the balance of theenvironment and the natural rule of the climate change and thus thesurvival of human beings,government should take on its responsibilityto consider the protection of those areas as one of the most principlemissions. Realizing the necessity of preserving wildness districts,government in many countries of the world have so far began toestablish national parks and natural protection zones insuccession,which are predicted to assuage the destruction of ecologicalbalance and offer animals and plants a harmony[harmonious] place to live.An aptevidence  below demonstrates that preserving environment in this way isquite efficious. In China,the construction of natural protection zonefor pandas,a rare species of animals,increases their propagation andthe effect is much more better than cultivating in the zoo.

Not only does preservingwildness areas connect closely with maintaining the balance ofenvironment,but it also makes for the protection of cultural relics.Inthe huge tracts of remote and wild land always hides ancient civilizedsites which extinted centuries of years ago.For instance,the remains ofMarya civilization, the greatest and the most mysterious civilizationin the history of human beings,were discovered in the depth of therainforest of (亚马逊平原)and the ancient city of loulan which had been extraordinary prosperousand lied on the silk road,was inundated by expansive desert in thesouth of China. Those historic places tells us what previousgenerations achieved,what they believed,how they live their lives andoffer archeologists and historians more evidence to do variousresearches on the fields of history and archeology aswell.Furthermore,to investigate why ancient civilization was not ableto escape from the decline and extinction functions as a warning andmessage to us modern people that what we should do and what we shouldnot do in oder that modern civilization will thrive permanently for ourdescendants.  Nevertheless,Under the conditions of inclementweather,those sites are likely to be destroyed more and more seriouslyand some of (文物)[cultural relic]might be eroded and even cannot be discerned as well,leading to vastloss in archeology and history.Thus,it is undoubtedly that governmentshould take mearsures to preserve wild historic sites which arevaluable cultural heristage that ancestors bequeath us. Nowadays manycountries have already cost much energy and money to build some of thecultural sites into a touristic places that on one hand they can bewell-protected and on the other hand attract more visitors for thecountry to obtain large profit.  

Insum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw theconclusion that it is indispensable and worthwhile for the governmentto preserve publicly owned wildness areas ,in spite of their remotenessand inaccessibility for human beings.Because protecting those areashelps to creat a better place for all of the species in the worldcovering human beings ourselves and in addition,it also provide usespecially archeologists and historians with well conserved culturallegacy to study the origin and advancement of humanic society.

polymerwufanUID: 2219535

实在不好意思，最近公司断网了，今天才能上网，上一篇我也看了，不过你的语言功底比我强多了，呵呵，以后还得向你多学习。加油！


[ 本帖最后由 polymerwufan 于 2006-12-4 20:53 编辑 ]

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

好惭愧,大家都以为我是限时写的,其实写了很长时间呢
谢谢大家帮我批改,十分感谢

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

to chiristian,
荒凉地区是有文物古迹的