Argument200 graduate06--Hamming组 自己的第7篇Argument.

graduate06UID: 2223299

WORDS: 455          TIME: 33:00          DATE: 2006-12-12

200.Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

从牙医那里获得的统计数据表明在看牙医时男性昏厥的次数是女性的三倍。这一证据说明男性在接受牙科治疗时比女性更容易感到痛楚。因此，那些做广告来吸引患者的牙医应该定位于男性顾客，并同时强调他们的麻醉技术和他们的职员对于紧张和痛苦患者的敏感度

提纲：
论据：
Statistics 这是个复数，只有复数形式，统计资料 不可数为：统计学
的有效性
两个攻击点：样本的有效性，与样本数量

因果关系错：
three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist=/=〉
men are more likely to be distressed
他因：可能男性在看牙医师精神上比女性更敏感，或者男性天生比女性容易晕倒

因果关系：
男性易感到痛苦=/=>广告应该定位于男性，和提供一些让男性感觉到舒服的措施。
他因：看牙医的patients中，女性占大多数，这样的广告，不能迎合女性，这样的策率就不奏效了。

WORDS: 455          TIME: 33:00          DATE: 2006-12-12


The argument's conclusion that dentists' advertisements should aim at the male consumer, and should stress easing the distress that relates to the dental work is on the basis of the assumption that men are more likely to be distressed than women while visiting dentists. It seems at first glance to be an apparent conclusion. Careful scrutiny of the evidence and the argument's reasoning reveals that the author provides little support to the conclusion. First, the credibility of these statistics is open to doubt. In addition, the author assumes that while visiting dentists more men than women fainting is tantamount to that men are more likely to be distressed. The author also commits a fallacy of causal relationship.

To begin with, the threshold problem of the argument is whether or not the statistics are reliable. We are not informed that the fact is like this. Perhaps, the number of the patients of the statistics is too small to reflect the general dental patients. Even if the figure is large enough to statistically significant, or perhaps most of the patients contributing to these statistics are men or old men. If this is the case, any reasoning on the basis of the statistics is indefensible.

Even assuming that the statistics are credible, the author also falsely assumes that the while visiting dentists the fact that more men than women faint amounts to that men are more likely to be distressed. However, the author provides no firm evidence to bolster the assumption. Without such evidence it is equally likely that men are inherently to faint when they are treated dental diseases. Or perhaps male consumers are more mentally sensitive than famale during visiting dentists. Without examining and ruling out these possibilities the author cannot convince me the assumption is truthful.

Finally, Even if men are more likely to be distressed, the conclusion of the argument remains untenable. The author assumes that because of it the dentists' advertisements should aim at men and stress something for comforting the male consumers. Unfortunately, the author fails to provide any persuasive evidence to substantiate the conclusion. It is entirely possible that most of the consumers are women who pay more attention to the skill of dentists or modern equipments. If so, the author' strategy will not work.

In sum, the argument, while it seems logical at first glance, has several flaws as discussed above. To strengthen it the author must provides more details about the statistics such as the number of patients contributing to the statistics, and their age or gender. To better evaluate the argument we多个also need to know why men are more likely to faint. We would also need to know more information of the dentists' consumers--specially, their focusing.


[ 本帖最后由 graduate06 于 2006-12-13 01:01 编辑 ]

millerbnyUID: 2128628

第一句就很长,如果我是判卷人一定就先扣0.5

graduate06UID: 2223299

谢谢拍砖，改了一下。:)

graduate06UID: 2223299

还是有些长，因为本文conclusion比较长，我已经尽量paraphrase了，2楼有没有好建议，请赐教了谢谢！！

ScorpionSkyUID: 2273954

你的开头应该更精炼,有时候不要把文章的信息全部罗列,而是点到为止,因为ets老师对题目再熟悉不过了,他们不会想重复的看到原话.

hugo010311UID: 2237388

The argument's conclusion that dentists' advertisements should aim at the male consumer, and should stress easing the distress that relates to the dental work is on the basis of the assumption that men are more likely to be distressed than women while visiting dentists. (On basis of ..., the arguer concludes that..是不是舒服点)It seems at first glance to be an apparent conclusion. Careful scrutiny of the evidence and the argument's reasoning reveals that the author provides little support to the conclusion. First, the credibility of these statistics is open to doubt. In addition, the author assumes that while visiting dentists more men than women fainting is tantamount to that men are more likely to be distressed. The author also commits a fallacy of causal relationship.

To begin with, the threshold problem of the argument is whether or not the statistics are reliable. We are not informed that the fact is like this. Perhaps, the number of the patients of the statistics is too small to reflect the general dental patients. Even if the figure is large enough to statistically significant, or perhaps most of the patients contributing to these statistics are men or old men. If this is the case, any reasoning on the basis of the statistics is indefensible.

Even assuming that the statistics are credible, the author also falsely assumes that the while visiting dentists the fact that more men than women faint amounts to that men are more likely to be distressed. However, the author provides no firm evidence to bolster the assumption. Without such evidence it is equally likely that men are inherently to faint when they are treated dental diseases. Or perhaps male consumers are more mentally sensitive than famale during visiting dentists. Without examining and ruling out these possibilities the author cannot convince me the assumption is truthful.

Finally, Even if men are more likely to be distressed, the conclusion of the argument remains untenable. The author assumes that because of it the dentists' advertisements should aim at men and stress something for comforting the male consumers. Unfortunately, the author fails to provide any persuasive evidence to substantiate the conclusion.(以上都是说.....是不对的，有点冗长) It is entirely possible that most of the consumers are women who pay more attention to the skill of dentists or modern equipments.（再perhaps一次吧） If so, the author' strategy will not work.

In sum, the argument, while it seems logical at first glance, has several flaws as discussed above. To strengthen it the author must provides more details about the statistics such as the number of patients contributing to the statistics, and their age or gender. To better evaluate the argument we多个also need to know why men are more likely to faint. We would also need to know more information of the dentists' consumers--specially, their focusing.focus吧

挺好，加油！:D

[ 本帖最后由 hugo010311 于 2006-12-15 21:23 编辑 ]

graduate06UID: 2223299

多谢，正在改你的.