issue48 [Synergy小组]hyt0303第7次作业(12.13)

hyt0303UID: 2254178

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

同意作者的观点.历史是由人民创造的,但是伟人的作用也是不可忽视的.
1. 历史的进程是由众多默默无闻的人一同推动的.如二战反法西斯的胜利便是全世界爱好和平的人们的共同努力.单凭伟人的力量是不够的.
2. 伟人的伟大之处也是建立在众多无名前人的基础之上的.例如,牛顿的名言.今天众多科技成果的诞生都是建立在无数前人努力的基础之上.
3.当然,伟人的重要作用也是不可否认的.美国的独立是时势所趋，但是若没有华盛顿的领导，美国也许需要更多的时间来取得独立。
总之,历史的发展是由人民推动的,但若是忽视了伟人的重要作用,那也走向另一个极端.

Is the history created by some great individuals or groups of people? The speaker asserts that historians have paid too much attention on those great men, but actually the most significant events and trends in history were made by people who were never known by the descendants. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that history is produced by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten, however, the significance of those great individuals should also be taken into consideration.

First of all, it is groups of people working together as a unit that lead the development of the history, which can be proved by innumerable events throughout the history. Let us have a look on the final victory of World War Two. No matter how outstanding the leaders were, without the fight and sacrifice of thousands of hundreds of soldiers and common people in all the Allies against the Fascists, it was impossible for the Allies to defeat the Axis and bring peace back in 1945. And the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing in 2008, now the Beijing Organization Committee for the Games of the 29th Olympiad is calling for all the Chinese at home and abroad to support this grand athletic event in varied ways, including financial aids, working as a volunteer and so on; otherwise, it is improbable for the Chinese government to conduct it successfully.

In the second place, just as the famous scientist Newton in the 18th century has said, "What I have done is due to my standing on the giants' shoulders.", the achievement made by "the famous few" is in fact based on the work done mostly by the people before who were unknown to public now. And it is especially common in the field of scientific research. It is hard to imagine that Einstein would bring out his famous theory of relativity, had he not received enough knowledge which was achieved and recorded by his predecessors. And without consulting a considerable amount of referential data concerned with the previous time, it is impossible for the meteorologists to predict the climatic changes in a region, or even the whole world in a period of time in the future.  

Notwithstanding, while the ordinary people determine the progress of the history, the great people do accelerate the occurrence of some significant events or trends in history. The contribution of the first American president George Washington can be taken as a convincing example. Few would argue that the independence of America is due to the development of the American society and the will of the American people; nonetheless, except for the cogent leadership of George Washington during the War of Independence, the American people may have to endure the oppression from the English colonists for a longer time. And the situation in the field of IT industry is similar. Thanks to Bill Gates and his Microsoft Corporation Ltd., people all over the world now are able to enjoy the pleasure of surfing on the internet in an easy and amiable operating system.

From what I have discussed above, it is natural to come to the conclusion that, what history is and will be like is determined by the common people who never keep their identity in the history; however, the contribution of those great men should be taken into account as well, or else, we will be unable to view the development of history in a comprehensive and fair attitude.

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten." 同意作者的观点.历史是由人民创造的,但是伟人的作用也是不可忽视的.1. 历史的进程是由众多默默无闻的人一同推动的.如二战反法西斯的胜利便是全世界爱好和平的人们的共同努力.单凭伟人的力量是不够的.2. 伟人的伟大之处也是建立在众多无名前人的基础之上的.例如,牛顿的名言.今天众多科技成果的诞生都是建立在无数前人努力的基础之上.3.当然,伟人的重要作用也是不可否认的.美国的独立是时势所趋，但是若没有华盛顿的领导，美国也许需要更多的时间来取得独立。总之,历史的发展是由人民推动的,但若是忽视了伟人的重要作用,那也走向另一个极端.Is the history created by some great individuals or groups of people? The speaker asserts that historians have paid too much attention on those great men, but actually the most significant events and trends in history were made by people who were never known by the descendants. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that history is produced by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten(是不是跟前面有些重复用代词代一下怎么样？), however, the significance of those great individuals should also be taken into consideration.First of all, it is groups of people working together as a unit that lead the development of the history, which can be proved by innumerable events throughout the history. Let us have a look on the final victory of World War Two. No matter how outstanding the leaders were, without the fight and sacrifice of thousands of hundreds of soldiers and common people in all the Allies against the Fascists, it was impossible for the Allies to defeat the Axis and bring peace back in 1945.(战争的例子真的很典型) And the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing in 2008, now the Beijing Organization Committee for the Games of the 29th Olympiad is calling for all the Chinese（志愿者应该换成全世界的人志愿者的招募也是面向全世界的）at home and abroad to support this grand athletic event in varied ways, including financial aids, working as a volunteer and so on; otherwise, it is improbable for the Chinese government to conduct it successfully. In the second place, just as the famous scientist Newton in the 18th century has said, "What I have done is due to my standing on the giants' shoulders.", the achievement made by "the famous few" is in fact based on the work done mostly by the people before who were unknown to public now. And it is especially common in the field of scientific research. It is hard to imagine that Einstein would bring out his famous theory of relativity, had he not received enough knowledge which was achieved and recorded by his predecessors. And without consulting a considerable amount of referential data concerned with the previous time, it is impossible for the meteorologists to predict the climatic changes in a region, or even the whole world in a period of time in the future.  Notwithstanding, while the ordinary people determine the progress of the history, the great people do accelerate the occurrence of some significant events or trends in history. The contribution of the first American president George Washington can be taken as a convincing example. Few would argue that the independence of America is due to the development of the American society(为了更突出主题可以不要这个改成人们的愿望和努力) and the will（desire）of the American people; nonetheless, except for the cogent leadership of George Washington during the War of Independence, the American people may have to endure the oppression from the English colonists for a longer time. And the situation in the field of IT industry is similar. Thanks to Bill Gates and his Microsoft Corporation Ltd., people all over the world now are able to enjoy the pleasure of surfing on the internet（Internet） in an easy and amiable operating system.（这个好象似乎也许和主题句意思不符不是加速推动历史吧？）From what I have discussed above, it is natural to come to the conclusion that, what history is and will be like is determined by the common people who never keep their identity in the history; however, the contribution of those great men should be taken into account as well, or else, we will be unable to view the development of history in a comprehensive and fair attitude.

似乎每段都没有结尾句

感觉你写的已经可以了 语言没的说 而且展开和论述都很有自己的道理

练习了几次真的很管用呢

christainUID: 2200210

Is the history created by some great individuals or groups of people? The speaker asserts that historians have paid too much attention on those great men, but actually the most significant events and trends in history were made by people who were never known by the descendants. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that history is produced by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten, however, the significance of those great individuals should also be taken into consideration.

First of all, it is groups of people working together as a unit that lead the development of the history, which can be proved by innumerable events throughout the history. Let us have a look on the final victory of World War Two. No matter how outstanding the leaders were, without the fight and sacrifice of thousands of hundreds of soldiers and common people in all the Allies against the Fascists, it was impossible for the Allies to defeat the Axis and bring peace back in 1945. And the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing in 2008, now the Beijing Organization Committee for the Games of the 29th Olympiad is calling for all the Chinese at home and abroad to support this grand athletic event in varied ways, including financial aids, working as a volunteer and so on; otherwise, it is improbable for the Chinese government to conduct it successfully.这个例子觉得不好，这不是历史啊In the second place, just as the famous scientist Newton in the 18th century has said, "What I have done is due to my standing on the giants' shoulders."原句是这样说的吗？, the achievement made by "the famous few" is in fact based on the work done mostly by the people before who were unknown to public now. And it is especially common in the field of scientific research. It is hard to imagine that Einstein would bring out his famous theory of relativity, had he not received enough knowledge which was achieved and recorded by his predecessors. And without consulting a considerable amount of referential data concerned with the previous time, it is impossible for the meteorologists to predict the climatic changes in a region, or even the whole world in a period of time in the future.  本段论证跑题，本文的重点是the famous few and groups of people,再看看你这段论的是名人和名人，是不是跑题了？Notwithstanding, while the ordinary people determine the progress of the history, the great people do accelerate the occurrence of some significant events or trends in history. The contribution of the first American president George Washington can be taken as a convincing example. Few would argue that the independence of America is due to the development of the American society and the will of the American people; nonetheless, except for the cogent leadership of George Washington during the War of Independence, the American people may have to endure the oppression from the English colonists for a longer time. And the situation in the field of IT industry is similar. Thanks to Bill Gates and his Microsoft Corporation Ltd., people all over the world now are able to enjoy the pleasure of surfing on the internet in an easy and amiable operating system. (The same problem as body one? What is history? Also, there is another problem- no comments on your example) From what I have discussed above, it is natural to come to the conclusion that,太模版化了 what history is and will be like is determined by the common people who never keep their identity in the history; however, the contribution of those great men should be taken into account as well, or else, we will be unable to view the development of history in a comprehensive and fair attitude.

to楼上的，看你改了很多篇，建议你能用其他的颜色吗，这样方便大家看
我见到不换色的一般都不看的，这样你辛苦改的岂不是白费了
呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 christain 于 2006-12-18 12:02 编辑 ]

三块半UID: 2202025

Is the history created by some great individuals or groups of people? The speaker asserts that historians have paid too much attention on those great men, but actually the most significant events and trends in history were made by people who were never known by the descendants. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that history is produced by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten, however, the significance of those great individuals should also be taken into consideration.

First of all, it is groups of people working together as a unit that lead the development of the history, which can be proved by innumerable events throughout the history. Let us have a look on the final victory of World War Two. No matter how outstanding the leaders were, without the fight and sacrifice of thousands of hundreds of soldiers and common people in all the Allies against the Fascists, it was impossible for the Allies to defeat the Axis and bring peace back in 1945. And the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing in 2008, now the Beijing Organization Committee for the Games of the 29th Olympiad is calling for all the Chinese at home and abroad to support this grand athletic event in varied ways, including financial aids, working as a volunteer and so on; otherwise, it is improbable for the Chinese government to conduct it successfully. (这段好，既有过去发生的，又联系将要发生的和正在发生的，以之支持观点，比较贴切）

In the second place, just as the famous scientist Newton in the 18th century has said, "What I have done is due to my standing on the giants' shoulders.", the achievement made by "the famous few" is in fact based on the work done mostly by the people before who were unknown to public now. And it is especially common in the field of scientific research. It is hard to imagine that Einstein would bring out his famous theory of relativity, had he not received enough knowledge which was achieved and recorded by his predecessors. And without consulting a considerable amount of referential data concerned with the previous time, it is impossible for the meteorologists to predict the climatic changes in a region, or even the whole world in a period of time in the future.  （我觉得话题观点暗示侧重点似乎不在经验的积累方面，就单个事件而言，所指的应该是该事发生时的群体与个别伟人的关系．所以这段我觉得你写的有点偏．）

Notwithstanding, while the ordinary people determine the progress of the history, the great people do accelerate the occurrence of some significant events or trends in history. The contribution of the first American president George Washington can be taken as a convincing example. Few would argue that the independence of America is due to the development of the American society and the will of the American people; nonetheless, except for the cogent leadership of George Washington during the War of Independence, the American people may have to endure the oppression from the English colonists for a longer time. And the situation in the field of IT industry is similar. Thanks to Bill Gates and his Microsoft Corporation Ltd., people all over the world now are able to enjoy the pleasure of surfing on the internet in an easy and amiable operating system.（这段可以，不过分析少了．没能体现出来伟人的加快作用，你前面说伟人可以加速历史，后面也只是用例子告诉读者伟人加速历史．最好多分析一下，体现出伟人和群众的区别．）

From what I have discussed above, it is natural to come to the conclusion that, what history is and will be like is determined by the common people who never keep their identity in the history; however, the contribution of those great men should be taken into account as well, or else, we will be unable to view the development of history in a comprehensive and fair attitude.（这话突然出现有点突兀了，前面似乎没怎么分析研究历史事件的全面性，有点鸡肋）

语言方面我菜菜，没能看出什么东东来，不过就你论证的方式来说，好象分析时往往都是从大的方面来说了，所以显得观点很宽泛，含盖面很广，我也不知道好不好．还有就是第三段，虽然是第二段的引申内容，我觉得还是写的有点偏了．我是个人意见，如果我理解的不到位请多多指正啊！

hyt0303UID: 2254178

谢谢大家的批改，我今晚修改一下，再贴出来和大家讨论讨论：）
谢谢大家！！！

hyt0303UID: 2254178

终于把作业修改出来了。把一些主要的错误重新想了一遍，仍然有一些疑问。贴出来大家一起看一看。有空的战友帮忙多拍拍啊！！谢谢！！！

Is the history created by some great individuals or groups of people? The speaker asserts that historians have paid too much attention on those great men, but actually the most significant events and trends in history were made by people who were never known by the descendants. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that history is produced by groups of people (those) whose identities have long been forgotten(是不是跟前面有些重复用代词代一下怎么样？), however, the significance of those great individuals should also be taken into consideration.

First of all, it is groups of people working together as a unit that lead the development of the history, which can be proved by innumerable events throughout the history. Let us have a look on the final victory of World War Two. No matter how outstanding the leaders were, without the fight and sacrifice of thousands of hundreds of soldiers and common people in all the Allies against the Fascists, it was impossible for the Allies to defeat the Axis and bring peace back in 1945.(战争的例子真的很典型) And reviewing all the Olympic Games throughout the history, especially those held in the late 20th century, we can easily find out that without the support from ordinary people who engaged in as volunteers or by supplying auspices, it was impossible for all the governments to conduct them successfully.(综合大家的意见我把北京奥运会换成历届奥运会的举办都离不开群众的支持，体现历史感。)

In the second place, just as the famous scientist Newton in the 18th century has said, "What I have done is due to my standing on the giants' shoulders.", the achievement made by "the famous few" is in fact based on the work done mostly by the people before who were unknown to public now. And it is especially common in the field of scientific research. It is hard to imagine that Einstein would bring out his famous theory of relativity, had he not received enough knowledge which was achieved and recorded by his predecessors. And without consulting a considerable amount of referential data concerned with the previous time, it is impossible for the meteorologists to predict the climatic changes in a region, or even the whole world in a period of time in the future.  本段论证跑题，本文的重点是the famous few and groups of people,再看看你这段论的是名人和名人，是不是跑题了？/我想说的是巨人之所以为巨人那也是无数幕后者把他拖起来的。但是好像论述还是有问题。邓小平说我是中国人民的儿子这个例子怎样？还有雨果好像也说过自己是法国的什么什么？？我再查查~~

Notwithstanding, while the ordinary people determine the progress of the history, the great people do accelerate the occurrence of some significant events or trends in history. The contribution of the first American president George Washington can be taken as a convincing example. Few would argue that the independence of America is due to the will（我觉得意志好像会更贴切一些）of the American people and also the development of the American society(为了更突出主题可以不要这个改成人们的愿望和努力/将原文顺序调换了一下，突出人民的意志); Nonetheless, except for the cogent leadership of George Washington during the War of Independence, the American people may have to endure the oppression from the English colonists for a longer time. And the situation in the field of IT industry is similar. Thanks to Bill Gates Who lead the development of Internet technology into a new era, people all over the world now are able to enjoy the pleasure of surfing on the Internet（Internet） in an easy and amiable operating system.（这个好象似乎也许和主题句意思不符不是加速推动历史吧？/添加这样一句话，突出gates 的重要作用，应该会比原来好一些吧）

From what I have discussed above, it is natural to come to the conclusion that, what history is and will be like is determined by the common people who never keep their identity in the history; however, the contribution of those great men should be taken into account as well, or else, we will be unable to view the development of history in a comprehensive and fair attitude.

[ 本帖最后由 hyt0303 于 2006-12-22 15:12 编辑 ]