Argument65 【米国有米】小组 第五次作业

bluecathyUID: 2231215

Argument65 [米国有米]第五次作业
[作者]：bluecathy

65.The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

很多年来我们的所有连锁店都储备了很多种类的国产奶酪和进口奶酪。然而去年，我们的最新店里五种销量最高的奶酪都是威斯康星出产的cheddar奶酪。而且，最近一次由Cheese of the World杂志所举行的调查显示，其订阅者对于国产奶酪的倾向性越来越高。由于我们公司可以通过限制库存来减少开支，在我们所有连锁店增加盈利的最好方式就是停止贮备很多进口奶酪而主要集中于国产奶酪。

[提纲]：
1.论断的前提示要使我们所有商店的利润提高，但论者并未提供任何论据来证明这个前提和储备国产奶酪的必然性。
2.论据缺乏说服力。（1）新开的几家商店的情况并不能说明我们所有商店的情况。。（2）新店卖的最得最多并不能说明利润最高。
3.甚至这个杂志的调查也不能成为决定性的论据。


[正文]:

The arguer claims that their company should stop stocking many of their varieties of imported cheeses and focus primarily on domestic cheeses. He illustrates several reasons to conclude it. But unfortunately, if we make a consideration of the evidence, we will find that the arguer doesn't provide enough information to make himself supported.

To begin with, the arguer's claim is to improve profits in all stores, but he fails to provide any evidence of the inevitability between the claim and the storage of domestic cheeses. The arguer neither provides any evidence whether our customers' preference for cheese is domestic ones, nor illustrates the sales data that domestic cheeses sold in our all stores.

Secondly, the arguer only mentions the sales circumstance of newest stores which couldn't come to the conclusion directly. For one thing, the sales circumstance of newest stores which could not reflect the whole stores'. Perhaps the imported cheese are not popular in this region, people here are fonder of the domestic cheeses. Or may the newest stores are all established in Wisconsin, and they could connect with the manufacturer more closely. Consequently, the supply logistics from the manufacturer is so convenient that the newest stores could stock more cheddar cheeses and sell more. For another thing, the best-selling at the newest store doesn't mean the highest profit. May the five kinds of cheddar cheeses are the cheapest in the newest stores; May the five kinds of cheddar cheeses are with some special sales promotion. Besides, the best sales take place in the newest stores, which always have a rush time when they're new-opened.

Moreover, it is too hasty to draw to the conclusion by the survey made by Cheeses of the World magazine. Firstly, we don't know who the subscribers exactly are, the ordinary customer, the cheese fan, or the people of the cheese trade? Secondly, the arguer omits the number of subscribers participated in the survey. May the number of subscribers participated in it be so limited that it could not reflect the preference of people's taste. Moreover, conceding the number of readers in this survey is large; the result may not be suitable for the United States, for it may proceed outside the US. And we couldn't exclude the circumstance that some of the subscribers who prefer for imported cheese neither post back the questionnaire even nor subscribe this magazine.

To sum up, the arguer's claim is hasty and specious. Without the effective evidence, without researching into the representative of the survey carefully, the arguer may fail to persuade the company to execute his conclusion which it easily result in decision-making error.

foroneUID: 2273159

The arguer claims that their company should stop stocking many of their varieties[varieties和many意思有点重复] of imported cheeses and focus primarily on domestic cheeses. He illustrates several reasons to conclude[support之类的比这好] it. But unfortunately, if we make a consideration of the evidence, we will find that the arguer doesn't provide enough information to make himself supported.[这句话有些词和写法不学术,象unfortunately,if we make a consideration of the evidence,himself]

To begin with, the arguer's claim is to improve profits in all stores, but he fails to provide any evidence of the inevitability between the claim and the storage of domestic cheeses. The arguer neither provides any evidence whether our customers' preference for cheese is domestic ones, nor illustrates the sales data that domestic cheeses sold in our all stores.[最好举几个maybe]

Secondly, the arguer only mentions the sales circumstance of newest stores[只有一个新店] which couldn't come to the conclusion directly. For one thing, the sales circumstance of newest stores which[去掉不然缺主语] could not reflect the whole stores'. Perhaps the imported cheese[复数] are not popular in this region, people here are fonder of the domestic cheeses. Or may[maybe] the newest stores are all established in Wisconsin, and they could connect with the manufacturer more closely. Consequently, the supply logistics from the manufacturer is so convenient that the newest stores could stock more cheddar cheeses and sell more. For another thing, the best-selling at the newest store doesn't mean the highest profit. May the five kinds of cheddar cheeses are the cheapest in the newest stores; May the five kinds of cheddar cheeses are with some special sales promotion. Besides, the best sales take place in the newest stores, which always have a rush time when they're new-opened.

Moreover, it is too hasty to draw to[去掉] the conclusion by[from] the survey made by Cheeses of the World magazine. Firstly, we don't know who the subscribers exactly are, the ordinary customer, the cheese fan, or the people of the cheese trade? Secondly, the arguer omits the number of subscribers [加having]participated in the survey. May the number of subscribers participated in it be[is] so limited[limit] that it could not reflect the preference of people's taste. Moreover, conceding the number of readers in this survey is large; the result may not be suitable for the United States, for it may proceed outside the US. And we couldn't exclude the circumstance that some of the subscribers who prefer for[去掉] imported cheese neither post back the questionnaire even nor subscribe this magazine[既然是subscribers肯定是订杂志,所以前面的subscribers要改].

To sum up, the arguer's claim is hasty and specious. Without the effective evidence, without researching into the representative of the survey carefully, the arguer may fail to persuade the company to execute his conclusion which it easily result in decision-making error.[有语病去掉it]
错误找得很棒,结构上我感觉有点乱,特别是第三段最后的利润部分可以拉到第二段.
我是这么做的,我是把每个有错的句子都找几个攻击点,然后按文中句子先后顺序写,我觉得这样前后不会出现漏写或重复,作者可以参考下