issue185 synergy小组大家帮忙拍拍

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

我把文章修改了一下

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

The  speaker asserts that scandals ,whether in politics,academia,or other areas ,can be useful.I concede that scandals in various areas do play a positive role to promote the soundness of our social system.However,over-concern on scandals will in turn produce some negative effects.

To begin with,drawing universal attention from the masses ,the revelation of scandals provide more opportunities for them to be aware of the concealed problems and deficiency of laws.The attitude of the public to those problems are inclined to facilitate the government or relative organization to carry out/get down to a series of reforms which are conducive to address those problems and make our society to become more progressive and ameliorated. For example,in the 1970s and 1980s,a succession of scientific scandals coming from the area of academia,say, the Baltimore Case,the Harvard Medicine School-Darcie Affair,the Yale Medicine School Affair,enable the public to recognize the seriousness of corruption in academia hence that exert momentum on the American government to increase additional policies such as promulgating new legislations and setting up new governmental investigated institutions during the past twenty years.These coercive measures affirmatively perform a certain function to prevent such misconduct in science from occurring again,thereby working as a significant and lasting benefit to the society .

However,the negative influences that scandals will bring along with its positive effects should not be overlooked.First of all,from the perspective of individuals,it is because of the highly concerntration on scandals from the public that the media,on the purpose of satisfying the need of the masses and maximizing profits,will exaggerate or even make up some scandals ,resulting in endless harms to celebrities .For instance,in the realm of entertainment, in order to cater to the interests of the public.the reporters always report news referring to the private lives of those stars,which lead to individual defamation as well as render those celebrities sorrowful and dejected.Perhaps from then on, not only can they no longer well serve the society but also generate a sense of extreme frustration and hence that lose the hope to survive in this world.  After all,we have no right to probe into others’ privacies,let alone fabricate those scandals which are apt to harm individuals.

Secondly,from the perspective of youths,a large quantity of scandals appearing on magazines,televisions,newspapers and Internet might be tempting to adversely affects their growth.The manifestation of my point is that,accompanying with the popularization of the mass media,it is much more facile for teenagers to know about those scandals,who have not yet formed the correct world outlooks.As a result,those over-exposed scandals possibly serve to direct them an astray way to depravation.The famous sex-scandals of former American president Bill Cliton and white house intern Lewinsky is a paradigmatic example,”The Starr Report”,which disclosed the complete process of this sex scandal including intimate details,was pulished on the Internet.Untimely contact with this scandal,if without right guidance,the teenagers who are in a particular phase——adolescence,will probably begin to show great interest on those sexual affairs and the like.Apparently,as for teenagers, those bad social phenomenas uncovered by scandals might be an obstacle to the health growth of them.

Far more important,from the perspective of the society as a whole,the exposure of scandals may cause the masses’ distrust in government and influence the stability of the society. For instance,more recently,in Taiwan broke out a large-scale campaign against Taiwanese President Chen Shuibian,which lasted a few days,for the chief reason that the President was incriminated in a case of corruption and was suspected to (贪污).By the means of demonstration and parade,the masses vented their unsatification and discredit and even indignation about the government.It is obvious that under such kind of circumstance the entire society fell into the state of paralysis and can not function normally,leading to an enormous economic loss as well as the panic of the populace.As a matter of fact,on certain cases,the negative effects that scandals bring about are likely to be immeasurable.

In conclusion,while scandals, to some extent, serve as a stimulant to generate the effective reforms that make for the development of the society, nonetheless ,in the meantime they will also give rise to many negative influences which may outweight their benefits.Therefore,people should control the degree and keep calm and fair when they pay attention to scandals.

[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2006-12-23 23:13 编辑 ]

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

The  speaker asserts that scandals ,whether in politics,academia,or other areas ,can be useful.I concede that scandals in various areas do play a positive role to promote the soundness of our social system.However,over-concern on scandals will in turn produce some negative effects.

To begin with, the revelation of scandals provide(s) more opportunity for the masses to be aware of the concealed problems and deficiency of laws. The universe attention paid to those problems are more likely to facilitate the government or relative organization to pursue a series of reforms which are conducive to address(solve) those problems and make our society to become more progressive and (amolieated) ameliorated. For example, in the 1970s and 1980s,a succession of scientific scandals coming from the area of academia, say, the Baltimore Case, the Harvad(Harvard) Medicine School Darcie Affair, the Yale Medicine School Affair, enable the public to recognize the seriousness of corruption in academia hence that exert momentum on the American government to increase(promulgate跟后面换一下) additional policies such as promulgating(pass by) new legislations and setting up new governmental investigated institutions during the past twenty years.These coercive measures affirmatively perform a certain function to prevent such misconduct in science from occurring again,thereby working as a significant and lasting benefit to the society .（例子真好）

However,the negative influences that scandals will bring along with its positive effects should not be overlooked.First of all,the exposue（exposure） of scandals may cause the masses’ distrust in government. The classic instance might be the Watergate Affair which directly resulted in the public’s discredit and disappointment in government. Morever(moreover), scandals will influence the stability of the society. Perhaps the convincing instance involves Mitsubishi Motors, which had concealed significant defects in the break system of Pajero, one of the company's major products, before apologized to the public. Hundreds of car accidents were caused by the break error. The problems of merely one company engendered the consumers’ panic to all the other commodities, which ,to a certain extent, decreased the level of consumption and impact the stability of the whole society as well.(这段写的不行，本来想举倒扁运动的例子，但不知道怎么表述倒扁运动)

Secondly,the media,motivated by profits,will exaggerated or even make up some scandals to satisfy the need of the masses.These overstatement or spurious scandals ,it is beyond all doubt,will result in endless harms to celebrities including the destruction of their reputation.For instance,in the realm of entertainment, in order to cater to the interests of the public.the reporters always report news referring to the private lives of those stars.Admittedly,some reports are real but many of them are fictitious and have little reliability leading to individual defamation as well as rendering those celebrities sorrowful and dejected.After all,we have no right to probe into others’ privacies,let alone fabricate those scandals.（例子：随便举个美国的已婚明星说他们感情不和这种报道有的麦当娜）

Furthermore,a large quantity of scandals appearing on magazines,televisions,newspapers and internet might be tempting to adversely affects the teenagers’ growth.Accompanying With the popularization of the mass media,it is much more facile for teenagers to know about and get in touch with those scandals,who have not yet formed the correct world outlooks.As a result,those over-exposed scandals possibly serve to direct them an astray way to depravation.The famous sex-scandals of former American president Bill Cliton and white house intern Lewinsky is a paradigmatic example,”The Starr Report”,which disclosed the complete process of this sex scandal including intimate details,was pulished on the internet（大写吧？）.If without right guidance,the teenagers who are in a particular phase——adolescence,will probably begin to show great interest on those sexual affairs and the like.Apparently,as for teenagers, those bad social phenomenas uncovered by scandals might be an obstacle to the health growth of them.

In conclusion,while scandals, to some extent, serve as a stimulant to generate the effective reforms that make for the development of the society, nonetheless ,in the meantime they will also give rise to many negative influences which may outweight their benefits.Therefore,people should control the degree and keep calm and fair when they pay attention to scandals.


还不错 尽管没有以前那么光彩照人 不过依然很有水平 比我那篇强太多啦
水扁那个我也不会说 我到是觉得写了老美也没有这么高的政治觉悟 会知道他
媒体那个例子既然没有 干脆不要了 不如再加个政治丑文的在第2段 然后就能过度到第3段的政府不信任

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

如果在第二段里加政治丑闻,是写它的正面作用吗?如果第三段写对政府的不信任和社会不稳定,仍然得举政治丑闻的案例那不是和上一段重复了?
媒体那个的例子确实是有很多的,不过我只知道中国的,所以就没有写,一定要每段都有例子吗?
谢谢!

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

没有那么多的规矩吧 能表达清楚的自己的意思最重要 有没有例子没有硬性规定吧? 我的意思是加政治的正面作用 可以放在第2段里略写

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

拼写错误太多了,我已经放到word里改了,但好象没什么作用,不知道是不是我的方法有问题

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

我把拼写错误给你改了改 会发现标点格式的问题 可能是论坛系统的原因吧 你是标点后面空一格然后再写下一句的么?

The speaker asserts that scandals, whether in politics, academia, or other areas,can be useful. I concede that scandals in various areas do play a positive role to promote the soundness of our social system. However, over-concern on scandals will in turn produce some negative effects.

To begin with, drawing universal attention from the masses, the revelation of scandals provide（provides） more opportunities for them to be aware of the concealed problems and deficiency of laws. The attitude of the public to those problems are inclined to facilitate the government or relative organization to carry out/get down to a series of reforms which are conducive to address those problems and make our society to become more progressive and ameliorated. For example, in the 1970s and 1980s,a succession of scientific scandals coming from the area of academia, say, the Baltimore Case, the Harvard Medicine School-Darcie Affair, the Yale Medicine School Affair, enable the public to recognize the seriousness of corruption in academia hence that exert momentum on the American government to increase additional policies such as promulgating new legislations and setting up new governmental investigated institutions during the past twenty years. These coercive measures affirmatively perform a certain function to prevent such misconduct in science from occurring again, thereby working as a significant and lasting benefit to the society.

However, the negative influences that scandals will bring along with its positive effects should not be overlooked. First of all, it is because of the highly concerntration( concentration) on scandals from the public that the media, on the purpose of maximizing profits, will exaggerate or even make up some scandals to satisfy the need of the masses. From the perspective of individuals, these overstatement or spurious scandals, it is beyond all doubt, will result in endless harms to celebrities containing the destruction of their reputation. For instance, in the realm of entertainment, in order to cater to the interests of the public. the(The) reporters always report news referring to the private lives of those stars. Admittedly, some reports are real but many of them are fictitious and have little reliability leading to individual defamation as well as rendering those celebrities sorrowful and dejected. After all, we have no right to probe into others’ privacies, let alone fabricate those scandals.

Secondly, from the perspective of youths, a large quantity of scandals appearing on magazines, televisions, newspapers and Internet might be tempting to adversely affects(affect) their growth. The manifestation of my point is that, accompanying with the popularization of the mass media, it is much more facile for teenagers to know about those scandals, who have not yet formed the correct world outlooks. As a result, those over-exposed scandals possibly serve to direct them an astray way to depravation. The famous sex-scandals of former American president Bill Cliton(Clinton) and white house intern Lewinsky is a paradigmatic example,” The Starr Report”, which disclosed the complete process of this sex scandal including intimate details, was pulished(published) on the Internet. Untimely contact with this scandal, if without right guidance, the teenagers who are in a particular phase——adolescence, will probably begin to show great interest on those sexual affairs and the like. Apparently, as for teenagers, those bad social phenomenas(phenomena) uncovered by scandals might be an obstacle to the health growth of them.
Far more important, from the perspective of the society as a whole, the exposure of scandals may cause the masses’ distrust in government and influence the stability of the society. For instance, more recently, in Taiwan broke out a large-scale campaign against Taiwanese President Chen Shuibian, which lasted a few days, for the chief reason that the President was incriminated in a case of corruption and was suspected to (贪污).By the means of demonstration and parade, the masses vented their unsatification and discredit and even indignation about the government. It is obvious that under such kind of circumstance the entire society fell into the state of paralysis and can not function normally, leading to an enormous economic loss as well as the panic of the populace. As a matter of fact, on certain cases, the negative effects that scandals bring about are likely to be immeasurable.
In conclusion, while scandals, to some extent, serve as a stimulant to generate the effective reforms that make for the development of the society, nonetheless ,in the meantime they will also give rise to many negative influences which may outweight(outweight) their benefits. Therefore, people should control the degree and keep calm and fair when they pay attention to scandals.

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

我在标点后没有空格
为什么还是这么多拼写错误
郁闷.....

你这是放到word里改的吗？连单复数也能改？
我比较老土，不是很会用word
谢谢哈

[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2006-12-22 18:46 编辑 ]

hyt0303UID: 2254178

The  speaker asserts that scandals ,whether in politics,academia,or other areas ,can be useful.I concede that scandals in various areas do play a positive role to promote the soundness of our social system.However,over-concern on scandals will in turn produce some negative effects.

To begin with, the revelation of scandals provide(s) more opportunity (opportunities) for the masses to be aware of the concealed problems and deficiency of laws. The universe attention paid to those problems are more likely to facilitate the government or relative organization to pursue a series of reforms which are conducive to address(solve) those problems and make our society to become more progressive and (amolieated) ameliorated. For example, in the 1970s and 1980s,a succession of scientific scandals coming from the area of academia, say, the Baltimore Case, the Harvad(Harvard) Medicine School Darcie Affair, the Yale Medicine School Affair, enable the public to recognize the seriousness of corruption in academia hence that exert momentum on the American government to increase(promulgate跟后面换一下) additional policies such as promulgating(passing) new legislations and setting up new governmental investigated institutions during the past twenty years.These coercive measures affirmatively perform a certain function to prevent such misconduct in science from occurring again,thereby working as a significant and lasting benefit to the society .（例子真好）

However,the negative influences that scandals will bring along with its positive effects should not be overlooked.First of all,the exposue（exposure） of scandals may cause the masses’ distrust in government. The classic instance might be the Watergate Affair which directly resulted in the public’s discredit and disappointment in government. Morever(moreover), scandals will influence the stability of the society. Perhaps the convincing instance involves Mitsubishi Motors, which had concealed significant defects in the break system of Pajero, one of the company's major products, before apologized (apologizing 伴随动词) to the public. Hundreds of car accidents were caused by the break error. The problems of merely one company engendered the consumers’ panic to all the other commodities, which ,to a certain extent, decreased the level of consumption and impact the stability of the whole society as well.(这段写的不行，本来想举倒扁运动的例子，但不知道怎么表述倒扁运动/这个也许非典和禽流感也是很好的例子阿，我感觉比三菱的例子好)

Secondly,the media,motivated by profits,will exaggerated or even make up some scandals to satisfy the need of the masses.These overstatement or spurious scandals ,it is beyond all doubt,will result in endless harms to celebrities including the destruction of their reputation.For instance,in the realm of entertainment, in order to cater to the interests of the public.the reporters always report news referring to the private lives of those stars.Admittedly,some reports are real but many of them are fictitious and have little reliability leading to individual defamation as well as rendering those celebrities sorrowful and dejected.After all,we have no right to probe into others’ privacies,let alone fabricate those scandals.（例子：随便举个美国的已婚明星说他们感情不和这种报道有的麦当娜）我觉得这段的论述不是很到位，既是丑闻那就是真丑闻，你这里都是在说丑闻是否真实可靠，好像跑题了。也许不要了上下文还更紧密一些。

Furthermore,a large quantity of scandals appearing on magazines,televisions,newspapers and internet might be tempting to adversely affects the teenagers’ growth.Accompanying With the popularization of the mass media,it is much more facile for teenagers to know about and get in touch with （这个词组好像主要和人物搭配着用，这里度过去总感觉怪怪的） those scandals,who have not yet formed the correct world outlooks.As a result,those over-exposed scandals possibly serve to direct them an astray way to depravation.The famous sex-scandals of former American president Bill Cliton and white house intern Lewinsky is a paradigmatic example,”The Starr Report”,which disclosed the complete process of this sex scandal including intimate details,was pulished on the internet（大写吧？）.If without right guidance,the teenagers who are in a particular phase——adolescence,will probably begin to show great interest on those sexual affairs and the like.Apparently,as for teenagers, those bad social phenomenas uncovered by scandals might be an obstacle to the health growth of them.我觉得这段可以和第二段顺序对调，然后删掉第三段，先说对下一代的危害，再说对政府乃至社会的危害。或者将对政府的危害扩充为一段，把对社会的危害分离出来独立成段。

In conclusion,while scandals, to some extent, serve as a stimulant to generate the effective reforms that make for the development of the society, nonetheless ,in the meantime they will also give rise to many negative influences which may outweight （outweigh） their benefits.Therefore,people should control the degree and keep calm and fair when they pay attention to scandals.

[ 本帖最后由 hyt0303 于 2006-12-23 19:26 编辑 ]

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

谢谢你的批改
关于几个问题讨论一下

1.这个也许非典和禽流感也是很好的例子

非典和禽流感应该不属于丑闻吧,应该是新闻呀,三零那个例子确实不好,我当时随便搞了一个,而且我觉得后面几段之间逻辑关系不明确,你改的是以前版本,我后来把文章又编辑了,换成了倒扁的例子,另外把后三段的顺序调换了一下(和你提的建议差不多),分别从个人,下一代和全社会来讨论.

2.我觉得这段的论述不是很到位，既是丑闻那就是真丑闻，你这里都是在说丑闻是否真实可靠，好像跑题了。也许不要了上下文还更紧密一些。

丑闻一定要是真的吗?那些娱乐界的丑闻真真假假谁知道啊,那也应该是算丑闻吧
我这一端就是想说从个人的角度论述丑闻的负面影响,比如对夸大或编造的丑闻对个人名誉的伤害
可能是我没讲清楚,看上去可能有点不切题,是应该着重讲丑闻对个人的危害,我确实有点偏题,再好好考虑一下

[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2006-12-23 22:30 编辑 ]

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

正确的格式 应该是标点符号之后要空格的啊

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

把第三段改了一下,大家帮我看看,行不行的通,兰色为修改的
TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

The  speaker asserts that scandals ,whether in politics,academia,or other areas ,can be useful.I concede that scandals in various areas do play a positive role to promote the soundness of our social system.However,over-concern on scandals will in turn produce some negative effects.

To begin with,drawing universal attention from the masses ,the revelation of scandals provide more opportunities for them to be aware of the concealed problems and deficiency of laws.The attitude of the public to those problems are inclined to facilitate the government or relative organization to carry out/get down to a series of reforms which are conducive to address those problems and make our society to become more progressive and ameliorated. For example,in the 1970s and 1980s,a succession of scientific scandals coming from the area of academia,say, the Baltimore Case,the Harvard Medicine School-Darcie Affair,the Yale Medicine School Affair,enable the public to recognize the seriousness of corruption in academia hence that exert momentum on the American government to increase additional policies such as promulgating new legislations and setting up new governmental investigated institutions during the past twenty years.These coercive measures affirmatively perform a certain function to prevent such misconduct in science from occurring again,thereby working as a significant and lasting benefit to the society .

However,the negative influences that scandals will bring along with its positive effects should not be overlooked.First of all,from the perspective of individuals,it is because of the highly concerntration on scandals from the public that the media,on the purpose of satisfying the need of the masses and maximizing profits,will exaggerate or even make up some scandals ,resulting in endless harms to celebrities .For instance,in the realm of entertainment, in order to cater to the interests of the public.the reporters always report news referring to the private lives of those stars,which lead to individual defamation as well as render those celebrities sorrowful and dejected.Perhaps from then on, not only can they no longer well serve the society but also generate a sense of extreme frustration and hence that lose the hope to survive in this world.  After all,we have no right to probe into others’ privacies,let alone fabricate those scandals which are apt to harm individuals.

Secondly,from the perspective of youths,a large quantity of scandals appearing on magazines,televisions,newspapers and Internet might be tempting to adversely affects their growth.The manifestation of my point is that,accompanying with the popularization of the mass media,it is much more facile for teenagers to know about those scandals,who have not yet formed the correct world outlooks.As a result,those over-exposed scandals possibly serve to direct them an astray way to depravation.The famous sex-scandals of former American president Bill Cliton and white house intern Lewinsky is a paradigmatic example,”The Starr Report”,which disclosed the complete process of this sex scandal including intimate details,was pulished on the Internet.Untimely contact with this scandal,if without right guidance,the teenagers who are in a particular phase——adolescence,will probably begin to show great interest on those sexual affairs and the like.Apparently,as for teenagers, those bad social phenomenas uncovered by scandals might be an obstacle to the health growth of them.

Far more important,from the perspective of the society as a whole,the exposure of scandals may cause the masses’ distrust in government and influence the stability of the society. For instance,more recently,in Taiwan broke out a large-scale campaign against Taiwanese President Chen Shuibian,which lasted a few days,for the chief reason that the President was incriminated in a case of corruption and was suspected to (贪污).By the means of demonstration and parade,the masses vented their unsatification and discredit and even indignation about the government.It is obvious that under such kind of circumstance the entire society fell into the state of paralysis and can not function normally,leading to an enormous economic loss as well as the panic of the populace.As a matter of fact,on certain cases,the negative effects that scandals bring about are likely to be immeasurable.

In conclusion,while scandals, to some extent, serve as a stimulant to generate the effective reforms that make for the development of the society, nonetheless ,in the meantime they will also give rise to many negative influences which may outweight their benefits.Therefore,people should control the degree and keep calm and fair when they pay attention to scandals.

[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2006-12-23 23:18 编辑 ]

norman518UID: 188582

The speaker asserts that scandals, whether in politics, academia, or other areas, can be useful. I concede that scandals in various areas do play a positive role to promote the soundness of our social system. However, over-concern on scandals will in turn produce some negative effects.[在破题写thesis sentences就不将speakers or reformer提及，看你是怎样联系起来的？]
To begin with, drawing universal attention from the masses, the revelation of scandals provide more opportunities for them to be aware of the concealed problems and deficiency of laws. The attitude of the public to those problems are inclined to facilitate the government or relative organization to carry out/get down to a series of reforms which are conducive to address those problems and make our society to become more progressive and ameliorated. For example, in the 1970s and 1980s,a succession of scientific scandals coming from the area of academia, say, the Baltimore Case, the Harvard Medicine School-Darcie [应该是“约翰•达西(John Roland Darsee)”]Affair, the Yale Medicine School Affair[怎么在网上找不到Yale Medicine School的scandal], enable the public to recognize the seriousness of corruption in academia hence that exert momentum on the American government to increase additional policies such as promulgating[enacting] new legislations and setting up new governmental investigated institutions during the past twenty years. These coercive measures affirmatively perform a certain function to prevent such misconduct in science from occurring again, thereby working as a significant and lasting benefit to the society.

However, the negative influences that scandals will bring along with[with在此的作用？用and] its positive effects should not be overlooked. First of all, from the perspective of individuals, it is because of the highly concerntration[high concentration] on scandals from the public that the media, on the purpose of satisfying the need of the masses and maximizing profits, will exaggerate or even make up some scandals, resulting in endless harms to celebrities. For instance, in the realm of entertainment, in order to cater to the interests of the public[好像不是个完整的句子：没有主谓，就两个介词短语；要么就别在这里用“句号”]. The[those] reporters always report news referring to the private lives of those stars, which lead to individual defamation as well as render those celebrities sorrowful and dejected. Perhaps from then on, not only can they no longer well serve the society but also generate a sense of extreme frustration and hence that[感觉that多余] lose the hope to survive in this world.  After all, we have no right to probe into others’ privacies, let alone fabricate those scandals which are apt to harm individuals.
Secondly, from the perspective of youths[你是在分类讨论吧，那么individuals和youths应该是有交叉的吧，至少从logic看这样的分类是irrational], a large quantity of scandals appearing on magazines, televisions, newspapers and Internet might be tempting to adversely affects[是不定式怎么有单复数的变化]  their growth. The manifestation of my point is that, accompanying with the popularization of the mass media, it is much more facile for teenagers to know about those scandals, who have not yet formed the correct world outlooks [views]. As a result, those over-exposed scandals possibly serve to direct them an astray way to depravation. The famous[sex-scandals是famous吗？最多只是 well-known吧。] sex-scandals of former American president Bill Cliton[Clinton] and white house intern Lewinsky is a paradigmatic example,” The Starr[Star] Report”, which disclosed the complete process of this sex scandal including intimate details, was pulished[published] on the Internet. Untimely contact[你的观点是：youths被动接受scandals吧，但没有体现出来哟：being contacted] with this scandal, if without right guidance, the teenagers who are in a particular phase——adolescence, will probably begin to show great interest on those sexual affairs and the like. Apparently, as for teenagers, those bad social phenomenas[phenomena本来就是复数] uncovered by scandals might be an obstacle to the health growth of them.

Far more important, from the perspective of the society as a whole, the exposure of scandals may cause the masses’ distrust in government and influence the stability of the society. For instance, more recently, in Taiwan broke out a large-scale campaign against Taiwanese President Chen Shuibian, which lasted a few days, for the chief reason that the President was incriminated in a case of corruption and was suspected to (贪污：appropriate). By the means of demonstration and parade, the masses vented their unsatification [dissatisfaction] and discredit and even indignation about the [local] government. It is obvious that under such kind of circumstance the entire society fell into the state of paralysis and can not function normally, leading to an enormous economic loss as well as the panic of the populace. As a matter of fact, on certain cases, the negative effects that scandals bring about are likely to be immeasurable.[说negative effectives of scandals用阿扁的例子不太好吧]

In conclusion, while scandals, to some extent, serve as a stimulant to generate the effective reforms that make for the development of the society, nonetheless, in the meantime they will also give rise to many negative influences which may outweight their benefits. Therefore, people should control the degree and keep calm and fair when they pay attention to scandals.


1.     能在45min内完成如此流畅的文章，的确很有功力—是文科的吗？
2.     你一直没有将scandals和speakers or reformer 联系起来，应该是一大败笔；
3.       你的分类讨论有逻辑缺陷：先不谈society的方面，individuals和youths应该是有交叉的吧；
4.       你的例子很独特—让我今晚认真查找了一下当今世界的academic scandals，但没有找到the Yale Medicine School Affair，你最好确认一下，以免别人认为你也有fabricating哟；
5.       用阿扁的例子来支持negative effectives of scandals不太好吧
6.       我知道兄弟是个心气很高的人，有不当处请海涵！我认真拜读了2+hours, 当然，我的文章肯定错误更多，有机会侃侃：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=583665&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1769459185

candyliuliuUID: 2235220

我不知到你练了多久，挺不错的，观点上也比绝大多数人有深度~~至于例子的精确与否我不太确定~~

不一定每段都要例子，你完全可以说理和举利相结合~~

句式还可以做到多样性~~

我觉的你在布局上有一些问提（只是我个人感觉，你的写作构思和我06 6g时很象，呵呵）不要每段都很祥细，象陈水扁那段你可以稍精简些，这样可以给人一种有祥有略的感觉~~

还有我不知到你是花多少时间写的这篇文章，字数有点多，650字就可以了，700有点多~~可能你有误解，字多一定分高，但是06 6g考下来后，很多人虽然凑了600多字，但下来的分有很多是3，3。5，4的，导致这些人去rescore（因为考完后他门自我感决很好，以为字数到了，4。5没问提）~~只要深度够，该表达的表达了，也能拿高分~~

继续努力，你希望挺大的~~如果你这篇是40分种里写完的话（留个5分种再看一便，改一些错的地方），那我决的你在做文上花的功夫可以少点了，没必要再参家作文组了~~在把提目归归类，总结下，考前半个月，每天上机练一套，应该可以了~~

:)

[ 本帖最后由 candyliuliu 于 2006-12-25 02:53 编辑 ]

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

谢谢你的批改
1.首先回答你的问题：我现在还没有能力限时,而且我三月才考,这篇文章章写好了后还经过修改了的,通常想好了句子,表达不出来,要琢磨一会,所以在语言上我还要下工夫,另外,我是理科生

2 一定要将文章与speaker或reformer联系起来吗?我找准了一个破题点去论述不行吗?

3the Yale Medicine School Affair是有的,当时只是查的中文,是直翻过来的,可能有问题,我用google搜英文的没搜到,请问如何查英文资料,谢谢!

4我的分类逻辑是这样的:范围从小到大,先是个人(主要是指名人),再是群体-teenagers,最后指全社会,本来这三者之间就会有交叉,全社会也包括个人,难道这样的逻辑不合理?

5为什么阿扁的例子不合理啊,难道这不是丑闻的负面影响吗,那么多人参加游行,社会多乱啊

6很希望能帮你改文章,但是经常看得我云里雾里,无从下手,很多句子都不理解,我水平有限,但是有空一定拍
谢谢指教,真的很感谢

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

谢谢你帮我看作文
有几个问题还得向前辈请教
1.我从开始接触如何写issue不到一个月,总共写了8篇,所以是个菜鸟,现时完成简直是天方夜潭,通常想好了句子,表达不出来,要琢磨好一会,查字典什么,能不能在这方面
给点建议

2你说的布局问题是指的我的每段都非常详细吗?也可以有祥有略,是这个意思吗?

3关于字数问题,我通常一篇写好大概也是六百多字,快七百的样子,然后再一修改就变成七百多,总觉得越思考的多想说的话越多,越想把他们都表达出来,结果字数就多了,可能表达不怎么精练,我想我还是得多练

非常感谢,请指教