issue11 graduate06--Hamming组 自己的第5篇issue

graduate06UID: 2223299

WORDS: 543          TIME: 45:00          DATE: 2006-12-22
11. "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

所有的国家都应该支持发展一所全球性的大学，它的主要目的是要让学生们致力于解决世界上最难缠的社会问题。

全球化问题之全球解难大学

提纲：
一、分析什么是社会问题，什么是最难缠的社会问题, 全球性大学的学生可以解决他们吗？
二、指出建这么一个大学的好处：
1 聚集全球精英，各个领域的权威，形成极佳的学习氛围，有利于解决社会问题
2 可以使学生们由全球的战略眼光，有利于解决全球问题
三、也有很多困难去建立这么一个大学，选址，给各国分配名额

WORDS: 543          TIME: 45:00         DATE: 2006-12-22
Because of many advantages, to establish a globe university it seems like a striking idea. Whether the statement that all nations should help support the development of a global university intended to solve the world's most persistent social problems is right or not depend on the analysis of the social problems and of the pros and cons of establishing a globe university. I will discuss these aspects case by case in the following.

Firstly, the social problem mean that a social condition which let some of people feel uncomfortable. In modern world, there are so many social problems. Some of them are international level such as the murders, drug abuse, and terrorism. And there are some of them are particular in certain country or region such as the raging disease of AIDS in Botswana and the destruction of tropical forest in Brazil. All of them are persistent social issues. The students of global university can help to solve the problem of international level, because that all students understand them. But the regional problems are difficult for them to study, because the local issues are hard to understand for the outsiders, let alone to solve them. The students could study and find the root of the problems on international social problems.

There are indeed a great number of advantages of building such a university. For one thing, the global university could attract the elites of the whole world, and invite different field's authorities to teach and help the students. In this condition, the students can benefit a lot. The best students and the best professors no doubt will help to solve the social problems significantly. For another thing, the students can contact different schoolmates from different part of the world, it is favorable for them to develop a global strategic vision that will make them to be not only specialist but generalist. Because of this, they could examine and understand the social issues more widely and thoughtfully than any other university's students. This is one of the most important merits of globe university.

The other side of the coin, so to speak, is not examined in the statement. Although there are some advantages for building such an institution of teaching, the difficulties to do it must be considered as well. On the one hand, where the university can be built is difficult to decide. As the important influence of such a university, each country all would like to own it. However, it does not like Olympic Games which is hold in different countries once every four years. On the other hand, how to distribute the quotas of the students of the university is a headachy problem. Every student wants to do to the university for furthering their study, but the enrolling number is limited. If this problem cannot be solved, the university cannot run well and benefit all of the world.

Before building such a global university, what kinds of social problems can be solved must be examined. Because the students of the university could study then to help to solve some of the social problem, the plan is feasible. However, not only the advantages but the difficulties must be taken into account in order to make sure that it will benefit the whole world.

[ 本帖最后由 graduate06 于 2006-12-23 08:09 编辑 ]

graduate06UID: 2223299

中间两处中式英语，我又改了一下。:)

SinUID: 191588

Because of many advantages, to establish a globe university it seems like a striking idea. Whether the statement that all nations should help support the development of a global university intended to solve the world's most persistent social problems is right or not depend on the analysis of the social problems and of the pros and cons of establishing a globe university. （这句太牛了，这么长，还是用逗号断一下好）I will discuss these aspects case by case in the following. （犯了一个大忌，没在第一段就点明你的观点）Firstly, the social problem （, simply speaking,）mean that a social condition which let some of people feel uncomfortable. In modern world, there are so many social problems. Some of them are international level such as the murders, drug abuse, and terrorism. And there are some of them are particular in certain country or region such as the raging disease of AIDS in Botswana and the destruction of tropical forest in Brazil. All of them are persistent social issues. The students of global university can help to solve the problem of international level, because that all students understand them. (why do all students of this university understand them?逻辑链断了，而且不太有逻辑关系这里，建议改改) But the regional problems are difficult for them to study, because the local issues are hard to understand for the outsiders, let alone to solve them. The students could study and find the root of the problems on international social problems. （这段有点罗嗦了，定义的篇幅太多了，包括一些例子，会减弱判官对你下面内容的兴趣，因为看了这么多了还不见主要观点）There are indeed a great number of advantages of building such a university. For one thing, the global university could attract the elites of the whole world, and invite different field's authorities to teach and help the students. In this condition, the students can benefit a lot. The best students and the best professors no doubt will help to solve the social problems significantly. For another thing, the students can contact different schoolmates from different part of the world, it is favorable for them to develop a global strategic vision that will make them to be not only specialist but generalist. Because of this, they could examine and understand the social issues more widely and thoughtfully than any other university's students. This is one of the most important merits of globe university. The other side of the coin, so to speak, is not examined in the statement. Although there are some advantages for building such an institution of teaching, the difficulties to do it must be considered as well. On the one hand, where the university can be built is difficult to decide. As the important influence of such a university, each country all would like to own it. However, it does not like Olympic Games which is hold in different countries once every four years. On the other hand,（上面用过一次了，换一个吧） how to distribute the quotas of the students of the university is a headachy problem. Every student wants to do to the university for furthering their study, but the enrolling number is limited. If this problem cannot be solved, the university cannot run well and benefit all of the world. Before building such a global university, what kinds of social problems can be solved must be examined. Because the students of the university could study then to help to solve some of the social problem, the plan is feasible.（但是你上面是最后说他不可行的呀，或者说实施起来有难度呀） However, not only the advantages but the difficulties must be taken into account in order to make sure that it will benefit the whole world.

需要加油哦，写的篇幅够长，但是语言太过于简单，用词不够到位，逻辑也不是很好，不是很有深度，过于表面了。表转折递进因果的信息词一定要出来，可以让你的文章看起来更有条理。每段的开首词换一下，firstly, secondly这些大家都用烂了，换一些比较不一样的。要想方设法让判官眼前一亮，一下就看到你这篇跟人家的不同，然后给你个高分。
In balance，come on!~~

graduate06UID: 2223299

谢谢3楼:) ，我努力改进，等下把改过的发上来.

rt860113UID: 2256886

3楼的同志改的很不错啊,呵呵,很多问题我也没有注意到.
具体文章的修改我觉得3楼的同仁已经做的很不错了,我就不再赘述了~~
我只想阐述几点问题:
1.关于词语的重复性问题,我觉得大家好像都有待改进.如果限时写作的话,不经意间就忽视了这个问题.可能还是不熟练的问题.是不是可以做一个关于词语使用的
2.关于Issue的例子,首先我觉得真的很难去找合适的例子,现在如何在短时间内找到比较合适的例子呢?其次,我觉得很难去把握使用例子的尺度,同一个例子在不同的文章里由于论述的角度不同分析的侧重点不同,有时很可能用的不够精确.是不是我们以后可以把一些精力放在对同一主题例子的搜集和整理上呢.
3.关于写作文的时间问题,由于现在Issue练习的主题都不尽相同,时间的可比性就降低了.我认为时间是在对同一主题的不断练习和熟练过程中去缩短的,并不是靠几次写作就能解决了的.所以我们是不是可以把主要精力放在对文章质量的把握上呢.

SinUID: 191588

现在最好先不要限时,先把argu的质量做好了再限时.现在还有时间.

graduate06UID: 2223299

多谢大家的意见，我好好改一下，语言方面的确是问题太多了。
谢谢了！！！:)

liquidshileUID: 2254332

比较这篇我越发现我那个的确是写错了
是大学，不是国际组织，失败！

SinUID: 191588

1.词的重复就需要你平时积累足够多的近义词,然后到时候进行替换
2.例子就看你平时留心了,其实很多时候看书看电影的积累远比特意去找的多,建议可以翻翻自己的专业书,里面说到的人民很多可以当例子的
比如说:我是学高分子材料的.
平时大家都写的爱因斯坦因为兴趣物理最后成了物理学家用烂了,现在我看到自己的高分子物理书里有提到Flory这个人,不管他当初是不是真的兴趣高分子才成了大家,就说他是兴趣高分子所以成了有名的化学家,但要在后面加个定于从句介绍一下那人背景
3.先练质量,熟练了后时间上就赶上来了.

ScorpionSkyUID: 2273954

大家说的都在理,现在限时总感觉有点牵强,不过每个人的复习情况都不同,

谈到语言质量问题,确实急需提高,有时候语言组织比例子还要重要,

语言结构出彩也是很关键的因素!

只是现在如何提高质量,通过什么方式提高,有没有什么好的建议?

读书,看小说都真的很好,并且印象深刻,但是时间好像真的好紧~

有点头疼!

SinUID: 191588

现在看书怎么来得及，gter上就有很多好资料了，去看看就可以，主要是多联系。

graduate06UID: 2223299

我同意你的观点，应该结合自己的专业找例子。
特意去找，花了很多时间，往往还是没有什么收获。

用词与语言，只有一点一滴积累了:)