Issue41 [大杀四方mckinsey第一次作文贴]求砖头

mckinseyUID: 2285137

gter大杀四方作文互改小组第一次作业issue41

Topic:
“Such non mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.”

Have you ever judge a person’s character by his or her constellation? Have you ever choose spouse according to words from future-tellers? In some degree, people find satisfaction from astrology, fortune-telling and some other nonmainstream areas of inquiry. However, it is a little dangerous to believe them deeply.

It is true that non mainstream areas of inquiry can satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. When a job hunter prepares for an interview, the words from a so-called future-teller can give him more confidence; a son misses his father’s funeral, a meaningful dream can make him fell more comfortable; when a mother loses her little boy, a crystal ball telling her he is alive can help her out of desperation. Non mainstream areas of inquiry might be helpful in some situation.

However, it might lead people to wrong decision. When some urgent or complicated situation happened, people can not judge what is wrong or right and figure out what to do, just under their normal knowledge, and then they will make decision according to something they are not familiar, such as future-telling, astrology, just because people can get answers from them more quickly and easily. But most of such situations, the trouble can not solved not because the science in these areas is undeveloped, but because the knowledge of party is limited. Therefore, more knowledge will lead to a better decision instead of a slapdash one.

And what is worse, it might stop people looking after mainstream science, which might be the truth. Before phosphorus, a highly reactive, nonmetallic element occurring naturally in phosphates, with melting point (white) 44.1C, was discovered, people call the light “ghost fire”, when white phosphorus burns, which often happens in burial ground. At that time, there was no science can explain such situation, so for a long time people believed that the fire was started by ghost. If people can do careful research and complete analyzing instead of coming to psychic or paranormal pursuits, phosphorus would be discovered more early.

In conclusion, it is difficult to judge the astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are true or fake, helpful or harmful. However, it is sure that believing them deeply harms people’s lives mostly rather than benefit them. Therefore, we should keep suspect and critical thinking on non mainstream areas of inquiry.

guangminliUID: 2279999

Have you ever judge(judged) a person’s character by his or her constellation? Have you ever choose(chosen) spouse according to words from future-tellers? In some degree, people find satisfaction from astrology, fortune-telling and some other nonmainstream areas of inquiry. However, it is a little dangerous to believe them deeply(这种搭配不好，可以用completely).
通过问句开头，很新颖。

It is true that non mainstream areas of inquiry can satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science（是否可以通过替换一些词来达到重复主题得作用，我觉得单纯得重复不太好）. When a job hunter prepares for an interview, the words from a so-called future-teller can give him more confidence; a son misses his father’s funeral, a meaningful dream can make him fell more comfortable; when a mother loses her little boy, a crystal ball telling her he is alive can help her out of desperation. Non mainstream areas of inquiry might be helpful in some situation.
论述的有些简单。可以先通过说理的方式论证，然后进行例子的叙述。而且例子是不是多举些具体的？

However, it might lead people to wrong decision（s）. When some urgent or complicated situation happened, people can not judge what is wrong or right and figure out what to do, just under their normal knowledge, and then they will make decision according to something they are not familiar, such as future-telling, astrology, just because people can get answers from them more quickly and easily（这句话是否有些过长了，而且表达好像中式英文）. But most of such situations, the trouble can not solved not （？）because the science in these areas is undeveloped, but because the knowledge of party is limited.（是想表达not   but 的意思吗？） Therefore, more knowledge will lead to a better decision instead of a slapdash one.
看的我有点乱。而且我觉得论证不够充分。应该加入一些例子。这样论证显得有些干
And what is worse, it might stop people looking after mainstream science, which might be the truth. Before phosphorus, a highly reactive, nonmetallic element occurring naturally in phosphates, with melting point (white) 44.1C, was discovered, people call the light “ghost fire”, when white phosphorus burns, which often happens in burial ground. At that time, there was no science can explain such situation, so for a long time people believed that the fire was started by ghost. If people can do careful research and complete analyzing instead of coming to psychic or paranormal pursuits, phosphorus would be discovered more early. （例子很好，嘿嘿）

In conclusion, it is difficult to judge the astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are true or fake, helpful or harmful. However, it is sure that believing them deeply harms people’s lives mostly rather than benefit them. Therefore, we should keep suspect and critical thinking on non mainstream areas of inquiry.

总结：考虑到是第一次写，嘿嘿。我觉得思路听清晰的，重要的是语言。有时很长的一句话（从句套从句），未必表达的很清楚。我也存在这样的问题，语言上还要下功夫阿。

PS：我的水平有限，这些是我的一点看法，仅供参考

yanglcUID: 2265921

Topic:
“Such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.”

Have you ever judge a person’s character by his or her constellation? Have you ever choose spouse 这个词太高级了,我也不知道合适不合适,但是我推荐不清楚用法的还是少用 according to words from future-tellers? In some degree, people find satisfaction from astrology, fortune-telling and some other non-mainstream areas of inquiry. However, it is a little dangerous to believe them deeply.

It is true that non mainstream areas of inquiry can satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. When a job hunter prepares for an interview, the words from a so-called future-teller can give him more confidence; a son misses his father’s funeral, a meaningful dream can make him fell more comfortable; when a mother loses her little boy, a crystal ball telling her he is alive can help her out of desperation. Non mainstream areas of inquiry might be helpful in some situation.

However, it might lead people to wrong decision. When some urgent or complicated situation happened不用过去时, people can not judge what is wrong or right and figure out what to do, just under their normal knowledge, and then they will make decision according to something they are not familiar 奇怪了,怎么是不熟悉的呢? 这个词用得不好.你想想前面说人们没有办法根据已有知识判断,只好借助于他们觉得神秘或者无法解释的这些来做判断,这和熟悉不熟悉没有关系, such as future-telling, astrology, just because people can get answers from them more quickly and easily 这句也不好,人们如果觉得从这些方面获得解决方案轻松加愉快,又怎么会先用normal knowledge想想呢.我觉得如果你要说轻松愉快,前面应该提到不轻松不容易,但是并没有明显的提到,你可以说人们选择错了会如何痛苦或者一个两难的选择之类. But most of such situations, the trouble can not be solved not because the science in these areas is undeveloped, but because the knowledge of party is limited. Therefore, more knowledge will lead to a better decision instead of a slapdash one.

And what is worse, it might stop people looking after mainstream science, which might be the truth. Before phosphorus, a highly reactive, nonmetallic element occurring naturally in phosphates, with melting point (white) 44.1C, was discovered, people call the light “ghost fire”, when white phosphorus burns, which often happens in burial ground. At that time, there was no science can explain such situation, so for a long time people believed that the fire was started by ghost. If people can do careful research and complete analyzing instead of coming to psychic or paranormal pursuits, phosphorus would be discovered more early. 这个例子不是很合适,你并没有提到早或者迟的问题.没有事实表明研究得晚和人们认为它是鬼发出来的有关系

In conclusion, it is difficult to judge the astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are true or fake, helpful or harmful. However, it is sure that believing them deeply harms people’s lives mostly rather than benefit them. Therefore, we should keep suspect and critical thinking on non mainstream areas of inquiry.

中间两段写得不是很好,第一段不够深入,第二段例子欠佳,你是限时写的吧?

mckinseyUID: 2285137

咳，其实我不是限时写的