范文分析*自由女神小组第一次作业*

huzhUID: 2268429

Argument 6
The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly,’ which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money.”

It is widely held belief that it’s always wise to invest in something welcomed while not easily available in an area. Obviously, the arguer is confident in making satisfactory profit by having a jazz music club in Monroe, where jazz music is prevailing while no relevant club exists. The argument seems sound and convictive at first glance, but I am afraid that there are some flaws in it that undermined the validity. 提出作者的逻辑错误
攻击不同的逻辑错误
The arguer saw Jazz’s attraction in Monroe, where the highest-rated radio program is Jazz relevant. Hence he straightly declares that a Jazz club will have a good local market there. 错误类比But nowadays people are busy with their jobs and might not have enough time to patronize clubs as frequently as before. Thanks to the radio and CD sets, everyone can enjoy music anytime, anywhere. For instance, on their way back home, when preparing dinner, or before sleeping. While going clubs, on the other hand, might be something too luxurious for them to afford for lacking of time.举例说明 A further investigation on how often people of Monroe will go to jazz clubs is needed before the arguer can sweep out the doubt whether the C-note club will have enough customer. 段落小结

Jazz, as any other forms of arts, has its own relative stable group of buffs, who are likely to stick to several artists for a long time, which means people will not turn to another club or artist so easily as try another brand of milk. So if the investors of C-note want to see good reward, what they have to do is much more than just build the club and invite some jazz musicians. If they failed to offer appealing case of musicians to residents of Monroe, I’m afraid the sincere fans will burden to drive 65 miles to another club or simpler, just stay at home listening to CDs of their favorite singers. 提出自己的观点

The arguer quotes from a nationwide survey that approximately $1000 is spent by a typical buff on jazz entertainments, and he presents it as strong proof that the C-note will have a bright future with the generosity of jazz fans.错误类比，只看到Monroe和C-note的相似性，没看到两个城市的差异 But it’s rather naïve to believe that considerable part of this $1000 will be spent on C-note, because it’s highly possible that invest on Hi-Fi, CDs, music instruments occupy a large part, while spending on going clubs might be just trifles. If the arguer can present with specified items of the percentages spent on different kind of jazz consuming, then we can have a more precise picture of the C-note’s future.

Anyway, I agree that it’s highly possible that building a jazz club in Monroe will have good rewarding. But further investigation and analysis are needed before the further conclusion and ultimate action. 全文总结，同时提出逻辑推理的改进
      
该文通顺流畅，用了不少转折的连词，逻辑清晰，每一个观点都得到了支持。

Issue 1
"We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning."
我们通常从与我们意见一致的人那里学到的东西比从与我们意见相悖的人那里学到的东西多；意见分歧产生压力并阻碍了学习。
Do we learn more from people whose ideas we share in common than from those whose ideas contradict ours? The speaker claims so, for the reason that disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning. I concede that undue discord can impede learning. Otherwise, in my view we learn far more from discourse and debate with those whose ideas we oppose than from people whose ideas are in accord with our own. 提出自己的观点，我们与意见相悖的人那里学到的东西比与我们意见一致的人那里学得更多
Admittedly无可否认的, under some circumstances disagreement with others can be counterproductive to learning. For supporting examples one need look no further than a television set. On today's typical television or radio talk show, disagreement usually manifests itself in meaningless rhetorical bouts and shouting matches, during which opponents vie to have their own message heard, but have little interest either in finding common ground with or in acknowledging the merits of the opponent's viewpoint. Understandably, neither the combatants nor the viewers learn anything meaningful. In fact, these battles only serve to reinforce the predispositions and biases of all concerned. The end result is that learning is impeded. 段落小结，得出自己的结论,意思不同不利于学习
Disagreement can also inhibit learning when two opponents disagree on fundamental assumptions needed for meaningful discourse and debate. 举例说明For example, a student of paleontology learns little about the evolution of an animal species under current study by debating with an individual whose religious belief system precludes the possibility of evolution to begin with. And, economics and finance students learn little about the dynamics of a laissez-faire system by debating with a socialist whose view is that a centralized power should control all economic activity.意见不同抑制学习
Aside from the foregoing two provisos, however转折，提出自己的观点, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker's claim. Assuming common ground between two rational and reasonable opponents willing to debate on intellectual merits, both opponents stand to gain much from that debate. Indeed it is primarily through such debate that human knowledge advances, whether at the personal, community, or global level.
At the personal level, by listening to their parents' rationale for their seemingly oppressive rules and policies teenagers can learn how certain behaviors naturally carry certain undesirable consequences. At the same time, by listening to their teenagers' concerns about autonomy and about peer pressures parents can learn the valuable lesson that effective parenting and control are two different things. At the community level, through dispassionate dialogue an environmental activist can come to understand the legitimate economic concerns of those whose jobs depend on the continued profitable operation of a factory. Conversely, the latter might stand to learn much about the potential public health price to be paid by ensuring job growth and a low unemployment rate. Finally, at the global level, two nations with opposing political or economic interests can reach mutually beneficial agreements by striving to understand the other's legitimate concerns for its national security, its political sovereignty, the stability of its economy and currency, and so forth. 从私人、社会和全球举例说明意思不同会促进发展
全文总结In sum, unless two opponents in a debate are each willing to play on the same field and by the same rules, I concede that disagreement can impede learning. Otherwise, reasoned discourse and debate between people with opposing viewpoints is the very foundation upon which human knowledge advances. Accordingly, on balance the speaker is fundamentally correct. 采用平衡观点
本文多采用举例来论证，对问题的复杂性进行了深刻的分析，结构合理，恰当的使用的关联词，如otherwise, admittedly, accordingly, but, either...or, nether…nor ,also, and, conversely, finally等


[ 本帖最后由 huzh 于 2007-1-1 23:22 编辑 ]

nujnujoahzUID: 2287893

Argument 的评论写的很好,把主要的逻辑矛盾都写出来了,还有行文方面的优点.

issue 写的也很好,不过把段意最好拿出来写,这样清晰
第5段开头
Aside from the foregoing two provisos, however转折，提出自己的观点
这就不是作者提出观点了,而是论述自己的观点:)